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Should I continue pursuing this older man?


MapleWish

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Please read carefully, this is pretty long though. I'm 22 and have a crush on a 50 year old guy. I met him through my group of guy friends who are very much into cars and the 50 year old has some super cars so we visit him to check out his toys. I've known him for a few months and I genuinely like him but I don't know if it's worth it anymore to pursue him and here's why. He's nice and humble and a gentleman and in the intitial days of knowing him it seemed like he was flirting, cause the very first night I met him he called up the group of guys inviting us over to his house and asked specifically if I was hanging with the boys that night; he requested specifically for me to come over that night, this was months ago.

 

Also months ago I asked him out but he turned down a date basically stating that he's a complicated person and doesn't really date and likes to be friends first before dating someone, so I figured ok can be friends and hang out first no problem but his actions lately have been along me question whether he's really interested in me or is just being nice. When we're with the guys he'll single me specifically by name, like when showing is a new car he'll say directly to me "what do YOU think", and one night he walked like 20 feet from his house to my car just to shut my door for me, he didn't have to he just did it, I was already in my car and I looked in my rear view mirror and saw him walking towards My car. Things like that make me think he's interested, except for the turning down a date.

 

But then cons are he's friends with a lot of attractive girls on fb and add according to my guy friends there's one chick he's already taken on two dates and they Claim he's "dating" her because he took her on dates. Also this last Sunday me and my crush and the group of guys went out for lunch at a bar and grill and before leaving he supposedly got the number of the young waitress who served our table, who was probably my age as well. So I'm just confused, he has NOT specified what he's looking for, being 50 he'd probably want a wife and kids but he hasn't said so, like maybe he doesn't want a young girl like me but again he hasn't said so, instead he says things like wanting to be friends before dating or jokingly telling me "see this is why you need a boyfriend", idk what to think.

 

His gestures like walking to my car to close my door say he likes me but getting a random chicks number for fun cause I doubt he texted her he probably did it just to say to the guys hey I got her number. I don't know whether to continue pursuing him or straight up ask "what are you looking for". I straight up asked for a date but it's a little different to be put on the spot with "what are you looking for in a woman", not many older men would turn down a young girl but this guy is an interesting person for sure, says he doesn't like to date but takes a girl on two, asks a random young girl for her number like idk, he seemed interested before, wanting me to come over to his house and being a gentleman to me

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Yea I know it's long but summed up

PROS

gentleman, nice, humble, got door for me, and honestly he DOES NOT sleep around with these girls. We've had talks about that, where he works there's nothing but baby daddy drama and he believes marriage and then kids so we connect on morals there.

But the CONS of the sitch are he's just confusing as hell, hasn't told me what he wants (ie older woman who's ready for a family) and got some random girls number for whatever reason, turned me down for a date.

 

I kinda don't know if I should give up just cause I'm not sure he even realizes what he's doing, he's a guy and generally they just do stuff just cause and don't over analyze. So any clue what all this means?

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So he's 28 years older than you, has already rejected you, and said he doesn't date.

 

 

Why do you want to go out with this guy again?

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I'm 22 and have a crush on a 50 year old guy.

 

 

 

No. Do not pursue him. Put lots of space between you and him. Go cold turkey.

 

 

He's probably a gentleman to lots of women, and being a man he's probably imagined himself in the sack with you, but he's already told you he's complicated, and there is WAY TOO MUCH of an age difference.

 

 

You've got to ask yourself why you are really interested? If you don't know the answer, then you can end up giving away your personal power.

 

 

- Is it because you've never been treated right by other men?

- Is it because you have a lack of options on the dating scene, so his value looks bigger than it is?

- Is it because he has fancy cars, some cash, life experience, and you're looking for a mentor?

 

 

There could be many other reasons and some overlapping.

 

 

Sweetie, you've got to look deep into yourself and identify your needs and get them fulfilled appropriately.

 

 

E.g. Do you need mentorship? Try career counseling, therapist, women's groups (these are just some ideas).

 

 

You like cars? There's other people who are into cars, including women (so find some of 'dem chicks online). Take manual driving lessons and make a goal to get your own car. Get a plan and work towards it.

 

 

Please do not ascribe more value to this man (or any man) just to fill your own void.

 

 

You are young, and have a lot of growing to do. Date people in your own age group for now.

 

 

Stay well clear of the guy.

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evanescentworld
Should I continue pursuing this older man?

 

Good grief, definitely not!

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Could he have some small amount of attraction to you? Sure, but he had an opportunity to go on a date with you and turned it down..."it's complicated" basically is a polite way of saying he doesn't have enough attraction to make it worth his while to date you. From the sound of it, he isn't hesitant to make his interest known to other women.

 

Part of your interest might be because he acts more mature and has better manners than men your age. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to some of his qualities, just turn your focus to meeting other men who share those characteristics but who clearly return your interest.

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evanescentworld

I love it when people use the term "It's complicated"... it's a wonderful get-out clause...

 

More often than not, it's nothing of the kind. It's usually very simple, they just don't want to be up-front and honest, so they appear to take responsibility for something too convoluted to explain, when 99.99 times out of 100% they just don't want to play ball.

 

With you.

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evanescentworld

Well pardon me, but being a few years older, I can tell you I still have all my originals, intact and shiny. No false teeth at all. Age is not an indicator of whether people have false teeth or not. It's care, diet and genetics.

A friend of mine is 27. Half her back teeth, upper and lower, are false bridges and crowns.

My mother is 82, and only has 2 (rear molar) false teeth. all others are still in her head, and her own.

My own dentist, in his 40's has a false upper set.

 

Oh, hang on..... I guess you were just trying to be funny?

 

Ah, ok....yeah......... no.

