She said we didn't click?

[boilingpoint]

Which is kind of true and I kind of saw it coming. HOWEVER she said it in such a nice way that it kind of made me like her more... really annoying.

 

So yeah, we slept together on the two first dates but didn't have any major chemistry going on... felt more like buddies. The funny thing is that I was texting her to meet up for a 3rd time, to go on a date, doing something fun, other than just going back to hers.... and she says:

 

'You're a really nice guy, was great meeting you but to be honest we didn't really click. Good luck with your career and everything'

 

I didn't reply. It's really weird, I kind of expected her to just ignore my text about meeting up but instead she texted that, which made me feel she was much cooler than I originally thought. Yet now it's over...

 

Anyone had anything like this?

[ja123]

I think you should text her back wishing her the best also.

 

 

You'll seem classy without sour grapes.

 

 

Sorry it didn't work out, but on to the next!

[Zahara]

Yes. I've said to dates and vice versa. Sucks when you like the person but what can you do. Not everyone is going to feel the way you do.

[Jules Dash]

You made it to the promised land twice within in the first couple of dates so I would make sure not to burn this bridge. A smooth, dignified exit is in order.

[Andy_K]

Yeah, had this happen a number of times. It's the default result when I date

 

Very rare indeed to hear it after sleeping with a girl though. Typically it's after a first or second date that didn't really go anywhere.

 

There's no way back though. Accept it in a mature way and don't try to change her mind or anything like that.

[Diezel]

I've actually had that happen, and a graceful, classy exit was turned into FWB.

 

It never hurts, but definitely don't "like her more".

[d0nnivain]

It's supposed to work this way. When both people are gracious & forthright, even a missed connection isn't quite so awful.

[boilingpoint]

You made it to the promised land twice within in the first couple of dates so I would make sure not to burn this bridge. A smooth, dignified exit is in order.

 

well thanks - I made it to the 'promised land'... actually after a long drought throughout my 20s (I'm 30 now). Personally, I doubt she would have ended it if she didn't already have 5 other FWB...

 

I replied to her with a nice guy message saying it was really nice meeting her, all the best etc etc, but to me it just confirms the FACT that all things being equal, girls have it a lot easier with sex and relationships.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Anyone had anything like this?

 

Yep. Stretch out the timeline a bit, and it's almost word-for-word. Mine was via email:

 

"All the boxes are checked--we're incredibly compatible, intellectually, emotionally, and sexually--but there's something intangible that should be there which isn't."

 

And that was that. This was the day after we'd spent the weekend together, which I for one did not think could have gone better, and we had sex five times in two days. *Shrug* I'll never understand this way of thinking, but it's not unusual.

[Kid_Charlemange]

but to me it just confirms the FACT that all things being equal, girls have it a lot easier with sex and relationships.

 

Oh, without question. Just about any woman can get a date and/or sex any time she wants; it might not be with whom she wants, but the opportunity is there. Almost always. They know that, and that's why it's so easy to let a "nice," "great," [insert adjective here] guy go so easily -- there a thousand more candidates waiting to replace you. Or me.

[yololin]

I've had that too. The girl was chasing me into bed after 4-5 dates of hugging and cuddling. I wasnt that into her. But after a weekend around hers and multiple rounds of crazy sex... I'm hers. But she stops replying my texts and finally after not agreeing to help her friend move flats, she considers me the worst person alive.

 

Girls like the chase too. Haha. Guys and girls both like sex, but Sex is a total deal maker for guys.

[boilingpoint]

Oh, without question. Just about any woman can get a date and/or sex any time she wants; it might not be with whom she wants, but the opportunity is there. Almost always. They know that, and that's why it's so easy to let a "nice," "great," [insert adjective here] guy go so easily -- there a thousand more candidates waiting to replace you. Or me.

 

yep, basically chicks get all the perks and none of the drawbacks. They just have to be aware of the power they have to take advantage of it. I know some pretty good looking guys who haven't had any action in years. It's a joke. Totally unfair.

