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Make me see thru the fog...does she just want a free dinner?


Hungup123

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A little background:

 

Went out on a first date to grab a few drinks, had a good time, a lot of touching, night ended with an awkward kiss. Paid for everything, expensive imported beers.

 

Second date was not bad, had a good time again, but paid for drinks again, one of which was some weird mixed drink that she took one sip of and said she didn't like and didn't drink any more of it. Kind of annoying. Night ended with a weird kiss/make out.

 

So now we are on to tonight which was supposed to be dinner at her place and watching football. I ask her what I should bring over, and she then tells me she doesn't have a tv and her kitchen is too small to be cooking anything...

 

I'd invite her over to mine, but I have about a month intermission that I'm staying with pops while I wait on a nice apartment to be ready, so that's pretty much out.

 

Her suggestion would be that we should just go out and get dinner, to which no doubt I would be paying. So my question to everyone is, what I should text back to somewhat test the waters and/or and see how much she really wants to see me without being too brash. She is definitely attractive, and her aloofness is keeping me interested, but I'd like to see through the fog and make sure I'm not wasting my time. I'm trying to prevent myself from getting too emotionally involved as I'd be fine turning this into something strictly casual.

 

I recently went out with another girl who paid for a majority of the drinks and out end of the night kiss definitely had a lot more passion behind it. A lot more enjoyable, but alas, she is not as attractive or really my type.

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2 dates. Nothing you can possibly read into yet.

 

If your focus is on cash, then don't date her. Seems to me you're into this woman enough to play it out.

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I'm not seeing gold digger the way you are. Money does seem to be an issue since you mentioned "expensive imported beers". If you are that worried, at least make it an affordable restaurant.

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A little background:

 

Went out on a first date to grab a few drinks, had a good time, a lot of touching, night ended with an awkward kiss. Paid for everything, expensive imported beers.

 

Second date was not bad, had a good time again, but paid for drinks again, one of which was some weird mixed drink that she took one sip of and said she didn't like and didn't drink any more of it. Kind of annoying. Night ended with a weird kiss/make out.

 

So now we are on to tonight which was supposed to be dinner at her place and watching football. I ask her what I should bring over, and she then tells me she doesn't have a tv and her kitchen is too small to be cooking anything...

 

I'd invite her over to mine, but I have about a month intermission that I'm staying with pops while I wait on a nice apartment to be ready, so that's pretty much out.

 

Her suggestion would be that we should just go out and get dinner, to which no doubt I would be paying. So my question to everyone is, what I should text back to somewhat test the waters and/or and see how much she really wants to see me without being too brash. She is definitely attractive, and her aloofness is keeping me interested, but I'd like to see through the fog and make sure I'm not wasting my time. I'm trying to prevent myself from getting too emotionally involved as I'd be fine turning this into something strictly casual.

 

I recently went out with another girl who paid for a majority of the drinks and out end of the night kiss definitely had a lot more passion behind it. A lot more enjoyable, but alas, she is not as attractive or really my type.

 

 

You should pay for everything because of being the male. Not because of it being expected. Because of sincerely and simply wanting to. That all then being said. If you think she may be using the money to get things. Simply ask her to spend time with you. Without there being any need for anyone to pay for anything at all. The way she reacts may prove to possibly be insightful.

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So you'd rather go out with the hotter one who seems to be using you and can't even kiss right. You deserve whatever comes from that.

 

Meanwhile you have a courteous girl who kisses with passion, probably owns a TV too, and you next her! Stupid.

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So you'd rather go out with the hotter one who seems to be using you and can't even kiss right. You deserve whatever comes from that.

 

Meanwhile you have a courteous girl who kisses with passion, probably owns a TV too, and you next her! Stupid.

 

Haha when you put it that way..

 

Haven't nexted her, its only been one date. I definitely still plan to see her, but shes on vacation in new york for a week.

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There's only one way to know if you're wasting your time, and that, my friend, is to go waste your time and money.

 

Maybe you'll advance to some awkward fondling this time.

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Haha when you put it that way..

 

Haven't nexted her, its only been one date. I definitely still plan to see her, but shes on vacation in new york for a week.

 

Glad I could snap some sense into you! A kiss is very important. I'll give you a pass on a first date awkward kiss but two dates? NEXT! Besides who invites someone to watch FOOTBALL then all of a sudden doesn't own a TV?! Shady.

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Why are you paying for everything again? This isn't 1930, women have jobs and money now. Chivalry isn't relevant in the modern world. The only time it was, was when men were brute warriors who simply smashed a woman's skull if she didn't give him what he wants. Now that the playing field has been equalized with laws and societal norms, those romantic notions of wining and dining a woman go out the window.

 

Anyway, just cancel the date and if she cares she'll try to reschedule.

Edited by somegoodman
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WhatIsLove2014

What's the big deal with paying for dinner? If it's that big of a deal, maybe she just isn't the type of woman you want to be with. She may be more old fashioned and you are looking for a more modern, go Dutch type of woman.

