Dealing with overcoming anxiety in between dates?

[jjtr]

I've noticed myself falling into a pattern lately and I am somewhat concerned about it, to be honest. It seems as though, no matter how well the date goes with the girl I have been seeing, I start overthinking things, second guessing stuff and developing relatively strong anxiety.

 

On the dates themselves, I'm very relaxed and comfortable, but during the in-between time, not so much. Even if I try to do something to take my mind off it, it manages to creep in.

 

Example being Thursday I went on a fifth date with this girl and things went wel. She agreed to seeing each other more often and things got sexual later in the evening for the first time. We typically text every day and we did yesterday, but her responses we relatively brief and she never responded to the last one I sent. She also finally added me to Facebook, so of course now I wonder if she saw something there she didn't like (though I have nothing to hide) I know she went home to dog sit for the weekend, so there may be a reason, but we have been communicating so frequently that this gap has me anxious.

 

Before a blunt response, pleae know that I'm completely aware that these thoughts seems irrational and a bit overboard. I'm not sure if it's because I was out of the dating game for awhile or just because I am so programmed for rejection. Or if it's the uncertainty/lack of label that bugs me, which, being a guy, I know is sort of opposite of the "norm."

 

Does anyone have any suggestions/ways to deal with or overcome it? Seeking medication has come to mind, but this is literally the only thing I am anxious about, at least conscienclly. Maybe it will change when we begin seeing each other more often or maybe it will get worse. All I know is that it's not healthy and not normal.

 

Thanks for allowing me to vent. This is not an easy, and is certainly embarrassing, to admit.

[d0nnivain]

When you find yourself doing this self sabotaging things, stop & acknowledge the thoughts. Now ask yourself what logical evidence do you have for these dire speculations. If you answer truthfully you don't have any. There may be a million reasons that she slowed in her texts.

 

Once you acknowledge that you are doing this to yourself, replace the negative thoughts with good ones. For example: think to yourself that she's slowed in her texting because she is less anxious & more secure in your relationship so she doesn't have to jump every second when you call.

[jjtr]

When you find yourself doing this self sabotaging things, stop & acknowledge the thoughts. Now ask yourself what logical evidence do you have for these dire speculations. If you answer truthfully you don't have any. There may be a million reasons that she slowed in her texts.

 

Once you acknowledge that you are doing this to yourself, replace the negative thoughts with good ones. For example: think to yourself that she's slowed in her texting because she is less anxious & more secure in your relationship so she doesn't have to jump every second when you call.

 

I typically can say "none" to the bolded, but then there's always a tug of war going on in my head and the other side says, "well, what if (insert negative thought here)."

 

I have noticed that post-dates, she slows communication slightly for a day or two. I don't know if that's normal.

 

I guess, maybe due to past confidence issues, I need reaffirmation. It can be the most pointless text from her, but it feels good knowing that she was thinking about me.

 

Just a major self-conscience struggle. I don't think I am being needy, before someone brings that up. I understand it's not reasonable to expect 24/7 communication and I certainly am not demanding that.

[browneyes88]

I'm female, but I sometimes do this. I have a date tonight with a guy I am extremely interested in, and trying to keep my cool for many reasons, the biggest of which being he lost his wife in March.

 

Sometimes, what manifests as anxiety and fear of rejection, which everyone experiences at least a little, is amplified if you are by your nature a very analytical person, as I am.

 

Good luck! Just keep the middle ground. Don't smother her, but don't ignore her, either.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I do this too! I've never truly dated until now...just usually hopped from relationship to relationship somehow (I was young) so this dating, waiting and what does this mean game pops into my head and drives me crazy!! I'm used to someone wanting me saying it and I'm their girlfriend or rejecting me/me rejecting them before it even gets to a 2nd hang out session.

 

So yea it's definitely hard but I just write down my concerns. when I do that, I realize that they sound stupid and it clears my head...for a short time.

[jjtr]

Good to know there are others who have this same problem.

 

I'm definitely an analytical person as well and do tend to think too much. I don't know, I am just really enjoying my time with her and it's getting to point where it would be a pretty big blow if it was over just like that. I think that's my biggest fear/cause of anxiety. I'm so ready to move beyond dating (in general) that I am really hoping this continues to evolve. And when communication slows down or becomes sporadic, the negative thoughts eat away at me.

[curlygirl40]

I do the same thing when I'm into someone. It's hard to just relax and wait to see where things end up. But we all know that the best thing to do is nothing. Just wait it out and see how it goes.

 

Something else is that sometimes when I'm really into a guy, I pull back a little just because I'm afraid of coming on too strong, being too needy or putting all of my cards on the table too quickly.

 

So her pulling back a tiny bit might be that she likes you too much instead of not enough. Keep that in mind that she could be having the same feelings you are and just handling it differently.

 

It all sounds great so far, keep the worrying to a minimum and try to enjoy the ride

[guest569]

Sounds pretty normal to me, when you're really into someone you get nervous during the wait.. I'm not sure about medication, do you feel anxious in other areas of your life?

[OwMyEyeball]

Exercise can help take some of the edge off the anxiety. Even light ones you can do in the home such as push ups or dips can drain out some of the agitation you feel when anxious.

 

Whenever I feel myself getting anxious I do something physical, even if that means taking a brisk walk. I try to bring my focus to the anxiety itself, which for me comes as a feeling of tightness in the center of my chest. I try to feel into it and feel only; lots of deflecting thoughts. When I'm successful at keeping my thinker from thinking this technique can work quite well. Since I'm a pretty cerebral guy it's a tough technique to practice, but I do believe that it's a worthwhile labour.

 

Anxiety sucks.

 

I would stay away from medication unless the anxiety is crippling your ability to function or keeping you from meeting your most basic needs (sleep, eating).