 

I reckon in 20 or so years it might balance out but at the moment girls own sex and they're doing pretty well in the working world as well.

 

I think all guys should go on strike and starve all women of sex for a good few years. Have a taste of their own medicine... :-P

[yololin]

Play with fire and get burned.

[boilingpoint]

Play with fire and get burned.

 

I think you misunderstand me - this chick is on my mind but at the same time I wasn't all that keen anyway i.e. I now recognise that she had more power in the situation, not because she had anything I didn't, but just because of the mere fact that she was female and by default can be more casual more easily...

 

I'm talking in general about girls having it easier, not necessarily going sour because I was rejected.

[Mrin]

yep, basically chicks get all the perks and none of the drawbacks. They just have to be aware of the power they have to take advantage of it. I know some pretty good looking guys who haven't had any action in years. It's a joke. Totally unfair.

 

I reckon in 20 or so years it might balance out but at the moment girls own sex and they're doing pretty well in the working world as well.

 

I think all guys should go on strike and starve all women of sex for a good few years. Have a taste of their own medicine... :-P

 

Not. Sure. If. Serious.

 

Ok dude, you need to change that attitude. It sounds whiney and immature. It isn't fair... Doing well in the working world... give me a break. Not unless you think getting paid 22% less than a man for the same job is "fair". Not sure how you can view 1 out of 3 women being sexually or physically assaulted in their lifetimes as being "in control".

 

Work on your confidence as that sort of thing comes off as wickedly low confidence and is usually a turn off for most women. If she even caught a wiff of this attitude then that would totally explain her breaking it off.

 

Don't want to get into a long winded debate on gender equality but want to make two points - one with your original post and one in general:

 

1. Your Experience: Not to get too nitty gritty but, you spent the weekend together and had sex numerous times. I think you said 5. How many times did you make her have an orgasm? The reason I bring that up is that orgasms release dopamine and dopamine is incredibly powerful in causing a woman to bond or imprint with you. I can see a weekend of non-orgasmic sex as being very unfulfilling to her and would also explain why she didn't want to keep you around as a FWB.

 

As one of my good female friends says - if a guy can make me cum reliably, I'll start to develop feelings for him. If a guy can make me cum multiple times in a session/evening, I'll think he's a God. That might have been the "click" to which she was referring. Food for thought.

 

2. Pitching vs. Catching: It is true that women often play the role of the gatekeeper on whether or not sex is going to happen. It is also true that most attractive women can get laid at the drop of a hat by simply dropping their principles and standards. But one thing you need to recognize is that due to gender dynamics, most women are "catching". That is to say, they don't go into a room or situation and actively pursue the man they want. Sure they may flirt with him. But they don't chase. They make themselves available and select from the men that do chase. That's catching.

 

And while you might initially think that's great, think about it. You walk into a room and see 10 women. Out of the 10, there are only two you want to meet. But they won't give you the time of day but the other 8 who you don't want to meet keep bugging you. You find them completely unappealing. You want to be a nice guy because your mother and society beat it into you that you have to be nice or you are a bad person. So you can't just tell them to buzz off. They're persistent. Annoying. Some are terribly aggressive and won't get the hint.

 

I don't know about you but I think I'd rather be a pitcher.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Mrin

[boilingpoint]

Not. Sure. If. Serious.

 

Ok dude, you need to change that attitude. It sounds whiney and immature. It isn't fair... Doing well in the working world... give me a break. Not unless you think getting paid 22% less than a man for the same job is "fair". Not sure how you can view 1 out of 3 women being sexually or physically assaulted in their lifetimes as being "in control".

 

Work on your confidence as that sort of thing comes off as wickedly low confidence and is usually a turn off for most women. If she even caught a wiff of this attitude then that would totally explain her breaking it off.

