attraction in current relationship

[fro2]

im

currently in a very bad situtation and need advise.

im

in a relationship with girl for past 2 years who i geniunely love alot and admire but not attracted to how she looks

so

much.I know

im

not 'in love' with her as of yet ofcouse or else looks wouldnt have mattered but i do love her alot. she is the most amazing partner one could ever have but this physical attraction issue is becoming an issue. And please i dont have a relationship with her like i have with friends

so

dont suggest that may be she is your best friend etc because i have high level of romatic connection with her.

Im

not always un attracted towards her she does actually attract me sometimes like when she dressesup pretty etc but most of time not attracted to her looks as much as a person should be. I know people would call me jerk, shallow etc.

Im

not proud to feel the way i feel. I have had geniune feelings for her and always have dream about spending rest of my life with her.

 

any advise is appreciated as to what should i do. should i stay and try to make it work? is there any hope?

[azureorb]

For 2 years and you haven't been "in love" *yet*??!

 

Dude, you're nuts. I understand having a GF and over time, she went from cute to not-so-attractive. Yeah. You still have feelings for her, but it's Incomplete. It sucks because you feel guilty.

 

Lesson #1: Never date a girl you're not Truly Physically Attracted to. Doesn't have to be a Hottie in your eyes. Just has to be Real Physical Attraction.

 

Lesson #2: If you find yourself dating a gal who you have lost feelings for, whether it be emotional-connection or physical appearance -- you're going to have to break up. If it's been an LTR, you think it through, etc, but you bring it up.

 

You're not going to brainwash yourself into being into her, man. The longer you're in it -- the worse of a person you are. Just being blunt.

[d0nnivain]

If she's not the one, let her go already. You both deserve to be with people who you like & are attracted to who like and are attracted to you. You aren't that for her; you don't find her physically appealing. If you do care for her, let her go find that.

[Assasda]

you said something strange in your post, about her not being your friend.

- She should be your friend

[fro2]

If she's not the one, let her go already. You both deserve to be with people who you like & are attracted to who like and are attracted to you. You aren't that for her; you don't find her physically appealing. If you do care for her, let her go find that.

Its not as easy to do to just say let it go. its not like am completely off by her. I do love her for what she is. just not physically into her. doesnt mean if i call it quits its going to make me feel any better

[fro2]

For 2 years and you haven't been "in love" *yet*??!

 

Dude, you're nuts. I understand having a GF and over time, she went from cute to not-so-attractive. Yeah. You still have feelings for her, but it's Incomplete. It sucks because you feel guilty.

 

Lesson #1: Never date a girl you're not Truly Physically Attracted to. Doesn't have to be a Hottie in your eyes. Just has to be Real Physical Attraction.

 

Lesson #2: If you find yourself dating a gal who you have lost feelings for, whether it be emotional-connection or physical appearance -- you're going to have to break up. If it's been an LTR, you think it through, etc, but you bring it up.

 

You're not going to brainwash yourself into being into her, man. The longer you're in it -- the worse of a person you are. Just being blunt.

There is no fine set time that i have to be in love by this time, It take different amount of time and effort for different people. I do love her for who she is.

[fro2]

you said something strange in your post, about her not being your friend.

- She should be your friend

i meant to say that please dont suggest she is JUST your best friends because you are not attracted to her.

 

She is my best friend but not just best friend. I have high level of romantic connection with her which i dont feel with my "just friends"

[mammasita]

There is no fine set time that i have to be in love by this time, It take different amount of time and effort for different people. I do love her for who she is.

 

I think you're living in a fantasy.

 

No matter who's timeline you're on.....Mickey Mouse or Joe Blow......2 years is MORE than enough time to be "in love"

[fro2]

if i do breakup with her, im going to get arranged marriage for myself(which im not fan of). the culture i belong to i need to be married by certain age(which is soon). and in my social network there are no single girls so dating game would be over after this. Im not being negative trust me just being practical and real. so i dont know if i should try to make it work and try to look past through the physical appearance

[Coil]

you said something strange in your post, about her not being your friend.

- She should be your friend

 

I think OP meant her not being "just a friend"...

[Coil]

im

currently in a very bad situtation and need advise.

im

in a relationship with girl for past 2 years who i geniunely love alot and admire but not attracted to how she looks

so

much.I know

im

not 'in love' with her as of yet ofcouse or else looks wouldnt have mattered but i do love her alot. she is the most amazing partner one could ever have but this physical attraction issue is becoming an issue. And please i dont have a relationship with her like i have with friends

so

dont suggest that may be she is your best friend etc because i have high level of romatic connection with her.

