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Suspect behavior, but a LOT of fun: Keep her or move on


confused40426

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Going to try to make this rather complex issue simple.

 

  • I'm 40, she's 26. We're both very attractive and fit for our age. I'm probably a "7" and she a "9."
  • I'm professionally successful for 40, but not a sugar daddy.
  • I've never been married, but have had many long term great relationships,
    and many short term relationships too. I have dated other very beautiful, successful, athletic women (amateur models, fitness models, business women, lawyers, doctors, sales reps, etc.). So I'm not in new territory as far as that's concerned.
  • I'm wanting to settle down, long term, have children, etc. But I'm definitely open to an amazing fling with a beautiful woman, even if it leads nowhere.
  • She's about where she should be as a working 26 year old, working in an average job, still figuring out her career.
  • She was/is married, is recently separated, perhaps divorced (all within the last 6-8 months). She talks very little about her former marriage, and when it comes up it's clearly a sore subject. She worked with her ex, so left the job, their home and the state, moving far away from her ex. She lived originally in state A, fled to state B. I live in neighboring state C a few hours from her.
  • She seems to be quite religious and innocent in a not-the-cheater-type. Lot's of spiritual type quotes on her online presence. But I'm not stupid - we slept together on date 2. Her online image may be totally different than who she really is.

 

So, here's the pertinent facts. She does traveling sales. I met her one day, we hit it off. I gave her my information, but she said she wasn't interested because she was in a complicated situation. But a week later she contacted me. She did warn me that she "isn't like most women" and doesn't like to talk on the phone much, or text often. (if alarm bells are ringing, you're paying attention). But she's fun, gorgeous, and fit. We went on a couple dates and had total chemistry. We slept together after the 2nd date - she initiated the entire encounter by inviting me over to the hotel, and she was very assertive. It was amazing. As she was leaving town from her traveling sales job, she came over and spent two more days. There was no suspect calls/texts I could tell. No taking the phone to the bathroom or outside. In fact she was rarely even checking her phone. However, two suspect things came up about her ex-husband. Once I asked her if she had ever been married (I knew she had). She immediately said "no." Then immediate corrected it by saying, "Well, yes, but it was a huge mistake that ended badly." And she left it at that. Then, when she was leaving, I made a crack about her getting back to her boyfriend/husband or whatever, as a total joke. It seemed to hit a nerve. That could be legit, or not. Not sure how to take her response of something like, "That's not something to joke about."

 

She returned home after two amazing days together. As she was leaving, I initiated saying that I felt she was special and wanted more than a hookup, one/nighter, etc. She shut me down with a kiss, and words to the effect "let's not label this" or something like that, indicating let's not move this too fast. She left for home. We live a few hours apart, and I've never been to her home.

 

She returned home, and then had to travel to state D for work for 2 weeks. She invited me to come and meet her but I could not. She invited me to fly out to see her, and ride back with her, but I could not. We discussed she coming here instead of going home after her week on the road. It's admittedly about 5 hours out-of-her-way. So certainly not convenient in time or cost. While she was gone for 10 days, there were periods of time where she went totally radio silent. In fact, I didn't hear from her or get a response text from her for 3 days. I honestly wrote her off and thought she was cheating or lost interest. When I heard from her on day 3, I was shocked. She acted like nothing happened, and expressed her eagerness to see me. I resisted the urge to chastise her, and played it cool. She did come here, and we had a phenomenal 2 days together. I also showered her with some fun gifts and toys and clothes. One of the best weekends I've had in years, sexually and just fun and easy going relaxation, conversations, getting to know each other, etc. Something happened that may be suspect or may not be. She cleared out a drawer in my bathroom and put all of the sex stuff in it. But she took with her the outfits, lingerie, panties, and bubble bath that I bought for her/us. Should I read into that at all or is that totally rational? I also got her 2 dozen flowers. She left and forgot them here. When she was 5 minutes away, I called her to tell her she forgot them. She turned around to get them. I was encouraged by that. But did they make it "home" is the question. I considered asking her to send a picture of them to me at home, but opted not to.

