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Getting fed up!


LostOnes05

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Hey guys, I need some sound advice. I met another woman through online dating and we seemed to have A LOT in common. It was to the point that it was kind of scary. She would text me when she was doing stuff but then I realized I was the one asking all the questions and trying to get to know her. Nevertheless, we skyped a few times and then actually had our first date. The thing is we talked for a while before meeting because our schedules are crazy.

 

At the date, she seemed very distant and it was kind of awkward for me. I have an uncanny sense of telling when something is wrong with people, so I asked and she said nothing. Took her home and we discussed going out again the following weekend, which she was all for. Then the day before the date she cancels, saying that her friend suddenly came into town and surprised her. I felt like this was a lie but I said ok well have fun. I felt like she could have taken two hours out of her day if she wanted to, which started me to question her actions. Getting tired of initializing all of the conversations, calling and not being able to talk on the phone I asked her what was going on. Then she starts texting me about how she has been talking a lot more to her ex and this and that. When I read that I was like really, so you're using me to pass the time. Then she says she enjoys talking to me (Lol) but she is not sure how she feels. I ended the conversation as gentlemenly as I knew how, saying that it was fine and with a joke.

 

This is the second time this has happened to me. The first girl I interacted with flaked like crazy. I tried to at least maintain a friendship with her which fizzled out when I started getting one word answers. Since then she has began seeing someone who has a kid and lives far away from her (all things she said she didn't want...haha). She recently started trying to talk to more and more since I stopped talking to her a few months ago.

 

I need some advice on how to proceed with this new woman. I don't feel like dealing with bull or trying to be clingy. I haven't contacted her for the last two days and she hasn't tried contacting me either. I figured I'd give her space to make up her mind? I actually ended up deleting my profile online because I either get the confused chick or the 300lb linebacker chick. Help a buddy out!

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"Then she starts texting me about how she has been talking a lot more to her ex and this and that."

 

Unfortunately, A LOT of women use OLDing to boost their ego and get over past relationships. They don't even realize what they are doing is cruel. They are thinking only of how to make themselves feel better but they are using someone to do so.

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Yea, I'm not the hookup type and after 3 months, I don't think she is either. I definitely think you are right HappyLove, it seems weird that the attitude towards me changed so rapidly in both cases. Funny thing is when I become a girl's friend and don't care for them romantically anymore, the conversation of why we haven't dated always comes up and I tell them exactly why. But I deleted all the profile crap today. I haven't gotten anything fruitful from it and the last thing I need is a pen pal. I appreciate the advice Enigma and HappyLove!

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It's not online dating. It's just people.

 

People on the market are looking for different things and trying to find people that want the same.

 

The same thing is equally likely to happen with any chick you date for three months. Three months is about serous relationship crunch time - where you've been seeing each other long enough to develop strong feeling or not. Bottom line is you weren't what she wanted anymore. A large percentage of people are crappy at breaking up honestly and respectfully, so they pull the slow fade.

 

It's easy to blame OLD. But all you're doing is cutting yourself off from another pool of single women.

 

I'd be questioning your own behaviour patterns a little. No 1 reason we leave a guy we like enough to date for three months is "not feeling it" - there's no passion and you're not emotionally connecting with us.

 

That's when we start missing the ex.

 

Coz he told us he was crazy about us and let down his guard enough to be hurt.

Edited by SugarAngel
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What do you mean "how to proceed with this woman"?

 

It's painfully obvious she isn't interested. So, you DON'T proceed with this woman.

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Okay. At the first sign of non interest on the woman's part (her seeming distant) get out.

 

Men can be too good at convincing and selling themselves. Which makes it awkward/embarrassing for the woman to simply say that she isn't interested right on the spot.

 

Also most of the time women think they'll just go on and give a guy a chance (even when they do not even find him physically attractive) in the hope that "some time down the line" she'll change her mind and somehow "learn" to feel some attraction for him someday.

 

This never happens and the woman always dumps him/cancels dates etc. all because she never even liked him in the first place! He may be friend zoned at best.

 

Got to read the signs, trust your instinct and get out very early so you don't waste time, money and get your heart broken.

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Yea, I'm not the hookup type and after 3 months, I don't think she is either. I definitely think you are right HappyLove, it seems weird that the attitude towards me changed so rapidly in both cases. Funny thing is when I become a girl's friend and don't care for them romantically anymore, the conversation of why we haven't dated always comes up and I tell them exactly why. But I deleted all the profile crap today. I haven't gotten anything fruitful from it and the last thing I need is a pen pal. I appreciate the advice Enigma and HappyLove!

 

I understand.... but you just need to remember that women and men can be equally as evil, deceptive and just horrible when it comes to dating as well as in all other areas of life.

 

Don't let this one bad experience stop you. Whether you meet a woman at Mccdonald's or on an online dating site, they are all the same. It's the same thing. I think dating a lot of women and not focusing on only one at a time will be a good option.

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Haha, how to proceed doesn't mean I have the propensity to sing love songs under her window and buy her flowers weekly. I was asking should I cut off contact or just friend her to the point that I don't care about it. I think it is a combination of a lot of things. I think my experience has been horrible with OLD and then the type of women that seem to gravitate towards me. Although I'm only 27, I'm pretty old school when it comes to dating which could be my problem as well. For me multi dating wouldn't work both timewise and I don't see it as a great way to know one woman if I'm anticipating a call or text from Nina, Pinta, and SantaMaria. Plus I feel like I'd be wasting someone else's time if I just strung them along until the one person did something I didn't like. I guess I don't understand why get involved with someone if you're still hung up on someone else. Sort that out first, then move forward.

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