devonit Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm a 24 year old male and and My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now, she is 1 month pregnant with our child and we plan on moving out of our apartment and buying a home together. Anyways about 3 weeks ago my parents died in a automobile accident. It has been very hard on me but has been especially hard on my younger sister who is 10 years old. She has been living with us since the accident because we do not have any other family members that she can go to. She constantly cries about our parents death and has become depressed. I have been getting her to see a psychiatrist for 1 week now and they have suggested that she go on anti-depressants. My girlfriend however does now want my sister to be living with us and wants her to go into foster care. When she said that to me I was profoundly shocked. I told her that there was no I could abandon my little sister but she threatened to leave me and said I will have to child support for the next 18 years if I did not do so. Considering my girlfriend actions is she even worth keeping as a girlfriend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Your girlfriend is a selfish human being. I would say break up with her. You need to be there for your little sister who is going through such a terrible, terrible thing. I am so sorry to hear about your loss . I think you need to talk to your girlfriend first, and explain to her that you love your sister and she needs you. If it were me personally, I would tell her that your sister needs to stay or you need to take a break from the relationship. Do you have any aunts or uncles that would be willing to care for her as well? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author devonit Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Your girlfriend is a selfish human being. I would say break up with her. You need to be there for your little sister who is going through such a terrible, terrible thing. I am so sorry to hear about your loss . I think you need to talk to your girlfriend first, and explain to her that you love your sister and she needs you. If it were me personally, I would tell her that your sister needs to stay or you need to take a break from the relationship. Do you have any aunts or uncles that would be willing to care for her as well? All of our extended family lives in another country and it isn't developed or democratic. I've been explaining to my girlfriend over and over again that I will never abandon my sister but she always replies by stating she will leave me if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Your sister needs your help right now and that's the most important thing. You have to be there for her whether your girlfriend wants you to or not. I don't know that I'd ditch her, but if she can't live with your sister then she's going to have to make the decision to leave. It's pretty selfish of her to not want you to do what's right for your family. Are you able to support both children? The one on the way and your sister? She may not like it but if you lay it out as... this is what's going to happen and you can choose to stay or go then the decision is on her. 3 weeks is a very short time period and a lot of grief. How are YOU holding up? Have you gone to talk to anyone? Do you have other family members that can help you? Sorry for your loss ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author devonit Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Your sister needs your help right now and that's the most important thing. You have to be there for her whether your girlfriend wants you to or not. I don't know that I'd ditch her, but if she can't live with your sister then she's going to have to make the decision to leave. It's pretty selfish of her to not want you to do what's right for your family. Are you able to support both children? The one on the way and your sister? She may not like it but if you lay it out as... this is what's going to happen and you can choose to stay or go then the decision is on her. 3 weeks is a very short time period and a lot of grief. How are YOU holding up? Have you gone to talk to anyone? Do you have other family members that can help you? Sorry for your loss ((hugs)) I'm an electrical engineer so I make a pretty good income. I am holding up but it's my sister that I'm worried about. As I've said all of our extended family lives in a totalitarian country but we live in canada. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Wow. I am in awe of what your girlfriend said. That is just... Horrible. She not only sounds self, but also manipulative. I would just break up with her. Your sister needs you more than ever. This isn't about your girlfriend's priorities. This is about your family. Tragic, man. I hope you're doing well. Edited September 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off-topic content redacted 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I am very sorry for your loss. And yes probably. Your little sister should come first and I don't think it is healthy for her, especially now, to feel unwanted by your selfish girlfriend. She will and probably already has picked up on that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That sounds truly horrible about what you went though. And then your girlfriend is trying to put you through even more crap. Your sister absolutely comes first. Your girlfriend is essentially trying to blackmail you. My suggestion is to talk to lawyer if you don't want to give in to her demands. Personally, I don't believe one should have to pay child support if a pregnant woman leaves a relationship where neither she nor the baby are in danger. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm find it hard to beleive that this side of your gf didn't show sooner. If she camw out with it just like that there's no chance she'll change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Your sister is your sister for life. This girlfriend of yours is no friend and shows that she is a fair weather friend. No way could I trust this person after she said something like that, especially after your parents just passed away. Tjis is the time she should be most supportive. What is also disturbing is this psychiatrist who is suggesting to put your 10 year old sister on anti-depressants for a normal grieving process. She is not pathologically depressed. She just lost her parents! Anti-depressants work to fix something wrong physiologically in the brain that helps to improve the disease of chronic depression. Your sister is having a normal reaction of a 10 year old child who just lost her parents. Psychotherapy is in order here rather than a pill. