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Is he a backstabber & a traitor? Is this betrayal?


ll333

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I'm a straight female. In May 2012 when I visited my relatives, my straight female cousin introduced me to her friend. He lives in the same neighborhood as my cousin. He's a gay guy. I know there are two types of gay men- a gay man who dresses like a man and a gay man who dresses like a female. I will just refer to him as "A" here. When I first met him in May 2012- he wore women's blouses & women's denim shorts. He said he's wearing women's panties under his shorts. But he said he would never wear a bra because it doesn't look good with his masculine body. He's boy-crazy and whenever we walked together in the neighborhood- he'd exclaim, "There's many handsome guys here!" He had crushes on many boys. I became close friends with "A" because he is a close friend of my female cousin.

 

In Nov 2012, I visit my relatives again and I see "A" again. I told him about a straight guy I liked at my college. I thought that the guy liked me too. This year, we are now in the process of forming a relationship. I will refer to him as "J" here. "A" hadn't met "J" in person and he didn't know him. I showed "A" his pictures in facebook and "A" immediately felt attracted to him. A week later, he told me that he added "J" as a friend in facebook. At that time, I wasn't worried about that because "A" is a gay man and not a real girl. So I know that he can't steal "J" from me and "J" will just laugh at "A" if he will flirt with him. "A" said to me, "My dream is that someday I'd wake up as a real girl. I'd be so beautiful. And all of the guys will love me."

 

Fast forward to this year. "A" changed. My cousin's friend said that "A" has been taking female hormone pills. He started taking it this year in 2014. The female hormone pills made him grow breasts and it made him have softer skin. I looked up "female hormone pills" in google and it says that the female hormone pills can make a guy grow breasts, have softer skin, and redistribute the fat in his body. (for example, making more fat settle on his hips and thighs so his body figure will be more feminine) But I read that the pills can't change his bone structure and it can't change his voice.

 

But in his facebook status update, he brags that many strangers online mistaken him for a real girl. He said that's much fun for him. In his facebook- there are many pics of "A" posing in a bra. There are other pics of him posing in women's clothing- including dresses and gowns. In most of his facebook pics- he's wearing makeup. Now he has long hair. (He had short hair the first time I met him) He didn't get surgery yet to change his gender. I don't know if he wants surgery or not. But I know that he's been taking female hormone pills because my cousin's friend told me that. He even has cleavage in some of his pictures in facebook.

 

 

The gender of his facebook profile says female.

 

I visited my relatives again this year in May 2014. I saw "A" in person again but we didn't talk much because he was only staying in his hometown for two days because at that time he had a job in a far away place. But he was still nice to me at that time. Then in June, July, and August we didn't communicate in facebook. But during those months, I saw his pictures and his status updates in facebook because they appeared in my newsfeed. I looked at them silently without making comments.

 

Last week, I hated the photos of a real girl he posted in his facebook. The pictures appeared in my newsfeed. This is a real girl- not a gay guy like "A" who's taking pills. (he designed this real girl's costume for a school pageant. "A" is proud of her because he designed her costume). I used my other account (with an anonymous nickname) and I sent "A" a msg: "the girl in your photo album looks like a smelly slut and a prostitute". (The photos were risque. She was wearing a bra with sequins as part of her costume. It didn't look like a bikini bathing suit top- it really looked like a bra. And there was even a picture of her backstage with "A" helping her get dressed. She was wearing only a bra and short-shorts.) Later that night- I logged into my main account and I sent "A" a msg: "I don't like the girl in the blue costume." "A" replied to me: "Why? I'm the one who made her costume. Is there a problem?? Don't be insecure, okay?" The next day, I tried to log into the anonymous nickname account but the account was locked. I logged into my main account and I asked "A" if he reported the other account. He said yes. When he realized that I was the owner of that anonymous nickname account, he said "you're bad. don't chat with me anymore." I was ok with what he said. I told him to please unfriend "J" from his facebook. I said "I'm not comfortable with you being friends with him in facebk." He said "I don't care that ur not comfortable. I like "J." And he gave me more insults. I'm ok with it if he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. But I'm angry because he won't unfriend "J" from his facebook. I blocked "A" to avoid trouble. But I'm still very angry. :mad:

