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Pursuing a teenage boy...


princess_peach

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princess_peach

Let me start by saying that if I had known he was only 15 (thus, jailbait) when I first met him, there is no way I would have even looked twice at him. I thought for sure he had to be at least 19 (which is still pretty young for me, but not a deal-breaker), so now I have a crush and I'm 80% certain the feeling is mutual.

 

I am in my mid-20s. I'm pretty sure he has no idea how old I am, and probably thinks I'm close to his age (I can easily pass for as young as 16 or 17).

 

BTW: He will be 16 (thus, legal) in about 2-3 months, and I have absolutely no intention of touching him before then.

 

We are in the same martial arts class, and have been partnering up an average of once per week for the past three months. We work extremely well together, but only started having actual conversations about a month and a half ago, consisting mainly of small talk and very light flirting. Definitely not rushing anything.

 

I'm thinking of asking him to hangout sometime in the next few weeks. Problem is: I'm seriously scared of the worst case scenario, which is him being turned off by the age difference, thinking I'm weird (or even worse, desperate), and not wanting to be my training partner anymore. This must not happen.

 

The only way I can think of to make sure that doesn't happen is to get him to ask me out. But... from my experience dating teenage boys when I was a teenager myself nearly a decade ago, this would likely take a lot of patience, and probably some heavy hinting (example: it took him a while just to transition from asking "do you have a partner?" to "want to be partners?"), if it ever happens at all.

 

So... am I stuck waiting for him to man up, or is there another way to ensure that the worst case scenario doesn't happen?

 

Side note: I'm into him because he's cute, seems very mature for his age, and we have at least one passion in common, plus chemistry which makes me irresistibly curious about him. I just want to date him casually and non-exclusively, absolutely NOT a serious relationship.

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Uhh he is 15. I don't care when he'll be 16. You're in a very bad red area! Stop those hormones and don't tempt fate here. You could very well go to jail messing around with a child.

 

You are rationalizing unlawful behavior. Not good at all!

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If it was a 25 year old male talking like you, people would want him behind bars.

 

He's a kid. You're not.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out rude comment.
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When I was 16 I briefly dated a 22 year old. It do not think it damaged me but I can never be too sure.

 

Allow the kid to grow up. Don't do this to him.

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princess_peach
Uhh he is 15. I don't care when he'll be 16. You're in a very bad red area! Stop those hormones and don't tempt fate here. You could very well go to jail messing around with a child.

 

You are rationalizing unlawful behavior. Not good at all!

 

We live in Canada. There is no law here against people hanging out as friends, regardless of their ages, so no unlawful behaviour going on at all.

 

And I had no idea he was a kid until someone told me. He looks and acts older. I just want to hangout with him once when we'll have time to actually talk, so I can get to know him better and find out if he's worth waiting for. If he turns out to be a typical teenager... then forget it.

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WhatIsLove2014
We live in Canada. There is no law here against people hanging out as friends, regardless of their ages, so no unlawful behaviour going on at all.

 

And I had no idea he was a kid until someone told me. He looks and acts older. I just want to hangout with him once when we'll have time to actually talk, so I can get to know him better and find out if he's worth waiting for. If he turns out to be a typical teenager... then forget it.

 

Omg he is a child. No matter how mature or not...is still living with his parents? Does his mommy make him dinner? He hasn't grown up yet...leave him alone. You're talking about you didn't know how old he was...well you know now. Find someone your own age. Do you really think someone is going to tell you this is okay? Tell his parents that you want to hang out with their son.

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princess_peach

I don't get why people think this is so wrong. I remember being 16. If a (reasonably normal, not creepy at all) 25-year-old that I liked had gotten to know me a little back then and thought I was good enough to date, I would have been flattered and very interested. I was also mature enough to make my own decisions and not be pressured into anything.

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Let me start by saying that if I had known he was only 15 (thus, jailbait) when I first met him, there is no way I would have even looked twice at him. I thought for sure he had to be at least 19 (which is still pretty young for me, but not a deal-breaker), so now I have a crush and I'm 80% certain the feeling is mutual.

