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Can I say I've officially been "ghosted"?


Kole

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When I met J at a friends house in Midtown on a random Wednesday night, I was incredibly naïve to the dating scene. He was genuinely interested in me **– I thought. The idea of feigning attraction in an attempt to get someone in bed was nonsensical to me. He texted me nonstop and we met up twice within days of meeting. Soon after hooking up, the momentum of our communication started coming to a slow halt. We'd only see each other a handful of time a month, but he would text me daily, at least to say he I'm super busy but you're on my mind.

 

When I reached out this last time, he made excuses about how work was keeping him from making plans socially. He's 8 years older and works in medical sales, so this was plausible. A week later, I thoughtfully asked if he had time to see me one day soon - and that I missed him- (something he was never shy to say to me just a month ago). I blankly stared at my phone, awaiting his response, which went along the lines of "I'm on a dinner date with my daughter, but I will text you later...Needless to say she's 41/2, it was a week night, at 9pm. I just found it a little hard to believe, but maybe he was being honest. Who knows.

 

Eventually days later, and still nothing from him, I blinked and realized what had happened: I had been ghosted.

 

Sure, he promised me nothing. I was the one who had the Pollyanna-ish expectation that a few fun months together (all but one being at his home) meant he should, at the very least, digitally acknowledge my existence.

 

More than the difficulty of dealing with the loss of him, I struggle with stomaching the lack of human decency of ghosting. I understand that there’s no future for us, but a simple acknowledgment of an appreciation for the time we did spend together, “Hey, I had a fun few months with you but I don’t think we’re right for each other beyond that,” would provide so much more closure. It’s always a blow, but you can get over it in a few days. When the ghost disappears, you spend the first few days wondering when you’re going to get a text back and then probably weeks trying to figure out what went wrong.

 

J might have been the first to pull a stunt like this on me – but his actions are certainly not unique. Welcome to the "hookup culture" right? lol.

 

Whether you just go radio silent on me, or cancel on me, I definitely know a lot of guys who end things that way and are guilty of it. You had fun, they’re not Ms. Right but it was a good run and you just kind of fade it out. How Classy.

 

I doubt I'll hear from him again, and if I do, I'm done playing his games.

 

Do I have reason to be upset with his behavior? Am I expecting too much from him? He told me he wanted more than a fling. I gave him benefit of a doubt. My bad.

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hey, sorry to hear what has happened. You have the right to feel bad, you felt something for him and it wasn't returned. Sorry, this happens all the time. You've done the right thing. You've come on here in a way of getting it off your chest. Take some time to digest these feelings and then move on. Someone who doesn't care about you is not worth your time. He has had his chance, if he contacts again leave him alone. Find a guy who wants to be with you

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Hi Kole,

I have some bad news and some good news for you.

 

Yes, the bad news is that you've been "ghosted".

 

The two bits of good news are that,

1. You are not alone

2. You have found out who is really is now and not 6 months/years down the line when you have invested much, much more of your time and energy into him.

 

And yes, you have every right to be hurt/angry/disappointed etc. It a cowardly way to behave and not only that it's rude and disrespectful.

 

He isn't worthy of your time, your thoughts or anything else. And if he does contact you again (which I doubt because he will be embarrassed by his own bad behaviour previously) tell him he's got the wrong number.

 

Good luck.

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Hey, when someone is all over you, and you dont even know them.

Dont have sex with them.

 

Think to yourself, Do I know this person long enough to lend them my car?

If you say no. DO NOT have sex with them

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I resisted temptation for a few months before I slept with him. I've been against the whole hookup Culture and had no part in it until recently. It's all good. His loss in my opinion!

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I'm walking away with my dignity, definitely not going to him for answers.

He knows he screwed me over and is not a decent person.

 

I will continue to live me life, but turn it up a notch and improve myself even more than before he came along! While his character is taking a hit, mine will improve because of him:) I'll thank him later. :)

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You are So sweet.

 

While he was chasing you he probably did like you a lot.

 

He just walked away before you did so you feel the burn. Probably more of a no questions asked kind of relationship...

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I'm sorry this has happened to you. All I can say is that he didn't have the integrity that you deserve. I was once "ghosted" by a woman after six months of dating and daily communication. I was devastated but quickly realized that if she's the type of person that can't communicate and would rather pull a disappearing act, then I am better off for her not being in my life anymore.

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You are So sweet.

 

While he was chasing you he probably did like you a lot.

 

He just walked away before you did so you feel the burn. Probably more of a no questions asked kind of relationship...

 

Naa, he did not like her at all.

He was after one thing, and he didnt care at all about her as a person

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Should I call him out on it ? or tell every girl who hangs out at the local hot spots we frequent not to give in to this massive sure unless they want a ONS!??

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Hey, when someone is all over you, and you dont even know them.

Dont have sex with them.

 

Think to yourself, Do I know this person long enough to lend them my car?

If you say no. DO NOT have sex with them

 

I have to agree.

 

What he did wasn't classy but, as you yourself said, that's hookup culture. I think if you're gonna participate in that culture (which you did by hooking up without ever really pausing to establish what you both wanted and how you'd proceed) you have to know what to expect. I don't really hook up but I've dated causally and things tend to fizzle out as they fizzle out, however, for you you were still invested while he's not as invested.

 

I'm sorry this happened I know it sucks but next time be clearer about what you want from a man before having sex or investing emotionally and with your time. It only helps you when you do that as otherwise you can assume things are one way when for the other person they aren't. I'd leave him alone and definitely do NOT "warn" others, you will seem insane. Your dignity will come under question should you do this. Allow other adult women to learn for themselves plus chances are they won't believe you anyway and just think you were scorned so want payback. Also, the ghosting thing is not a good thing but I don't think it warrants you "warning" others as he can easily explain it away saying you were not his gf or an exclusive couple and you were the one who got the wrong idea.

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Sucks. Still hoping he'll contact me for some messed up reason of my own. odds are against me with this one. He got me. BUt ill let his next learn the same way i did. Live and learning at this point

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I resisted temptation for a few months before I slept with him. I've been against the whole hookup Culture and had no part in it until recently. It's all good. His loss in my opinion!

 

Whoa - I gotta call BS here. You resisted temptation for a FEW MONTHS before sleeping with him??? Sorry honey, but that's not the "hookup culture". ANY guy who waits a few months to sleep with you either GENUINELY likes you or is really desperate to wait that long. For your sake, I'd like to think the former. Sounds to me like he just lost interest and chose the passive aggressive route of doing the slow fade. This sadly, is a behavior pattern that is common amongst men and women...

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We "hooked up" by 3rd time seeing each other. Didn't sleep together until after the two month point...but, it's not like we saw eather each and every day during that time frame ;)

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