jimbeck Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) On Friday I had another OLD date. I made a quick match last week. We had some nice communication and met up on Friday. As soon as we met I could tell that she was let down by my appearance. At the end of the date, she mentioned that I looked different from my OLD photos. I can only guess that different is not good. I realized that I was using photos that were 2 years old and my hair is much longer. Today, I got my hair cut short and posted a new photo which had a time stamp. She seen the photo and replied back asking why I couldn't have looked like this when we met. I guess I'll try and get another time with her. I always thought that I looked better with my longer hair. The thing is I didn't have any newer photos with my hair long. All my OLD meets were expecting me too look a certain way and I turn out to look different. I guess it comes off as being disingenuous. Since my hair was so much longer than shown in my profile photo should I try again with some of my earlier OLD dates from the last few weeks that went bad on the first meet? Would a change in expected appearance make that much of a difference on a first meet? Edited September 21, 2014 by jimbeck Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Did you ever get to talk to them on the phone? If so, you can tell them you have short hair, or that your picture is old. It doesnt matter, what length your hair is man. Its how you feel about you. How did your bad first meets go? That seems like a whole other story in itself Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Did you ever get to talk to them on the phone? If so, you can tell them you have short hair, or that your picture is old. It doesnt matter, what length your hair is man. Its how you feel about you. How did your bad first meets go? That seems like a whole other story in itself But it does matter. If a woman posted pics from two years ago with long, flowing raven hair but showed up to the date with a blonde pixie cut it would be the same thing. Not having recent enough pics matter. If you don't look like that any more it matters. Not having recent pics that adequately reflect your current appearance is one of the biggest pitfalls of OLD. Most people don't consider it if they still weigh roughly the same but dramatic differences in weight (higher/lower) are not the only way one can change over the years. Hair color/style/length, fashion sense, contacts vs glasses...all of that matters. If you've changed any of those things in a significant way than update your photos to reflect that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Women are extremely picky on OLD. Lying about it doesn't help, dude. My advice? Ditch the OLD and meet some real women. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 But it does matter. If a woman posted pics from two years ago with long, flowing raven hair but showed up to the date with a blonde pixie cut it would be the same thing. Not having recent enough pics matter. If you don't look like that any more it matters. Not having recent pics that adequately reflect your current appearance is one of the biggest pitfalls of OLD. Most people don't consider it if they still weigh roughly the same but dramatic differences in weight (higher/lower) are not the only way one can change over the years. Hair color/style/length, fashion sense, contacts vs glasses...all of that matters. If you've changed any of those things in a significant way than update your photos to reflect that. Yeah I agree its dishonest to lie about your appearance. I was just going on the premise that, the hairlength was the only thing that was off about his picture. - It was probably other things too 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 How long was your hair when you met with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Women are extremely picky on OLD. Lying about it doesn't help, dude. My advice? Ditch the OLD and meet some real women. To be fair to my single sisters out there, so are we men However, women will always base their "spark", "type" "chemistry" jargon on looks and looks only. If you have the looks, the pants will drop 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Longer hair? I mean how long was your hair in comparison to your photos/haircut? Honestly, I like guys to keep their hair short and be clean cut. It's just a personal preference, but if I met you and liked you it may be something I overlooked. If you looked one way on your OLD pics and then looked different when I met you...that would not go over well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 To be fair to my single sisters out there, so are we men However, women will always base their "spark", "type" "chemistry" jargon on looks and looks only. If you have the looks, the pants will drop Funny, I've seen or been out with some really good looking guys and for however much their looks might have made my panties inch their way down, their personality/intelligence/attitude yanked them right back up again. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women are even more wary of a pretty face. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 So how long are we talking? I mean if you went from a flat top to a braid that is a big difference but otherwise I have a hard time thinking that I would ditch a guy over that...and in fact I ran into that. The gent had pics about a year and 1/2 old and in the pics his hair was think short and dark....in person it was now salt and pepper and thinning at temples. Still handsome and chemistry was there so no biggy. I found out after a few dates that those changes really did happen in that short of a time frame as a result of stress, a health issue and good old heredity (chances are he would be bald on top like his brothers in a couple of years) Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 To be fair to my single sisters out there, so are we men However, women will always base their "spark", "type" "chemistry" jargon on looks and looks only. If you have the looks, the pants will drop Funny, because my "spark" has ALWAYS been based on personality. I can't click with someone's face, but I can click with who a person is. My exes, stereotypically speaking, were not attractive. Short, very skinny, nerdy types. But I adored who they were, and as I got to know them, I felt that spark. When I adore a person, they are very attractive to me, regardless of how the rest of the world thinks they look. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Funny, I've seen or been out with some really good looking guys and for however much their looks might have made my panties inch their way down, their personality/intelligence/attitude yanked them right back up again. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women are even more wary of a pretty face. Funny, because my "spark" has ALWAYS been based on personality. I can't click with someone's face, but I can click with who a person is. My exes, stereotypically speaking, were not attractive. Short, very skinny, nerdy types. But I adored who they were, and as I got to know them, I felt that spark. When I adore a person, they are very attractive to me, regardless of how the rest of the world thinks they look. Why do you ladies do this when someone says something that applies in general? It's like if a girl says that every guy she met on OLD was just looking for sex. Even though I'm not one of those guys, I know that it's generally true. I'm not gonna say "funny I don't do that" Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Why do you ladies do this when someone says something that applies in general? It's like if a girl says that every guy she met on OLD was just looking for sex. Even though I'm not one of those guys, I know that it's generally true. I'm not gonna say "funny I don't do that" Because this is a message board where people share their experiences about dating? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Because this is a message board where people share their experiences about dating? So it's a phenomenon when I don't do it? Knowing damn well it happens more than half the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) But it does matter. If a woman posted pics from two years ago with long, flowing raven hair but showed up to the date with a blonde pixie cut it would be the same thing. I am not entirely convinced of that. If she posted pics with long, flowing raven hair but showed up on our date wearing a pink wig I would be pleasantly suprised Edited September 21, 2014 by Priv Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Why do you ladies do this when someone says something that applies in general? It's like if a girl says that every guy she met on OLD was just looking for sex. Even though I'm not one of those guys, I know that it's generally true. I'm not gonna say "funny I don't do that" Because we (or rather I, since I'm speaking for myself here) take offense to gross generalizations? How on earth can you say it "applies in general" anyway? Saying "women will always base their "spark", "type" "chemistry" jargon on looks and looks only" is not only unjustified but also unsubstantiated and also contradictory to what many of us others have repeatedly stated. Maybe I'm overreacting but the idea that women are somehow more prone to bedding or even entering into entire relationships with otherwise awful human beings because they're nice to look at is frankly offensive. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Funny, because my "spark" has ALWAYS been based on personality. I can't click with someone's face, but I can click with who a person is. My exes, stereotypically speaking, were not attractive. Short, very skinny, nerdy types. But I adored who they were, and as I got to know them, I felt that spark. When I adore a person, they are very attractive to me, regardless of how the rest of the world thinks they look. Phoe, we're so much alike 1 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Maybe I'm overreacting but the idea that women are somehow more prone to bedding or even entering into entire relationships with otherwise awful human beings because they're nice to look at is frankly offensive. Yep. There is a lot of men and women who do that. Personally, I've known more men to overlook lack of intelligence, bad personality, lack of humor, etc. in the names of beauty, than women. So, I find the comment surprising. I still wouldn't say every man will do so, because that would be offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Because we (or rather I, since I'm speaking for myself here) take offense to gross generalizations? How on earth can you say it "applies in general" anyway? Saying "women will always base their "spark", "type" "chemistry" jargon on looks and looks only" is not only unjustified but also unsubstantiated and also contradictory to what many of us others have repeatedly stated. Maybe I'm overreacting but the idea that women are somehow more prone to bedding or even entering into entire relationships with otherwise awful human beings because they're nice to look at is frankly offensive. Yep. There is a lot of men and women who do that. Personally, I've known more men to overlook lack of intelligence, bad personality, lack of humor, etc. in the names of beauty, than women. So, I find the comment surprising. I still wouldn't say every man will do so, because that would be offensive. Oh really, you must have forgotten about this this, huh? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/489413-appparently-i-may-have-been-wrong Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Physicality is definitely an attractor when it comes to meeting people in general. I think that if a woman had long hair in her profile and showed up to meet me with short hair...guess what?...that was her choice to cut her hair! I may not particularly like haircut but it's her hair, her choice. Now if she asked me and I was honest, saying I think long hair suits her better that's a different story. But you can grow back or cut hair...I've never seen someone grow a personality. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Personally, I prefer a man to look as he does in his photos. I do in mine. If I change something I change my pics. If I am attracted to a photo then that is part of my attraction (as well as personality) so I would expect a guy to look like his pic. Often, they don't. It puts me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimbeck Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 How long was your hair when you met with her? I had my hair styled and about this length when I did my OLD meets: male hairstyles 2010 long hair, The Hairstyles Site, hairstylesforprom.us My OLD photo showed my hairstyle to be about this length and style: http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fb/96/9f/fb969f54a2db0a40b22d6333560ff1a6.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimbeck Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Funny, because my "spark" has ALWAYS been based on personality. I can't click with someone's face, but I can click with who a person is. My exes, stereotypically speaking, were not attractive. Short, very skinny, nerdy types. But I adored who they were, and as I got to know them, I felt that spark. When I adore a person, they are very attractive to me, regardless of how the rest of the world thinks they look. For OLD, I talked to all of them on the phone before making a decision to meet. Most of the time whenever I call I find that our personalities are not a match. I probably only meet with maybe one in five matches I make on OLD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Oh really, you must have forgotten about this this, huh? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/489413-appparently-i-may-have-been-wrong What did I forget about? I said nothing there and certainly nothing contradictory about who I personally know. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) What did I forget about? I said nothing there and certainly nothing contradictory about who I personally know. Oh I'm sorry, I quoted you by mistake. It was a thread showing where these generalizations come from. They don't just come from one experience with one women ya know. Miss Hydra saw that thread and she knows exactly what I'm talking about. Edited September 22, 2014 by jay1983 Link to post Share on other sites
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