Dating someone "out of your league"???

[MapleWish]

So my self esteem really isn't through the roof like some girls and I'm always worried I'm going for guys "out of my league" that being said do you guys even believe in leagues or is that all bull? for example I like a guy who's just a little younger than me but way attractive and really fit, obvious he works out and more than I do but I'll still go for runs. is going for a guy who's more physically fit than me (you could call him a sort of gym rat) "out of my league". As for attractive I'm not the typical Megan fox looking girl. I'm not ugly but I don't look like the normally seen curly hair yoga pant wearing buckle American eagle girls, to put into perspective, like every actress in the hills or whatever. I thought about saying eff it and just go for it what's the worst that could happen but embarrassing myself is one cause of the whole out of my league thing, my last bf was really skinny cause he ran track but he wasn't a gym rat, I don't mind a good workout but I'm not a gym rat

[d0nnivain]

Leagues are BS. If you are confident & comfortable in your own skin you are attractive. If some guy thinks you aren't good looking enough, he's the one with the problem.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What do you look like and what are you going for?

 

From my experience, a 'cute' white woman can land men from all over the spectrum, from the very top the very bottom if she knows how maximize her assets.

 

Other races maybe not so much.

 

Which is not to say you can just land any top guy. Some of the very top guys are very picky, others not so much.

[Jules Dash]

Ignore the league crap. Just go for what you want. The biggest turn off is someone who does not believe they are good enough for you.

 

I recently had a date with a woman who asked "why me" me as we were sitting down for dinner. It was an immediate turn off. Even though she was no Miss America, she was attractive in her own way, seemed confident up until she asked me that.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ignore the league crap. Just go for what you want. The biggest turn off is someone who does not believe they are good enough for you.

 

I recently had a date with a woman who asked "why me" me as we were sitting down for dinner. It was an immediate turn off. Even though she was no Miss America, she was attractive in her own way, seemed confident up until she asked me that.

 

I actually find that kind of modesty appealing.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Here I thought this was going to be I'm in love with a pompous aristocrat and I only have tattered rags.

 

If it is all about looks and fit, I am sorry that crossed your mind.

 

I would worry more about personality clash. Lets say he is a body builder. He may have a perfect personality, but his habits clash with your expectations and needs. Believe me they are like dating a health guru, and seem more active with personal goals in size and routine. Not to scare you off, but don't let your attachment to the wow factor sway what matters in your relationship. Unless the topic title is true in showing your looking to upgrade your life.

[MapleWish]

Well what do I look like and what am I going for? Definitely going for a guy who at least takes car of himself I'm into scrawny fit guys for some reason lol not buff ones but i honestly don't like if a guys chubby and eats Taco Bell all the time I like someone who'll go run with me. As for what I look like I'm 5'1 maybe like 120, I don't have a flat as a board stomach but I don't eat junk I haven't had Taco Bell or any fast food in forever and running is more my workout but I'm not toned

[moie]

Guys dont have leagues until there is peer pressure, is that what you are feeling now

[MapleWish]

And actually someone did say he COULD be out of his league depending on age, well he's 18 and I'm 21, we met through mutual friends

Edited September 22, 2014 by MapleWish
Changed detail

[somedude81]

Go for whoever you want but just be aware that good looking guys will sleep with anyone. Just because he sleeps with you doesn't mean he actually likes you.

 

I suggest you hold off on sex until you feel that he wants the same thing you do.

[fred123]

there are leagues. i was talking to a girl on fb for two months saying how i was looking good etc etc. wen we met she acted cold. she told me to remember one thing for the future that i was not good looking.

 

if i was good looking she would not have acted cold. since then i only approach girls in my league

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Go for whoever you want but just be aware that good looking guys will sleep with anyone. Just because he sleeps with you doesn't mean he actually likes you.

 

I suggest you hold off on sex until you feel that he wants the same thing you do.

 

Uhm... The top half is not true... any man will sleep with anyone given the right circumstances.

 

But if anything overly confident men are most susceptible to sleep with anyone.

 

And yes, men can have sex quite easily with out liking you. Unless you are a complete Beeyatch and won't have anything to do with you.

[CarrieT]

Learn the mantra:

 

"There Is No League. There Is No League. There Is No League."

