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Date cancelled out of nowhere


BossyFlossy

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So I'd met up with this guy a couple of times and we seemed to get on really well. Both dates went really well and at the end of both dates he made sure I knew he wanted to see me again and by the following day had text asking when I was free the following weekend. After the last (2nd) date he gave me an enormous hug and a kiss and said he'd see me in the week and the following morning had message'd before I'd even had coffee asking when I was free this weekend. For the 3rd date we'd arranged to go for a bike ride and lunch, which I saw as really positive as it meant he wanted to spend time with me properly during the day getting to know me. The night before he text checking I was still on for the date, which I was, and he agreed to pick me up just before lunch the next day. That was at bedtime on Friday night. The following morning when I woke up a text came through from him saying he was afraid he had to cancel as he'd woken up feeling rough and apologised for messing me around. No mention of rearranging. Obviously I was annoyed the date had been planned for the best part of a week and only the night before we had confirmed timings and then the very next morning he was cancelling. I gave it a while then replied giving him the benefit of the doubt that he might really being feeling unwell so said it was a shame, that I hoped he felt better soon and to let me know if he'd like to rearrange and that I was going out on my bike anyway. He replied that evening, still no mention of rearranging the date and nothing since. Now I appreciate that it was only a 3rd date and that people get better offers. But to go from securing a date with me before the previous one had even had a chance to get cold and confirming timings at 11pm with me the night before and then cancelling by 9:30am the following morning. What on earth is all that about?!

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It's possible he got angry ass and was in no mood to arrange another time. Give it a few days before you go jumping to conclusions. just keep your options open. If you know someone you would like to check out, by all means go out on a date with someone else. Doesn't mean you have to sit at home.

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From what I know, in general canceling is the kiss of death. We don't know what happened on his end, but it might be that he lost interest for whatever reason (met someone else, got diagnosed with a terminal disease..who knows?). He cancelled once, if he asks you again, go and see how things are. If not, consider it one of life's mysteries and move on.

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He could be hungover or really did wake up feeling "rough".

 

Either way, you really do need to give him the benefit of the doubt and gauge his actions for the next few days. You can't really tell right now... not offering an immediate counter-offer is not always a red flag. If he really isn't well, he wouldn't say, "Let's do Wednesday."

 

Just give him a few days.

 

It's definitely something worth making a note of, but there's nothing more you can really do right now.

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Whatever the circumstances, he canceled on you. If you have not heard from him within 24/48 hours of the cancelation, you will not hear from him again. Don't suggest anything via text, he has to rearrange it. If you don't hear from him, move on.

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Canceling is one thing, canceling last minute, if not involving an emergency, is sign of bad character. It's like showing up late 45 minutes on your first date, you just know, this isn't the person that is going to make you happy.

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venusishername

I wouldn't hold it against him that he cancelled the morning of. Not a whole lot could change in 12 hours as far as his interest... I'd be willing to bet he was out the night before and was hung over! (Or was legitimately sick, perhaps food poisoning or something, etc).

You already let him know you'd like to reschedule... See what happens and if he reaches out. If he does it again I'd be concerned, but this time I think it's forgivable.

Edited by venusishername
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My guess.. He went out drinking the night before and slept with another chick. Chose to hangout with her instead of you.

 

Facts

He cancelled last minute to a date which had a weeks planning.

He didn't set another date right then and there.

He didn't call to cancel. He texted.

 

These reasons are enough to show he is a lame dude and you deserve better. Dates 1-5 should always work out with no hiccups, and if there is one, the person should have a new plan locked and loaded. They should be trying to impress you; not let you down.

 

This is what I realize in dating... People keep their options open, they get better offers, they ow you nothing... But even if I get better offers... I ALWAYS KEEP MY WORD. IT IS IMPECCABLE. And that other person is still a human and they deserve respect. I owe everyone my respect, until they show me they don't deserve it. And that is called integrity.

 

If someone doesn't have integrity... I can't respect them and I can't form anything real with them. Some people either have it or they don't.

 

If someone cancels in the beginning... It will get worse.

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It's possible he's married. He didn't seem to get together but once a week.

 

That could be an indicator he was trying to see you while his wife was busy. Maybe she was suddenly not busy that day.

 

Just pointing out that it often looks this way when men are married/taken.

 

Did he usually call you or text?