 

So, she leaves and I'm on top of the world. We discussed her coming back in 2 weeks, when she has to come back through to her sales show. We discussed her staying for long stretches of time (not as a hotel, but on the way through). She was eager at that time to see me again and stay for several days. We have had some fantastic text messages, but then she'll drop off the conversation, mid conversation. Hours, and even a day will go by before I hear from her. Then her habits would drop off and communication become unreliable. So I once again assumed she was aborting...

 

I have called her on these habits. Her excuses are that she doesn't like to talk, doesn't keep her phone on her person, and was very busy still running back to state A to storage, moving things to state B, unpacking, painting, etc.

We tried to have some relationship discussion over text but it's very difficult when someone won't talk on the phone. She claimed she was driving, which makes no sense that she can text but not talk (unless she's the passenger). Anyway, we clearly are in some limbo. She knows I want something serious and long term, but am okay with something casual for now. I can't even really summarize very well her situation. She says she agrees with the desire for long term, she's just not ready (I presume because she's just gone through a divorce or separation pending divorce). But it's just not clear. I acted somewhat disinterested in her coming to stay for that upcoming period of time, and she practically begged to see me again, apologizing for being negligent in communication, etc. so I agreed to it.

 

After she dropped off the conversation, I talked to some unbiased female friends. All three said I needed to step back and disengage, and let her take initiative. They all also said she was being shady. I've been cheated on many times, and recognize these shady signs. So, I panicked. Instead of following advice of backing off a little, in my frustration, I tried calling her several times at night (I suppose to see if a man would answer) and it was sent to voice mail. I did not leave a message. I made some accusations over text that she was acting shady. I did get a lengthy response in the morning - explaining that she had been very busy, had been unpacking, organizing, painting, etc. And she also said she was feeling sick and took meds and went to bed early. She said maybe we're looking for something different, and came close to cutting it off with me, but didn't expressly cut it off. Just hinting/dancing around it. I apologized for the insinuation, wished her to get better, and said I wanted to talk to her. That was 3 days ago. I got a text today, saying she still wasn't feeling well.

 

So - all that to say:

 

So the evidence this is suspect. Yes, we slept together almost immediately. I'm not naive as to what this means and how our relationship got defined. She DOES like to talk on the phone for long periods of time, but seemingly only when she's driving. Our 3 longest phone conversations are when she is in the car. Suspicious, right? Any other time, even during our texting, she pushes the call to voicemail and comes up with some excuse. The vagueness with her ex-husband is shady. But everything else she told me seems to check out (family, history, jobs, no kids, etc.). She did conceal her drivers license from me on date 2, but this could be for many reasons such as a bad picture (she has said she lost a lot of weight)(It's common for women to hate their DL pictures). I'm 3 hours away, and don't know where she lives. So that's quite "safe" for someone to have a fling and not have it come back home to interfere with her home life. She knows it bothers me that she doesn't make a better effort texting and calling, yet she does nothing to remedy this.... showing me she's selfish on this issue. So, who doesn't call or text or have their phone on them? Is that even normal or acceptable? She refuses to take a self picture of herself and send to me, but I have seen online she has a few selfies posted. She promised she would but never has. She ignored a few requests to send pictures of her bedroom with the new painted color. But she can send pictures. She has sent me a couple of landscape pictures she's taken. And it never came up that she had to return to state A to get her stuff... perhaps that's not unusual that she's probably got to go see the ex- again? Finally, I live in the real world. I'm 40 and attractive, but she's 26 and gorgeous. I'm not blind to that fact. She could easily do "better" in terms of looks, fitness, etc. for a partner. But perhaps that works in my favor because she wants a mature adult man, not a punk like her husband appears to have been.

