I met the best guy but...

[amkxoxo]

I was on this horrible date. The guy treated me awful. Called me fat though I am an average size 6, a huge gym goer, and barely ate anything all day. Wouldn't take me home when I said I was tired and wanted to leave, and was pretty much an alcoholic, also trying to convince me to drink with him. He took me on a day trip and around 1 in the morning I had enough. He was drunk and there was no way he was taking me home. He even tried to kiss me in his drunken stupor and I had to push him away after he got some face time in.

 

He dragged me to this bar where ironically I saw a young college professor of mine. We started chatting and one of his friends came over. He was charming and sweet. He hadn't had one drink, he was just there to drive my professor home. My date, or the loser I was there with acted obnoxious and kept trying to hand my professor and his friend drinks, though it was clear they didn't want drinks from his obnoxious self. When my desperation for a ride came out my professors friend offered. He seemed nice and I trusted my teacher so I took the ride. Everyone in the car was friendly and nice. Me and the friend hit it off. We exchanged numbers and I told him to call me.

 

I never expected he would. But the next day he called like a proper gentleman to ask me to dinner. He picked me up and took me to a nice restaurant. He opened my car door and was very sweet. I think we were both on our best behavior to get to know each other. We talked most of the night until late.

 

It was nice to be treated well. The next day I was having a bon fire at my place. I called him last minute to have him come along with my friends. He said he was too busy. To my surprise 30 minutes later he calls back and says how he rearranged his schedule and wanted to stop by for a bit. He did and met all my friends. It was a little awkward because I was trying to give him attention but also wanted to be a good hostess to my friends. I hugged him goodbye when he left. A few days later he facebooked me to congratulate me on an achievement I had posted earlier that day. His message was sweet and charming. We went out a few nights later. He remembered all my friends names and my parents professions and he seemed to be genuinely interested. I liked him a lot at this point. He was intimidating because he was so good and smart.

 

We had dinner again and then we hit this local park to just walk around. We ended up kissing a lot. It was so cute. We talked almost all night long. And kissed. I was very cold outside at the park and when he drove me home he blasted the heat purposely. It was adorable. He told me he wanted to see me before he left. Unfortunately he got accepted to this prestigious college program across the country right before he met me. We only had so much time.

 

I met him on a work break some nights later for our last night together. He even made sure his boss gave him extra time so he could spend it with me. He didn't want me walking around looking for him late at night so he even had me meet him in a busier lighted place. How sweet. We had coffee and talked for hours until he had to go. We kissed goodbye and I was my awkward self. I get all nervous with guys I like and I cant look them in the eye and I start to rattle off random thoughts out loud to fill silence.

 

We chatted on facebook for days after this. He even wanted to give me a gift card. He had gotten it as a gift for a restaurant in our area, but since he was moving he thought I could use it instead. How nice. He claimed to come back to our area a lot for work projects. We have slowly stopped talking. He is so busy with his schooling he barely has time to sleep. He was suppose to come months ago for us to meet up. He mentioned it and I told him to let me know, but he never did. Most recently I initiated conversation and he brought up coming to town soon. I again told him to let me know. He hasn't. I haven't heard anything in two weeks. It stinks. He was a great guy and he even said "It sucks I moved."

 

It so does. Timing and distance are two important factors. I wish I had more time to know him. We could have been good together.

Edited September 21, 2014 by amkxoxo

[amkxoxo]

anyone have any input. I'm hurt by this situation and could use support and advice...

[mightycpa]

Move. Telecommute to your existing job.

 

How many chances do you get in life? You're young(?) and unattached? Why not?

 

Your friends will be there if you come back all brokenhearted.

[Gaeta]

Hon, I know you don't want to hear this but it was good while it lasted but now it's over.

 

It's obvious he does not put as much importance into this as you do.

 

You need to let him go. Maybe later down the road you will meet again under better circumstances but now he's gone, he's uninterested, and you need to see that.

[Crila16]

I actually think this guy really liked you a lot, but long distance rarely works. Take it from a long distance pro. I've done it 7 times. Doesn't work. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder...out of site out of mind.

 

He barely knew you, which is such a shame. You guys didn't have enough time together to get too attached (women tend to get emotionally attached quicker).

 

Just to let you know, I don't think all is completely lost. If what you two had was meant to be, it will be. Who's to say that fate won't bring you two closer together at some point? Why don't you make a trip out to see him, to rekindle the flame? It's not like you two are from a different continent or planet even. The only thing keeping you two a part, is the two of you.

