When do you stop fighting for a girl?

[UltimaWeapon]

How do you approach a situation where the girl has told you she isn't ready for a relationship (dating) now and has commitment issues basically and does not want to put herself and her emotions into anything at this point because of her past and whats going on in her life with her job, family, etc.

 

( I told her I don't want a relationship right now and I want to take things slow with her and go her pace)

 

When you ask her what's holding her back she says she doesn't know. She also says she needs time to develop feelings and to take things from there but doesn't want to put herself in that spot to actually develop feelings because of all the other reasons. She is scared of getting hurt, etc.

 

 

Example:

Me: I know if we would see each other more and take things slow that you would be more comfortable around me- you would develop more feelings and you would know where u stand.

 

Her: Ye but what happens after we see each other two times? How would you know that? What are we going to be after we see each other two times?

 

Me: It doesn't matter- we take things slow and see where it goes- we just hang out and get to know each other better. I told you im not gona hurt you and I want this to work.

 

Her: I can't promise you anything. It seems like you want a relationship right away and I don't want to tell you that will happen when I can't be in one now. you will have expectations of me blah blah.

 

Me: I don't want one right away, I told you I will take things slow and I don't want to pressure you or anything.

 

*She is essentially scared of putting in any effort and says she isn't sure how she feels for me ( This is based off one time that we saw each other) I don't expect how she can go off just one night to determine anything and you obviously can't develop feelings over text- it has to be in person! One night for a few hours isn't enough especially if she is this closed off.

 

* Past month in August- she has made plans to see me- but would always cancel and flop on them to make new plans. She has kept in contact with me for over 2 months now- and has shown signs of interest in person when we were together. She has told her mom and girlfriends about me- We spent over 6 hours on the phone while I was on vacation- JUNE-JULY and exchanged over 6000 messages while I was gone.

 

How do you fight for a girl to show her she can trust you- be comfortable around you and to take a chance on you when she is so closed up and has these walls up and doesn't even want to make an effort to see you in person because of that??

 

She has talked to me past 3 months and has given me signs in person that she is interested- made out, held hands, she was shy around me, told me we were on the same page etc. (We have seen each other 2 times in person- both times were random and weren't planned by either of us - Night out downtown and at a Festival)

 

We spent like 4-5 hours in total together in person

 

What am I suppose to do to show her she can trust me if she can't even take a risk on me? How can I show her that I won't hurt her and that I genuinely want to be with her and take things slow. (Aside from me actually telling her this on the phone and over text) I don't want to pressure her or rush her or anything I just want her to at least see me two more times so things can develop in person further.

 

* We last talked on the phone on Wed Night about all this and basically this is where I am now.

 

* I have pulled away since and haven't contacted her in 4 days. I really like this girl though and I want to be with her and I have no idea on what to do because she is so hesistant!!

Edited September 8, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[Gloria25]

I feel your frustration...

 

Maybe you can date other people in the meantime? But then again, is she gonna view that as a lack of interest or you "playing" her - especially with her insecurities and commitment issues?

 

I say you need to sit her down and tell her pretty much what you posted here - which is, "How can you get or know her and/or build something with her if she won't even give you the time of day?"

[angel.eyes]

You like her and want to be with her, but she clearly doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't want to date you. Pressuring her with 6000 texts, constantly badgering her questions about why she won't give you a chance, and generally making the whole situation unnecessarily uncomfortable for her because you refuse to accept "no" for an answer won't change her stance on the matter. In fact, you're simply reinforcing the fact that she made the right decision. Move on already.

 

I thought 500 texts from some guy I dated twice was truly psycho. It was such a turn-off. Seriously, dude. You've taken this to a whole new level with 6000!

[UltimaWeapon]

It was a conversation between us that was 6000 messages in total while i was on vacation..it wasn't me sending 6000 messages to her..What I was trying to show with that is that we talked that much with each other and there was intent on both sides

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for clarifying.

 

She's interested in being friends with you. She doesn't want to date you. You're looking to date her. I would move on to someone else since she's not willing to date you.

[Themanwithaplan]

It was a conversation between us that was 6000 messages in total while i was on vacation..it wasn't me sending 6000 messages to her..What I was trying to show with that is that we talked that much with each other and there was intent on both sides

 

Take a step back and ask yourself this question "is it possible I'm misinterpreting this situation and this girl is trying to tell me she doesn't want a relationship?"

 

It sounds like when she says she wants to take it slow and let things develop naturally, you counter and basically tell her the opposite. When you say "let's see each other more and take it slow, just to see where we stand", what it sounds like your saying to her is "I understand you want to take it slow, but I'm gonna disregard that and try to force the situation".

She knows you like her(a lot, you've made that clear by now) but the more you push, the more she's gonna pull.

