Is she honest in any way or is she with another guy.

[shreddinglicks]

Is it possible for a guy who is having a sexual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a girl to become friend zoned by that girl? I dated a girl for 3 years and then she dumped me. Her excuse was I have been friend zoned, even though we had sex constantly, like 4 times a week. She gave me oral sex even more than that. The nutshell we were a horny couple. That wasn't all though, we hung out all the time. Texted each other constantly. We always talked to each other (not text) for at least an hour before bed.

 

I just came to the conclusion she found another guy but couldn't say it to my face.

 

My mother thinks she is just unstable and has a bad family situation.

 

If I was to get into her family situation it would be very long to type. I will give a shorter version. She is from the Philippines, grew up there. She has real strict parents. They didn't want her to have a boyfriend unless she graduated from college and became a nurse. Typical strict Filipino parents. Her parents eventually warmed up to me and I was soon attending family functions and such. She flunked college and things didn't bode well.

 

That explains the family part of my moms theory.

 

She is unstable because every time we had a fight, she would cry, said she wanted to break up and run home. She would then show up at my door step some days later and act like everything was fine. It was rather immature but I let it slide because I was in love. I never had a real long term relationship before that. She was also a virgin before we had sex. We dated for 8 months before we even had sex.

 

That's the unstable part of my moms theory.

 

I think she found another guy. During the last year of our relationship she met a guy at work. She kept talking about her guy friend that she would borrow video games off of. It was during this time she became distant and different. Eventually I confronted her. She then gave me that friend zone excuse.

 

I know it's an assumption, but I can't help it. I told my mother this but she doesn't think it's true. I know it's possible it was just a friend. I have friends who are girls, and I know she had other guy friends even before we met. Like I said I can't help having that assumption.

 

Or maybe my mother is right. Her parents made her break up with me.

Edited September 19, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[carhill]

IMO, if you were getting all of your relationship needs and wants met, there was no friend-zone; however, she certainly could have been deceiving you and what we called back in my day two-timing you. On the surface, respecting that neither of us can ever know what's in her mind, you had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, with apparent romance, sex and exclusivity.

 

Since you mentioned her virginity, she sounds young and emotionally still maturing. That's a process. If you are young, I'd write it off to tuition and relationship U and take the lessons into the next relationship. Perhaps it sounds trite to say not to take it personally but, when you get enough of this kind of stuff thrown at you, you either learn to roll with it or it will eat you. Good luck!

[shreddinglicks]

IMO, if you were getting all of your relationship needs and wants met, there was no friend-zone; however, she certainly could have been deceiving you and what we called back in my day two-timing you. On the surface, respecting that neither of us can ever know what's in her mind, you had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, with apparent romance, sex and exclusivity.

 

Since you mentioned her virginity, she sounds young and emotionally still maturing. That's a process. If you are young, I'd write it off to tuition and relationship U and take the lessons into the next relationship. Perhaps it sounds trite to say not to take it personally but, when you get enough of this kind of stuff thrown at you, you either learn to roll with it or it will eat you. Good luck!

 

We met when we were 19, that was actually 4, not 3 years ago as I earlier said.

 

I know, you are right. It just bothers me that I don't really know if she broke up with me because of her parents or another guy. I know it shouldn't matter, a break up is a break up. I can only move on. If she really loved me, regardless of the situation she would have tried to make it work.

 

From the sound of it. What do you think it was?

Edited September 19, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[Gloria25]

Does she have legal residency and/or citizenship?

[shreddinglicks]

Does she have legal residency and/or citizenship?

 

She has residency, but no citizenship. As I said, she grew up in the Philippines. Her mother got a visa to work at a hospital as a nurse. So her parents are very strict.

 

We met at my dads job, a factory assembly line. I worked there immediately after high school before going to college to pursue an engineering degree.

 

I asked her out for a date. She declined and said she wasn't allowed to.

 

I only got to date her by having this nice old lady who we worked with butter up her parents. You know, to say I was a nice guy, etc. It still took a few months for her parents to even say hi to me. They gave me the evil stare for awhile.