 

In her defense, she seems very genuine. I'm not a lie detector, and have been burned in the past. But she plays a really good game if she's lying. She's been very upfront. She didn't approach me, I approached her and asked her out. She told me her situation was complicated. She admitted she had been married (sorta reluctantly). She left her job, home, and state to start over (evidence she's not trying to reunite with her ex). She's stayed with me twice for days, with more long-term stays planned. It would be unusual for someone in another relationship to stay for days with a fling. Flings are for a few hours, or maybe overnight, but not for days (unless perhaps she's building that into her travels...). She says she hates dating "games." I've also said this. She's not opposed to pictures and has let me take pictures of her and us together.

 

Maybe she is the type of person who is bad at communication. She claims her family is equally frustrated with her terrible communication habits. In hanging out with her for days, I've rarely seen her on her phone (and it was only to call/text work) - unlike every other woman I've dated who is often on her phone. She just rarely checks her phone (at least as far as I've seen). Maybe that's on purpose to avoid someone on the other end. She's not a gold digger, and is quite modest in her possessions as far as I can tell, and drives a very old car and is totally content with it. I also said I was a rebound and she said she isn't the type to do rebounds. She's said perhaps she's not ready to date, maybe she's on the edge and still healing. She certainly doesn't have to keep texting me. After my multiple phone calls, and texts, she could have just told me off. But instead I got a thoughtful text. And now 3 days later another apology explaining she's still sick and has been busy... so that seems encouraging, in a way.

 

She could find a fling quite easily if that's what she genuinely wanted. She is young, fit, and gorgeous. She could literally pick a man in any establishment, tell him she's involved and wants a discrete fling, and have it. Why the games?

 

Questions:

1) I want something long term, but let's face it. I'm not inclined to turn down amazing sex and casual fun with a very attractive younger woman. It's not really sabotaging my long-term goals, if I don't get too attached and take it for what it apparently is. A no strings physical relationship. I have other dating options, short and long term. But this is so good that it would be very hard to turn it down, even if it's just casual.

2) What does she really want? Assume she's separated or divorced for 6 months. How ready/willing is a person in her situation to seriously date and move on? Am I just a fling, or could I be something more. She's said she still maybe needs to heal, maybe not ready to date.

3) No question in my mind she likes and is interested in ME in some capacity. My concern is that she's still healing and not ready, and/or there's another man, and/or perhaps her ex is still somehow in the picture (although given she's fled and moved far away, that seems less-than-likely). Do I read into

4) How much emphasis do I put in her terrible text/calling habits? Is it a red flag, or not unusual? Is she sending strong signals that this is just a casual sexual thing? Or is she just really bad at it, and also quite busy?

5) Do I read into the failure to send self pictures of herself or her "new painted room?" She has let me take pictures of her and us together. She does have a handful of selfies online... so what's her hangup to send me a selfie?

6) We had that little miscue... and have texted a lot less over the last few days. She claims she's busy and sick. I have no idea what the real story is (she could be truthful or lying, and I no idea either way). We had plans for her to come and stay soon... but that's in limbo. I fully expect her to cancel. But if she doesn't... How do I handle this situation going forward? Take my self respect and kick her to the curb. Or just have more amazing no-strings-attached lovin'? I hate playing games, and I would be acknowledging this is a game (concealing true intent, purposeful behavior to frustrate the other, etc.). So, stop talking long term, of course. Let her take initiative. Back off on texting and slower responses. Stop buying her presents when she comes over. Etc. Just give her space to heal and figure this out, and be with her in the meantime? A fling may turn into something more, which if she is totally legit I would definitely be open to with her...

Edited by confused40426
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I'm always amazed at how much a man will take from a woman and chase them because they're...hot.

 

You want to settle down and have kids, she's right you two are in completely different stages in life! I mean she may be divorced/separated/single you're spending days with her and you don't even know. Sounds like a mess. Regardless, you know this most likely isn't going anywhere why not date someone closer to your age and looking for the same things?

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I'm always amazed at how much a man will take from a woman and chase them because they're...hot.

