Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 So I had been seeing this man for a couple of weeks. We had 3 dates. We spoke practically each day, and I know he likes me in the way he looks at me, and I kind of like him too. We both still have our profile up, which is normal at this point. The thing is today he sent a message to my best friend on zoosk. Without knowing who she is. Do I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Yes!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 He technically didn't do anything wrong since you aren't exclusive. I'd let your friend tell him so you don't seem jealous or hurt by it. She can say something like, "thanks for the message, but I think you've been on a few dates recently with my good friend. It wouldn't be right." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I vote no. You are not in an exclusive relationship and you don't have any right to question him about writing to other women yet. I assume your best friend didn't reply. File that away in your head as information on him not being sold on you yet, and act like you don't even have that information. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 No she did not reply, she did not even open it. She waited half a day to tell me, she didn't want me to get sad. Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 No she did not reply, she did not even open it. She waited half a day to tell me, she didn't want me to get sad. Is it too late for her to reply now? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 She needs to find out what kind of message he sent. Either way you now know he's spending time and energy searching for someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Either way you now know he's spending time and energy searching for someone else. Bingo.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 But should that bother me at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 She needs to find out what kind of message he sent. Either way you now know he's spending time and energy searching for someone else. They've only been on three dates. It's normal for him to still be searching, as OP should be doing as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 But should that bother me at this point? No, it shouldn't. Are you still on the site and talking to others? I'd hope so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 She needs to find out what kind of message he sent. Either way you now know he's spending time and energy searching for someone else. But should that bother me at this point? After reading its only been three dates I'd say no, it shouldn't bother you Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 But should that bother me at this point? Yeah, I'd see this as a yellow flag. But if you two aren't exclusive it's not like you can make a scene or even dump him...I know a lot of men don't like to put all their eggs in the same basket especially when OLD is involved. Perhaps you can bring it up to him and sort of use this to put cards on the table. He is probably going to meet her at some point anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 It's only a problem if he dates her. Three dates and you sound desperate. Keep dating other men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Maybe on our next date l should show him random pictures and get that picture my friend is using on her profile and then say: and this is my friend l told you about........ Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Maybe on our next date l should show him random pictures and get that picture my friend is using on her profile and then say: and this is my friend l told you about........ Horrible idea! Let your friend tell him and then see how he handles it. Will he try to convince her otherwise? Will he tell you? See what he's about. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Ah the joys of mass multi dating OP I would confront him and say im sorry you didn't think we were a good enough match and move on hes clearly not that interested im sorry... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 No. You should be doing the same. You're not exclusive yet. Why do you want to be tied down to this person too soon? You don't have enough information to decide if he is good for you or not. Did you have sex yet?? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 No she did not reply, she did not even open it. She waited half a day to tell me, she didn't want me to get sad. Are you sad? Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) Maybe on our next date l should show him random pictures and get that picture my friend is using on her profile and then say: and this is my friend l told you about........ This sounds crazy and obvious. You come across so many faces in OLD, he may not even recognize her. Again, it's only been 3 dates. I don't see why you're so bothered. At this point, he's going to sense your insecurity whether you bring it up or not, and you're going to push him away. I say let it go, remember what a catch you are, and continue to date others. Stop wasting all of your energy on this one guy. Edited September 1, 2014 by michellew Link to post Share on other sites
AncientEchos Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) It is bothering you, so don't pretend you don't you don't know. Do not fall into the game playing category. You have only been on a few dates, can you deal with the fact he is still looking for other options? Or do you seek someone who is more excited about the possibilities of getting to know you? Only you know the answer. I suggest you talk before you walk, simply because no boundaries have been set by either of you at this point in time. Edited September 1, 2014 by AncientEchos Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I don't think he did anything wrong. 3 dates, you're both still online. It just so happened he messaged your friend. It's your decision/choice now as to what you do, for you. I don't think you need to call him out. Say you know etc. For all you know you could of been chatting with one of his friends. So many people use OLD these days, things like this are bound to happen. Say nothing. Decide for yourself what you need to do. Keep your options open as is he. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 I am not sad or desperate, I am disappointed. Of course I am still on the dating site as well but once you've seen a guy 3 times you don't want to hear things like 'hey your dude messaged me on zoosk'. No sex, no make-out, he just kissed me on the lips after date 2 and 3. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I'm more worried about you and your friend shopping the same pool of men on Zoosk. What has happened here is bound to happen again, and, it is highly possible that right now both of you are chatting with the same guy--or guys. I think the person with whom you most need to have a discussion about boundaries is your friend. What if the person gets to the meet-in-person stage with both of you, and ends up deciding to go on multiple dates with both of you? What if, on top of that, you both like him a lot? No OLD dude is worth jeopardizing your friendship over. I'd at least talk over possible scenarios with her to be sure you're on the same page. And, I hope you both are loyal friends to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Actually there will never be that problem between my friend and I. I only date black men and she only date white men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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