BioFlux Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 We have been dating for 3 months and still no titles. That part is ok with me, I'm not into titles either. For the last 3 months it has been good and we have been acting like bf/gf. I am 45 and she is 31 but the age difference has not been an issue, I look like I am 35. Last week she was loving and very affectionate as usual and dropped a bomb on me that her ex-fiance of 8 years ago(they broke up because of long distance) and brother were driving through town and was going to stay the night at the house before they head back out of state. She texts him daily and he is still head over heals for her but she enjoys my personality, humor and great sex. Everything that couple s enjoy from each other. We went out to have breakfast on Friday morning and then I headed to work. She went back home and they arrived and that was the last time I heard from her until Saturday morning when they left. She text me to let me know they left and I asked if we were still on to see each other tonight. She said "if you want to". Very vague and flippant. She has been quite cold and distant since then. I asked her why she has been so cold and distant and she stated that I was the same way of late. I said that a text from her when her ex was over would have validated some fears I had and she stated that she couldn't validate what didn't happen. She said that the past few days I have been walking around with less aire about me. She stated that we have been spending a lot of time together and that she does like to sleep alone from time to time and with graduate school and two jobs, she doesn't feel like she has enough time. My question is would being unsure about what could have "possibly" happened between the two of them show insecurity on my part and she is picking that up? Also am I smothering her with spending so much time, something she didn't seem to mind before her ex stayed the night. Need help on what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Sounds like she saw him, felt something, and is now reevaluating her relationship with you. Women are usually the first to want to label things and the fact that she hasn't after a few months now, coupled with the fact she still texts her ex-fiance and he cares for her still, and also her age and the age gap between you two...I'd say she's maybe reassessing things. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Didn't you know? You two are FWB. There is no BF/GF title because she is emotionally unavailable. Why are you wasting your time on someone who is still head over heels for their ex, and uses you just to keep the bed warm at night? She still wants her ex and is trying onto you to hide it by making it look like you are the one causing the problems. She's 35 acting like she is 19. Dude your expectations are not unrealistic, but she is. Sounds to me she is trying to work her way out of seeing you....beat her to the punch and dump her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I always say if it doesn't feel right, that means it's not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I'm a fan of labels. Ok, you're not, many arent.....but you didn't seem to have any boundaries or discussions about whether you were or weren't seeing other people (or did you?). Things left unsaid are always skewed to the advantage of one person and bam, the other person is left like WTF just happened. If it were me, my man could choose to have his ex spend the night if he wanted. He damn sure wouldn't be calling me the next day, because that **** is not acceptable in my book. There's plenty of hotels available. I digress, yes - she's reevaluating, something most likely happened with the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BioFlux Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 We did have boundaries set when we started. We both agreed we would not sleep with others and we are exclusive, until recently. I asked months ago, are we dating and she said yes dating and seeing where it goes. I thought of having the talk but most will just lie to you saying that nothing is wrong. I have decided to become very scarce and become way less available. I guess I will have my answer soon enough. Thing that gets me is until her ex came over, we were doing great, just like couples with titles do. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I think you have answered it for yourself, you're just not going any further than this. I know what you feel, I want that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 We did have boundaries set when we started. We both agreed we would not sleep with others and we are exclusive, until recently. I asked months ago, are we dating and she said yes dating and seeing where it goes. I thought of having the talk but most will just lie to you saying that nothing is wrong. I have decided to become very scarce and become way less available. I guess I will have my answer soon enough. Thing that gets me is until her ex came over, we were doing great, just like couples with titles do. Well then as already mentioned, you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Supernatural Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I used to really dislike titles... Without them... It's hell and always crashes. People need titles, even if they say they don't. If they don't need one it's either fear or they want to keep their options open. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BioFlux Posted September 26, 2014 Author Share Posted September 26, 2014 So she did not sleep with her ex fiance and found out this week why there has been a distance. She is having doubts on whether her family will accept me. She has said her parents won't like it at first but will warm up but is concerned that the relationship between her parents and her might change. I have always known her mother did not like the age difference between us but to be fair to me, her mother has never met me. We have only been dating for 3 months but would this be something that is easier to overcome as time goes on and she sees how I treat her daughter? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 There is no crystal ball that's going to tell us what's going to happen. Waiting it through is going to be up to you. 50/50 chance anything will ever come of this, these are the risks you are going to have to take. Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 At first glance, the subject of this thread looks like '3 months of dating, no *other word for boobies*! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) We have been dating for 3 months and still no titles. That part is ok with me, I'm not into titles either. For the last 3 months it has been good and we have been acting like bf/gf. I am 45 and she is 31 but the age difference has not been an issue, I look like I am 35. Last week she was loving and very affectionate as usual and dropped a bomb on me that her ex-fiance of 8 years ago(they broke up because of long distance) and brother were driving through town and was going to stay the night at the house before they head back out of state. She texts him daily and he is still head over heals for her but she enjoys my personality, humor and great sex. Everything that couple s enjoy from each other. Maybe she likes how affectionate he is, likes you better overall, but wishes you were as affectionate? Maybe? Maybe he’s more communicative than you are? Anyway, when someone tells you what they like about someone in their past, they’re telling you what they like, period. Don’t get defensive. Give them more of what they like. We went out to have breakfast on Friday morning and then I headed to work. She went back home and they arrived and that was the last time I heard from her until Saturday morning when they left. She text me to let me know they left and I asked if we were still on to see each other tonight. She said "if you want to". Very vague and flippant. Hold on. Why did you ask if you were still on? Sounds to me like you were backing out and you weren’t sure you wanted to go. Then you call her response vague and flippant. Sounds to me that you made a decision that this ex visit was bad and you’re mad or something, and ready to find fault with her response even though you were equivocal first. This is passive aggression. She has been quite cold and distant since then. I asked her why she has been so cold and distant and she stated that I was the same way of late. If you feel threatened by something and think you’re losing your girl, you up your attention and affection, not pull back and then get mad at her and question her about pulling back. I said that a text from her when her ex was over would have validated some fears I had and she stated that she couldn't validate what didn't happen. She said that the past few days I have been walking around with less aire about me. She stated that we have been spending a lot of time together and that she does like to sleep alone from time to time and with graduate school and two jobs, she doesn't feel like she has enough time. My question is would being unsure about what could have "possibly" happened between the two of them show insecurity on my part and she is picking that up? Yes. It sounds like you were afraid and jealous and pulled back, and then started finding fault in her. What happened is what happened between the two of YOU, not the two of them. Maybe you got scared and wanted reassurance and she felt accused or mistrusted and pulled back. And nobody’s saying any of it and just being self-protective while letting their imaginations fill in all the conclusions. Also am I smothering her with spending so much time, something she didn't seem to mind before her ex stayed the night. Need help on what to do. Say you want to go out and treat her like your girlfriend and be the one to reassure both of you. Expect her to be a bit wary, because things are a bit rocky right now. We did have boundaries set when we started. We both agreed we would not sleep with others and we are exclusive, until recently. I asked months ago, are we dating and she said yes dating and seeing where it goes. I thought of having the talk but most will just lie to you saying that nothing is wrong. I have decided to become very scarce and become way less available. I guess I will have my answer soon enough. Thing that gets me is until her ex came over, we were doing great, just like couples with titles do. You’re doing it again. You’re deciding she’s going to lie to you. And now you’re playing games by hiding and wanting her to chase you. Ask her out and repair this thing. Edited September 26, 2014 by BlueIris Link to post Share on other sites
Author BioFlux Posted September 26, 2014 Author Share Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) Appreciate the responses BlueIris. It was all self projected from my end. There really should have been no reason for me to feel that way. We all have pasts that haunt our relationships, mine was an ex wife who cheated on me and lied about it for 2 years. The issue was/is her mother, very controlling and she sees doubt in what could be without having met me yet. All I can do is continue to be the person I am, treat her the way she should be treated and hope for the best. Edited September 26, 2014 by BioFlux Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Appreciate the responses BlueIris. It was all self projected from my end. There really should have been no reason for me to feel that way. We all have pasts that haunt our relationships, mine was an ex wife who cheated on me and lied about it for 2 years. The issue was/is her mother, very controlling and she sees doubt in what could be without having met me yet. All I can do is continue to be the person I am, treat her the way she should be treated and hope for the best. Good luck and kiss her sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Rebound? Looks like she's passing time with you and the day her fiancé calls her back, she's gone... Link to post Share on other sites
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