 

Sometimes I worry that "A" will deceive "J" and make him believe that he's a real girl. And I don't want "J" to see the risque/lewd photos of the real girl of the pageant in "A"'s facebook. But even if "J" won't get attracted to "A", I'm still angry that "A" treated me like this. My point in creating this thread is- is "A" a traitor to me? Is what he did to me betrayal? Was he wrong to have that attitude towards me? What type of friend was he to me? I hope that "A" won't say bad things about me to "J". Should I ask "J" to unfriend "A" from his facebook?

 

I think it's unfair that "A" won't unfriend "J" from his facebook because "A" already flirts and chats with many other men online. He even posts his photo in ladyboy facebook groups and he gets attention and comments from many guys. He has more than 1,000 friends in his facebook friend list and many of them are guys. Guys are always making comments under his photos in facebook.

 

Last March, when "A" and I were still friends- in facebook chat "A" asked me about my lovelife with "J". I thought he was just being curious. Then "A" said to me: "I think "J" is cute. He's my crush." I asked him, "Did you ever chat with him in facebook?" He replied, "No. But I clicked like on some of his photos. And I feel in love."

 

Here is the last part of our conversation in facebook last week before I blocked him:

 

ME: unfriend J from your facebook please. i'm not comfortable with him being in your friends list.

 

A: I don't care.

 

ME: why won't u unfriend him? you don't even know him anyway

 

A: I like J

 

Me: you ******. go to hell!

 

A: you first. hahaha

 

ME:

I'm going to tell (my cousin) about you.

 

A: Go tell her. I'm not afraid.

 

ME: unfriend J from your facebook and i won't bother you again. promise

 

A: I'm prettier than you.

 

I was going to post this in the friends section of the forum, but I changed my mind and I decided to post this in the dating section here because there's not much activity in the friends section. And I think my story is related to dating anyway- because "J" is in my story and that's a guy who I'm dating. "A" is 21 years old. "J" is also 21 years old.

Edited by ll333
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evanescentworld

What they do is none of your business. A has a life. J has a life.

SUpposedly, they also have brains between their ears, are adults and can carry out actions and take consequences.

 

To be frank, you're interfering where you have no right to.

You're acting like a spoiled child who thinks she is entitled to something, but I really don't know what.

How old are you?

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WTF? That was the most confusing post I have ever read. I am surprised that you are in your early 20s (assuming because "A" and "J" are 21). You sound like you are maybe 13 on a good day.

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

So you and your friend have a crush on the same guy. This pisses you off for some reason and now you send her (and she is a her, don't be insulting) nasty messages and demand she un-friend your crush on Facebook...and you're asking us if SHE'S a traitor?

 

You are a genuinely a horrible person.

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evanescentworld

Like I said, it's none of your business what 'A' does.

What you should be doing is telling J it makes you uncomfortable, not A.

 

You obviously feel very threatened by her. THat's a sign of insecurity and you need to work on yourself, not attempt to manipulate others....

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You can't tell people who they can & can't be friends with on FB

 

I don't understand why you are freaking out on A if J is your BF. As long as J knows that A is at best a transsexual what difference does it make that they are friends? If anything since he's your BF, ask J to unfriend A not the other way around.

 

You are the one who comes off . .. how do I say this nicely . . . unbalanced? Nutty? controlling? .. . . in this scenario. Back off.

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evanescentworld

I think it would still help to know how old you are.

If you're under 26 years of age, you still have some growing up to do, mentally (That's not an insult - that's biological, anatomical fact - see here) and no wonder then that you're not thinking straight....

