gbadboy Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Would appreciate any insight..... Background: I've been talking to this guy for about 2 months......we both had a busy summer and lots of family commitments.....in addition we both had seperate pre-arranged travel plans before meeting.................that said, we've hung out in person maybe say 4 times since........most times he'd sleep over as I live on my own........so the time we do spend is long in itself. Aside from that, we'll talk on the phone, text msg back and forth etc. I've taken time to learn about his life and family and he has done some nice things for me and I've returned the gesture by doing sweet things for him. He tells his family about me (not specifics) and his friends about me, so that tells me he has interest. He has said many times he likes me a lot and his actions show it.......however... Issue: He hasn't been working but recently last Monday (sept 15) he secured a job......so he's busy monday to friday. All last week we've been playing phone tag........ I was also away last weekend (w/o of Sep 13) out of town so we didnt get to hang. Anyway ,talking to him as been hard as he's real busy with work . This past Friday (Sep 19) we finally spoke for a decent time and he mentioned he has actually began 2 jobs not just 1..........a day one and then an evening one which adds to his busy schedule I didnt know he had a second job and maybe that's cuz we haven't had a chance to properly speak.... the convo was a bit snappy b/c I felt out of the loop, but it was positive nonetheless. He told me he'd message me after work and we can talk properly...... I messaged him while he was at work and sent him some jokes and wasn't expecting a reply as i know he was at work. Anyway, i didnt get any reply for the rest of the night nor phone call. Next morning (this past saturday) i woke up..and i was upset b/c im not sure why he didnt message me after work or call me.......... So i phoned him - it was early around 830am cuz i was bothered............no answer I phoned again at 12pm........no answer...... So I sent a message saying this is ridiculous........a few minutes later he replies back via text saying sorry his phone died and he didnt have his charger and he got busy and when he got home he went straight to bed.......he went on to say he has some family stuff to do and that he is sorry but the weekend is the only time he has or himself. I replied back that why can't u just call me to explain this? I called u twice and u reply via text? I told him that I really dont see any motivation on his part with respect to me, or with respect to "us". I also said that we need to talk about stuff (meaning stuff is on my mind) when u have some free time No reply...for hours....... So i sent a message saying, "honestly, i dont get how u r shutting me out. its rude and inconsiderate" He replies back with a long message saying something along the lines of " I told you my phone died and that I work 2 jobs so u should know id be sleeping if u call me at 8am....... He goes on to say that he already mentioned he is busy with family all day but that if he gets back late we can talk....he said, sorry but im just busy" I don't reply ( b/c i feel like im already begging for attention)............. until yesterday (Sunday evening) and I simply say "hey saw your note...but its best we talk on the phone, im free so call me when you can" No reply, no phone call returned ....and its goin on to Monday night now....stilll no word from him I feel like he is shutting me out and avoiding the issue. If he wants his space then tell me. I never wanted to interrupt his weekend.....he is free to do what he wants with his family but all i wanted was for him to just touch base with me as we haven't had a chance to properly talk in a while. Even now, he hasn't sent me a message....so I'm left in the dark. If he isn't interested in me anymore or if there is someone else, id like to know so i can move on. Or if he doesn't want to talk about it and needs space, then just tell me. I don't think I should again message him and ask him to phone me b/c I've already reached out. I sent the last message to phone me , so now the ball is in his court. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 He's doing the fade. Not sure if he was doing the fade to start out with but he certainly is now. Your texts have gotten more and more confrontational. Both actually. Hate to say it but the writing is on the wall. I wouldn't do anything for a few days. If still no reply then just send a have a good life email or text and be done with it. I don't think you need to have a "closure" call seeing as how you only went out a few times. Sorry but sometimes things just don't work out. Best of luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gbadboy Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 The fade......interesting concept....... makes sense.. Reason why my texts are becoming confrontational is b/c he isn't giving me an opportunity to speak to him to express my thoughts.......So i'm left with everything bottled up If you're going to sleep in my bed, call me "babe"sweety" etc. ...wanna hold my hand etc, then those things comes with obligations....such as returning my calls . We don't have to talk for long, just clear the air so I know what's going on and where ur head