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I would personally suggest you call your gf's bluff and tell her that paying child support for the relevant period is fine by you and more welcome than being with her. Truly her comments and threats are entirely selfish and unsympathetic and she really doesn't seem good GF material.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't believe that she has sprung this on you, especially so soon after what happened! She is showing a side of her that will never go away. Did she specifically say why she doesn't want your sister around? For someone who is going to be a mother soon, she sure doesn't have any maternal instinct either. I realize that they are unrelated but imagine if this were to happen to her child, would she want him/her to be put into foster care instead of living with loving family? I hope you are getting the emotional support that you need as well and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Considering my girlfriend actions is she even worth keeping as a girlfriend? She is not worth keeping as a girlfriend and it would make me question her suitability as a mother. I told her that there was no I could abandon my little sister but she threatened to leave me and said I will have to child support for the next 18 years if I did not do so. Let her leave. Help her pack, in fact. It is commendable that you are thinking of your family in this horrible time of loss and heartfelt condolences to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 You and your sister both need to start seeing a therapist immediately. You are in an extremely stressful and emotional place right now. You will need the guidance of a therapist, to help you make the decisions that are best for you and your sister. It's not even a question, your sister comes first. She is your blood. She is your family. The fact that your girl friend is even suggesting you put your sister into foster care is very disturbing. Especially given the circumstances. I for one would kick her to the curb for making those suggestions. Your girl friend should be supportive. She should be compassionate. The last thing she should be doing is making demands on what you need to do. CALL A THERAPIST TODAY. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT ASAP. You might think you are okay and that you can deal with this on your own. But the truth is you're reaching out to us for help. It does not mean you are weak, it does not mean anything negative. The therapist will simply be the voice of logic and reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm a 24 year old male and and My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now, she is 1 month pregnant with our child and we plan on moving out of our apartment and buying a home together. Anyways about 3 weeks ago my parents died in a automobile accident. It has been very hard on me but has been especially hard on my younger sister who is 10 years old. She has been living with us since the accident because we do not have any other family members that she can go to. She constantly cries about our parents death and has become depressed. I have been getting her to see a psychiatrist for 1 week now and they have suggested that she go on anti-depressants. My girlfriend however does now want my sister to be living with us and wants her to go into foster care. When she said that to me I was profoundly shocked. I told her that there was no I could abandon my little sister but she threatened to leave me and said I will have to child support for the next 18 years if I did not do so. Considering my girlfriend actions is she even worth keeping as a girlfriend? @OP....your sister needs you more than ever, especially if there is nobody else she can turn to. I personally think it's selfish of your gf to say this, and just imagine other things down the road that she won't tolerate if you go and get married. It's good that she is showing her true colours now. I mean if the shoes were on the other feet, am sure you will be painted as a bad guy if you said no. Personally, I will dump her now and bite the bullet and do what is right for both my sister and the expected child i.e. allow my sister to come live with me, and be part of my child's life by being there and paying child support but ending the relationship with the gf. More often than not, it's usually the women who don't want nothing to do with their bf/husbands family, but will focus a lot of attention of theirs especially their mom, sometimes even moving them in. Link to post Share on other sites
Demonica Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 wow im surprised that she would even consider putting your sister in foster care. Like others have said, she is being selfish and inconsiderate. I would suggest that you put your foot down and tell her to deal with it or show her the door. This reminds me of a post a while ago where the guy didnt want to take in his wifes sisters baby daughter (the wifes sister and husband had tragically died in a car crash) Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) your gf is one major bitch. WOW. you should dump her immediately, what a selfish, cold, horrible person! who the hell would suggest dumping your 10 yr old sister into foster care? how you managed not to kick her out in that very second is beyond me. btw your gf is not only a bitch but totally stupid. does she think you won't be supporting your child if she stays?? wtf kind of threat is "you'll have to support the baby if i leave"??? you'll be supporting your kid whether you are with its nasty mom or not. i think you and your sister should get moved into another apartment asap. how can you even consider staying with her after she said that? you would really put your sister through that? living with a woman who despises her and wants her in foster care? Edited September 20, 2014 by veggirl Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I think you just found out your girlfriend shouldn't have children, quite