[moie]

And actually someone did say he COULD be out of his league depending on age, well he's 18 and I'm 21, we met through mutual friends

 

Yeah arent you technically out of his league?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Well what do I look like and what am I going for? Definitely going for a guy who at least takes car of himself I'm into scrawny fit guys for some reason lol not buff ones but i honestly don't like if a guys chubby and eats Taco Bell all the time I like someone who'll go run with me. As for what I look like I'm 5'1 maybe like 120, I don't have a flat as a board stomach but I don't eat junk I haven't had Taco Bell or any fast food in forever and running is more my workout but I'm not toned

 

So your definition of "out of my league" hinges solely on weight and body type?

 

What about character, confidence, personality, career or ambitions, finances, family values, social circle or standing, etc? Is this just about looks then?

[carhill]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/367473-consolidated-discussion-leagues

 

My most marked experience with leagues occurred in private high school and the attendant social circle. There were defined socio-economic leagues which were not departed from and those generally continue to this day. Non-members need not apply. Think of it as not being able to afford the initiation fee at the country club.

 

To a lesser degree I've noted it occur in more socially-focused, rather than economically focused, strata. Only rarely have I seen physical appearance/personality-based strata.

 

I base this on the results in my wider social and business circles; who has ended up together and married for decades, since I'm decades beyond the start point of such strata.

 

I happened to be buying some parts at a vendor the other day when a nice young lady stopped by and she and the sales clerk and I chatted for a bit and I found out she was running for local judge in November. Turned out she was a friend of the wife of the owner, the wife being our long-time district attorney. The judge candidate was not wearing a wedding ring. Should I have asked her out?

[Gaeta]

It's ALL in the attitude !! I am pretty but I am no Angelina Joli BUT I THINK I am lol, so I attract a lot of good looking younger men because I am confident in who I am. When I meet them I walk my chin up full of confidence, smiling, I think I am sexy therefore I am sexy! Example: This weekend I met a man and he told me how feminine and classy I was. I was in cargo pants, no make up, no nail polish, no jewelry..YET what he saw in me was 'femininity' that is because of ATTITUDE.

Young women look in the mirror and see flaws here and there, they obsess over a little beauty mark, or a little cellulite, or a little bit of skin on the inner arms. They think men see and notice those, they DON'T. Men see a global image. And that global image is attitude.

 

You will never seduce a man, I mean really seduce a man, by looks only. You could be the cutest thing alive but if you have the personality of a rock he is not gonna stick around long.

[JuneJulySeptember]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/367473-consolidated-discussion-leagues

 

My most marked experience with leagues occurred in private high school and the attendant social circle. There were defined socio-economic leagues which were not departed from and those generally continue to this day. Non-members need not apply. Think of it as not being able to afford the initiation fee at the country club.

 

To a lesser degree I've noted it occur in more socially-focused, rather than economically focused, strata. Only rarely have I seen physical appearance/personality-based strata.

 

I base this on the results in my wider social and business circles; who has ended up together and married for decades, since I'm decades beyond the start point of such strata.

 

I happened to be buying some parts at a vendor the other day when a nice young lady stopped by and she and the sales clerk and I chatted for a bit and I found out she was running for local judge in November. Turned out she was a friend of the wife of the owner, the wife being our long-time district attorney. The judge candidate was not wearing a wedding ring. Should I have asked her out?

 

Leagues also are age dependent. Leagues are VERY real and rigid in high school. I don't think anybody can argue that.

 

When you get to around 40 years old or so, the paring down of single people and the aging process makes it so that leagues are much less pronounced.

 

I mean let's be honest. A 55 year old woman thinking she is out men's leagues is just silly.

[Jules Dash]

I actually find that kind of modesty appealing.

 

 

Well it can ruin the mood. We are seated for romantic dinner with the best view in town and she is sort of questioning why I would even date someone like her.

 

Immediately after I had sex for first time with my ex I told her how sexy she looked and I meant it. She replied "No. I'm not. But thanks."

 

It is much more appealing to just look at yourself as a prize. It does not mean you have to be arrogant but see yourself as worthy of anyone's attention, time, and love. That is very appealing.

[quidproquo89]

I hate this out of my league crap, and it shows nothing but arrogance. My sister told me that some guy was out of her league and I firmly told her never to say that again as it is disrespectful to ones self even to think it

[stillafool]

Here I thought this was going to be I'm in love with a pompous aristocrat and I only have tattered rags.