 

You want to settle down and have kids, she's right you two are in completely different stages in life! I mean she may be divorced/separated/single you're spending days with her and you don't even know. Sounds like a mess. Regardless, you know this most likely isn't going anywhere why not date someone closer to your age and looking for the same things?

 

Thank you for the input... it's not like I'm not getting anything in return... clearly I like this person beyond her being "hot." If I didn't express that, then I should have. I do like her when we are together. I just don't like the way I feel when I'm unsure of the situation, having been cheated on many times by shady women with similar habits. So, is this me, or her? She could be totally legit, just needing some space and otherwise open to something with me... but I could ruin it by pressing these issues...

 

What would you propose I do? Break it off because of my suspicions? I have zero 'proof' of anything. It's like that episode of Fraser where he accuses that amazing woman of all sorts of wrongdoing on his hunches, and it's all just in his mind! If this is largely in my mind, it would be a mistake to throw this woman back and keep fishing.

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Just a few points:

 

1. This is the longest post in the history of the internet

 

2. This post has the most red flags in the history of a dating forum

 

3. How can you like someone you don't even know, man? She is not telling you any thing.

 

Enjoy the fling for what it is and only that. Your background parallels mine and I don't even get to sleep with hot 20 somethings but, on the other hand, neither do I try. Why? Because I am 41 years old, man. Be realistic.

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Well you need to call and have a conversation with her. Find out if she's divorced, who she lives with. These are normal questions.

 

Yeah, I totally agree. This is among the biggest red flags. I cannot seem to get her on the phone. Yes, I know. HUGE red flag. But she has excuses. Frankly, if someone calls me I might not see/hear my phone. But I would call back. Unless I'm hiding something.

 

But while strongly unusual and suspect, it's not proof. If I were less interested in her, believe me I'd kick her to the curb. I have no problem throwing them back at the hint of BS. But I do feel something more, a deeper connection with her. And maybe her phone habits are legitimately bad. Heck, I have good friends and family that are terrible at responding... I don't read into that...

 

I'm inclined to wait until or if she intends to see me again, and get her on the phone then and ask her. Or even in person which is better to gauge someone's honesty.

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Doesn't sound like she's all that into you really. She's 26, free as a bird, a travelling worker, she's probably got guys on the go all over! Your 40, which is ancient to a 26yo but you do buy her stuff so she's going to use you for good times and whatever you give her.

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So her behavior definitely has red flags, I'm just curious how not liking talking on the phone or not having a phone on you frequently, is a red flag on its own. When you first said "if alarm bells are ringing, you're paying attention" I thought "...what?"

 

It's Moreso that dislike of phone use is a convenient excuse that goes along with her behavior. If she were behaving in a totally reasonable way, I doubt that her not being much of a phone person would raise a flag.

 

I hate talking on the phone, and usually don't have my phone on me. I check it from time to time. Nobody has ever seen this as suspect behavior on its own.

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@ Jules - yeah, I am trying to be realistic. I do live in the real world where that age gap is significant. But this just seems different in a good way... perhaps she's just flaky. I've met plenty of flaky women over the years. But I suspect that the red flags I've spelled out are indeed red flags. I'm just trying to convince myself otherwise, inspite of her assurances they are not red flags.

 

@ Mrs. Rubble. Perhaps. But I haven't spent that much money on her. Hardly anything, really. Certainly nowhere near enough to make a hot 26 year-old drive hours out of her way for casual sex when she could get that anywhere...

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So her behavior definitely has red flags, I'm just curious how not liking talking on the phone or not having a phone on you frequently, is a red flag on its own. When you first said "if alarm bells are ringing, you're paying attention" I thought "...what?"

 

It's Moreso that dislike of phone use is a convenient excuse that goes along with her behavior. If she were behaving in a totally reasonable way, I doubt that her not being much of a phone person would raise a flag.

 

I hate talking on the phone, and usually don't have my phone on me. I check it from time to time. Nobody has ever seen this as suspect behavior on its own.