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So I'd met up with this guy a couple of times and we seemed to get on really well. Both dates went really well and at the end of both dates he made sure I knew he wanted to see me again and by the following day had text asking when I was free the following weekend. After the last (2nd) date he gave me an enormous hug and a kiss and said he'd see me in the week and the following morning had message'd before I'd even had coffee asking when I was free this weekend. For the 3rd date we'd arranged to go for a bike ride and lunch, which I saw as really positive as it meant he wanted to spend time with me properly during the day getting to know me. The night before he text checking I was still on for the date, which I was, and he agreed to pick me up just before lunch the next day. That was at bedtime on Friday night. The following morning when I woke up a text came through from him saying he was afraid he had to cancel as he'd woken up feeling rough and apologised for messing me around. No mention of rearranging. Obviously I was annoyed the date had been planned for the best part of a week and only the night before we had confirmed timings and then the very next morning he was cancelling. I gave it a while then replied giving him the benefit of the doubt that he might really being feeling unwell so said it was a shame, that I hoped he felt better soon and to let me know if he'd like to rearrange and that I was going out on my bike anyway. He replied that evening, still no mention of rearranging the date and nothing since. Now I appreciate that it was only a 3rd date and that people get better offers. But to go from securing a date with me before the previous one had even had a chance to get cold and confirming timings at 11pm with me the night before and then cancelling by 9:30am the following morning. What on earth is all that about?!

 

TBH he could have had some buddies ask him out and he felt obligated. Or he could have been hung over and not wanted to flub a 3rd date.

 

Also he could be feeling like WTF because of no sex by the 3rd date, or even getting ribbed by his bros. Sex is up to the girl to give so do what you feel is right in that regard.

 

If you really like him.... you reschedule the date and go down on him. He wont cancel after that.

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TBH he could have had some buddies ask him out and he felt obligated. Or he could have been hung over and not wanted to flub a 3rd date.

 

Also he could be feeling like WTF because of no sex by the 3rd date, or even getting ribbed by his bros. Sex is up to the girl to give so do what you feel is right in that regard.

 

If you really like him.... you reschedule the date and go down on him. He wont cancel after that.

 

If he is thinking "WTF no sex after the 2nd date!?"... Then he's a loser.

 

And your advice is terrible. "If you really like him.... you reschedule the date and go down on him".

 

What kind of bull is that?

"Well, he bailed on me last minute... I guess I have to be a slut and blow him now to keep him around."

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My god I don't recall ever worrying about a cancelled date. It happens. Give it a few days and see if he is being a jerk or not.

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My god I don't recall ever worrying about a cancelled date. It happens. Give it a few days and see if he is being a jerk or not.

 

This.

 

People should stop jumping to crazy conclusions, because it only makes things worse. If you're assuming bad things, you'll automatically be resentful and not see the person in the same light next time you meet.

 

Any number of things could have happened. Most likely, he caught a bug of some kind and is spending the day running in and out of the bathroom.

 

Or he drank a brew too much and is feeling it this morning.

 

Maybe he's having migraines.

 

Who knows?

 

In any case, he told you he's not feeling well. Perhaps he's not feeling WELL ENOUGH to spend the day with you. Maybe he doesn't think he can give you the same attention. Maybe he's afraid to get YOU sick. Maybe he's afraid you'd mistake his issue (whatever it may be) as lack of enthusiasm/energy/like-ness for you.

 

Let him get back to you and reschedule.

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Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

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My god I don't recall ever worrying about a cancelled date. It happens. Give it a few days and see if he is being a jerk or not.

 

Fair enough yes, but having only just started dating again after escaping an abusive relationship last year it'd be nice to have my confidence boosted rather than messed around! Give it a few days, I'm sure I'll toughen up again.

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Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

 

Ouch. He actually admitted as much? I guess you have to appreciate the honesty.

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Well, I wish it was a case of him having something really come up. But usually, cancelation is the kiss of death, and I think someone here (Supernatural) maybe suggested that he might have slept with another woman. So sorry :( Dating is so unpredictable these days. Just don't take it to heart, and good for you for not letting him back in your life. He just wasn't your guy.

Edited by BluEyeL
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Okay, so he text earlier. Seems he got lucky Friday night hence the change of heart overnight. He'd like to meet up for a drink in a couple of weeks though. Guess he thinks he can keep a foot in the door in case he has a change of heart again. Absolutely not! It's one thing keeping your options open, that's what dating is all about, but blowing me out last minute because he got lucky, no going back from that one!

 

I knew it!

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WhatIsLove2014
playing devils advocate here...

 

they arent in a rship so what did he do wrong?

 

he can date others no?

 

It's not really that he slept with someone else...it's more that he put her on the back burner and lied about it.

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ
playing devils advocate here...

 

they arent in a rship so what did he do wrong?

 

he can date others no?

 

Of course he can date other people. But telling a potential partner "sorry, I canceled because I had sex with someone else I like more than you! But if we don't work out you can be my back-up plan" is pretty damn insulting. I don't think I've ever dated someone as a second choice, but if I did, I wouldn't tell them that.

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playing devils advocate here...

 

they arent in a rship so what did he do wrong?

 

he can date others no?

 

He did nothing wrong I guess.

