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Did I screw things up with this guy or was there something wrong with him?


nyny123

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The situation is I met this guy and he very interested in me and I like him too. He is unemployed but on SSI and he is in school. I work and just finish college. Well this guy kept texting all day everyday and it was getting too much since I'm not into texting. I nicely talked to him about it and it appears he was offended and said he would leave me alone for awhile and that he may or may not be around and he said in the mean time he'll go elsewhere. It wasn't like I didn't want to talk to him, I am busy with other things but I always made time to talk to him. I don't know what to make of this. Now lately there has been things going on with him that he told me about for example he said he been depressed and whatnot.

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He's a man-child who is living off of official charity. Instead of looking for a job or maybe helping with a charity, he chose to waste his time and yours. You ask him to be respectful of your time and he complains, hits you up for some emotional blackmail and sulks. On top of all that, he's "depressed".

 

Unless you live in a remote kingdom where there is one man for every ten women, then ditch this loser, and let him trouble somebody else's life.

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evanescentworld

How lucky for you to have dodged a bullet so early in the situation!

Losers show their colours very quickly, don't they?

Good for you for walking away from this one so promptly!

 

(Just in case you had any small, tiny, miniscule idea that there was anything whatsoever worth investigating in this.....;) )

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OP I understand that attraction is not a choice.

but damn, you have bad taste.

 

Are you only interested because he's interested?

 

I'm not interested in him anymore and wished him well. I truely did like him but he is unstable

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How lucky for you to have dodged a bullet so early in the situation!

Losers show their colours very quickly, don't they?

Good for you for walking away from this one so promptly!

 

(Just in case you had any small, tiny, miniscule idea that there was anything whatsoever worth investigating in this.....;) )

.

 

I am too. I had to tell him today that I don't think this will work and wished him well. The sad thing about this whole thing that he just revealed to me that he is schizophrenic and has anxiety issues. I feel sad for this poor guy and he said I gave up on him like other girls did. So he blames me and never took responsibility for his mistake. I cannot be with someone who is unstable and I mean that in a nice way. He just got too much going on with himself.

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The situation is I met this guy and he very interested in me and I like him too. He is unemployed but on SSI and he is in school. I work and just finish college. Well this guy kept texting all day everyday and it was getting too much since I'm not into texting. I nicely talked to him about it and it appears he was offended and said he would leave me alone for awhile and that he may or may not be around and he said in the mean time he'll go elsewhere. It wasn't like I didn't want to talk to him, I am busy with other things but I always made time to talk to him. I don't know what to make of this. Now lately there has been things going on with him that he told me about for example he said he been depressed and whatnot.

 

 

This all points to him having emotional/insecurity issues. You are best to not get anymore involved or he will end up manipulating you, blaming you for things that makes no sense to you. You don't want to get into his tangled mess. Just tell him thanks but no thanks.

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evanescentworld
Good for you.

I think you got that right!

 

This was in response to post #5, not post #6.

 

I'm sorry that he has mental issues, and really, that confirms your good sense to distance yourself.

He cannot expect others to be a crutch for him. He obviously does, as he is holding you responsible for the failure to progress.

 

While he projects the problem onto others, he will always have this problem.

Nobody can be his nurse. He has to do that for himself.

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People who are on the defensive like that just have too many problems. It's those little signs that a lot of people ignore and end up with a real mess. Good for you for trusting your instinct there.

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That's the thing with people who have mental issues, their perception can get very distorted and logical thinking is out the window. Lets hope this guy is getting the therapy he needs.

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This all points to him having emotional/insecurity issues. You are best to not get anymore involved or he will end up manipulating you, blaming you for things that makes no sense to you. You don't want to get into his tangled mess. Just tell him thanks but no thanks.

 

I just knew something was wrong with him when he acted the way he did with the text messages. No normal person wouldn't react that way.

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That's the thing with people who have mental issues, their perception can get very distorted and logical thinking is out the window. Lets hope this guy is getting the therapy he needs.

 

True. Mental illness runs in my family so I understand it.

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He's a man-child who is living off of official charity. Instead of looking for a job or maybe helping with a charity, he chose to waste his time and yours. You ask him to be respectful of your time and he complains, hits you up for some emotional blackmail and sulks. On top of all that, he's "depressed".

 

Unless you live in a remote kingdom where there is one man for every ten women, then ditch this loser, and let him trouble somebody else's life.

 

All this is pretty damn judgemental - 'loser', 'man-child' etc? Ok, he doesn't have a job... I'll give you that.

 

Anyway, if he does have mental/emotional issues than I know what it feels like - very lonely and no one understands your problems. A guy like that will drive people away a million miles an hour but in fact probably deserves a lot more love than some of the judgmental pricks answering this thread.