 

In expansion to my mothers theory:

 

Nothing was said directly, but I get the hint I am blamed for her flunking college. Her mother always gave her lots of chores. Then she would spend her free time with me. She never said much, but it was probably her, "parents designated" study time. It might've been the, "traditional way." I always had the impression her parents treated her like a servant more than a daughter. I also had the impression she had a tight bond with her mother. Especially due to the severe sheltering she received by her strict parents.

 

My mother is friends with the old lady. My parents are well known at my dads job. My dad has worked there for nearly 40 years. So the old lady obviously told my mom about the girls parents. The old lady is also Filipino. I forgot to mention, the girls dad also worked at the factory. So them both being Filipino, they talked.

Edited September 20, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[Gloria25]

She has residency, but no citizenship. As I said, she grew up in the Philippines. Her mother got a visa to work at a hospital as a nurse. So her parents are very strict.

 

Well, are you sure she isn't looking for a fast way to get permanent residency and/or citizenship? Cuz, if she's had residency for over 5 years and hasn't applied for citizenship, she may be riding on the visa of her parents and is looking for some guy to get her papers straight.

 

Work visas are tricky...some are permanent, some temporary, some allow the families to stay here and they are not eligible for a green card for certain reasons.

 

Then you got the college thing. Maybe she got a visa to go to school and flip flopped between riding on her parent's visa and is looking for some guy to dupe and get her papers straight...

 

I'm just saying'....

[shreddinglicks]

Well, are you sure she isn't looking for a fast way to get permanent residency and/or citizenship? Cuz, if she's had residency for over 5 years and hasn't applied for citizenship, she may be riding on the visa of her parents and is looking for some guy to get her papers straight.

 

Work visas are tricky...some are permanent, some temporary, some allow the families to stay here and they are not eligible for a green card for certain reasons.

 

Then you got the college thing. Maybe she got a visa to go to school and flip flopped between riding on her parent's visa and is looking for some guy to dupe and get her papers straight...

 

I'm just saying'....

 

That's a very shallow way to look at things. She does not need me to get citizenship. Both her parents legally work in this country. She works in this country. She goes to school in this country. Her family owns a house in this country. They are not gonna get kicked out anytime soon.

[mightycpa]

Hi - I'm going to ask this question to you: What difference does it make?

 

What would you do if it is a friendzoning?

 

What would you do if it is another guy?

 

What would you do if her parents forbid it, and she obeys?

 

What difference does it make? In the end, she will be with someone else if she is not already. I think you just end up banging your head against the same wall for different reasons.

 

She became distant and different. You don't really like this girl anymore, you actually want her to change back to the way she was before she changed. People don't go back. They get stuck, like you, or they move forward, like her. Be like her. Move forward.

 

Just my opinion.

[2sunny]

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

If you don't understand the way that culture works - then do your research.

 

It may explain a few things for you. If you can't offer her entire family all of the money YOU earn - there is no value in her dating you/marrying you.

 

I've known several men (lots actually) married to Philipino women and the requirement for the husband is to send her family as much money as possible...even if it means that the married couple go without.

 

It's so consistent with these marriages that I have to think it's a clear rule when marrying a Philipino woman.

 

You should date other women - life may be easier if you do.

[shreddinglicks]

Hi - I'm going to ask this question to you: What difference does it make?

 

What would you do if it is a friendzoning?

 

What would you do if it is another guy?

 

What would you do if her parents forbid it, and she obeys?

 

What difference does it make? In the end, she will be with someone else if she is not already. I think you just end up banging your head against the same wall for different reasons.

 

She became distant and different. You don't really like this girl anymore, you actually want her to change back to the way she was before she changed. People don't go back. They get stuck, like you, or they move forward, like her. Be like her. Move forward.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I did move forward, for the most part. I dated a few girls from school in recent times. It's just every now and then I think about it, I just get frustrated when I don't have a definite answer. I guess I will never know for sure in this case. It's all an assumption. I will have to forget it for good.

[shreddinglicks]

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

If you don't understand the way that culture works - then do your research.