is at. Thanks for the input...appreciate Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 he's not your boyfriend. you were just hanging out and letting him have sx with you. He's over it from the sound of things. Sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gbadboy Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 Thanks for the reply Travel Bug. We didn't have sex though....it was just intimacy... I wouldn't do anything sexual with someone im talking to unless I know it's going somewhere..... He never pushed for it either... But I think you're right - his interest level has faded......and he is blowing this way out of proportion. A phone call is all it takes to clear things up......even if im wrong, show some interest (since you've been in my bed) and show some effort and call me to tell me im wrong and lets sort it out. But shutting me out and avoiding me is disrespectful. Thanks for the reply.... Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 What is intimacy?? I'm a little slow. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Let him and.watch him come back because I don't care how busy someone is when they care they make time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 The fade......interesting concept....... makes sense.. Reason why my texts are becoming confrontational is b/c he isn't giving me an opportunity to speak to him to express my thoughts.......So i'm left with everything bottled up If you're going to sleep in my bed, call me "babe"sweety" etc. ...wanna hold my hand etc, then those things comes with obligations....such as returning my calls . We don't have to talk for long, just clear the air so I know what's going on and where ur head is at. Thanks for the input...appreciate No worries. Not saying your irritation wasn't warranted. The fade sucks to be on the receiving end. Been there done that have the t shirt. I once had a tragic miscommunication regarding the fade. I was in mid text with a lady I had met and only had her cell phone number. I dropped my phone in the bath I was drawing for one of my daughters. My phone spent the next 48 hours in a bag of uncooked rice and I had no way of contacting her. We'd gone out twice and right after I had dunked my phone she made a play for a third date. What followed were about ten texts from her getting more and more upset with a penultimate "go F yourself" from her followed by an apology about 10 hours later. When I fired up my iPhone all of them came through. I texted her to let her know what happened and she was embarrassed. We had a good laugh. We never went out again but are chat friends from time to time. That doesn't sound like what happened here as this was a genuine fade. Well move along. Plenty of other dudes out there... Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gbadboy Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 Hey Travel Bug, Intimacy, just means we would kiss/ hold each other.....cuddle etc... stuff like that........nothing sexual .........The attraction is there, but he didn't want to rush it. so this is a unique situation, whereby the person is not just using me for sex.. He clearly isn't and that is a good thing, which makes his behavior more difficult to understand. Had we already had sex , I would then conclude that he used me - got it and left now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gbadboy Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 Hey Mrin.... Thanks for the story. She flipped out on you because she didnt hear from you but she took it to a whole new level by using curse words towards you...... ...I didn't use curse words. I showed irritation in my messages to him yes.... but I was cordial nonetheless....... When you start swearing at the person you like, it means you really don't feel for them. You texted her back to explain as did my guy. However, I also phoned him twice and didnt get through. First time I phoned he was sleeping - fine....... second time I phoned he didnt answer but he was up, b/c he replied back to me via text.... That is what im upset about.........I'm not upset that you are busy...if u are busy fine...im not taking you away from your plans, I never have and never will........all I ask is for you to touch base with me - say on the phone for a few minutes b/c we've had a week of playing phone tag........its nice to hear the persons voice to let them know they are still around but busy.... Especially when I call you and you reply via text and not call me back? You can't take 2 minutes to return my phone call? The time it took to text me back u could have just called me - it would have been quicker. But you didn't. So that tells me you just didnt want to speak to me and you wanted to avoid me....hence u texted. .......... Return people's calls if you're sleeping in their bed. Sorry to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) Oh well he is just plain ol disrespectful. He interest was probably low all the while for him to be able to just go ghost like that. He got a job now he thinks he's ALL THAT. lol He could be spending time with some one who's putting out. Oh well, who cares? If and when he does call (cause he will call, they always do) he would get my voice mail. Edited September 23, 2014 by travelbug1996 Link to post Share on other sites
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