 

I am in my mid-20s. I'm pretty sure he has no idea how old I am, and probably thinks I'm close to his age (I can easily pass for as young as 16 or 17).

 

BTW: He will be 16 (thus, legal) in about 2-3 months, and I have absolutely no intention of touching him before then.

 

We are in the same martial arts class, and have been partnering up an average of once per week for the past three months. We work extremely well together, but only started having actual conversations about a month and a half ago, consisting mainly of small talk and very light flirting. Definitely not rushing anything.

 

I'm thinking of asking him to hangout sometime in the next few weeks. Problem is: I'm seriously scared of the worst case scenario, which is him being turned off by the age difference, thinking I'm weird (or even worse, desperate), and not wanting to be my training partner anymore. This must not happen.

 

The only way I can think of to make sure that doesn't happen is to get him to ask me out. But... from my experience dating teenage boys when I was a teenager myself nearly a decade ago, this would likely take a lot of patience, and probably some heavy hinting (example: it took him a while just to transition from asking "do you have a partner?" to "want to be partners?"), if it ever happens at all.

 

So... am I stuck waiting for him to man up, or is there another way to ensure that the worst case scenario doesn't happen?

 

Side note: I'm into him because he's cute, seems very mature for his age, and we have at least one passion in common, plus chemistry which makes me irresistibly curious about him. I just want to date him casually and non-exclusively, absolutely NOT a serious relationship.

 

Are you a high school teacher by any chance? If so, you will be in the news soon. :laugh:

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WhatIsLove2014
I don't get why people think this is so wrong. I remember being 16. If a (reasonably normal, not creepy at all) 25-year-old that I liked had gotten to know me a little back then and thought I was good enough to date, I would have been flattered and very interested. I was also mature enough to make my own decisions and not be pressured into anything.

 

Why would an adult be interested in a child? Why can't that adult find another adult? What is wrong with that adult? You really thought somebody would agree with you. You are saying you just want to be friends but hmmm didn't you mention you thought he was attractive? Yes, exactly. Not just a friendship you are looking for.

 

He's mature? Maybe you are just immature...

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princess_peach
Why would an adult be interested in a child? Why can't that adult find another adult? What is wrong with that adult? You really thought somebody would agree with you. You are saying you just want to be friends but hmmm didn't you mention you thought he was attractive? Yes, exactly. Not just a friendship you are looking for.

 

He's mature? Maybe you are just immature...

 

You're assuming quite a bit here. I don't date exclusively, so there's no reason I can't get to know every guy who shows interest in me, including men my age and older. I don't judge people based on something as arbitrary as how many years they've been alive because in my experience, it's usually inaccurate. Despite his age, from what I've seen so far, this guy seems like a really great person.

 

We are already friendly, and slowly moving toward becoming friends. After his birthday, we can safely move toward more than friendship if we're both still interested.

 

As for what is wrong with this adult... I admit I do have a bit of an ulterior motive. I'm an aspiring YA novelist. Most of my main characters are teenagers, but I haven't been a teenager for a long time, so I might be a little out of touch with how they think. Hanging out with him might have the added benefit of helping me with my writing. He also helps me out a lot in our martial arts class, which is why above all I don't want to risk losing him as a training partner.

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You're assuming quite a bit here. I don't date exclusively, so there's no reason I can't get to know every guy who shows interest in me, including men my age and older. I don't judge people based on something as arbitrary as how many years they've been alive because in my experience, it's usually inaccurate. Despite his age, from what I've seen so far, this guy seems like a really great person.

 

We are already friendly, and slowly moving toward becoming friends. After his birthday, we can safely move toward more than friendship if we're both still interested.

 

As for what is wrong with this adult... I admit I do have a bit of an ulterior motive. I'm an aspiring YA novelist. Most of my main characters are teenagers, but I haven't been a teenager for a long time, so I might be a little out of touch with how they think. Hanging out with him might have the added benefit of helping me with my writing. He also helps me out a lot in our martial arts class, which is why above all I don't want to risk losing him as a training partner.

