joeyNoelle Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 hey guys Basically I'm writing this because I'm feeling very lost. I don't really recognise myself anymore. It all started with this guy who broke up with me about three months ago . Our relationship was brief but meant a great deal to me , I was really in love with him although i was unhappy with him. He wasn't right for me. We study in the same building and its been hard for me seeing him all the time. Anyway so i started seeing other guys to really get over him. Basically i was dating these other guys becsuse they weren't him. I don't want to be with him because it wouldn't work and he is leaving the country for the summer anyway. It still bugs me that he will come over to my converstaion cirlce and try to get my attention but won't say hi like a normal person. Anyway the dilemma is this. I was seeing this guy whose sister is in 'his' class, some how or another it didn't work out with him , he got put off. Now I'm seeing this new guy. He is very nice. But i just don't feel 'it' for him. I know right now that i want to be in a safe relationship and this is very safe, but I slept with him and afterwards i just felt nothing , big fat empty! I know i really want to feel something more and i need to find that someone that has the ' it' factor for me to finally move on and stop thinking about the other guy. I don't know whether i should ride this one out and just enjoy the company or if i should just end it now to avoid hurting him? Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Well done you for recognising that although you are battling to put your ex behind you, you still realise he’s not right for you. I don’t think however, that dating other men is the best tactic to help you through this. You shouldn’t see someone when you don’t feel it for them – you are taking something from them you don’t deserve. You are being cruel to this person seeing him, letting his feelings develop for you knowing that you cant give him anything at all back. Why do you want to be in a ‘safe’ relationship? First off NO relationship is safe, and second off - you can’t get safety from someone else. Safety doesn’t exist, you get some security from knowing you are able to deal with whatever life throws at you (this is where I start panicking) but you absolutely cannot have expectations of your partner to keep you safe, happy whatever. It has to come from you. My advice is to stop dating. i need to find that someone that has the ' it' factor for me to finally move on and stop thinking about the other guy I don’t think that’s how it works, I feel that if you use someone new to get over the old you havent fully dealt with your issues from the last break up. The same problems then keep coming back and biting your behind. You should be over the last and happy single before you embark on the next. Then you make the right decisions in whom to be with next and you don’t doom it to failure before it even starts. I did this for 15 years and believe me, it doesn’t work. I think its called relationship leapfrogging. You are better than that. You answer your own question in the header of your thread – you must know its not right to ‘use’ someone. BB Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Find out he HE feels. Maybe he also appreciates the casual intimacy and company. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamCatcher Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I think that you need to break this new guy off. Being in a relationship that you don't feel anything is unhealthy. About the old guy, you have a right to feel like you miss him. You need to cope with that by doing things for yourself. Spending time doing things you like to do, instead of worrying about finding another relationship right away. Link to post Share on other sites
MadKurlz Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 why dont you take some time to let go of the old before you pursue the new. Get to know yourself , and be comfortable with being alone. There is nothing wrong with that. You need to mourn this ex, cry scream, and move on. time is on your side. Its harder said then done, belive me I know this. Its not fair to this "nice " guy. Flase feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Find out he HE feels. Maybe he also appreciates the casual intimacy and company. the point is, Mr Paps, that shes using this guy to get over the last - even if hes oop for it, then she shouldnt be as its a flawed way of getting over a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 End it now and be honest about why your ending it with him. He'll appreciate that much more than some lame excuse and please do it in person. He might be hurt by it but explain to him that its not fair to lead him on as it would no doubt cause even more grief in the future. Then I think you need to take a break from seeing guys and get over your ex completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joeyNoelle Posted October 14, 2004 Author Share Posted October 14, 2004 hey guys thanks for the advice, I will meet with him this weekend and be honest with him, see how it goes from there, I'm happy to be friends etc although that will probably come across as being a lame excuse etc. The main issue now is how to deal with my lingering feelings for the ex?. It is clear as day that he feels nothing for me but continues to toy with my emotions, although i have taken to ignoring him when he attempts to wriggle his way around me. He will come over when I'm talking to one of his friends etc. But look thats not the point its over , i really wish he would just disappear. The worst part is having to see him around all the time. At least i know i won't have a chance of bumping into him when he's in europe for the summer. Oh crap i just got a message from new guy! He wants to met for lunch tomorow. I will have to have the talk with him then. Wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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