 

It may explain a few things for you. If you can't offer her entire family all of the money YOU earn - there is no value in her dating you/marrying you.

 

I've known several men (lots actually) married to Philipino women and the requirement for the husband is to send her family as much money as possible...even if it means that the married couple go without.

 

It's so consistent with these marriages that I have to think it's a clear rule when marrying a Philipino woman.

 

You should date other women - life may be easier if you do.

 

Yea, her parents are a very materialistic, selfish, superficial bunch. Like I said, I had the impression she was treated like property. She was their servant. The parents seemed to be very cold at heart.

 

My dad never liked her father either. He described her father as a cocky douche who thought he was better than everyone.

Edited September 20, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[shreddinglicks]

Thanks everyone for their replies. She was obviously not the girl I thought she was. Our relationship was not true. I will move on. Too bad engineering school is mostly guys. But I will try to keep dating new girls.

[Gloria25]

That's a very shallow way to look at things. She does not need me to get citizenship. Both her parents legally work in this country. She works in this country. She goes to school in this country. Her family owns a house in this country. They are not gonna get kicked out anytime soon.

 

Shallow?

 

Well, explain to me how some chick is gonna just be showering you with sex, sex, sex, and then turn it off - especially by saying "oh, BTW, you've been friend zoned"

 

IMO, looking at her situation and her just showering you with all that attention, then cutting if off/on smells like a manipulation to me.

 

And, I don't care if her parents bought a house...maybe they decided it was better to invest in property than rent....

 

You know nothing about how immigration works - much less her and her families' situation. Trust me, immigrants WANT citizenship cuz residency is cute and all, but if you mess up you can be sent back home. So, I still find it odd her parents and her are just "residents" and been here over five years w/o citizenship.

 

BTW, achieving residency and citizenship through fraudulent marriages is the fastest way to citizenship....then, once someone gets citizenship, they can file for their parents. It's quicker than waiting on a work visa and/or residency through a work or school visa.

[shreddinglicks]

Shallow?

 

Well, explain to me how some chick is gonna just be showering you with sex, sex, sex, and then turn it off - especially by saying "oh, BTW, you've been friend zoned"

 

IMO, looking at her situation and her just showering you with all that attention, then cutting if off/on smells like a manipulation to me.

 

And, I don't care if her parents bought a house...maybe they decided it was better to invest in property than rent....

 

You know nothing about how immigration works - much less her and her families' situation. Trust me, immigrants WANT citizenship cuz residency is cute and all, but if you mess up you can be sent back home. So, I still find it odd her parents and her are just "residents" and been here over five years w/o citizenship.

 

BTW, achieving residency and citizenship through fraudulent marriages is the fastest way to citizenship....then, once someone gets citizenship, they can file for their parents. It's quicker than waiting on a work visa and/or residency through a work or school visa.

 

I don't think a girl can really, "friend zone" a guy after being sexual. That's why I think she is not being truthful. Then again I'm not a girl.

 

I don't doubt the manipulation. As far as citizenship, I'm still iffy on that. Who knows, all we can do is assume. Maybe you are right, your guess is no better than mine.

 

I know about immigration. My mother is an immigrant. So are a few of my relatives. My father is born American. That's besides the point.

 

On another note, our government should really not be letting these immigrants in so easily. It's certainly an issue, more ways than one.

[Gloria25]

I don't think a girl can really, "friend zone" a guy after being sexual. That's why I think she is not being truthful. Then again I'm not a girl.

 

I don't doubt the manipulation. As far as citizenship, I'm still iffy on that. Who knows, all we can do is assume. Maybe you are right, your guess is no better than mine.

 

I know about immigration. My mother is an immigrant. So are a few of my relatives. My father is born American. That's besides the point.

 

On another note, our government should really not be letting these immigrants in so easily. It's certainly an issue, more ways than one.

 

I'm not making a pro or con immigration stance and no, what I meant to say is that you do not know immigration law - which is complex to say the least.

 

So yes, IMO, a manipulation would explain how she can just "drop" or friend zone you after being sexual.