 

I have a 15 year old son, he is in the 9th grade. Physically he looks like a MAN 6'1" 185ish pounds and with his shirt off looks like an underwear model. Which is funny because I still ask him if he has on a fresh pair. Also make his bed and do his homework. Why? Because he is a freaking kid, while physically women your age are attracted to him and my wife has often said "he is 15 stop giving him sex eyes".

 

Age is more then a number when that number represents someone who isn't mature enough for the kind of relationship you want.

 

I'm guessing there is a deeper issue here, maybe control? Maybe he is the kind of guy you wanted to date at that age. Whatever it is, its not healthy.

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Supernatural

This is messed up. Really messed up. You must of thought it was messed up enough to post a thread about it!

 

Age gaps are not a huge deal. I've had many, but the difference is at WHICH AGE.

 

A 30 year old dating a 20 year old isn't bad. Because both are adults. And pack their own lunches..

A 25 year old dating a 15, going on 16 year old, is wrong because he is still a child. And his mom still packs his lunch. Literally, this is when he is just growing out of being a little boy. HE WOULD BE 16!! SIXTEEN!

 

OMFG, reverse the situation... That's like me chasing a 16 year old girl. :sick: I actually want to throw up.

 

But... from my experience dating teenage boys when I was a teenager myself nearly a decade ago, this would likely take a lot of patience, and probably some heavy hinting (example: it took him a while just to transition from asking "do you have a partner?" to "want to be partners?"), if it ever happens at all.

He doesn't know how to make moves because he is 15!!

 

He's 15

He's 15

He's 15

He's 15

 

You're 25

You're 25

You're 25

You're 25 and he is 15!!

 

This is actually disturbing. It's like you're waiting in the shadows until he is 16, like a pedophile.

 

Let me start by saying that if I had known he was only 15 (thus, jailbait) when I first met him, there is no way I would have even looked twice at him

The second you gained that information, it should have changed everything.

 

 

You need to back off of this kid. Find someone your age.

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BeholdtheMan

I'd have to disagree.

 

A 15 year old girl and a 25 year old man was quite common in the past. Times have changed and there's really no need for girls to get married that early any more. Modern people have the luxury of staying in school for much longer compared to our ancestors...but that doesn't mean 16 year olds nowadays are naive about sex. Quite the opposite I'd say

 

I don't think there's anything inherently evil if two consenting individuals want to have sex and there happens to be an age gap. I would say mid-teens is about the time a boy or a girl starts to develop the maturity to make decisions about sex...and the law would agree with me. 16 is a common minimum age.

 

That said, the law is the law. Thus if the minimum age is 16, you'd better abide by that.

 

There's also a fundamental difference between a 25 year old man hitting on a 16 year old girl and a 25 year old woman hitting on a 16 year old boy. In general, men are not as threatened by women as women are threatened by men.

 

When I was 16, a female classmate of mine had an attractive 24 year eldest sister. There's no way she could ever coerce me or intimidate me into sex. I was 5'10 and 185lbs. I would've jumped at the chance to experience sex with her. If she had been unattractive to me, I would've turned her down.

 

In the end, I believe that if this 16 year old boy is eager and willing, having sex with him wouldn't be immoral. It might not be wise, but it's not sick or evil in my view

Edited by BeholdtheMan
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boilingpoint
You're assuming quite a bit here. I don't date exclusively, so there's no reason I can't get to know every guy who shows interest in me, including men my age and older. I don't judge people based on something as arbitrary as how many years they've been alive because in my experience, it's usually inaccurate. Despite his age, from what I've seen so far, this guy seems like a really great person.

 

We are already friendly, and slowly moving toward becoming friends. After his birthday, we can safely move toward more than friendship if we're both still interested.

 

As for what is wrong with this adult... I admit I do have a bit of an ulterior motive. I'm an aspiring YA novelist. Most of my main characters are teenagers, but I haven't been a teenager for a long time, so I might be a little out of touch with how they think. Hanging out with him might have the added benefit of helping me with my writing. He also helps me out a lot in our martial arts class, which is why above all I don't want to risk losing him as a training partner.

 

 

Just keep talking to him, be casual about it and ask him if he wants to get a coffee sometime.