[amkxoxo]

I know what your saying and I would love to visit him, but h doesn't ask, or talk to me that much. He is so so busy. He told me he barely has time to sleep and when he has down time he hangs out briefly with his roommate. I am not a pushy person. I was trying to message him once a month but sometimes he doesn't respond sometimes and he doesn't seem to forge conversations with me. When he does respond he is so nice and sweet. He even told me one time "I am so sorry I have been out of touch, I never want to make anyone feel less than special." That's so sweet. But he still doesn't keep in touch. He never contacted me about coming a few weeks ago. I left it open for him to let me know. I like to be asked, invited. I don't think we know each other well enough for me to go out there. I would love him to want me to go out there. We didn't have enough time to get to know each other. That's sad. Sometimes I am bad at telling someone or showing them how I feel. I liked him a lot but I just wish we had more time. I feel like I was meant to meet him. The situation was way too ironic. It just stinks how things turned out. I'm assuming since I didn't hear from him that he didn't come here after all. He is maybe assuming I figured he wasn't coming since he didn't pursue it. My friends all thought he liked me a lot too. I was hoping we could continue talking from far away even briefly off and on and then I could go visit him.

[Crila16]

Please don't get yourself down about it. Everything happens for a reason. Hey...you actually had a guy treat you like gold. That's a positive. Now you know you can't settle for anything less than be treated that way. You also now know there are some great guys out there. This is what you're going to attract to you from now on.

 

You may not know the reason for your brief relationship right now, but it may become clearer to you in time. You also don't know what the future could bring.

[d0nnivain]

It's not that he didn't like you. It's just one of those things. You weren't meant to be & the distance can be an insurmountable obstacle for some people.

 

Be happy that you have the ability to identify & attract good guys. If you found one you will find another. It's actually a more insurmountable problem to always date jerks & not know why.

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate your honest thoughts. I am unsure if I should keep trying to even contact him. If its even worth it. I have been the one sending "Hey how are you?" all summer long. With general responses and no effort on his end. I don't think he is doing this to hurt me, I think he I just truly busy. I'm terrified of putting myself out there and getting hurt or being strung along. I was last year by a man and I got hurt because he wasn't ready for a relationship. This new guy did treat me great even better than the last guy who broke my heart. It makes me just want to quit and let him come to me.

[Mrin]

Please don't get yourself down about it. Everything happens for a reason. Hey...you actually had a guy treat you like gold. That's a positive. Now you know you can't settle for anything less than be treated that way. You also now know there are some great guys out there. This is what you're going to attract to you from now on.

 

You may not know the reason for your brief relationship right now, but it may become clearer to you in time. You also don't know what the future could bring.

 

This. Absolutely this. You lived a wonderful chapter of your life. Savor it for what it was, not what it wasn't or didn't become.

 

So here is a thought for you. Chatting can be tough. Different schedules. Sleep has to be had. Etc. Why not try letters or emails? You can "time shift" with emails. Try writing him a letter/email. Don't profess your love or anything like that. Start out talking about some topic that you've discussed in the past or a book. Share some of your thoughts. Ask him for his. Open ended questions. Don't make it too long but make it long enough. Make it substantive. He's a smart guy. If he's still into he will rise to the occasion.

 

Make this a meaningful dialogue between the two of you that isn't based on constant contact intimacy or chit chat. Make it so either of you can reply when you have time. Make it clear it is a letter and not an idle email. He seems romantic enough - he will appreciate it.

 

Not sure where this will get you but it could be a form of maintaining meaningful contact with each other. Who knows...

[amkxoxo]

After he moved away our conversations were good at first but as he got busier and our lives became more separate and new the conversations we had were less meaningful. I would message him "How are you" and he would answer the next day in the middle of the night, then the next morning I would answer and it was so general. I didn't care that he didn't respond it was more the topics weren't deep or important, like "hows the weather there" or "hows your roommate" because we were answering at all different times and days. I felt like we got to know each other but I feel like he doesn't know me, know me. Know the real me. Because we didn't have the time. I don't know him as well as I would like either.

[acrosstheuniverse]

So here is a thought for you. Chatting can be tough. Different schedules. Sleep has to be had. Etc. Why not try letters or emails? You can "time shift" with emails. Try writing him a letter/email. Don't profess your love or anything like that. Start out talking about some topic that you've discussed in the past or a book. Share some of your thoughts. Ask him for his. Open ended questions. Don't make it too long but make it long enough. Make it substantive. He's a smart guy. If he's still into he will rise to the occasion.

