Cancelled 3rd date morning of? Very Bizzare

[cluelessme]

Ok, knew this girl for a while before we went out. point is we knew each other so first date awkwardness never existed. We had a great first night SHE asked me to see her again soon. So we did, In fact she brought up the second date first, and I agreed. same thing at the end of the 2nd date, she asked me to see her again. You know typical signs things are going great, laughing smiling, touching, blushing the works. We talked throughout the week, she said she had a really fun time, I agreed. I ask her to a third date she agrees. "she would really like that" or whatever. Night before we are talking, and I'm making sure we are still on, we are say goodnight. Morning of, she tells me she cant go out because her family is going out for the day or something I didn't really pay attention. She did ask to reschedule. I said ok. That was Saturday haven't heard much since. WTH happened? Am I being played? Just give it time? Move on? We are both 22.

Thanks peeps.

Edited September 16, 2014 by cluelessme
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[azureorb]

It's up in the air at this point. Devil's in the details. So there was touching, etc? A kiss at least? No kiss by 2nd date means you should not put any chips on the table of things continuing -- it's very up in the air, then.

 

She could have stuff going on, etc. Hit her up on Tuesday at the latest (if you don't hear from her; who wrote who last?) -- and set up to get together.

 

If she's iffy/we'll-see/probably -- then she probably has lost some interest. Just play it cool if that's the case -- put the ball in her court and tell her you really enjoy spending time with her, and you wanted to come forth and re-schedule... but to hit You up when she knows if X, Y, or Z date would work out.

 

If she doesn't respond -- fine -- at least you're not caught up in some futile chase, right?

[cluelessme]

I wasn't sure how important the details are. I don't like getting caught up in the nitty gritty because the next thing you know your obsessing over the little things. But i'll fill you in, maybe it will help.

 

To be honest I had zero expectations going into the first date. Like I said, I knew her from a while ago so I Didn't even expect to see her again. So when she asked for a second date I just went with it. Second date is when I thought we were really going strong. She grabbed MY hand on our way out. Also the laughing blushing hair twirling the usual applied to both dates, talked for hours before even ordering drinks or dinner. So we really did hit it off.

 

We Didn't talk after I said ok on Saturday. We did however talk oh so briefly on sunday. I told her about my night (it was pretty funny story) she replied, but they her responses were brief so I didn't respond back, I was still annoyed about the last minute cancel. So should I message her if so when?, or wait for her to mention rescheduling?

Note: She always replies to my messages and she occasionally will intitiate, I mostly initiate.

[azureorb]

Okay, sounds like you didn't kiss. Yeah, more than platonic, but at the same time, not going in for a kiss can cost you over time. The details aren't so nitty-gritty... but to those who may be clueless, it may seem that way.

 

Coming off too light or too strong can make a gal who had some resonating interest, back away some -- especially when she has 'other options', or just needed to get dating out of her system.

 

You may have not done anything 'wrong' really either -- again, I can't see.

 

But just Call her to reschedule. If she didn't answer, don't leave a VM... just wait about 5-10m and text her and say you called a bit earlier... but just want to know if she's available [Thursday evening] to go out again. If she says maybe, etc -- ask her when she will be.

 

If it's up in the air at that point by her, just put the ball in her court and have HER contact you for the dates you are, and any possible ones that crop up that you may work with. Case closed.

 

If she's interested, that's not "difficult". It's quite easy.

[cluelessme]

I really appreciate you taking the time azureorb! How long should I wait to call? Like I said we spoke briefly Sunday, but we also talked frequently over the last couple weeks. So two days no talking would actually be a decent amount of silence for us. Maybe wait 3 days to see if she INITIATES to guage her interest? She technically sent last message. I think at this point how long I wait to initiate contact will be pretty crucial.

And my name is clueless, and I am in this situation. I dated frequently and had multiple gfs, but I came off a 2+ year relationship and I just started getting out there again by seeing this girl, first one in six months. Kind of sad really but I'm rusty lol

Edited September 16, 2014 by cluelessme

[cluelessme]

anyone elses opinion is greatly appreciated too!

[azureorb]

I really appreciate you taking the time azureorb! How long should I wait to call? Like I said we spoke briefly Sunday, but we also talked frequently over the last couple weeks. So two days no talking would actually be a decent amount of silence for us. Maybe wait 3 days to see if she INITIATES to guage her interest? She technically sent last message. I think at this point how long I wait to initiate contact will be pretty crucial.

 

It's not that crucial. It's Monday night. Tomorrow after work/school hours when you figure she'll be home.

 

You won't be clingly -- it's a re-schedule thing. You didn't get it resolved on Sat or Sunday. So it's still up in the air. No texting on Monday? No prob. You're just hitting her up to set it up.