 

You're taking a risk here and just going to have to strike out yourself - but respect his decision either way and be VERY gentle about how this relationship develops.

 

Like everyone keeps saying this kid is 15, so it'll no doubt be his first time dating, first time sex and first time getting dumped when it's over - and at 15 those emotions are raw and unfettered.

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I hooked up with a 19 yr old when I was 26. That felt gross enough after the fact.

 

Um I don't think it's a good idea...

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I'm sorry but this is a bit gross, and thats the general reaction you're going to get from people.

 

You're checking out a 15 year old. Sort yourself out.

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I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Mrs. Robinson.

 

Once he turns 16 (which you say is legal but I'm not sure. Under 18 there are usually caveats about the older person not being more than 4 years older than the younger one) go spend some time with him in a public place. Arrive separately meaning do not put him in your car.

 

Talk to him. Be sure to ask him about his algebra class & how he thinks he'll do on his PSATs. Once your brain remembers he's still in HIGH SCHOOL, no matter how maturely he acts, the bloom will be off that rose.

 

Before you do this, though, think about how you would feel if some cougar was all over your teenager? :sick:

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I'm thinking of asking him to hangout sometime in the next few weeks. Problem is: I'm seriously scared of the worst case scenario, which is him being turned off by the age difference, thinking I'm weird (or even worse, desperate), and not wanting to be my training partner anymore. This must not happen.

 

 

You aren't thinking clearly. Fantasy land.

 

Let's ignore for a moment that his parents will most likely pull him from the class if they find out he's being pursued by a mid 20s student, possibly with a lot of drama and embarrassment involved. What do you think will be the end result of dating him? He's not going to date you, handle it maturely, and continue being your training partner.

 

If you value this kid as a training partner, then respect that relationship. Be an adult and model an appropriate training relationship.

 

Worst case scenario is not you losing a training partner or him thinking you are creepy. Worst case scenario is a bunch of adults (parents, owners of the martial arts place) humiliating you publicly.

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This is actually disturbing. It's like you're waiting in the shadows until he is 16, like a pedophile.

 

You need to back off of this kid.

 

The term grooming springs to my mind. It doesn't matter if you are male or female you are technically grooming a child potentially for sex. I am sorry to be blunt but that IS what this is. Young boys can be equally messed up by this behaviour as young girls...

 

Stop it - get some therapy...

 

He is a child. OK when you are in your mid 30's it would be fine but that is a long way off.

 

I don't care how "old" he seems - stop. If you were coming at my old step children when they were that age you would be on a "missing persons" list already. That includes the boys both of whom were well over 6ft and I believe the modern term is "ripped"...

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I'd have to disagree.

 

A 15 year old girl and a 25 year old man was quite common in the past.

 

Bad analogy. In the past, society worked differently. Mostly because most people died before the age of 40/50 and 'grew up' faster.

 

Today, 15 years old is A KID.

 

So much wrong here.

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Okay, so you didn't know about his age before, fair enough. But now you DO know. So why are you still thinking about taking things further? Even if you 'wait' for his 16th birthday, do you really think it's okay for a 25-yo to be dating a 16-yo?

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You've used the euphemism "hanging out" which is really a cop out. What do you mean "hanging out"? You want to date him? Bed him? Go get a milkshake and a burger?

 

You say

 

Problem is: I'm seriously scared of the worst case scenario, which is him being turned off by the age difference, thinking I'm weird (or even worse, desperate), and not wanting to be my training partner anymore.

 

No. The worst case scenario is that he mistakes your interest for emotional interest, he reciprocates while he's banging you like a drum, you figure out he's not Prince Charming, and you break his heart. That pleasure should be reserved for someone his age.

 

I can't imagine what a 25 year old woman would see in a 15/16 year old boy other than "sex machine". You've said yourself that you've forgotten what it is like to be a teenager. DUH. Then, what is it that attracts you to this "genuinely nice person"? Are you in it for the stimulating conversation? Because he can fulfill your deep emotional needs? The money?

 

Tread carefully. You may soon have a lovesick pup on your hands, and a soon to be deserved reputation when he starts declaring his undying love for you.

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