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Do guys actively pursue girls platonic friendships?


hildagnome

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Do guys actively pursue girls just because they think they make amazing friends?

 

This is a general question, but I am asking because of personal experience. I have a male friend who texts / emails a lot but has never, ever made a move. Not long ago he told me he was dating someone and introduced us on the same day he told me. Because I liked him as more than a friend I was hurt and I went cold on him completely. He texted two weeks later to say they'd broken up and then started initiating all the contact (it was mutual before) - even when I don't respond enthusiastically and don't reply if he keeps the text thread going for too long. I'm not interested in being anyone's backup plan so he can take a hike, but I'm curious as to what's in his mind.. :p Does he just think I'm his best buddy?

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Yes. I have many male friends who have clearly stated they have no romantic or sexual interest me, but they think I'm a cool person who's fun to hang out with. Opposite sex platonic friendships are not a myth.

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you_can_not_see_me

Generally no.

 

If you ve been friends for a while maybe, but if you have only recently met then no! men don't go out of their way to be around a girl one on one if they are not interested.

 

If a guy is just trying to be friends he won't contact you that much and most of the time when he hangs out with you, it will be with other friends as well.

 

Think of it this way. Men don't text and hangout a ton with guys they have just met and might want to befriend, it just happens over time as the guy becomes a new member of his hang out group. It more or less the same for girls who are only seen as friends.

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Blunt honesty: Every man would bang their "platonic female friends" if they are attractive enough to them.

 

You can't fight the nature of the beast within... the pants.

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I find male/female platonic friendship costs the man more money. I only go male/male friendships because its always a fair deal. I am extremely non-gay, and that can be eliminated as a factor.

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I find male/female friendship costs the man more money.

 

What do you mean? Friends are free...

 

It doesn't cost my friends any money to be friends with me, lol. That would make no sense!

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What do you mean? Friends are free...

 

It doesn't cost my friends any money to be friends with me, lol. That would make no sense!

 

Too much to explain. Just that there are many costs that are invisible to women. I would feel bad if I point those out to them. So my solution is to avoid that situation altogether.

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Blunt honesty: Every man would bang their "platonic female friends" if they are attractive enough to them.

 

You can't fight the nature of the beast within... the pants.

 

And only a True Gent would respect a lady to not head down such path. There in lays the difference between a guy and a gent. Human regard can supercede natural tendencies.....

 

I side with Phoes' response.

 

to the OP- give yourself some time, you'll come to understand that friendships are whats in the heart and head not the pants.

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Too much to explain. Just that there are many costs that are invisible to women. I would feel bad if I point those out to them. So my solution is to avoid that situation altogether.

 

Why would you feel bad? I seriously don't understand. My friends have never spent a dime on me, there's no reason to.

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Blunt honesty: Every man would bang their "platonic female friends" if they are attractive enough to them.

 

Some would, some wouldn't. But finding that friend attractive is the key part of that equation. Plenty of men have female friends that they aren't attracted to, but they like her as a person.

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thefooloftheyear

I cant speak for all guys only to say its pretty rare among the people I know...The things that I find interesting and fun might probably bore the average woman to tears...I dont drink or do drugs, and its rare that you can ask a woman to help you move a heavy item, borrow a chainsaw, or give you a hand putting up a steel building...

 

Id say about the only thing that might be cool is a female training partner...If there was one that was hardcore and serious Id consider that...sure..;)

 

YMMV

 

TFY

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confused1001

I think you should hang out with him in person more and see what he is like then. Although the fact that he texts you a lot now that he is single makes him seem interested as more than a friend, it is harder to tell whether someone is interested in you like that or not through text. The reason being there is no physical contact. When you hang out does he try to be close to you? Does he seem flirty? Is there much physical contact? not necessarily sexual but just in general.

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I cant speak for all guys only to say its pretty rare among the people I know...The things that I find interesting and fun might probably bore the average woman to tears...

TFY

 

That's another factor to consider. In the case that the man and woman DO have shared interests and hobbies, if attraction isn't a distraction, there's no reason why they can't be friends.

 

That's how my guy friends became friends with me. Through shared interests and hobbies.

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Why would you feel bad? I seriously don't understand. My friends have never spent a dime on me, there's no reason to.

 

I am glad to hear it. You seem like a fair woman, so I am quite sure you treat your friends well. Even if they did spend anything, they would have done it gladly.

 

Men and women look at life and the world from different angles. How much is an emotional connection worth ? How much is sex worth ? If you ask the two sexes, they would have come up with quite different answers. Same is true of the answer for other things. So there is a natural difference on the idea of how much something costs

 

When I deal with men, we look at the cost from the same angle. So we naturally come to the same conclusion. The same conclusion isn't actually possible for the different sexes because they start off from different angles. Then who's conclusion is right: men's or women's ? I don't know, but I do know if I deal with a man, we can agree on the same conclusion.

