Mixed message from relatively new friend? She's into me?

[justaguy342]

For a bit of history, I've known 'Jane' for about 5 months now and we've grown close in that short amount of time; both mid 20s. When we met both of us had a recent breakup and we both stated we weren't really interested in a dating at the moment. Since we had similar interests and were both looking for more activity buddies so a friendship came pretty easily.

 

 

 

Now, during this time we found ourselves being 'intimate' but not in any sexual sense. Jane unfortunately has somewhat frequent anxiety attacks and somehow I've found myself the go-to guy she calls when she needs someone for whatever reason (Side note: We're both transplants here and she has very few friends in the area, I've done a better job at expanding social circles). Originally I just wanted to sleep on the air mattress in her room so she didn't have to be alone but she was still freaking out and kept until I was basically snuggling with her and calmed down. This had pretty much become the norm for when she has anxiety episodes for better or worse though episodes have become much more rare thankfully.

 

 

Now time skip a few months and Jane goes quiet for a still unknown reason for two weeks and I just happen to meet someone who has an interest in dating me during this time. When Jane finally replies, she seems genuinely shocked that I'm dating again "so soon" after I tell her 'what's new' but doesn't directly object to it or anything of that like.

 

 

Now time skip a few more weeks, Jane tells me she has started dating a guy (I have not met him and have no interest in doing so, so I can't comment on him in good faith) and I basically tell her 'that's great, I'm glad you're moving on'. Seemingly from this point though, I started receiving really odd texts (for her) like she's washing her bras, how her boobs are hurting back, and which (whatever) looks sexier; a lot of sexual but not quite there texts. She has also grown fond of showing me pictures of new hairdos she wants to try. While together she will do things like grab my arm close to her body under the justification of being cold. She will also tell me about how great her dates with the guy are going despite me never talking about how my own relationship or asking though I admit this may just be normal for a female I guess(?).

 

 

I realize nobody here is a mind reader and some details may have been brushed over but has anyone seen or experienced this before? Any advice is appreciated.

[Assasda]

She wants you to have feelings for her,

but she wants those feelings for an ego boost.

- SHe doesnt really care about the guy that she's seeing at the moment.

 

You should start hanging out with your GF and leave Jane behind for a while

[quidproquo89]

She wants you to have feelings for her,

but she wants those feelings for an ego boost.

- SHe doesnt really care about the guy that she's seeing at the moment.

 

You should start hanging out with your GF and leave Jane behind for a while

 

I think you have to be careful not to be drawn in to a poisonous relationship with people. I don't know Jane, obviously lol, but if you like somebody you should be honest. This mixed messaging thing, speaks to me that one is not wholly with or without you.

 

Might be best to let things cool down like Assasda said. You can get hurt easily if your not careful. You could always, on the other hand, just ask her openly what she is thinking and feeling. If she is honest, you have your answer. If she is on the fence, I wouldn't waste time thinking about her and just treat her as a mate

[HumptyDumpty]

Yeah, I'd also ask her openly what's up!

 

My guess that this "bf" doesn't even exist, she testing the waters to see if you're still interested or jealous!

Yeah, those bra conversation are either very awkward attempts to make you react, or the friendzone where you start to discuss your periods with that guy friend (don't think it's the case)!

 

She may just test you and want to feel "wanted" without even considering going any further with you! Or she may genuinely be interested but doubt interest from your side!

 

In any case, the next time she reaches out to your, keeping it light, ask what's up, why is she telling you she's washing her bras? Or answer back that you're washing your girlfriends bras as well now!

[justaguy342]

Hmm usually I wouldn't be so timid about confrontation and just outright asking but she has other health issues on top of the anxiety so I am worried about being so blunt.

 

I'm pretty sure her bf exists unless she is now finding random Youtube vids of guys playing with their pets haha

[Gloria25]

From the beginning of your post, I went to "friend zoned"...

 

I think she likes you as her "male version of a female friend"....

 

Just curious on how you two were "intimate" w/o it becoming sexual?

 

That's why I if I know a guy has romantic notions about me, I won't have him as a friend, cuz I don't want to confuse him.

 

I have guys at work that I walk with, have candid discussion with (to an extent, I mean, they are your co-workers) and while I watch myself with the touching, sometimes I'll swat their hand away from the mouse for the computer or something...And, I'm comfortable in doing that cuz I know I'm not attracted.

 

So, IMO, sometimes a woman's friendship might be confused for romantic interest.

[justaguy342]

Haha, the physical 'intimacy' I mean is just spooning. I've always assumed it was because she missed her ex (she did not take the breakup well at well). Beyond that, she has kissed me in the cheek occasionally while saying thanks during her anxiety episodes.

 

So yes, I'd describe it as intimate but not sexual.