He loves me, he loves me not

[emoore2013]

I am so confused by the behavior of this guy I have recently become "involved" with. Last weekend, I ran into this guy at a party early in the night. We had met briefly before, but he still nicely approached me and asked to dance. We only danced for a few minutes, when he asked to leave the party. I tried killing time a little bit by delaying leaving with him because I didn't want to see too easy. I opted to walk back with him to my apartment to hang out eventually. When we got there, we went upstairs and talked on my bed for a while. Most of it was small talk, but he also remembered little details about me, like where I visited when I was abroad. He also said that he remembered seeing me at a club and watching me with my friends. Keep in mind, I have only met this guy once before, at that club however it was just a short introduction. I was completely shocked that he had remembered our run-in, let alone any background info on me. Anyway, a couple of my friends were downstairs so I left for a little bit and returned to my room with him.

 

He was very polite the entire time and didn't seem very drunk at all. We talked a little bit more about our summers, plans after college and hs friends...and then he suddenly went in for a kiss. I was still apprehensive because first of all, I am trying to stay away from random hookups and I didn't think he was interested to begin with (I think I added him on Facebook awhile who and he either didn't see the request or ignored it--awkward). I ended up giving in and we eventually started hooking up. I can honestly say it was the best hookup I've had. He repeatedly complimented my looks and said how he just wanted to hangout with me/wanted to hang out for the longest time.

 

He was not pushy, and affectionate to the point where I was skirmish because I have never been treated in such a way. Not to mention, he didn't ask for any favors and wanted to continue hooking up for the rest of the night. I told him I was tired so we eventually went to bed.

 

The next morning I woke up and he just made small talk, much less conversation then before. Overall, he was very awkward. I can't put my finger on it, because although he wasn't in a rush to leave, he seemed emotionally removed. I ended up driving him home, and again, although I didn't initiate conversation (I was tired) when we did talk it was forced.

 

I dropped him off and he quickly said bye and got out of the car. I was pretty disheartened that he didn't offer his number or at least make eye contact before he got out. I mean, i do have his number from months ago, however, I didn't get it from him. And I know we live on a college campus, and I'm bound to see him, but his behavior that morning was slightly cold and off putting. I'm just perplexed because he seemed so entralled by me the night before. He was completely selfless, and even pointed out how sad I looked (because I don't like random hookups, but I didn't tell him this). I just don't understand. Am I overthinking this?

[confused1001]

I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like he just wanted to hook up with you. The fact that he wanted to leave the party so quickly, that fact that he kissed you so suddenly, and the fact that he did not seem to want to make conversation with you the morning after all sounds too familiar. I hope I am wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me.

[emoore2013]

You're probably right, however I told him from the start I wouldn't have sex and he didn't ask for any favors. But his next behavior certainly doesn't seem very promising.

[confused1001]

You're probably right, however I told him from the start I wouldn't have sex and he didn't ask for any favors. But his next behavior certainly doesn't seem very promising.

 

Did you tell him you wouldn't have sex before of after you invited him to your apartment?

[emoore2013]

As we were walking to my apartment, that was down the street from the party

[Fondue]

Did you tell him you wouldn't have sex before of after you invited him to your apartment?

 

This is a key question.

 

If you invited him over and didn't mention this before you left the party, he probably went in with certain assumptions. By sex not happening, he went sour.

 

Don't invite people ot your place if you're not ready to have sex with them.

 

Mixed signals = kills potential for relationship/courtship/whathaveyou.

[emoore2013]

This is a key question.

 

If you invited him over and didn't mention this before you left the party, he probably went in with certain assumptions. By sex not happening, he went sour.

 

Don't invite people ot your place if you're not ready to have sex with them.

 

Mixed signals = kills potential for relationship/courtship/whathaveyou.

 

I told him I wasn't going to have sex as we were walking to my apartment, that was down the street from the party. At the party, I was hesitant to leave, until he said he just wanted to "get out of here". So I said I was going back to my apartment to hang out with my friends. We probably talked for 30 minutes before he tried kissing me.