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It is none of your business if A and J are Facebook friends. If you are worrying that J will be attracted to A or the friend he made a costume for, then you have a problem in your relationship, and that has nothing to do with A.

 

You should be able to trust J, even if the most gorgeous girl in the whole world flirts with him. If you can't, then maybe he isn't the best guy for you.

 

But that aside, what you did to A was very mean, and I don't blame him from wanting to get away from you. You called his friend mean names because you were somehow threatened by her photos (???) instead of being a good friend to him and telling him how great his costume for her looked. You know - being SUPPORTIVE and uplifting?

 

All the stuff about A being a male who is now identifying as female doesn't even matter. He/she can be whoever he/she wants to be. You were supposed to be his friend.

 

No, I don't see any betrayal in his actions. He met J on FB through you, and he enjoys reading J's posts, so he doesn't want to unfriend J. No biggie.

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If you haven't already just tell J that A is really a dude. That should eliminate any competition right then and there. And if it doesn't there's nothing you can really do about it because J is gay.

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"A" is a real attention wh!re. A totally narcissistic being. Unfortunately that is how gays and transgenders often are. I have a very personal politically incorrect opinion about gays/transgenders/transexuals and whatever other creatures with a blurry sexual identity: the issue with them is not their sexual preference. The main issue is a psychological problem, they refuse to grow up. They remain stuck in adolescence. They live for their crushes and are obsessive about it. They are Peter Pans.

 

I understand that you feel betrayed and that you feel afraid that this guy is going to steal "J" away from you. And since "A" knows this he will even more try to find sneaky ways to win "J" for him.

 

I think you should try to ignore "A" and try to build up a good relationship with "J". Don't mention the problem you have with "A" to "J" because it will only draw the attention of "J" to "A" and that's all that "A" wants. He craves attention and does everything he can to get it. So ignore him. That's the worst thing that can happen to him.

 

I think that if your relationship with "J" is solid, "A" does not stand a chance. On top of that, "A" is most certainly an extremely shallow being so at some point someone else will become his crush and then he will be focused on that.

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And this is a classic example of why I deleted my facebook account.

 

 

Why on earth would you have two facebook accounts? Don't you think you could have been a bit nicer even if you were telling A that you didn't like the costume.

 

 

Sorry but you have been a cow and the response you got was because you were.

 

 

You have absolutely no right to tell someone who they can and can't be friends with on facebook or any other social medium. Just because you were silly enough to be so rude about something someone else is proud of doesn't mean that they should all of a sudden never speak to anyone you know again. Yes A sounds like a drama queen but you know what, some people are and that Drama Queen aspect is what many people like them for.

 

 

My advice.

1. Stop hiding behind fake emails/ facebook etc

2. Remember that if you are nasty to someone the likelihood is that they will be nasty back

3. Grow up and stop being a cyber bully - because that IS how you have behaved.

Edited by Toodaloo
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I know there are two types of gay men- a gay man who dresses like a man and a gay man who dresses like a female.

...

"A" said to me, "My dream is that someday I'd wake up as a real girl

Right, let me stop you right there. You clearly don't know much about these things.

 

Gay is someone who is attracted to the same sex.

Transvestite is someone who dresses in the opposite sex's clothes.

Transgender is someone who wants to, or takes steps towards changing their gender.

 

Someone can be any one or all of the above, they are not mutually exclusive. "A" is clearly all 3.

 

OK, now we've got that cleared up...

 

I'm still angry that "A" treated me like this. My point in creating this thread is- is "A" a traitor to me? Is what he did to me betrayal?

Eh? What did he do? He posted some pics on HIS facebook, and you sent him anonymous insults from a fake account. You are the one who is acting like an immature brat here. Stupid games you're playing. But he is winning the games and that is annoying you. Well you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

 

You can't tell someone to unfriend someone else - that's up to them. If "J" doesn't like "A" then he can un-friend him himself. If they both want to remain friends then there isn't diddly squat you can do about it, and you sound totally manipulative and controlling when you try to force them.