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Glad I could snap some sense into you! A kiss is very important. I'll give you a pass on a first date awkward kiss but two dates? NEXT! Besides who invites someone to watch FOOTBALL then all of a sudden doesn't own a TV?! Shady.

 

Yea I'd like to hope its not me doing the awkward kissing, but with others its much more..uhh..dynamic & natural. With her it seems as though we are just pressing our heads together with our lips as the first point of contact.

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While I am old fashioned in a sense and believe a guy should pay - I vote "no guy pay" in this situation....

 

For one, IMO, I keep first dates simple - coffee or drinks - cuz just in case there's no chemistry, I don't want a guy spending his money on me and I don't want to be stuck all evening with a guy I'm not clicking with (yes, meals can drag out the evening).

 

When I saw this thread I was like "Really, there are still women who just go out with guys for a free meal?"...but I guess it is true.

 

IMO, gold diggers aren't always looking for rich guys - I've seen women who got one guy paying her light, another paying her water, and another gives her $20.00 now and then.

 

Now, this excuse about she can't cook at her place? AND, she doesn't have a TV??? Either she is taking you on a ride or she is dirt poor and really did/does go out with guys for food (which is very sad). I mean, in the barracks I didn't have a stove and I bought a little electric hot-plate and I made rice, chicken, soup, and other stuff on that bad boy!!!

 

I'm not shooting down poor people, but who doesn't have a TV? I got a TV from a pawn shop for like $60.00 years ago and it worked for like a decade. And, I already explained about the hot plate.

 

You've treated her, and if she had a will, she'd find a way to reciprocate...Even if she puts together some cheap wine, cheese and crackers (or even little sandwiches) and you guys go to the park or something.

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As others have said, most of the women that I've gone on multiple dates with and actually had something going on with, have been willing to chip in or offer to cook dinner, or otherwise keep it on an even ratio. Its really not a huge deal about the money ("expensive imported beers" being $7.50 a pop :confused: ), but more as an indication of where their interest level stands.

 

I admit that I would feel somewhat out of place actually telling them its their turn to pay, so I usually just wait for them to offer as more of my own test. I don't think this girl is "old fashioned" as she is one of the younger people I've dated recently.

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As others have said, most of the women that I've gone on multiple dates with and actually had something going on with, have been willing to chip in or offer to cook dinner, or otherwise keep it on an even ratio. Its really not a huge deal about the money ("expensive imported beers" being $7.50 a pop :confused: ), but more as an indication of where their interest level stands.

 

I admit that I would feel somewhat out of place actually telling them its their turn to pay, so I usually just wait for them to offer as more of my own test. I don't think this girl is "old fashioned" as she is one of the younger people I've dated recently.

 

We're not telling you to tell a chick she's gotta go dutch...and, doesn't matter what you can/cannot afford - but shelling out your hard earned money on someone you barely know is not only a waste of money, but it teaches that person that they get so much for nothing.

 

Ever start a job at an entry-level position/salary/wage? Why do you think they do that? So, you can earn your keep and they don't invest too much in someone they just picked up off the street (no matter what your resume and/or references say about you).

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I'm 27 and I've always payed for my women. Just how I was raised. While I understand that "new" social norms are evolving, and I definitely understand them, I haven't felt the need to exercise them. That, and I just love feeling like a provider. Like a man. A man who gets things. It feels right.

 

With that said, I am not a fool. I make sure the women I date put forth effort in their own way.

 

The women I dated often would cook for me, clean for me (although I always do this myself and my apartment is quite clean, women still do this), and hell, my current GF is even offering to wash my clothes for me when we move together.

 

I pay for the meals, the trips, the excursions, events, concerts, etc. I like to go out on dates and treat people, but all of them would treat me nicely in their own way. In their own means. And that's perfect for me. People who care about you will find a to reciprocate and show appreciation for your efforts.

 

So far, this girl has not shown you that. I am skeptical of her. If your girl invited me over but then said we should go out to eat instead, I would be wary. Why can't she just cook you the meal? I think that would have been a perfect way to show you she cares. DOes she care? That's my question.

 

(And who the hell doesn't have a TV? This is a bit absurd. I am shaking my head just because of that).

 

In the end, if you do go, there is a good chance you'll get to play dirty. And if that's what you want, cool. Go for it. But from what you've told us so far, I wouldn't consider her a serious dating prospect.

 

That other girl on the other hand... ;).

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We're not telling you to tell a chick she's gotta go dutch...and, doesn't matter what you can/cannot afford - but shelling out your hard earned money on someone you barely know is not only a waste of money, but it teaches that person that they get so much for nothing.

 

Ever start a job at an entry-level position/salary/wage? Why do you think they do that? So, you can earn your keep and they don't invest too much in someone they just picked up off the street (no matter what your resume and/or references say about you).

 

Yea I see what you're saying now.

 

I think someone else mentioned though, that perhaps its too early to tell since its only been two dates, which is true.