Actually listen to what she says and stop trying to manipulate the situation. Huge red flag for both men and women. If she feels she has to conform to your expectations, she is going to be even less likely to be willing to deal with the pressure that comes along with dating you.

There are plenty of women out there and I recommend dating them, while you wait for this one to figure out what she wants.

[Supernatural]

OMG MAN! STOP!

 

You're literally going insane.

 

You once again started a new thread about the same girl!!

 

When will you see this will not end? It will always be the same. Even 2 years from now.

[Assasda]

You cant logically mind trick a girl into love you man.

Also, No "fighting" or "Chase" happens.

 

Youre just going to have to leave the girl be, and have fun with her and stop pressuring her. Thats the only way how

[bastus]

op : agree with Most previous posts here, i think it's about Time to move on. Aerith had been taken by sephiroth , so why dont you try your Luck on tifa or yuffi( unless i make wrong judgement with your profile name) ..

[fred123]

2 weeks later this girl meets a new guy she reli likes and ends up being in a rship with him after 2 weeks.

 

you will then think but how is that possible as she said shes not ready and has family problems.

 

then you will wake up and realise what women are.

 

she doesnt like you

[d0nnivain]

I'm not ready for a relationship is an incomplete sentence. It's missing the prepositional phrase "with you" at the end. She is trying to be kind by making it sound like somehow it's her. It's really you. If you were her ideal guy, she'd be jumping into your arms.

 

So the answer to your Q when do you stop fighting for a girl, the answer is when she tells you to. She had told you to stop repeatedly. Why aren't you listening?

 

Also 6000 messages is insane. If you have that much to say, use the phone for voice communication.

[slizl]

She's not that into you, move on

[mightycpa]

Immediately! It is no good if you have to fight for it.

[Zahara]

Sometimes it's very simple, and just plain common sense.

 

I'm not ready for a relationship is code word for I'm not into you. The thing with that is even when someone is not into you, they tend to somewhat hold on to you but for all the wrong reasons.

 

And OP, what makes you highly unattractive in her eyes, especially when the woman really isn't into you or has developed feelings for you, is the constant prodding and poking to get her to come your way. If anything, everytime you try to push her, it only grates on her more.

 

Do yourself a favor. Let go. Date women that are emotionally available and receptive to you. And you can't fight for someone when they're not giving you much to work with. In that sense, they're trying to tell you something.

[fred123]

I'm not ready for a relationship is an incomplete sentence. It's missing the prepositional phrase "with you" at the end. She is trying to be kind by making it sound like somehow it's her. It's really you. If you were her ideal guy, she'd be jumping into your arms.

 

So the answer to your Q when do you stop fighting for a girl, the answer is when she tells you to. She had told you to stop repeatedly. Why aren't you listening?

 

Also 6000 messages is insane. If you have that much to say, use the phone for voice communication.

 

mine was similar but i tried to get her on the phone or skype! surely women like to talk and skype instead of facebooking! i even made it clear i dont want a rship with a computer and prefer hearing their voice!

[angel.eyes]

You still aren't getting it. She wasn't interested in you romantically. There's no reason to agree to Skype or speak on the phone when she didn't share your feelings, especially when you refuse to accept that she didn't want to date you. When someone of interest came along, no surprise, she dated him.

 

When someone refuses to date you, the precise reason given is irrelevant. The fluff is there to ease the sting of rejection. The answer is still no. The fact is the person will not go on a date WITH YOU. Move on to someone open and amenable to dating you.

[UltimaWeapon]

This girl talked to me while I was on vacation for a month. We kept in contact even talked on the phone while I was over there for several hours. She kept in contact with me since I have been back also. telling me we would hang out - only to flop on me after. and she kept making plans like that. We have been talking now 2+ months and we have only seen each other 2 times and that was randomly.

 

She gave me the indication through her flirting, the way she talked, everything she said that she wanted to start something with me when I came back. She even said on the phone it feels like I am in a rel. with you already by what I am saying to you.

 

She even offered to pick me up at the airport. she said all these things and basically made it seem like she was really into me. asking me to send her pics. saying I was really attractive- everything and in the end when I actually did come back SHE MADE ABSOLUTLEY NO EFFORT TO SEE ME AT ALL. She kept making excuses, kept saying she had work. I was completely shocked. We have been talking for that long- she put in that much effort to not even want to see me ONCE in person?

 

like WTF is up with that? You don't tell someone " I can't wait to see you. when are you coming back. I wish I was there right now. Omg u look so hot, I cant wait to workout with you. blah blah"

 

For when you come back for her to basically not even want to put in an effort to see me.

 

Do you understand why I am beyond pissed? I have been taken for a fool. I bought this chick flowers and a really small gift to give to her because she gave me the indication I would see her as soon as I came back and I didn't wana come back empty handed. So I planned on giving that to her the night I would see her. I came back the day of her Birthday and I wanted to show her I cared so I did that for her and this is how she repays me?