 

Also NO it does not make you dangerous, abusive or unloveable if you suffer from emotional problems like social/general anxiety etc - it just makes you anxious... harms no one but the sufferer.

Edited by boilingpoint
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All this is pretty damn judgemental - 'loser', 'man-child' etc? Ok, he doesn't have a job... I'll give you that.

 

Anyway, if he does have mental/emotional issues than I know what it feels like - very lonely and no one understands your problems. A guy like that will drive people away a million miles an hour but in fact probably deserves a lot more love than some of the judgmental pricks answering this thread.

 

Also NO it does not make you dangerous, abusive or unloveable if you suffer from emotional problems like social/general anxiety etc - it just makes you anxious... harms no one but the sufferer.

 

I am not seeing this guy no more but he said he will never take his medication. Now that is not a good thing and he realizes he keeps screwing up potential relationships. I do hope at some point he does get help and meet someone. If he does that I feel like he will find a partner.

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There is a reason why they don't take it....because they think they don't need it. Some will take medication, things in their life become stable, then they feel they are cured and don't need to stay on it. This is why people are schizophrenic need supervised persciption drug therapy. Unfortunately you can't force them, or confine them unless they are a threat. That is why many end up on the street homeless. They don't like the "rules".

 

My cousin was schizophrenic. He was pretty bad, he had to be committed when he was 19 :( He was lucky tho he had a loving caring family to make sure he did end up on the street.

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It would be okay if he understood that you're not into texting, but he took things the wrong way, which I don't necessarily blame him for considering he has mental issues and insecurity problems - I have a lot of insecurity and it drives me crazy sometimes, but that's cause I've been hurt too much in the past; maybe that's his case too. Anyway, I guess it was a good thing that you got away.

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OP, you did the right thing by ending things with that guy although you two liked each other. I was in your exact situation with a guy I met via OLD. I don't think that guy you briefly dated is a loser b/c he's unemployed and has a mental illness.

 

He already knows how society views him (with a stigma), so he probably feels self conscious and self-defeated about his situation. At least he's going to college. That is definitely a positive in his life.

 

When you date someone who has a mental illness, you quickly learn how deep your mental reserves go, how strong your interpersonal boundaries are, and how much compassion you have, and that it's perfectly fine if you want to leave the relationship.

 

Although you liked him, you knew his issues made you feel uncomfortable, so you did what was best for yourself by ending things with him.

 

Always be true to yourself.

Edited by writergal
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Because he's really ill?

 

I thought it was his anxiety since that's what he told me. Also he said he's blind in one eye. I don't know if that could be another reason. I mean it did bother me that he didn't have a job but I thought at least he's going to school and trying.

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OP, you did the right thing by ending things with that guy although you two liked each other. I was in your exact situation with a guy I met via OLD. I don't think that guy you briefly dated is a loser b/c he's unemployed and has a mental illness.

 

He already knows how society views him (with a stigma), so he probably feels self conscious and self-defeated about his situation. At least he's going to college. That is definitely a positive in his life.

 

When you date someone who has a mental illness, you quickly learn how deep your mental reserves go, how strong your interpersonal boundaries are, and how much compassion you have, and that it's perfectly fine if you want to leave the relationship.

 

Although you liked him, you knew his issues made you feel uncomfortable, so you did what was best for yourself by ending things with him.

 

Always be true to yourself.

 

 

I feel good knowing I did nothing wrong and that I wish I could help him but I know I can't. I been on one date with this guy so it's good I ended things early. Mental illness runs in my family so I understand it and also this guy said he won't never take his medication and that won't be a good thing. Unless he gets treatment I don't know if he'll find someone.

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Of course you did nothing wrong. What you did was follow your "gut," and that's always the right choice for any situation. And I think it shows what a compassionate and understanding person you are; that you wished you could help him, although you know that whatever you'd give him in a relationship isn't going to cure him of his mental illness.

 

 

I feel good knowing I did nothing wrong and that I wish I could help him but I know I can't. I been on one date with this guy so it's good I ended things early. Mental illness runs in my family so I understand it and also this guy said he won't never take his medication and that won't be a good thing. Unless he gets treatment I don't know if he'll find someone.
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I thought it was his anxiety since that's what he told me. Also he said he's blind in one eye. I don't know if that could be another reason. I mean it did bother me that he didn't have a job but I thought at least he's going to school and trying.

 

Damn, I never even met this guy & I feel bad for him. I've got my own issues myself that I deal with it but nothing as bad as schizophrenia. I'm wondering though honestly would you have given him a chance if he took his meds?

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