 

And that's EXACTLY what she says. She doesn't keep her phone on her, and is otherwise busy and doesn't like to be on it. I do want to trust and believe her... so that *could* be legit.

 

But what other red flags do you see, specifically? And how should I handle this going forward?

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She does traveling sales and she doesn't carry her phone with her?...

 

Enjoy the sex while it lasts but I'd start looking for someone with similar short goals, such as kids.

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Sounds like you're trying to mentally prepare yourself to put down something that you really, really, really want to hold in your hands.

 

You want this to become something more than it's presenting itself as and are scrambling for rationale to explain what is, by most accounts, distancing behaviour.

 

The answers to all your questions is through direct communication with her. I believe you have a healthy fear of getting the news you don't want to hear - that she's not interested in anything long-term, or even short-term - and are avoiding the direct approach, which I would imagine a man of your age is typically very adept at handling.

 

Get it all out in the open. Get if off your chest and shoulders. Like you say, you have plenty of other fantastic options for you out there, so why stress yourself so much over this specific one?

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She does traveling sales and she doesn't carry her phone with her?...

 

Enjoy the sex while it lasts but I'd start looking for someone with similar short goals, such as kids.

 

Kinda what I thought too, but she isn't on the phone much for work as it's face/to/face sales. It's a legit job, I met her while she was working. And she says she's on the phone too much for work anyway, and prefers to not be on it. Her family is local in her new town, so she likely sees them enough to not need to be on it constantly.

 

So, while odd, her explanation isn't unreasonable. Heck I've had phone jobs before and hated to be on the phone after work...

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And that's EXACTLY what she says. She doesn't keep her phone on her, and is otherwise busy and doesn't like to be on it. I do want to trust and believe her... so that *could* be legit.

 

But what other red flags do you see, specifically? And how should I handle this going forward?

 

Moreso the very long amount of time that you're not hearing a response. My boyfriend goes several hours without a response sometimes, and he knows I'm either at work or the gym or otherwise preoccupied. But days without a response is excessive. She's showing that even just responding isn't a priority. YOU are not a priority. She has other things she's more interested in, whatever they May be.

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Just from what you stated I'd guess that she's still married and lives with the husband even though they may not be on good terms. I'm just guessing though could be wrong. The most important thing here is your gut is telling you something is very off about her life. Always listen to your gut.

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Sounds like you're trying to mentally prepare yourself to put down something that you really, really, really want to hold in your hands.

 

You want this to become something more than it's presenting itself as and are scrambling for rationale to explain what is, by most accounts, distancing behaviour.

 

The answers to all your questions is through direct communication with her. I believe you have a healthy fear of getting the news you don't want to hear - that she's not interested in anything long-term, or even short-term - and are avoiding the direct approach, which I would imagine a man of your age is typically very adept at handling.

 

Get it all out in the open. Get if off your chest and shoulders. Like you say, you have plenty of other fantastic options for you out there, so why stress yourself so much over this specific one?

 

Gosh, this advice really is great and cuts to the heart of the matter. In my profession, I'm very direct and give often bad but very real advice. I appreciate that in return. I think you've identified my fear but very real expectation. She can easily replace me and I fear being replaced by her. It's a very short relationship, and I know that she can and will be replaced... but I'd honestly rather not. I fear that the topic of conversation will prematurely drive her away, versus instead just riding it out until it naturally ends or she gets through her trying times (and honestly, that may be all that is going on... her loss and mourning phase). I mean, if she really is just in a state of loss, and I'm the first guy she's been with since her divorce (I have no reason to think otherwise, honestly), and she opens up and gets closer more, this *could* be something amazing. That's why I'm holding on.

 

In reality, I've known her for a very brief time, and she me. We have both had a lot of fun, and opened up some. But we could open up more... she likely has some pain and reservations from what amounted to such a bad marriage she totally fled the state...

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That was a long read!

Anyways...