 

Don't want to get into a long winded debate on gender equality but want to make two points - one with your original post and one in general:

 

1. Your Experience: Not to get too nitty gritty but, you spent the weekend together and had sex numerous times. I think you said 5. How many times did you make her have an orgasm? The reason I bring that up is that orgasms release dopamine and dopamine is incredibly powerful in causing a woman to bond or imprint with you. I can see a weekend of non-orgasmic sex as being very unfulfilling to her and would also explain why she didn't want to keep you around as a FWB.

 

As one of my good female friends says - if a guy can make me cum reliably, I'll start to develop feelings for him. If a guy can make me cum multiple times in a session/evening, I'll think he's a God. That might have been the "click" to which she was referring. Food for thought.

 

2. Pitching vs. Catching: It is true that women often play the role of the gatekeeper on whether or not sex is going to happen. It is also true that most attractive women can get laid at the drop of a hat by simply dropping their principles and standards. But one thing you need to recognize is that due to gender dynamics, most women are "catching". That is to say, they don't go into a room or situation and actively pursue the man they want. Sure they may flirt with him. But they don't chase. They make themselves available and select from the men that do chase. That's catching.

 

And while you might initially think that's great, think about it. You walk into a room and see 10 women. Out of the 10, there are only two you want to meet. But they won't give you the time of day but the other 8 who you don't want to meet keep bugging you. You find them completely unappealing. You want to be a nice guy because your mother and society beat it into you that you have to be nice or you are a bad person. So you can't just tell them to buzz off. They're persistent. Annoying. Some are terribly aggressive and won't get the hint.

 

I don't know about you but I think I'd rather be a pitcher.

 

You're getting pretty personal (and aggressive) in that long wall of text of yours buddy - says something about you.

 

Anyway yeah it probably depends on your personality whether you think it's better to be a 'pitcher' or a 'catcher' as you put it. If you're naturally outgoing and socially confident than yes being a 'pitcher' is probably a good deal.

 

Most people agree (including women) that the girls have it easier in dating... just hang back and you'll definitely end up getting a guy who checks most of the boxes - you just can't fail with a tactic like that. I was merely expressing some envy of the advantages that the average girl has over the average guy in this regard.

 

Bottom line - If you get more dates and sex then of course you should be better at it anyway. Rich get richer, poor get poorer.

[ja123]

It doesn't sound like you want a relationship, OP. You just want sex.

 

 

Otherwise, you'd be like, "Yeah, she just said something I was feeling anyway. Now that we're through, I'm free to find a girl who will love me as much as I love her."

 

 

You would look at this positively. You got to sleep with her and she was totally upfront and respectful by being clear. How many might have done the fade, gone AWOL, or tried to string you along? You're just bummed right now, so you can't see it. So right now, you feel like you're angry with all women. But you shouldn't be based off this interaction with her. If you can get your emotions out of the way, you can see she was decent about it.

 

 

There are pros and cons to being either sex (and that can change with age). Sometimes, I myself would rather be a pitcher (to use Mrin's analogy).

[Mrin]

You're getting pretty personal (and aggressive) in that long wall of text of yours buddy - says something about you.

 

Yup. Just self policing my own gender. Wasn't trying to be a jerk to you - just wanted to affect a change. Attitudes like the one you expressed will get you no where except a lifetime of resentment and video games on a Friday night.

 

Bottom line - If you get more dates and sex then of course you should be better at it anyway. Rich get richer, poor get poorer.

 

There is some truth to that. But if you talk to women and read the countless posts here on LS, one of the biggest attractors for women is the dude's attitude. Whether that's how he relates to her or how he is with her in the sack. Confidence. Authenticity. Intelligence. Attentiveness (in the sack and elsewhere) will get you far in love.

 

Best of luck.

[Kid_Charlemange]

yep, basically chicks get all the perks and none of the drawbacks.

 

Good satire is an art form.

 

You should write for The Onion

 

Your point is valid -- there are all kinds of pitfalls that women face in dating, and of course the glass ceiling remains intact, rapes are unreported at colleges, there are unwanted pregnancies and a growing movement to limit choices, there is slut-shaming and denial of basic birth control -- it's a long list.