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We're not telling you to tell a chick she's gotta go dutch...and, doesn't matter what you can/cannot afford - but shelling out your hard earned money on someone you barely know is not only a waste of money, but it teaches that person that they get so much for nothing.

 

Ever start a job at an entry-level position/salary/wage? Why do you think they do that? So, you can earn your keep and they don't invest too much in someone they just picked up off the street (no matter what your resume and/or references say about you).

 

Just wanted to highlight this brilliance.

 

This doesn't go for dating, but it applies to real life in general. Good stuff.

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In the end, if you do go, there is a good chance you'll get to play dirty. And if that's what you want, cool. Go for it. But from what you've told us so far, I wouldn't consider her a serious dating prospect.

 

 

Well to your above statement about things getting dirty, if she is deflecting going to her place to cook a simple meal, I'm not sure if the night will go that way.

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WhatIsLove2014
While I am old fashioned in a sense and believe a guy should pay - I vote "no guy pay" in this situation....

 

For one, IMO, I keep first dates simple - coffee or drinks - cuz just in case there's no chemistry, I don't want a guy spending his money on me and I don't want to be stuck all evening with a guy I'm not clicking with (yes, meals can drag out the evening).

 

When I saw this thread I was like "Really, there are still women who just go out with guys for a free meal?"...but I guess it is true.

 

IMO, gold diggers aren't always looking for rich guys - I've seen women who got one guy paying her light, another paying her water, and another gives her $20.00 now and then.

 

Now, this excuse about she can't cook at her place? AND, she doesn't have a TV??? Either she is taking you on a ride or she is dirt poor and really did/does go out with guys for food (which is very sad). I mean, in the barracks I didn't have a stove and I bought a little electric hot-plate and I made rice, chicken, soup, and other stuff on that bad boy!!!

 

I'm not shooting down poor people, but who doesn't have a TV? I got a TV from a pawn shop for like $60.00 years ago and it worked for like a decade. And, I already explained about the hot plate.

 

You've treated her, and if she had a will, she'd find a way to reciprocate...Even if she puts together some cheap wine, cheese and crackers (or even little sandwiches) and you guys go to the park or something.

 

I agree with you! I'm a college student dating a "professional" guy...he makes good money so he pays for our dates but if we are hanging out at his house...I buy pizza and drinks...I mean there has to be something she could do to reciprocate...but it's only been a few dates. Who really doesn't have a tv? Why even bring up the idea...she should have known she didn't have a tv.

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Since it's been brought up three times, I know a few people without televisions. It's not about the money. I myself didn't have one from about 1999 through last year. Finally got one because my girlfriend wanted one, but I don't watch it of my own accord. It's out of the norm, I know, but I don't like it and prefer to do other things.

 

But if she invited you over to watch something on it, it does seem weird that she is now saying she doesn't have one. Sounds fishy. I'd keep going out with her, expecting that you'll be the one paying, and take note of how she treats you. If she doesn't show much interest moving forward, I'd let her go.

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So now we are on to tonight which was supposed to be dinner at her place and watching football. I ask her what I should bring over, and she then tells me she doesn't have a tv and her kitchen is too small to be cooking anything...

 

How did it initially come up that she would cook and you two would watch TV at her place? I'm wondering if she agreed to it, and then later realized that she didn't feel comfortable having you over yet on the third date, so that's why she's flip flopping now. It makes no sense that she would invite you over to watch MNF if she doesn't have a TV. I know I wouldn't have a guy over on date three.

 

From what you posted, you haven't even bought her dinner yet, so it's not like you've spent a fortune on her over the past two dates. If you're that worried about the money, just take her to a sports bar where they have food specials for MNF, or just invite her out for drinks to watch the game.

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I would say that she's not in it for free dinners because you didn't take her to any dinner yet, and she still kissed you (albeit awkwardly) and made out with you (awkwardly again0 at the first, and second dates.

 

You seem to be too concerned about money and how much the beer cost. That's kinda unattractive.

 

I'm not sure how she invited you to watch the game when she didn't have a TV. She might backpedal because she could not be ready to have sex with you at the third date, not because she wants a free dinner.

 

Overall, although it is weird that she doesn't have a TV, I really don't see this woman as being in it for free food. Something else must be going on.

 

Your attitude is not very attractive though. And you're not seriously pursuing this woman, because 1. you wouldn't mind this being casual (hence going to her place at the third date) and 2. men who are really into a woman for something serious, don't worry at all about paying for dinner early on.

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So you'd rather go out with the hotter one who seems to be using you and can't even kiss right. You deserve whatever comes from that.

 

Meanwhile you have a courteous girl who kisses with passion, probably owns a TV too, and you next her! Stupid.

 

Why have to spend time with someone who he does not even find attractive at all? Acute attraction is actually an important part of things to many individuals. What does that have to do with this specific situation? He is thinking that the woman now may be using him. Came here looking for actual advice and you try to tell him what he deserves. Call him out then for being completely stupid. Shame on you for being so condescending.

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