 

Me too! I guess "leagues" now are all about how a person looks. Incredible.

[carhill]

Leagues also are age dependent. Leagues are VERY real and rigid in high school. I don't think anybody can argue that.

 

When you get to around 40 years old or so, the paring down of single people and the aging process makes it so that leagues are much less pronounced.

 

I mean let's be honest. A 55 year old woman thinking she is out men's leagues is just silly.

 

In my case, I'm 55 in the same demographic so have been able to follow it for decades, nearly 4 of them past high school. I'm sure other demographics have their own specifics.

 

A 55 yo lady here could certainly think she was out of my league, or other men's leagues, and experience has shown that to be true. The women my age are no less league dependent or driven than they were at a younger age. Sure, they're older and not as spiffy looking, but the social and economic power they wield is still a force to be reckoned with. If a man isn't up to the standard, he simply is invisible, not in a mean way, but rather like air. It's there but we don't see it. Social decorum dictates he will be treated in a pleasant and polite manner (thanks!) but there is an arm's length of league which never goes away.

 

For the average gal who works the 9 to 5 and has a couple brews with her pals and her BF on the weekend, less strata. Even that said, the 9to5 gal who divorced me, you can bet your bippy, qualified the guy who's living with her now. At the time, he was a quite successful sculptor and mason (I've seen his work) and had the requisite pedigree and skills which fit with what she wanted in a lover and housemate. if typical, she accepted applications from many (I saw enough misdirected texts on my phone to know of a few) and selected the most appropriate candidate. That's how it goes, though I doubt it's like that everywhere. I'm counting on it when I get the heck outta this area. Like some other posters, I'm a bit miffed by and fed up with leagues too.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

A 55 yo lady here could certainly think she was out of my league, or other men's leagues, and experience has shown that to be true. The women my age are no less league dependent or driven than they were at a younger age. Sure, they're older and not as spiffy looking, but the social and economic power they wield is still a force to be reckoned with. If a man isn't up to the standard, he simply is invisible, not in a mean way, but rather like air. It's there but we don't see it. Social decorum dictates he will be treated in a pleasant and polite manner (thanks!) but there is an arm's length of league which never goes away.

 

That is true. Women will always reject you and think you are unattractive whether you are 19 or 90, but as you get older, the physical gap does close.

 

We are all just headed towards being relatively unattractive, and once you hit a certain point, she will still be more attractive than you, but the gap will have closed.

 

For example if you were to look at her closely and naked, the gap between say Raquel Welch and an unattractive woman of the same age is nowhere near what it would have been when they were both young.

Edited September 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Ninjainpajamas]

As a woman you don't really have to concern yourself with "leagues" as long as you are average looking, in average or better shape and not doing too many things wrong with make-up, dressing, or anything that's throwing up red flags...if you can cover that you definitely have a chance with almost any man, just keep in mind it's one thing to get a man into bed, it's another thing to keep him there.

 

Men are more concerned with leagues because they have to either be good looking enough to get those attractive yoga pant wearing near perfection gym girls, or somehow compensate for their lack of looks in some other extraordinary way like having some kind of in and actually getting to know the girl outside just trying to date her right away. But a league for most guys is a very real glass ceiling type of experience.

 

Your low self-esteem and all of that is your own thing in your own head, as a man myself I don't think a woman should ever feel intimidated by any man if she meets the requirements I mentioned above....most men have far less options than they realize, and those guys are usually dreaming or fantasizing about a girl way out of his league.

 

But even good looking guys don't necessarily have the options average women do, especially in OLD. I wouldn't even give it a second thought If I was a woman knowing what I know about men. Sure, some guys are cocky and d-bags, but they don't usually get the kind of girls they think they can at the end of the day.

[ThorntonMelon]

I find the fact that you're obviously only concerned with his physical attributes to be extremely unattractive. Not that you care about my opinion.

 

You'll get the pieces of crap I'm sure you're dating until you get your head out of your ass and realize that there's a hell of a lot more to a compatible mate than whether or not they look good in a pair of jeans.

 

The OLD world is loaded with these girls (and guys) and they're shocked by why they find it so hard to meet a good person.