 

I think you see a persons principals and morals if they are seeing multiple people at once. Going on dates and sharing great moments with more than one person....

 

People always say "dating is like finding a job. You don't just hand one resume off and expect to get the job..." To me, dating and job hunting NEED to be two very different things.

 

If a person is seeing multiples in the start... What's to stop them from starting to get to know someone new while still in the relationship?

I mean... When you have a job and desire something else... You lock down a new job before you leave your old.

 

If I found out a girl was seeing other guys in the beginning stages of seeing me... I would just end it.

 

 

I didn't like my best friends girlfriend at the beginning when they first started hanging out... Because the first 3 'dates' she hung out with my friend, she was still in a relationship with another guy. She ended it and chose my friend. My friend probably felt amazing that he gained her interest and she left her ex.

Now... Things in her and her ex's relationship were rocky, and I suppose my friend was the new shiny toy after 2 years.

What happens when she sees a new shiny toy after a couple more months with my friend?

 

I think if people have the idea that dating is like job hunting... You will always be searching. Because there are always better jobs with better pay days and benefits.

 

Plus... Only seeing one person at a time shows more loyalty.

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He did nothing wrong I guess.

 

I think you see a persons principals and morals if they are seeing multiple people at once. Going on dates and sharing great moments with more than one person....

 

People always say "dating is like finding a job. You don't just hand one resume off and expect to get the job..." To me, dating and job hunting NEED to be two very different things.

 

If a person is seeing multiples in the start... What's to stop them from starting to get to know someone new while still in the relationship?

I mean... When you have a job and desire something else... You lock down a new job before you leave your old.

 

If I found out a girl was seeing other guys in the beginning stages of seeing me... I would just end it.

 

 

I didn't like my best friends girlfriend at the beginning when they first started hanging out... Because the first 3 'dates' she hung out with my friend, she was still in a relationship with another guy. She ended it and chose my friend. My friend probably felt amazing that he gained her interest and she left her ex.

Now... Things in her and her ex's relationship were rocky, and I suppose my friend was the new shiny toy after 2 years.

What happens when she sees a new shiny toy after a couple more months with my friend?

 

I think if people have the idea that dating is like job hunting... You will always be searching. Because there are always better jobs with better pay days and benefits.

 

Plus... Only seeing one person at a time shows more loyalty.

I guess the argument for multi dating is that 90% or more of the dates don't lead to relationships and if you multidate you can find a relationship faster. I don't do it now because I simply don't have the time, but I don't think it's wrong. Now I date one at a time...it's also less complicated and there is no rush.

 

The other argument is too early emotional involvement with the wrong person if you don't have someone else as a back up can keep you in the wrong relationship.

 

I agree with those arguments, like I said, but it's too much work to juggle.

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ
He did nothing wrong I guess.

 

I think you see a persons principals and morals if they are seeing multiple people at once. Going on dates and sharing great moments with more than one person....

 

People always say "dating is like finding a job. You don't just hand one resume off and expect to get the job..." To me, dating and job hunting NEED to be two very different things.

 

If a person is seeing multiples in the start... What's to stop them from starting to get to know someone new while still in the relationship?

I mean... When you have a job and desire something else... You lock down a new job before you leave your old.

 

If I found out a girl was seeing other guys in the beginning stages of seeing me... I would just end it.

 

 

I didn't like my best friends girlfriend at the beginning when they first started hanging out... Because the first 3 'dates' she hung out with my friend, she was still in a relationship with another guy. She ended it and chose my friend. My friend probably felt amazing that he gained her interest and she left her ex.

Now... Things in her and her ex's relationship were rocky, and I suppose my friend was the new shiny toy after 2 years.

What happens when she sees a new shiny toy after a couple more months with my friend?

 

I think if people have the idea that dating is like job hunting... You will always be searching. Because there are always better jobs with better pay days and benefits.

 

Plus... Only seeing one person at a time shows more loyalty.

 

I disagree with just about all of this. When I was single and using OKCupid, I got between 10 and 20 messages per day. Many of these gentlemen were interesting and I went out on quite a few dates throughout the week. When I met a guy I liked well enough, I lost interest in seeing any of the others and began dating exclusively. You cannot seriously suggest that I should have devoted all my time, energy and attention to a total stranger because it would have made me more "loyal"? Loyalty comes after you make a commitment, not before.

 

It's true, there will always be some better match for you out there, but that's what dating (not marriage) is about. You don't know all the reasons why your friend's girlfriend broke up with her ex. Like you said, things were rocky, so they were probably headed for a split anyways. And even if they weren't, what's the problem? Should she have cheated on her boyfriend instead? Should she have kept dating him even after she didn't want to be with him anymore? Dating is about finding the person you want to be with. If your current relationship isn't working and you meet someone you want to be with even more, and the feeling is mutual, why wouldn't you?

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