 

So what does all this mean ? Well, you stay a woman and don't worry about what men thinks or how they calculate, and everything will work as it should.

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I would never pursue a girl with the sole intention of making friends.

 

Yes I have had platonic only female friends that I wasn't interested in, but our friendship was something that just happened. I never had a goal of making a specific girl my friend.

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For platonic friendship, my experience is that it is the girls who pursue the guys. Sometimes they disguise it as an ambiguous romantic pursuit.

Edited by LoneIsland
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I would never pursue a girl with the sole intention of making friends.

 

Yes I have had platonic only female friends that I wasn't interested in, but our friendship was something that just happened. I never had a goal of making a specific girl my friend.

 

100% the same with me.

 

I would never start looking actively for "just friends" among the females around me. I have more than enough female friends and I am happy with that, but none of them are girls I ever had the attraction for. And with 99% of them, the friendship just happened - it's because of the circumstances (having to deal with projects for university/work, having to get to know them because they're in a relationship with a close friend, etc).

 

It's perfectly alright for a guy to have female friends, and I am happy I have enough, but I would find it really weird if I heard about a guy who is looking for female friends with no other intentions.

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I would find it really weird if I heard about a guy who is looking for female friends with no other intentions.

 

Well I came across one, he wanted a woman to share a residence with. His other intention was not sex but the convenience of having someone with natural tendencies to keep things clean and tidy. He was popular with girls at work. They talked about breast feeding and what nots in the office. His live-in companion treated him like a lovable gay husband and called him frequently for various little things that a man is useful for.

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Going all the way back to grade school...all of my friendships with both men and women just happened and grew naturally on their own. I didn't pursue them (nor they me); that just seems desperate & forced. In most if not all cases, we had some things in common...for instance we both liked video games or had similar tastes in movies or whatever. And we just kinda clicked on a friendship level. That includes a couple of women that I'd consider to be very good-looking...(each had one or two things about them turned me off from wanting to date them).

 

Men who have healthy, mature attitudes about women and don't view them as mere sex objects and have self-control tend to have no problems having female friends.

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As an adult, most of my platonic friendships with women happened while a virgin, so for quite some time. I had a best female friend for about a decade or so and she and I did a lot of stuff together. I also did stuff with her boyfriend, mainly car stuff, since that was a shared hobby. She and I did travel-related stuff together, some volunteer work and cycled together on occasion.

 

IMO, unless the pursuit is adjunct to a shared interest, I seriously doubt any man's interest in a lady is purely platonic. In general, outside of interests, hetero men gravitate to other men for platonic companionship and to women for sex, at least once sex is on the table, and for most men that starts in the mid-late teens.

 

These days, my only platonic female friends are the wives of my male friends or their married daughters. Even then, it's still boundary patrol, since men and women tend to operate at sexual levels beneath the surface. Since I've developed long-lasting and loving relationships with other men, it's far easier to see the boundaries now, and enforce them if/when their wives/kids and/or I cross them. Most people I know don't appear to be concerned about such matters but that's how life goes.

 

OP, in your case, it appears this young man is reticent to be direct with you. Up to you how you handle that. If you like him as a potential dating partner, no harm in making obvious that you're available and leave the rest to him. If he declines to progress that, well, that's an answer. Move on.

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And only a True Gent would respect a lady to not head down such path. There in lays the difference between a guy and a gent. Human regard can supercede natural tendencies.....

 

 

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

Wrong. You, are obviously female. You wouldn't know.

All "true gents" are men, naturally hardwired in the same way. You believe this fairytale. Trust me, ask those "true gents" if they wouldn't rip your clothes off if given a clean chance...

 

Please.

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I'm a guy and I've had plenty of female friends that I had no romantic or sexual interest in.

 

I've been on dates that I didn't know were going to be dates (the girl gets really dressed up and I'm just wearing sweats).

 

I've also had what I thought were female friends stop talking to me for no apparent reason, only to tell me years later that they were into me and upset that I never made a move.

 

I also have female friends where I initiate the convos. These are my best female friends.

 

In fact, OP could easily be describing me in her original post. :laugh:

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Rarely do we "actively" pursue. We will passively pursue for sure and find ourselves in a good platonic friendship. But rarely do heterosexual men actively chase down a woman to befriend. That being said, the few women I have actively pursued as friends were stellar human beings. Like outstanding. So if you are actively being pursued as a friend by a dude - know that he thinks you are an amazing person. High five yourself

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callingyouuu

I tend to pursue friendships with girls who are already actively in a relationship, since we both start off on the same footing with what we expect from each other. When I do the same with women who are single, I've noticed some start to think I'm attracted to them (when I'm not actually) or become attracted to me (and I don't return the feelings), and the relationship gets messy.

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