 

But... in the specifics of what I was talking about, the women do tend to have more power in those specific types of relationships -- especially if they start in an online world. At least that's my opinion.

[boilingpoint]

Yup. Just self policing my own gender. Wasn't trying to be a jerk to you - just wanted to affect a change. Attitudes like the one you expressed will get you no where except a lifetime of resentment and video games on a Friday night.

 

There is some truth to that. But if you talk to women and read the countless posts here on LS, one of the biggest attractors for women is the dude's attitude. Whether that's how he relates to her or how he is with her in the sack. Confidence. Authenticity. Intelligence. Attentiveness (in the sack and elsewhere) will get you far in love.

 

Best of luck.

 

To be honest, what makes you think you can 'police your own gender'? Are you some sort of champion of chivalry? Or just another white knight?

 

I was expressing a bit of dissatisfaction in the whole gender equality thing - this girl rejected me nicely, but she still rejected me and following some advice on this board, I basically thanked her for it. You see the disparity in equality here?

 

Guys always have to approach, guys usually have to put up with constant rejection - I don't care what ANYONE says, it is UNFAIR on the guys, particularly the younger ones who don't know how to talk to chicks yet.

 

Just go online dating and talk to all the jaded sluts on there who reply to you with one word answers even though in real life you may have girls crushing on you. Yes I called them sluts. Big deal...

[boilingpoint]

Good satire is an art form.

 

You should write for The Onion

 

Your point is valid -- there are all kinds of pitfalls that women face in dating, and of course the glass ceiling remains intact, rapes are unreported at colleges, there are unwanted pregnancies and a growing movement to limit choices, there is slut-shaming and denial of basic birth control -- it's a long list.

 

But... in the specifics of what I was talking about, the women do tend to have more power in those specific types of relationships -- especially if they start in an online world. At least that's my opinion.

 

Thanks. I'm sure girls have their problems to deal with but usually they'll have a network of people all too happy to help them (at least in the western world). Not so for guys.

 

In all honesty I'm tired of hearing non stop feminist propaganda about being paid 15% less. Honestly who cares? It's just a little money. Try being ignored by the opposite sex for a few years and see what that does to your confidence.

 

Food for thought -

 

When you walk on the street and see a homeless person, is it usually a guy or a girl? Yep it's a guy.

 

Did you know that for every ONE girl that commits suicide there are FOUR guys taking themselves out... never hear any of that from the feminists either. Now that 15% pay gap doesn't look so bad does it.

[MoreCoffee]

Ok, I agree on some of your points and feelings, but your gracious exit is starting to unravel. I guess if you're unhinging here it's better than in her face though.

 

 

Thanks. I'm sure girls have their problems to deal with but usually they'll have a network of people all too happy to help them (at least in the western world). Not so for guys.

 

In all honesty I'm tired of hearing non stop feminist propaganda about being paid 15% less. Honestly who cares? It's just a little money. Try being ignored by the opposite sex for a few years and see what that does to your confidence.

 

Food for thought -

 

When you walk on the street and see a homeless person, is it usually a guy or a girl? Yep it's a guy.

 

Did you know that for every ONE girl that commits suicide there are FOUR guys taking themselves out... never hear any of that from the feminists either. Now that 15% pay gap doesn't look so bad does it.

[Kid_Charlemange]

In all honesty I'm tired of hearing non stop feminist propaganda about being paid 15% less. Honestly who cares? It's just a little money.

 

I don't see this as relevant.

 

Pay inequality needs to stop. Period.

[boilingpoint]

I don't see this as relevant.

 

Pay inequality needs to stop. Period.

 

Why? If there's no equal opportunity for sex/relationships then why should there be equal opportunity for careers?

 

Think about it - both are very important and women are the empowered party on the dating scene.

 

I just think that men are getting a bum deal these days compared to women and it's time men woke up about that.

Edited September 24, 2014 by boilingpoint