 

 

 

:p

 

big shiny white :D

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I see most of you have a point yea But I hate the term rejected, like he turned down a date cause he said he's complicated and prefers being friends first. What does appeal to me is that he's older but I'm just surprised an older guy turned down a young girl, cause he's dated a younger girl she was maybe like 30, and getting the waitress was young but yea I guess it shouldn't be this hard, he might've accepted if he was interested. I'm just wondering why he acts certain ways, like seemingly flirting and going out of his way to close my car door

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Guys he didn't it's complicated he said HE is and I can attest to that, he's not your typical guy he's not even from here he's Persian but even his best guy friends don't totally understand him he's very private and when I asked them like is he flirting or whatever even they're like honestly I think he is but I'm no sure

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evanescentworld

I guess your interpretation of his actions is off. What's more, I detect (and I could be wrong!) a little jealousy here... "What's she got that I haven't? Why does he like her and not me? I'm much more of a catch!"

Hun, just let it go..... honestly.

Like we said, it's not 'complicated' at all. he just doesn't want to bother explaining, and in fact, doesn't have to. He doesn't owe you any explanation.

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evanescentworld

HE is not complicated. Men aren't. Women are. :D

Men are very straightforward.

Like we said - he doesn't want to know!

 

You can't access his head and see what mind-games he's playing - if any at all.

So your constant wondering and guessing is pointless. Take it as read, if he wanted something with you, you'd know it, in no uncertain terms...

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The stuff you said he does don't necessarily seem like he is interested, more so that he is a gentleman and a nice guy as you've already stated and since you're the only girl in the bunch he may be going out of his way to "call your name" so you don't feel left out or like he thinks you're a "silly woman" whose opinions don't matter, so he makes sure to acknowledge you.

 

In my opinion, he's 50 and by that time you should know what you want and if you were what he wanted he'd have let you know by now and wouldn't have turned down the date. It seems he was being polite by making up those excuses. Also if someone leads off with how complicated they are, especially someone his age, I'd just take it as a sign to walk the other way and not pursue them for dating as it spells drama and potentially him being someone who has issues with commitment and where you'll get hurt dating him.

 

I'd leave this one alone personally. If I go as far as to ask a man out and he says no and NEVER initiates again, I take it he is not interested and leave him alone.

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Well yea of course it's a little jealousy lol I have a crush on the guy but I've enever been the "oh I'm better than her" type in fact it's the opposite I'll look at a girl and be like oh I don't stand a chance, but I'm just confused by the waitress incident, he claims he like friendship first but he didn't know this girl and I'm really thinking he did it for fun like hey guys i got her number, as for the chick he's taken on dates yea she probably has better chances than me

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Maple, there *are* 50-year old men who just plain and simply don't want to mess around with women/girls less than half their age.

 

My new (54-year old) husband was that way when he was dating and routinely turned down "young meat." He appreciated women of his contemporary era who would have the same frame of reference in societal, historical, and contextual references.

 

Granted, there are men who would jump at the chance just for the possibility of banging a young hottie and then there are those who appreciate what a woman has to offer and wants someone possibly to establish a long-term relationship with. Most men in their 50s would consider a girl your age relationship material.

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Ok well thank you guys honestly was better hearing your opinions than the guys in the group, most were telling me go for it and just see what happens and that's kinda what I was always taught to, if ya want something go for it but I also hate not knowing full details, like why someone acts this way or that way or why they do this, I'm not a fan of players but I can understand being nice to women, and I'd only wanna ask like hey why did you get that the waitresses number but I won't, I can switch to just seeing him as a friend it'll be easier if I remind myself he's not interested so thank you again guys

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Ok well thank you guys honestly was better hearing your opinions than the guys in the group, most were telling me go for it and just see what happens and that's kinda what I was always taught to, if ya want something go for it but I also hate not knowing full details, like why someone acts this way or that way or why they do this, I'm not a fan of players but I can understand being nice to women, and I'd only wanna ask like hey why did you get that the waitresses number but I won't, I can switch to just seeing him as a friend it'll be easier if I remind myself he's not interested so thank you again guys

 

Now go get yourself some "young meat"!

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Most men in their 50s would consider a girl your age relationship material.

 

CORRECTION: Most men in their 50s would NOT consider a girl your age relationship material.

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GorillaTheater
Maple, there *are* 50-year old men who just plain and simply don't want to mess around with women/girls less than half their age.

 

My new (54-year old) husband was that way when he was dating and routinely turned down "young meat." He appreciated women of his contemporary era who would have the same frame of reference in societal, historical, and contextual references.

 

Granted, there are men who would jump at the chance just for the possibility of banging a young hottie and then there are those who appreciate what a woman has to offer and wants someone possibly to establish a long-term relationship with. Most men in their 50s would consider a girl your age relationship material.

 

Exactly. (And correction noted). I'm 52, and have a daughter older than you. While I'd be flattered at the attention, there's no way I'd be willing to give in. Creepiness aside, I can't imagine having enough in common to try to base a relationship on.

 

He's indicated his lack of interest. Believe him.

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Alright then what ya guys really think, it's that he's not interested in ME or not in a girl my age, cause he's another little sitch, today (and I'm not creeping) he drives really nice cars that get spotted around town all the time so someone out it on a car page on fb and where they spotted his car was in front of the very bar and grill he'd gotten the young waitresses number, I hate jumping to conclusions but hell it happened. The bar and grill is on a strip mall like next to a subway and whatever but I just kinda felt terrible thinking wow he went back to the bar and grill to see that waitress WHO IS MOST LIKELY MY AGE. He could've been at subway but I don't know I just found it kinda disheartening

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You may never know his motivation for the waitress. It could be a thousand things but you are definitely over-thinking it....

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