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Thanks, Pinkinthelimo. You seem to be the only one here who understands my

situation. Most of the other people who posted here were rude to me. I was very

angry about my situation & no human is perfect so I don't know why some people

bashed me here. I don't post risque photos of myself in facebk

like what "A" and the girl in the pageant do. I try to live a moral life

and maintain a monogamous relationship. I think its normal that I try

to guard my relationship.

 

Yes, when I showed "J"'s photos to "A" in Nov 2012- I wasn't expecting that "A"

will send a friend request to "J". I shouldn't have given "A" a link to his pics in facebk. (He was curious of what he looks like)

Instead, I should have just attached pics of "J" as a file in

a msg. That way, "A" could see what my bf looks like

but he won't know the link of his facebk profile & won't know

his last name- so therefore he can't add "J" as a friend in facebk. Friends

are not supposed to be stealing boyfriends & suitors. Last May, my cousin said that after she told "A" about her ex boyfriend- "A" started to flirt with him in facebook. And at that time, my cousin still had feelings for her ex.

 

You say that "A" is an attention whore. That's true. He even posted screenshoots

of private facebk conversations (he had with guys) in his status updates & he

brags about it.

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I used my other account (with an anonymous nickname) and I sent "A" a msg: "the girl in your photo album looks like a smelly slut and a prostitute".

I try to live a moral life

People who live moral lives to not have anonymous facebook accounts, to send abusive messages from. Do moral people call others, whom they don't even know, a "smelly slut and a prostitute"? I am not surprised he reported your abusive message and got your fake account closed down. You lost the stupid fight that you started, and now you're playing the victim. You have some serious growing up to do.

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PEGNosePete:

Eh? What did he do? He posted some pics on HIS facebook, and you sent him anonymous insults from a fake account. You are the one who is acting like an immature brat here.

 

In my msg to him at that time- I didn't intend to insult him. I was just

telling him what I thought of the girl in his photos.

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Thanks, Pinkinthelimo. You seem to be the only one here who understands my

situation. Most of the other people who posted here were rude to me. I was very

angry about my situation & no human is perfect so I don't know why some people

bashed me here. I don't post risque photos of myself in facebk

like what "A" and the girl in the pageant do. I try to live a moral life

and maintain a monogamous relationship. I think its normal that I try

to guard my relationship.

 

Yes, when I showed "J"'s photos to "A" in Nov 2012- I wasn't expecting that "A"

will send a friend request to "J". I shouldn't have given "A" a link to his pics in facebk. (He was curious of what he looks like)

Instead, I should have just attached pics of "J" as a file in

a msg. That way, "A" could see what my bf looks like

but he won't know the link of his facebk profile & won't know

his last name- so therefore he can't add "J" as a friend in facebk. Friends

are not supposed to be stealing boyfriends & suitors. Last May, my cousin said that after she told "A" about her ex boyfriend- "A" started to flirt with him in facebook. And at that time, my cousin still had feelings for her ex.

 

You say that "A" is an attention whore. That's true. He even posted screenshoots

of private facebk conversations (he had with guys) in his status updates & he

brags about it.

 

You asked whether or not he was a traitor and you didn't get the response you want so suddenly we're all rude? Don't come on a public forum searching for advice if you can't accept other people disagreeing with you.

 

Your story is ridiculous though. While you may be upset and you are entitled to those feelings, it doesn't mean they're rational. You got on a fake account and said something terrible about a human being you don't even know. That right there speaks volumes about you. That is not how a "moral" person acts (disclaimer: I would never call you out on being immoral had you not touted yourself as being better than her because you keep your clothes on). Yes, you may be more conscientious about how you dress and I applaud you for that, but you obviously have some serious character flaws that you need to recognize (we all do, by the way, it's part of being human).