Im

not always un attracted towards her she does actually attract me sometimes like when she dressesup pretty etc but most of time not attracted to her looks as much as a person should be. I know people would call me jerk, shallow etc.

Im

not proud to feel the way i feel. I have had geniune feelings for her and always have dream about spending rest of my life with her.

 

any advise is appreciated as to what should i do. should i stay and try to make it work? is there any hope?

 

If you have been in a relationship with this woman for 2 years could you just not talk to her about it? Perhaps she would be willing to take more pride in her appearance for you and she could take more time get prettied up more often.

 

This makes more sense than just pulling the plug or whatever....

[fro2]

If you have been in a relationship with this woman for 2 years could you just not talk to her about it? Perhaps she would be willing to take more pride in her appearance for you and she could take more time get prettied up more often.

 

This makes more sense than just pulling the plug or whatever....

I cant, she is very self concious. She always used to say to me "am i pretty for u" or " i dont think im pretty" etc. if i bring this up she will be broken. i have brought up topic that im losing feelings but she doesnt know what the reason is. i do indirectly tell her to may be she should do this for herself or lose weight etc. but i dont know if that will solve my attraction issue or not.

[d0nnivain]

Its not as easy to do to just say let it go. its not like am completely off by her. I do love her for what she is. just not physically into her. doesnt mean if i call it quits its going to make me feel any better

 

You need to call it quits to make HER feel better so she can go off & find somebody for whom she is the sun, the moon & the stars. She's not your everything but she may be somebody's.

[fro2]

You need to call it quits to make HER feel better so she can go off & find somebody for whom she is the sun, the moon & the stars. She's not your everything but she may be somebody's.

you are saying it from her point of view for her sake. but what about me? its not like im dying to call it quits or want to actually end it. or if i treat her bad. i want this to workout somehow

[mightycpa]

There is no fine set time that i have to be in love by this time, It take different amount of time and effort for different people. I do love her for who she is.

 

That is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. While there is no set time, there is a point of "never going to happen." You passed it a long time ago.

 

You should at least tell her the truth if you can't pull the trigger. Let her read your post, or tell her the same thing you told us, then let her decide.

 

 

Its not as easy to do to just say let it go. its not like am completely off by her. I do love her for what she is. just not physically into her. doesnt mean if i call it quits its going to make me feel any better

 

This comes in a close second.

 

It's not easy? There are people in love on this board who are ripping their clothes, crying their eyes out and feeling literally SICK because they had to leave someone, or someone left them.

 

It won't be that hard, trust me. And you know what will make it even easier for you? You can find a nice hot one that you really like to look at and touch. And that's the difference between you and people who are on this board in real love. They have no desire for a substitute, but they would love to feel like you do, because what they feel now is misery.

[fro2]

That is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. While there is no set time, there is a point of "never going to happen." You passed it a long time ago.

 

You should at least tell her the truth if you can't pull the trigger. Let her read your post, or tell her the same thing you told us, then let her decide.

 

 

 

 

This comes in a close second.

 

It's not easy? There are people in love on this board who are ripping their clothes, crying their eyes out and feeling literally SICK because they had to leave someone, or someone left them.

 

It won't be that hard, trust me. And you know what will make it even easier for you? You can find a nice hot one that you really like to look at and touch. And that's the difference between you and people who are on this board in real love. They have no desire for a substitute, but they would love to feel like you do, because what they feel now is misery.

Ok im saying im not in LOVE with her only because than everyone would be like looks wouldnt have been a matter if you were in love. Otherwise i do think im in love with her because if love is caring, feeling strong bond, emotions, understanding respecting her than yes i do feel everything of those for her than i dont know how am in not IN LOVE WITH HER. only reason im saying im not in love with her because attraction is being an issue but may be iam

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Hold on to her mate because Im telling u that we are all going to lose our looks and you will still have a diamond when that happens x

[mightycpa]

Ok im saying im not in LOVE with her only because than everyone would be like looks wouldnt have been a matter if you were in love. Otherwise i do think im in love with her because if love is caring, feeling strong bond, emotions, understanding respecting her than yes i do feel everything of those for her than i dont know how am in not IN LOVE WITH HER. only reason im saying im not in love with her because attraction is being an issue but may be iam

 

OK, I believe you. So tell me this. You can do all those things, and she could have another boyfriend. None of that has to change. Would it bother you if she had another boyfriend, who did enjoy her looks and ravished her body regularly, if nothing else but the sex changed?

 

Why or why not?