frankly. I'm sorry she's pregnant, having no more nurturing aptitude than to suggest you abandon the one person you have left after losing your family. I am so sorry you are going through this. You will be paying child support one way or the other, whether you're with her or not. I believe if you petition the court in the child support/custody hearing and tell them the circumstances and that you will now have a dependent being your younger sister, that they will be lenient with you and not sock the biggest payments at you for your child. If you stay with her, you'll still be spending that much money, really. You just found out your girlfriend is cold hearted and I just think it's hard to walk away when someone is pregnant, but this is very very extreme circumstances. You may wish to contact an attorney about all this soon because you may need guidance in the matter of getting guardianship of your sister anyway and they can guide you. You will be able to write her off on your taxes and that helps a little, plus I believe if you are in the US, having a child, even if it's as a guardian, probably makes you and her eligible for some extra aid if needed. During the time after you leave your gf, you need not support her at all until the baby is born, and don't because if she can show that she is dependent on you and not working, it just works against you. If she has to keep working and shows she can work and you have not prevented her from working, then I believe the amount you pay will be less and they will expect her to carry her end of it. Good luck. Keep your little sister close. Move out from your gf. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Personally, I don't believe one should have to pay child support if a pregnant woman leaves a relationship where neither she nor the baby are in danger. Do you have any idea what you're even saying? It is still just as much his kid and his responsibility. People are free to do whatever they want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Just read OP's post that he makes good money. Well, that is a big relief. Again, just so sorry you are faced with this mind-boggling decision right at a time when you have just suffered such tragedy. I know you must at times feel you aren't even sure you can make a sound judgment. If you can afford it, seek legal counsel to help guide you and keep you and more than that, to facilitate this process and make sure it's all done legally and he will know how to set up guardianship of your sister to you and all that and take that off your shoulders. I have hired attorneys for that in the US and it didn't cost that much and it came out of the estate eventually, so you may not even have an initial outlay if there is any insurance or inheritance -- the attorney will wait until it's all settled to take his part if it's anything like it is here. So get yourself legal help to lean on during this difficult time so it leaves you time to handle your personal problems. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I'm so sorry about the loss of your parents. Good for you for taking care of your sister. You will be a wonderful father; your GF however, is a different case. Whether you & the baby's mom are together or not, you will have obligations to this child. Consult a lawyer & possibly look into getting custody. I can't see how leaving your child with the horrible shrew who wants to put your 10 year old sister into foster care will be good for your kid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. You are in such a tough position now, having to provide and be there for your little sister. 10 is a delicate age. She needs you to take on the parental role now and help her to grow and also to deal with her grief. All of this, while you're coping with your own. And the birth of a new child. I'm sorry to say, I would support breaking up with your girlfriend so you can focus on your sister. Make sure you get some legal stuff drawn up before the birth to make sure that the child support payments and custody agreements are all cut and dried. Normally I wouldn't recommend leaving a pregnant partner but your sister needs you and she doesn't need to be around somebody making her feel unwanted. I find it hard to imagine ANYONE behaving how your girlfriend is behaving. If I were in her position I'd be readying myself for months/years of trying to support two grieving people through losing their parents and would already have committed inside to doing everything I could to make sure the little sister was cared for and love, even if that meant juggling with a new kid. That's called a decent human being. Run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I would NEVER abandon my sister. I know it's tough because she's pregnant with your child, but is that the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? I couldn't do it, I'm so very sorry for your loss Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I'm so sorry about the loss of your parents. Good for you for taking care of your sister. You will be a wonderful father; your GF however, is a different case. Whether you & the baby's mom are together or not, you will have obligations to this child. Consult a lawyer & possibly look into getting custody. I can't see how leaving your child with the horrible shrew who wants to put your 10 year old sister into foster care will be good for your kid. Couldn't have put it better myself. Hope you are OK OP. What has happened is terrible. Its just as well your GF showed her true colours now and not later. Go get your home, look after yourself and your sister and ditch this horrible, selfish nightmare of a girl. Your sister is 10 years old. She needs to be with her family not in foster care. Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Your gf is a poor excuse for a human being. Dump her now, adopt your sister, and get a good lawyer ASAP. I hate to play dirty, but it sounds like you're going to have to fight fire with fire. It seems like all she wants is your money at this point. I believe if you fight for 50/50 custody or even full custody, then you won't have to pay child support. I'd start looking into your custody options before the baby is born. Your gf doesn't deserve you, this baby, or your money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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