 

Do you keep your boyfriend from watching TV? Going outside? To class? Have you seen the way girls dress at the mall or at the store? and you're worried about a picture of a total stranger showing up on his news feed because you worry he may think that's "A"? Do you know how ridiculous that is? Had "A" actively seeked out your boyfriend just to hit on him then yeah that would be very messed up, but he didn't. He may have crossed the line by adding him, but I still think that what you did was way worse.

 

If you are this worried about your boyfriend being attracted to someone else, please break up with him. Either he is doing things to you to make you feel incredibly insecure or you need some time to mature.

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In my msg to him at that time- I didn't intend to insult him. I was just telling him what I thought of the girl in his photos.

You called her a slut and a prostitute. How is that not insulting someone?

 

You knew exactly what you were doing. You send a rude, nasty and insulting message in order do cause offence.

 

You started a load of drama and now you're complaining because you lost the fight that you started.

 

I hope you have learned from this. Maybe in future you will think twice before starting a fight.

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I don't understand why you are freaking out on A if J is your BF. As long as J knows that A is at best a transsexual what difference does it make that they are friends? If anything since he's your BF, ask J to unfriend A not the other way around.

 

She is worried because "A" is targeting her boyfriend and is going to great lengths to get what he wants, even changing into a woman...

 

I understand how she feels because there are women out there who are trying to steal a man from another woman, and sometimes they manage to do that. Now "A" is not a real woman, and might never be, but he sure has set his sights on "J".

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Pegnosepete: I intended to tell "A" that I thought the girl in the photos looked like a slut & prostitute. I didn't intend to attack

"A" in my msg at that time. I just intended to make a comment against the girl- not against him.

Edited by ll333
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Thanks, Pinkinthelimo. You seem to be the only one here who understands my situation. Most of the other people who posted here were rude to me. I was very angry about my situation & no human is perfect so I don't know why some people bashed me here. I don't post risque photos of myself in facebk like what "A" and the girl in the pageant do. I try to live a moral life.

 

Oh we understand your situation all right.

 

We are not being rude - we are calling you out on your terrible behaviour. Why you think it acceptable to behave in such an abysmal way is a mystery.

 

You try to live a moral life... well if you think you are the victim in all this I think you need to a. try harder and b. look up the meaning of the word moral. Your behaviour belays your words.

 

Even worse, you now say your intention was to be vile about some poor girl you have never met, know NOTHING about, simply because she dressed up in an outfit for a show... WHY??? because you can... This behaviour is that of a bully and today you have discovered that there will always be someone bigger and that bullies don't win.

 

I have no idea how you are looking yourself in the mirror at the moment. I would be so ashamed of myself if I behaved this way.

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evanescentworld

I think she is below 20 years of age; she's a child and has much to learn about her own place in the universe and how insignificant it all really is.

 

She will grow past this but yes, ll333 you have a great deal to learn about your attitude towards other people, no matter what their sexual persuasion, your sense of entitlement and your position in the lives of others.

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I understand how she feels because there are women out there who are trying to steal a man from another woman, and sometimes they manage to do that. Now "A" is not a real woman, and might never be, but he sure has set his sights on "J".

 

A woman (or a man) cannot steal a man who doesn't want to be stolen. A person of integrity does the right thing no matter what those around them do.

 

So if J is committed to the OP, it doesn't matter what song and dance A puts on to try and woo him away... he won't go anywhere.

 

If he does, he isn't a guy that OP wants anyway.

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evanescentworld: What about your own place in the universe? You say I'm insignificant in this universe- but my situation only involves a few other

people, not the whole world. And if I'm insignificant-

then those few people shouldn't be offended by my

comments. And what you said was totally unnecessary & uncalled

for. I didn't say I was anything special. I didn't say that

I'm a celebrity. I''m not an attention seeker. You are

the most offensive of the posters here. I think

I will block you.

 

P.S. I'm not below 20 yrs old. I'm a college student soon to

be a professional. You

may bash me more & accuse me of being immature beyond my years-

but my actions were because of my anger.

Edited by ll333
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