[snowflakes88]

I don't see that there's anything to be confused about here. This seems like a textbook random hookup. If he were interested in anything more, he would have asked for your number, given you his, or -- at the very least -- accepted your FB request. If a random hookup isn't what you're looking for, stick to your guns in the future.

[Zahara]

Is this the same guy from your recent thread that flirted and acted like a complete douchebag with you at the party while his "girlfriend" was in the same vicinity?

Edited October 1, 2014 by Zahara

[emoore2013]

Is this the same guy from your last thread that flirted with you at the party while his girlfriend was in the same vicinity?

 

No, different guy. In this case, I've seen this guy out many times, we have mutual friends, and we've casually said hi in passing. I don't know if he was expecting for me to fall at his feet, because he asked what parties I had been going to, and seemed to be buttering me up. Regardless, I didn't return the favor for him or have sex. He still slept over though, and left around 10 the next day.

[Zahara]

Unfortunately, it was a hook-up. It's common for guys to butter you up, get you mesmerized because they remembered the little things. It means nothing. Some do that because they know it gets the girl impressed and interested. Probably thought inviting him to your room was going to get him sex. Probably stayed the night thinking at some point between going to bed and come morning, sex may happen. When it didn't, he was ready to go home and call it a day. A guy that was truly interested in you would have lingered and made sure to keep lines of communication available and open.

[emoore2013]

Unfortunately, it was a hook-up. It's common for guys to butter you up, get you mesmerized because they remembered the little things. It means nothing. Some do that because they know it gets the girl impressed and interested. Probably thought inviting him to your room was going to get him sex. Probably stayed the night thinking at some point between going to bed and come morning, sex may happen. When it didn't, he was ready to go home and call it a day. A guy that was truly interested in you would have lingered and made sure to keep lines of communication available and open.

 

I agree, but I told him from the start I wasn't going to have sex and he didn't ask to have sex or for anything in return. I just find that odd because he was almost submissive the entire time.

[Versacehottie]

hmmmm, i think he could have been submissive because he either couldn't actually believe it was happening or wasn't that invested in it. You know there are a lot of reasons for people acting certain ways. There are all the obvious negative ones which you worried about yourself or are getting info about from people on this thread. OR he could also not be into hookups either and feeling like he blew it with you OR apprehensive of what you want going past that night. Whole point is that you can analyze it to death and still be wrong. Only thing it will do for sure is mess with your confidence.

 

This is why it's important to have your own standards and stick to them until the person proves themselves to you. For example, no judgement on hookups, some girls are open to that. But a majority aren't really but do it because they hope it will get them farther along with some guy or justify his behavior believing he is different with them. Unless you are a "throw-caution-to-the-wind" type at heart--if you don't believe in hookups and need a guy to show more before you put yourself in that situation--then hold that standard and don't hookup. Majority of guys usually value what they have to work harder for anyway. It's not only the sex/hookup part of it with all of them BUT often if you are too easy in that area, that is a common thing for them to misjudge your value by.

 

Bottom line, don't worry about it too much. What's done is done. Best thing you can do is act completely normal and comfortable, non-phased the next time you see him. You cannot change what he's gonna do next by worrying about it. I don't know that it was bad like the others are saying. I think the most telling signs are what a person's actions are. I don't like that he didn't seem to make sure you had each others numbers or when you'd see each other next. Rise above. And learn from your own life. Good luck!

[emoore2013]

I am so confused by the behavior of this guy I have recently become "involved" with. Last weekend, I ran into this guy at a party early in the night. We had met briefly before, but he still nicely approached me and asked to dance. We only danced for a few minutes, when he asked to leave the party. I tried killing time a little bit by delaying leaving with him because I didn't want to see too easy. I opted to walk back with him to my apartment to hang out eventually. When we got there, we went upstairs and talked on my bed for a while. Most of it was small talk, but he also remembered little details about me, like where I visited when I was abroad. He also said that he remembered seeing me at a club and watching me with my friends. Keep in mind, I have only met this guy once before, at that club however it was just a short introduction. I was completely shocked that he had remembered our run-in, let alone any background info on me. Anyway, a couple of my friends were downstairs so I left for a little bit and returned to my room with him.