 

Your behavior towards her suggests long-term. And nothing but that. She definitely senses that and is probably a little pushed off by that. I mean, you buy her flowers, toys, and gifts, and you place emphasis on communication, then you ask her what her 'deal' really is, over text. You want her to do things, but refrain, as you want to 'play it cool'. She forgets the flowers and remembers the lingerie and toys...

 

You write a GIANT thread about this little vixen and say you're cool with casual? I doubt that.

 

She just got out or is still in a hell of a marriage situation. She told you she is not ready, and just wants to have fun. She may have guys all over the place. I wouldn't doubt she does. Her life probably does consist of work and trying to get away from her past crashed down world, and lots of random sex. And you're just a stop along the way, in her road to recovery.

 

In your mind you're probably so happy this happened. You're 40 and you think you hit a jackpot with a young, beautiful, 26 year old. What older gent wouldn't be happy with that situation?

 

But there are so many things that are not lining up well for you. She is getting everything she wants and more. But to her, you're just that guy who wants her. I think you need to ease off a little. She is a 9 in looks. You are a 7. Although.. You have a 9 interest level and she has a 7... If you want this to go anywhere you need to reverse those numbers of interest. You sound a little needy for her, like you're the woman here.

 

A long term with this chick would be difficult. Is she going to move another state for you, after recently moving a state away from her ex?

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Just from what you stated I'd guess that she's still married and lives with the husband even though they may not be on good terms. I'm just guessing though could be wrong. The most important thing here is your gut is telling you something is very off about her life. Always listen to your gut.

 

She's definitely NOT living with her ex. Different states, 10 hours drive apart. She fled their home, her job, and the state. So, while not impossible, it's unlikely she's open to re-uniting with him. However she was just in there and likely saw him. She didn't mention she was going, but mentioned it on her ride back saying her and her mother were coming back with her stuff to move in to her place. I'm not sure where she lives, or with who (parents, self, boyfriend...).

 

Yes, my gut is screaming red flags... indeed. But it's all circumstantial and almost entirely based on the dishonest behavior of other women, not anything really this one has done. It's not fair to her to hold other women's behavior against her. Or is it?

 

I get that I'm not a top priority. A weekend fling, and perhaps she's open to more. But she has taken many steps toward me too... which can't be ignored. A 5 hour drive to see me, for instance, was somewhat rehabilitative proof to me at the time... you don't necessarily drive 5 hours for a meaningless fling, right?

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I'm wanting to settle down, long term, have children, etc. But I'm definitely open to an amazing fling with a beautiful woman, even if it leads nowhere.

This woman has given every indication that she's not interested in settling down with you, so it sounds like intermittent fling is the best you're going to get with her.

 

You also seem pretty obsessed with her, given the long analyzing detail of your post.

 

I admit I didn't read all of your post, but it sounds as though she might be living with some other man and hiding that from you.

 

I think the best thing you can do to possibly generate more interest is back off and be more of a challenge. She's playing around - she's the cat and you're the mouse. What fun is a mouse who lays down at the cat's feet? You'd be more fun and enticing for her if you were darting around corners and giving her some kind of challenge.

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@ Jules - yeah, I am trying to be realistic. I do live in the real world where that age gap is significant. But this just seems different in a good way... perhaps she's just flaky. I've met plenty of flaky women over the years. But I suspect that the red flags I've spelled out are indeed red flags. I'm just trying to convince myself otherwise, inspite of her assurances they are not red flags.

 

@ Mrs. Rubble. Perhaps. But I haven't spent that much money on her. Hardly anything, really. Certainly nowhere near enough to make a hot 26 year-old drive hours out of her way for casual sex when she could get that anywhere...

 

A 26 year old messing around with a 40 year old can be a red flag in itself. Man, she has guys in States A, B, C, D, X, Y, and Z and they are probably 20 year old hunks. Credit to you for pulling this off but don't justify her behavior.

 

There is the long distance which in itself is a huge hurdle to overcome in an otherwise great relationship. In addition to this, she is 14 years younger than you and she is being a 26 year old.

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That was a long read!

Anyways...