 

I would really recommend against this. It's a lovely idea for two people making equal effort, but when he is already not making much effort to get in touch with you, you'll just look ridiculous and desperate. 'Oh man, this girl hasn't left me alone since I moved away, and now she's writing me an actual letter!'

 

Move on, OP. I'm sorry it happened this way, it sounds like you are smitten with him. But he moved away, and for whatever reason isn't in a position to engage with you romantically any further. I mean, if he liked you enough he'd probably be at least making the efforts you are, facebook messages etc. If he was into you he'd be making plans for the two of you to meet. Or maybe if you were in the same city he'd have kept it going but he can't handle LDR with his schedule. Either way, he is no longer interested.

 

And I'm sorry but it doesn't matter how busy you are, everyone has time for a quick facebook message, a text, an e-mail or a five minute phone call. He's using the 'I'm too busy' excuse to try and give you the brush off or the fade, and unfortunately you're not getting the hint because you like him so much. We've all been there. It's time to move on.

[GemmaUK]

I think you had a bad encounter at the first encounter with him.

 

You were with Mr Loser.

 

He saw you.I think he thought you were cute but due to Mr Loser he really held no value in you and he doesn't now.

 

Go NC for always and find a great guy who values you.

[Noproblem]

You know what..

 

As awful as this is may seem

 

I wish you have never met that guy and you left the bar the minute your obnoxious boyfriend took you there...

 

This is just a sad story

 

You went from a miserable one night date to miserable months of longing and waiting and what if scenario

 

You were way better off without seeing him.

 

It's just not fair..

 

But this guy is not for you, at least for now..

 

You have to believe this and let go

[angel.eyes]

For whatever reason, he has moved on. You need to as well.

 

IME, most guys are like him, not like the nightmare you were dating when you met him. When you're ready, pick yourself up, and get back out there. Three billion men...many decent men. You'll find someone excited to date you when you open your heart again.

[Zippy2000]

Sorry I have to be truthful and dont mean to sound insincere but no one is that busy to send a text message or send a message via Facebook.

 

It takes 2 seconds to reply so stop backing him up to say he`s busy.

 

He`s already moved on so he doesnt want to hurt you but now doing the "SLOW FADE".

[RonaldS]

He's probably seeing somebody else. You should start seeing somebody else.

 

Case closed.

[Toodaloo]

Nope sorry the hopeless romantic in me is going to tell you to get your backside into your car/ on a bus/ plane whatever and go and see him. You don't know what he is thinking unless you discuss this with him face to face. Buggar text, email and phone call. Oh and pop a bit of lippy and mascara on.

 

Unless you try you will never know, what would you rather regret that you tried or that you didn't bother?

 

Many of us are cynical on here for good reason. But you shouldn't let that be the cause of your decision.

 

He sounds lovely. You sound smitten. Go grab him. Preferably with both hands.

[amkxoxo]

Yeah I don't think driving out is the best idea, especially because he cant even message me on a regular basis. Like I mentioned before I like to be invited, feel wanted. I think I have done enough to show him. He cant give me it in return. That's ok. Like some of you said he seemed to like me a lot, but unfortunately lifestyle changes for him changed what we could have had. I am sad, but I must move on. Any guy who wanted to be in a committed relationship would have kept contact, he knew he couldn't. It hurts, but I have to focus on me. Maybe when he is done with school he will come around. But for now its not in the cards for us. I hope I didn't come across too strong, or too desperate for his affection. I don't think I did. We still don't know each other that well. He is one of the nicest people and as much as I wish we didn't have a short fling, that it was longer, he showed me how I should be treated as a woman. He showed me that I can be treated that way. Its possible.

[Diezel]

I've been this guy. I once met someone right before I made a major long-term move. In the moment, you believe you met someone special and you THINK you can maybe make it work... but once you move, the reality sets in.

 

Every time you want to meet, it's a project and there are just as good options available nearby.

 

You are hanging onto a guy that doesn't exist anymore. He doesn't have the stones in him to tell you that it's over but all of his actions indicate that.

 

It's time to let that romanticized idea of him go. That guy died when he moved and you two grew apart. You can drive over there and see him, but what happens after? You'll probably fall into the same rut again. IF he were making ANY effort, then it'd make sense, but he can't even call or text. That's a much clearer indication than anything else.

 

Time to move on.