 

If she left the last message -- no, you don't want to wait it out. Ball's in your court right now, technically.

 

If you feel it'd be "too much" to call -- fine, text her tomorrow during the day instead of calling her in the evening -- asking her a Specific Day/Evening for a Date. If she's unsure, throw out another date you'd be free -- and you could Maybe swing some others -- but for her to get back to You.

 

You want to PUT the ball in her court. Not avoid confrontation/possible-bad-news by leaving it in neutral court.

[cluelessme]

Ok. Thanks for the advice. I'll call her. But honestly, my gut tells me this is dead anyways.

[Diezel]

If your gut is saying that, then listen.

She said "reschedule" but did she offer an actual date?

[cluelessme]

If your gut is saying that, then listen.

She said "reschedule" but did she offer an actual date?

 

Yeahh, but I also got nothing to lose

[cluelessme]

 

If you feel it'd be "too much" to call -- fine, text her tomorrow during the day instead of calling her in the evening -- asking her a Specific Day/Evening for a Date. If she's unsure, throw out another date you'd be free -- and you could Maybe swing some others -- but for her to get back to You.

 

You want to PUT the ball in her court. Not avoid confrontation/possible-bad-news by leaving it in neutral court.

 

This is another small detail. I'm not sure what would constitute as "too much", we always communicate through text mostly because we have busy schedules. So I feel than in this situation calling might be "too much". She might find it odd that I am calling to reschedule since we don't normally communicate that way. I don't want her to think its a big deal because its really not. I just want to play it cool, and not spend money or my time on a lost cause.

Edited September 16, 2014 by cluelessme

[azureorb]

This is another small detail. I'm not sure what would constitute as "too much", we always communicate through text mostly because we have busy schedules. So I feel than in this situation calling might be "too much". She might find it odd that I am calling to reschedule since we don't normally communicate that way. I don't want her to think its a big deal because its really not. I just want to play it cool, and not spend money or my time on a lost cause.

 

Well, wait -- here's another detail. When she asked to reschedule, I see your reply saying that you did -- so what was up with that? In the air?

 

I think a call would be more definitive -- but best done when she's not working, etc.

 

Now, if you Really Feel a text would be better, great. Hopefully you already did this in the Early afternoon -- you don't want to wait.

 

The good thing about calling is you get the Real Feel for it, and since you already threw it out there when to have a date (as you indicated in other post) -- you're more likely to get a straight answer -- AND you can also carry a Tone that you're not breathing down her neck by any stretch...

 

.... like this Negative scenario where it seems like she's dodging bullets, and your opener and responses to PUT the ball in her court and not pressure (will work thru text too):

 

(1) "Hey, just wanted to get things straight because texts can take a while back-n-forth about Q&A, right? Just wanted to know if [Thurs evening] would be good to meet up."

 

.....

 

(2) "Alright... well, I could maybe squeeze ya in some other days, but do you know what day you can?"

 

.....

 

(3) "OK. Well hey, I think it's be really fun & laid back to hang out again. You're really cool. Why don't you hit me up some time, even if it's last minute -- can't hurt at least -- when you know of a time when you would Like to meet up and can. Sound cool?"

 

....

 

(4) "Alright, have a good one..."

 

 

Don't be afraid of getting things squared away. You're not a clinger there. You're just being real. You're not some guy she never met before. You don't have to be paranoid about her thinking odd about ya if you play it like that. You put the ball in Her Court, and you can go about things in that Negative situation without any worry and no assumptions that you have to sit around thinking about her -- you chase other tail. And if she comes up? Great. If not? Hey, she knew the ball was in her court the whole way.

[cluelessme]

That's funny you keep saying Thursday night because that's when we went out the last two times. But im going to shoot for Saturday because that's all I got available. I appreciate all of your help.

[cluelessme]

Well, wait -- here's another detail. When she asked to reschedule, I see your reply saying that you did -- so what was up with that? In the air?

 

Oh and sorry if there was a confusion. She did ask to reschedule but no we did not yet. I haven't spoken to her since then.

[cluelessme]

Hey man I called and no answer. I'm thinking about just cutting this loose. Like I said I knew her well from before (high school) and i'd rather not foil that by coming off as needy by texting her right after. I think its pretty clear. For whatever reason she broke off the date, even though she seemed really interested in me and all. I see a lot of people that say any cancellation is the kiss of death and mine was the day of. Don't get me wrong though im not some wimp I've been very successful with the ladies in the past. But after my last relationship I feel lost. What do you think? Should I follow this up with a text? I mean this is all super weird to me. I never had this much trouble with one girl. If you want details on our relationship in high school I'll give it just lmk. I value your opinion