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Little to no communication between dates.. normal at first?


ariesrockymtn

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ariesrockymtn

Hey all,

 

I'm probably just over-thinking this but I'd really appreciate any insight.

 

I met a guy two weeks ago via a social media site, totally hit it off, have now been on three dates (two of them near 24-hrs long, hikes, etc.) together, and have now slept together twice.

 

I don't know if I'm paranoid about having slept with him so early on or what (we both wanted to tho', and both totally enjoyed it), but even though while spending time with him he does mention places he'd like to go with me, suggesting things he thinks it'd be fun to do together, etc., when the date ends, he never really suggests the next date.

 

For example, on Wednesday he took me on a hike, ended up spending all day/night together, and had breakfast the next morning. Hit it off the entire time. We definitely have a lot in common, and definitely have major chemistry. But I haven't heard from him since.

 

I finally sent him a text today (Sunday), just mentioning something about how beautiful it was outside (I was stuck at work), and he wrote back basically just how that was a bummer, and that he just got back from a motorcycle ride. That was the end of the convo.

 

This might sound like over-analyzing, but is this normal? I'm very independent, not at all needy, but I do wish this guy would give me more of a hint about when we might see each other next, otherwise I feel I should assume he's not interested. I mean it's only been 3-4 days really since we hung out, but I figured if a guy is interested (we're both about 30), he'd suggest meeting more than once a week, right? Or are some guys just so independent/busy that they don't see in-between planning/communication as an important part of dating?

 

He and I also never talked about what we're looking for, etc. (seemed too soon to bring it up), so maybe he assumes I just want a casual fling and nothing more from there? I know both of us want more eventually in a relationship, but we haven't discussed it, not even once. Too early, right?

 

 

Ready to hear any thoughts/opinions. Thanks :)

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ariesrockymtn
I think you are overthinking it.

 

Seems like you 2 have a good rapport. So you set something up.

You can also tell him casually

 

 

 

Thanks, Assasda. What do you mean by 'tell him casually' however?

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He and I also never talked about what we're looking for, etc. (seemed too soon to bring it up), so maybe he assumes I just want a casual fling and nothing more from there? I know both of us want more eventually in a relationship, but we haven't discussed it, not even once. Too early, right?

I never understand this.

You can have sex but it's too early to talk to the guy?

I think you've got it the wrong way round there.

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It's too early to be in constant contact, you just met 2 weeks ago and went on a few dates. When you're in a relTionship you should hopefully become closer and contact more often. Although i just came out of a long relationship where we basically communicated once a week and met up once a week, not healthy,

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sdrawkcaB ssA

I'm confused... Though being modern sex has always been on the first date for me. Not that I expected it. So, why can't you talk more??

 

Never have been in any relationship without talking a lot. Does not seem right if he seems distant. I would think he wanted casual sex or maybe scared about his feelings towards you. You won't know until you get talking.

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"I met a guy two weeks ago via a social media site, totally hit it off, have now been on three dates (two of them near 24-hrs long, hikes, etc.) together, and have now slept together twice"

 

Too much too soon. I bet he communicated much more before the intimacy. He got what he wanted. He will probably only hit you up for sex. Be wary.

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Well, as far as it goes for him, he's just doing what he likes. If you want a real relationship, you should have communicated this to him from the start before having sex. Looks like he's only in it for sex. I think it's late now to ask what he's looking for, after sex, because he might think you have become clingy after being intimate. No communication between dates,and no follow up means he doesn't want anything serious. You have to back off and wait for him to come back and contact you. Then let him know the next time what you're really looking for.

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venusishername

I can relate a little to your feeling uncertain, but here's my take on your situation:

 

If you're meeting on Tinder or whatever, you know as well as I do that's a hookup site. I personally am dead against social media dating, online dating, etc. for that reason. I tried it once and I found that out.

 

It sounds like you did hit it off and you like each other. However, your guy isn't taking much lead on planning your next meeting. In my experience it's at least 'talk to you soon' or some indication that they wanted to leave the lines open. To go out with him Wednesday and not hear anything by Sunday would make me wonder too!

In the early stages like the first month I think it's acceptable or at least I expect to hear from someone every few days, see each other once or twice a week. I would be wary of someone who doesn't make any kind of plan in advance or suggestion. And I strongly feel you must talk about what you're looking for straight off before sleeping with someone. You never know until you talk about it. If a guy tells you 'I'm just looking to have fun and no strings attached' there's your answer and you can't expect much. If he tells you he likes you and wants to get to know you and spend time, you shouldn't worry and let it happen in due course.

 

 

I think it's fair that if you don't hear anything in the next few days to reach out to him and ask him out, maybe then you could have that conversation and decide what it is you are comfortable with.

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ariesrockymtn

Thanks everyone. :-)

 

 

So, I did hear from him this morning, turns out he took the extended weekend off to head to the mountains and see a buddy. Sent me a message asking how I was and letting me know he was back in service (cell phone range...). So, it sort of all makes sense now and I do feel silly fretting about it.

 

 

That being said, you all are right that a conversation needs to be had, especially given that we are having sex.

 

Background on me - since ending a long term relationship a couple years ago, I've intentionally had casual relationships ONLY. I've been pretty direct with guys about it, too. But now that I'm in a place in my life where I'm open again to love, to something more serious, long-term, dating feels completely different. I feel vulnerable for once. Good, but so so so scary!!!

 

 

And I have no intention of sleeping with multiple guys at once, so I should definitely bring that up with him. Yes, ideally I would've brought it up before sleeping with him... it just didn't turn out that way. This guy does seem to be pursuing me on some level deeper than sex however, so out of respect for both of us we should probably at least discuss if we're dating/sleeping with other people. I guess I'll have to be the one to bring it up.

 

 

My following dilemma is, that I'm being pursued by other guys I could be interested in. I'd put that all on hold if this guy is really into me, but it's way too early to know how seriously he takes me. So I guess, I should still go out on other dates until I know? And just not sleep with anyone else until I talk with him about that...

 

 

Dating comes in so many forms these days... and I am part of it so I have no room to complain. Just so confusing. And with online dating even more so.

 

Thanks everyone. Any other thoughts on the above are still appreciated.

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My following dilemma is, that I'm being pursued by other guys I could be interested in. I'd put that all on hold if this guy is really into me, but it's way too early to know how seriously he takes me. So I guess, I should still go out on other dates until I know? And just not sleep with anyone else until I talk with him about that...

Well put it this way. If I were one of those other guys, and I found out you were boinking some dude while dating me, I'd disappear from your life faster than a rabbit out of a rabbit stew factory. I've never heard of any romantic stories that begin that way, have you? Dating one guy while banging another? No thanks, that doesn't sound like someone who is girlfriend material to me.

 

Their views may vary of course, but that's how I'd see it.

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