slinky71 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Hello people. I recently found this board and i have a problem i think you might help. There is this girl we've been on a together in a friend-ish way. At first she was paying attention to me and i was like 'meh, okay' and i did nothing to escalate it. We occasionally talked when we run into each other, and then it turned out that we have really similar tastes and passions in life. So it became something like going out to movies together, having lunches and coffees, it's like, when we dated, we had spent 5-6 hours without getting bored. I thought she liked me and i grow to like her. I thought that she was dropping both sexual hints and hints that we should be together, but i wasnt responding well i guess. I was in another city for a month, hooking up with other women but i always thought like 'yeah i may have something meaningful and beautiful when i get back home', i was thinking about her time to time. So when i got back, i just told her how i felt after a long date. She seemed surprised and she was smiling, and said she's just shocked and cant answer right there and then. So i gave her time. And i waited, waited and waited, and we texted a couple times and after all this crap, i just said her online that i want an answer, why she didnt answer i felt bad about it and bla bla bla. She said it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to see me that way and she cared me about really much but NEVER in that way. And she said 'sometimes you see a person that way and sometimes you just don't'. And i said, okay then, let's be friends. And she invited me for coffee with a mutual friend who is a dude. I read one member of this site's experience which is similar to mine, and he happened to be with the girl after doing stuff like pulling back. What should i do? I really like her and i can really see us as a couple, but i don't intend to pursue her too much because i lived through such bad stuff for years and i just don't have the energy. But maybe she has feelings for me and she's just afraid. I don't know. What do you suggest, what should i do? Edited September 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Wow, So you came out and you told her that you loved her huh? Man, People really watch a lot of rom-coms. I think you can still get with her, if you do 3 things. Whats that you say? 1. Stop all the mouth diarrhea, telling her how you feel and talking about your emotions. What you do is you show her how you feel. 2. Start/Keep having fun with her and going out with her, regular lightly flirting. 3. See other women 4 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Wow, So you came out and you told her that you loved her huh? Man, People really watch a lot of rom-coms. I think you can still get with her, if you do 3 things. Whats that you say? 1. Stop all the mouth diarrhea, telling her how you feel and talking about your emotions. What you do is you show her how you feel. 2. Start/Keep having fun with her and going out with her, regular lightly flirting. 3. See other women Especially 3. See other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Wow, So you came out and you told her that you loved her huh? Man, People really watch a lot of rom-coms. I think you can still get with her, if you do 3 things. Whats that you say? 1. Stop all the mouth diarrhea, telling her how you feel and talking about your emotions. What you do is you show her how you feel. 2. Start/Keep having fun with her and going out with her, regular lightly flirting. 3. See other women No mate i didn't go to her and uttered the l-word. I just said that i liked her really much and i knew that we're friends but i wanted to be bf and gf maybe, i said i wanted to give it a shot. Thank God i'm not so mad-in-love anyway. How should i show her how i feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 No mate i didn't go to her and uttered the l-word. I just said that i liked her really much and i knew that we're friends but i wanted to be bf and gf maybe, i said i wanted to give it a shot. Thank God i'm not so mad-in-love anyway. How should i show her how i feel? Dude, thats worse than telling her that you love her. haha Anyway, How you show her how you feel is, you just go out and have fun with her. Dont count anything as a "date" or anything like that. HAVE FUN. Talk about stuff without an agenda. Thats how you show her. Get it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Dude, thats worse than telling her that you love her. haha Anyway, How you show her how you feel is, you just go out and have fun with her. Dont count anything as a "date" or anything like that. HAVE FUN. Talk about stuff without an agenda. Thats how you show her. Get it? So if i get you, you want me to friendzone her back i dont know i'd just feel undignified if i had tried to set up 'dates' with her now. If she wants of course i'd go and have fun but i don't want to chase her much and be her lapdog. I think i need to be the one who calls and texts the other less. I'd occasionally run into her in the school anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm not telling you to set up dates with her. I'm saying you should go out like regular. Definately dont chase her around. Also remember number 3. - See other women 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 you be honest with her...you dont just want to be her friend.....because you have more feelings fro her than that and you dont want to sit by and watch her with other guys so ...you will have to say good bye its up to her.......the shock should have worn off by now and a decision is needed...if she sees you in that way it should be clear to her what to dso....i despise the idea of games....come clean be honest and if she says no..... date other women and move on then you have been true to who you are......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 She did give you fair warning... she said it is impossible. I think you should listen to her and... #3 See other women. Knock this chick off that pedestal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 She's definitely not shy (why do men always want to think that?) since she up and told you "it's impossible" and gave you a firm no. You're wasting your time. Since you're seeing other women, that's good, but no way you should focus on this girl, but if you can handle just friends, she might be up for that or not later on. If she senses you're still after her, she'll probably end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 She isn't afraid, she's just not interested. You can't do anything. You've told her how you feel. Now turn around and walk away because she doesn't feel the same way. Life does not work life a romance-comedy FYI. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Wow, So you came out and you told her that you loved her huh? Man, People really watch a lot of rom-coms. I think you can still get with her, if you do 3 things. Whats that you say? 1. Stop all the mouth diarrhea, telling her how you feel and talking about your emotions. What you do is you show her how you feel. 2. Start/Keep having fun with her and going out with her, regular lightly flirting. 3. See other women I would add: 4. Pull back. She needs to worry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 I would add: 4. Pull back. She needs to worry. Yeah i do that. Seems like she doesn't care tho. And she stopped liking my photos and posts on Facebook too, maybe a good sign and maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah i do that. Seems like she doesn't care tho. And she stopped liking my photos and posts on Facebook too, maybe a good sign and maybe not. Who cares about FB? Every relationship these days is linked somehow to FACEBOOK, wake up people.................FB is the root of all evil. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Who cares about FB? Every relationship these days is linked somehow to FACEBOOK, wake up people.................FB is the root of all evil. Yeah but she was all like 'like like like' to my stuff but now she has stopped Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah i do that. Seems like she doesn't care tho. And she stopped liking my photos and posts on Facebook too, maybe a good sign and maybe not. That's because this is what she wants you to do (back off). She was straight with you and told you it wasn't going to happen. Move on. See other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 That's because this is what she wants you to do (back off). She was straight with you and told you it wasn't going to happen. Move on. See other women. Yeah they all do that, and when you start to see other women they just magically reappear in your life with their sulking faces and ask if you're with her or not. She told me that and i know it's probably like we wont get together but still i'm not the number 1 believer of what women say. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah they all do that, and when you start to see other women they just magically reappear in your life with their sulking faces and ask if you're with her or not. She told me that and i know it's probably like we wont get together but still i'm not the number 1 believer of what women say. Well you have been warned. If you stick around and get hurt, don't come complaining. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Well you have been warned. If you stick around and get hurt, don't come complaining. I don't intend to. Thanks for the warning Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah i do that. Seems like she doesn't care tho. And she stopped liking my photos and posts on Facebook too, maybe a good sign and maybe not. listen sometimes precisely the reason people don't like the one who likes them is because they are too available. When you pull back, they have an opportunity to see that they don't mean the "world" to you and if there are feelings there at all, she will start to realize them when she doesn't have as much access to you. It's a test. If there aren't feelings there on her end, well then nothings different by doing this because it just allows you to protect yourself and open yourself to other people. Right course of action, no matter her feelings. Give it time. After a denial of feelings and discussion of the relationship, people try to "hold true" to what they claimed was their position. If she doesn't like you, she isn't giving you false hope. If she does, she is just trying to prove to herself and you that you don't hold a romantic place in her life. Sometimes people don't exactly KNOW their feelings until they are faced with them, ie you pull back, are dating a new girl, etc. It's a win-win to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yeah but she was all like 'like like like' to my stuff but now she has stopped Because she lost interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 listen sometimes precisely the reason people don't like the one who likes them is because they are too available. When you pull back, they have an opportunity to see that they don't mean the "world" to you and if there are feelings there at all, she will start to realize them when she doesn't have as much access to you. It's a test. If there aren't feelings there on her end, well then nothings different by doing this because it just allows you to protect yourself and open yourself to other people. Right course of action, no matter her feelings. Give it time. After a denial of feelings and discussion of the relationship, people try to "hold true" to what they claimed was their position. If she doesn't like you, she isn't giving you false hope. If she does, she is just trying to prove to herself and you that you don't hold a romantic place in her life. Sometimes people don't exactly KNOW their feelings until they are faced with them, ie you pull back, are dating a new girl, etc. It's a win-win to do this. Yeah that's what i thought If i dont see her much i wouldn't be all over her and she said she wanted to go on as friends but i don't intend to just give that to her. She needs to see consequances of what she said, not because she said something wrong but the things cannot be as they were from now on. And actually i'm okay with being with other women. Because she lost interest. Maybe. But i think she has something on her mind, she could just like em 'as a friend' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 So, she invited me for a date with other friends. Should i go? Or should i flake? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Did she use the words 'a date' and 'with you'? Or did she just invite you out with her and her friends? They're vastly different things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slinky71 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Did she use the words 'a date' and 'with you'? Or did she just invite you out with her and her friends? They're vastly different things. Second one. Link to post Share on other sites
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