 

He was very polite the entire time and didn't seem very drunk at all. We talked a little bit more about our summers, plans after college and hs friends...and then he suddenly went in for a kiss. I was still apprehensive because first of all, I am trying to stay away from random hookups and I didn't think he was interested to begin with (I think I added him on Facebook awhile who and he either didn't see the request or ignored it--awkward). I ended up giving in and we eventually started hooking up. I can honestly say it was the best hookup I've had. He repeatedly complimented my looks and said how he just wanted to hangout with me/wanted to hang out for the longest time.

 

He was not pushy, and affectionate to the point where I was skirmish because I have never been treated in such a way. Not to mention, he didn't ask for any favors and wanted to continue hooking up for the rest of the night. I told him I was tired so we eventually went to bed.

 

The next morning I woke up and he just made small talk, much less conversation then before. Overall, he was very awkward. I can't put my finger on it, because although he wasn't in a rush to leave, he seemed emotionally removed. I ended up driving him home, and again, although I didn't initiate conversation (I was tired) when we did talk it was forced.

 

I dropped him off and he quickly said bye and got out of the car. I was pretty disheartened that he didn't offer his number or at least make eye contact before he got out. I mean, i do have his number from months ago, however, I didn't get it from him. And I know we live on a college campus, and I'm bound to see him, but his behavior that morning was slightly cold and off putting. I'm just perplexed because he seemed so entralled by me the night before. He was completely selfless, and even pointed out how sad I looked (because I don't like random hookups, but I didn't tell him this). I just don't understand. Am I overthinking this?

 

That's a really well-worded thought. The only unsettling behavior was right before he got out of the car. He was initiating some conversation during the car ride, although it was awkward. Then again, I didn't make any effort to ask about getting a number or continuing the conversation. Probably because I was still shocked from his unparalleled display of affection the night before, and because I was extremely tired. Based off of my friend's accounts, he's a really nice guy...just not the brightest apparently.

 

I agree with you again in that I should stop analyzing this situation. We're on a small campus so I'm bound to see him eventually. I'm just going to go with the flow, and hope for the best at this point.

[Haerts]

I've been with a guy once that changed all of a sudden from a minute to the other. I mean, I was laying down on his chest and he was touching my hair, for maybe an hour, we were talking and it was all awesome. The next minute, with no reason (or an unknown reason) he stopped everything, got mad and never even looked at my eyes again. I never understood that behaviour, but one thing I was sure of: he didn't want to be with me. Probably a bipolar.

 

But anyway, what I'm trying to say is: if he's changed, wasn't really caring and didn't try to keep contact with you, then it clearly shows that he has no interest. At the best scenario, you misunderstood things and maybe he just wasn't feeling well, so he forgot. But if that was the case, he WILL try to get back to you sometime.

 

Regardless, go on living your life. You can't just sit somewhere and wait for him.

[WhatIsLove2014]

Wait so yall did have sex? I'm confused. You said you wouldn't hook up with him but you did? Or yall didn't but he stayed over?

[emoore2013]

Wait so yall did have sex? I'm confused. You said you wouldn't hook up with him but you did? Or yall didn't but he stayed over?

 

He just went down on me a couple times, but I didn't reciprocate. We didn't have vaginal sex. And he slept over.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to agree with the others, OP. It was a one-nighter. If he wanted to keep in touch, you'd have his phone number or he'd have yours. I understand you told him no sex, but he probably was hoping for that anyway after you invited him home. Sorry, I know it's disappointing. A lot of people will tell you what you want to hear (ie. complimenting you) to get what they want. If you don't want a one-night experience, be sure not to invite guys home with you after meeting them only briefly. I'm not trying to put the blame on you at all; just be aware that it could send the wrong signals about what you want.

Edited October 1, 2014 by ExpatInItaly

[emoore2013]

Why didn't he leave if I wasn't giving it up? And to sleep over? His behavior the next day point to a meaningless hookup but there were so many positive signals up until we parted that morning.

[Haerts]

The question is: why are you still trying to analyse this situation? It's simple: he wanted sex and tried til the very end. Maybe he was too tired or didn't want to leave before the morning so he preferred to sleep over. That's all. Get over it and go on living your life. If he was interested, he would've found a way by now.