 

When she did see me in person (when we randomly saw each other the first night)- she was all shy around me, blushing, held my hand, made out with me..showed all positive signs she wanted to be with me and again after that she still didn't want to make an effort to hang out.

 

WHY DA FCK WOULD SOMEONE ACT LIKE THIS?

 

and during the month I came back she kept saying- wheres the rush? we will see each other take it easy go with the flow. like Wtf?? im not here to wait around for her. I told her Im not gona be ur texting buddy until you decide you want to hangout. I don't see wats so hard about making plans to see me for a coffee like you promised all these things and never kept ur word at all.

Edited September 8, 2014 by UltimaWeapon

[preraph]

Look, I know this because I've been there: No matter how devastated she is about a past relationship falling apart, if the right guy came along, she would turn from clouds to sunshine in a day. You're wasting your time. If there was anything there, she'd know it.

[UltimaWeapon]

Okay I understand that but why go through all that effort talking to me saying all those things. continuing to make plans with me. giving me all these signs of interest to not want to even make an effort to see me?

 

 

Or at least give me a chance to show her?

 

Like why do all that for nothing in the end?

 

How can you know what you feel over text?

[MoreCoffee]

.......Fight? For a girl? :lmao:

[Zahara]

OP, when I was fresh out of my divorce. I met a guy through a dating service. He was an all around great guy.

 

Unfortunately, me being emotionally unavailable because I was still fresh out of hurt and pain, I couldn't get close to him. I'd try, but then I'd pull away. I liked him but I liked him because he was great guy. In all honesty, why would a woman pass up on that but was I into him, other than him being a "good candidate" -- no. For reasons being that maybe I was distracted by my insecurities and that I just couldn't see him through my own fog or maybe he just wasn't it no matter how great he was.

 

I held onto him because I kept telling myself that maybe I can learn to like him. Maybe I can learn to develop feelings for him. So, I'd get close, and when he got too close, I'd cancel, evade, etc., because I wasn't truly into him. It was a battle of trying to like a great guy versus just accepting that I had to let go because I just didn't feel it.

 

Don't spend time trying to get a woman to want you. Go out there and pursue women than want to also pursue you and are emotionally available and receptive to you.

[mightycpa]

WHY DA FCK WOULD SOMEONE ACT LIKE THIS?

 

Let's imagine for a moment that I could answer that question for you. Would that really make you feel better?

 

What difference does it make WHY? IT IS. DEAL WITH IT.

[d0nnivain]

Do you understand why I am beyond pissed? I have been taken for a fool.

 

WHY DA FCK WOULD SOMEONE ACT LIKE THIS?

 

You get to be angry but please don't think she played you for a fool. My best guess is that she's shy, awkward, socially immature . . . something along those lines rather than outright mean & manipulative.

 

However, you do hold the keys to your own destiny. You can

 

1. fade out on her, stop responding to her messages, don't flirt back etc.

 

2. point blank tell her you are cutting her off because she's flaky & you're tired of playing games

 

or

 

3. give her an ultimatum: let me pick you up on Saturday & take you on a date [specify the plan when you ask] or let me go because I'

m

tired of you playing with my feelings.

 

Either way, the BS will end.

 

With her track record, I hope you didn't let her pick you up at the AP; I would have been worried she wouldn't show.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

never have, never will... i let the woman make up her mind on what she wants. Mainly because i am not interested in women who needs a guy to be aggressive with how he expresses his emotions. it is ok to be aggressive in passions, but making descisions for a woman sounds so controlling to me.

[UltimaWeapon]

Nah she def isn't shy, awkward or any of that stuff.

 

Only thing is she is hesitant on actually making a commitment. What she did was pure evil and manipulative because she made promises, lead me on completely and gave me the indication something would happen.

 

I wouldn't invest so much effort and time talking to her if I wasn't expecting something in return. Based off her actions and what she said is what I went off of. So when I came back I realized this girls full of ****- and she won't make an effort at all.

 

And I didn't let her pick me up at the airport- I told her there was no need

 

Like she even said there is a connection and she knows she has to see me in person to develop feelings but that's wats preventing her from trying. She said she is scared of getting hurt, and I don't know how genuine that is but this situation is just plain stupid.

 

All it takes is a few hours 1 on 1 over a coffee. at least 2 times to make things progress further and go from there. These games, and hot and cold, playing hard to get crap just killed all my trust for her and I really care for her but like I don't know how she can act like this.

 

I really doubt there is anyone else in the picture tbh- but at this point anything can be possible. She did stay with me till 4 am and everything so I don't know. This girl doesn't seem like the type to cheat or have multiple guys from what I have seen. She doesn't go out much and is very family oriented..but who knows

Edited September 8, 2014 by UltimaWeapon