 

Your behavior towards her suggests long-term. And nothing but that. She definitely senses that and is probably a little pushed off by that. I mean, you buy her flowers, toys, and gifts, and you place emphasis on communication, then you ask her what her 'deal' really is, over text. You want her to do things, but refrain, as you want to 'play it cool'. She forgets the flowers and remembers the lingerie and toys...

 

You write a GIANT thread about this little vixen and say you're cool with casual? I doubt that.

 

She just got out or is still in a hell of a marriage situation. She told you she is not ready, and just wants to have fun. She may have guys all over the place. I wouldn't doubt she does. Her life probably does consist of work and trying to get away from her past crashed down world, and lots of random sex. And you're just a stop along the way, in her road to recovery.

 

In your mind you're probably so happy this happened. You're 40 and you think you hit a jackpot with a young, beautiful, 26 year old. What older gent wouldn't be happy with that situation?

 

But there are so many things that are not lining up well for you. She is getting everything she wants and more. But to her, you're just that guy who wants her. I think you need to ease off a little. She is a 9 in looks. You are a 7. Although.. You have a 9 interest level and she has a 7... If you want this to go anywhere you need to reverse those numbers of interest. You sound a little needy for her, like you're the woman here.

 

A long term with this chick would be difficult. Is she going to move another state for you, after recently moving a state away from her ex?

 

Thank you Supernatural. This is excellent advice. I totally agree with your analysis, and suggestions.

 

What specifically though would you suggest I do or don't do?

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Casual is not my ideal right now. I have turned down casual with other less appealing women. My goal is long term.

 

I did also tell her when we first me that I was tired of dating and looking for long term. Still, she was on board with me... perhaps unconcerned and wanting just a fling. But she'd have to know there would be this conversation. And it's cropped up and she's put it down in short order. So yes, she's looking for casual now

 

Thing is, casual with this woman is nearly impossible to turn down. I don't think a single, sexually active man would say no to her. Perhaps that's the problem...

 

It is quite possible she has other men. Hell, quite likely. And that has crossed my mind many times, and explains the days worth of non-responses. That's part of why I called several times, as I mentioned in my original post. Thinking a man might answer.

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So, two weeks ago, and then confirmed last week we had it on our calendars for her to come over for a few days soon.

 

Then we had a little miscue. No discussion of this future plan to get together.

Do I?:

1) Wait to hear from her about confirmation? Then either accept or cancel?

2) Preemptively cancel, saying something else came up and/or make other plans?

3) Preemptively ask for confirmation?

 

Or something else?

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I did not even read your entire post.

 

 

You are 40 and she is 26. What in the world could you two have in common? Music? Possible but unlikely. TV Shows and Movies? Possible but again unlikely. A desire to get married and have a family? Possible but I highly doubt you're on the same page.

 

 

Career wise? If she even has one going she is just starting out and is a LONG ways from retirement. You how ever are no place NEAR it.

 

 

Never mind the fact that if she has any male family/friends that care about her.. You're likely not going to be welcome in her life. You're 14 years apart in age. Really think about that..

 

 

Am I jealous? NOPE I've had younger women come after me. I simply can't wrap my head around dating someone more then 4-5 years younger then me.

 

 

Move on with your life and date someone from your generation that's your age. Someone you actually have something in common with.

 

 

You also might consider seeking some therapy. Why you tossed in the "I'm a 7 she's a 9" stuff is a huge red flag of an egomaniac. What relevance does that have to dating her? NONE

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So, two weeks ago, and then confirmed last week we had it on our calendars for her to come over for a few days soon.

 

Then we had a little miscue. No discussion of this future plan to get together since the miscue. But she did splash cold water on our relationship situation, backing off some or all... quite vague. Then a few days of not hearing from her, and some texts today but it hasn't addressed the visit...

Do I?:

1) Wait to hear from her about confirmation? Then either accept or cancel?

2) Preemptively cancel, saying something else came up and/or make other plans?

3) Preemptively ask for confirmation?

 

Or something else?

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