Jet8419 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 This is mainly for guys to answer because I want to know from their perspectives - say you asked a shy / introverted female coworker friend out to dinner (by saying "We should talk over dinner / I'll answer your question over dinner / Time we have dinner together / when are you free for a drink (after she's gone overseas for a long time)"): 1. Are these invitations meant to be a date or as friends / co-workers catching up? 2. If you ask her personal questions like whether she's lesbian or has a boyfriend / type of guys she likes / whether she's seeing anyone - could that mean you are interested in her as more than a friend? 3. If she is very reserved and answers all your questions, yet doesn't physically flirt ie doesn't touch you or say flirty things, but she asks you similar personal questions, doesn't mind you in her personal space or doesn't resist your hugs / cheek kisses, would you consider her uninterested? NB: she doesn't flake on you either and always agrees to dinner with you, and splits bills. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 1. Are these invitations meant to be a date or as friends / co-workers catching up? Sounds like a date. 2. If you ask her personal questions like whether she's lesbian or has a boyfriend / type of guys she likes / whether she's seeing anyone - could that mean you are interested in her as more than a friend? Sounds like he may be just as shy as you 3. If she is very reserved and answers all your questions, yet doesn't physically flirt ie doesn't touch you or say flirty things, but she asks you similar personal questions, doesn't mind you in her personal space or doesn't resist your hugs / cheek kisses, would you consider her uninterested? NB: she doesn't flake on you either and always agrees to dinner with you, and splits bills. Ehhhhh.... if a girl never reciprocates physically, it always sends a bad vibe in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 can you state what happened, instead of these weird hypotheticals Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet8419 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 can you state what happened, instead of these weird hypotheticals Ok I'll try to keep it short as much as I can... Qn 1. Different scenarios/reasons were given for asking me to dinner - a) we were both working on an assignment with other coworkers overseas (I was new to the company at that time) and he said "I'll take you out to dinner tonight after this project so we don't have to join the others, if you don't have any objection?" He paid the bill. b) Few months later, we were discussing work online at night for a while, he said "there are few other issues we need to sort out, probably too much for an online discussion... Maybe a dinner..." I said I didn't want to take up too much of his time, so I'll just type out an email and he can take his own time to reply, his response was "as long as dinner is involved, I'm always free ". We then continued to discuss a bit more work stuff until he insisted "let's do this over food", no answer after I asked him when. Few weeks later, we were emailing work stuff again and somehow I couldn't get the brief for one assignment right, so he emailed back "maybe we should discuss this over dinner." We split the bill this time, but turns out the "discussion" was only worth 5 minutes while rest of dinner was talking about personal stuff. c) I went overseas for a year, didn't contact him at all, messaged him on FB when I returned just to say hi, asked how's he been, his response was "time we had dinner when u are back (I was going away for another short biz trip for a month), let me know." Came back, messaged him, he asked "so when r u free for a drink?" We ended up meeting for breakfast instead on a weekend. We split bill again, but this was the weirdest meal where he asked all about what I mentioned in Qn 2. Qn 2: See 1c above. Qn 3: Because I wasn't sure what his intent was for the above, I treated those meals as work-related and just talked to him like I would to a coworker who's being over friendly, so no touching or flirting with him even though he was behaving a bit cheeky at times. Clear enough? Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Are these invitations meant to be a date or as friends / co-workers catching up? Definitely sounds like a date to me, especially how he seems to be seeking excuses to meet with you and drives the conversation in a more personal direction. If you ask her personal questions like whether she's lesbian or has a boyfriend / type of guys she likes / whether she's seeing anyone - could that mean you are interested in her as more than a friend? I only ever seriously ask these questions to girls I'm interested in. Sometimes I might ask about "types of guys she likes" to platonic friends just out of curiosity, but in general I don't care enough to know unless I see her more than as a friend. If she is very reserved and answers all your questions, yet doesn't physically flirt ie doesn't touch you or say flirty things, but she asks you similar personal questions, doesn't mind you in her personal space or doesn't resist your hugs / cheek kisses, would you consider her uninterested? Depends on how I see her interact with other people. If she especially holds back with me, I would take it as disinterest. If she seems shy/reserved with everyone in general, it suggests that she isn't disinterested in me but I'm still not sure that she's interested because she might be too shy to say anything if I'm making her uncomfortable with my advances. Being even just a little flirty would go a long way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet8419 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 If she especially holds back with me, I would take it as disinterest. If she seems shy/reserved with everyone in general, it suggests that she isn't disinterested in me but I'm still not sure that she's interested because she might be too shy to say anything if I'm making her uncomfortable with my advances. Being even just a little flirty would go a long way. Thanks. What if she texts you few days after your date and says she wants to get to know you better and hang out - her interest still not obvious enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Try not to be so rigid in your sensibilities. Things can be work one moment, then not be work the next. Are you a female and do you have other female friends? Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Thanks. What if she texts you few days after your date and says she wants to get to know you better and hang out - her interest still not obvious enough? I'd say it encourages me to set up another date. I've received similar messages from girls who were just seeking friendship, though, so I personally wouldn't interpret it as a definite sign. But it definitely helps. That said, a lot of this will depend on the guy. Most of my relationship experience was with girls who were expressive (verbally and physically) with their feelings, so it would be more challenging for me to sense interest in someone who was on the other end of the spectrum. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Ok I'll try to keep it short as much as I can... Qn 1. Different scenarios/reasons were given for asking me to dinner - a) we were both working on an assignment with other coworkers overseas (I was new to the company at that time) and he said "I'll take you out to dinner tonight after this project so we don't have to join the others, if you don't have any objection?" He paid the bill. b) Few months later, we were discussing work online at night for a while, he said "there are few other issues we need to sort out, probably too much for an online discussion... Maybe a dinner..." I said I didn't want to take up too much of his time, so I'll just type out an email and he can take his own time to reply, his response was "as long as dinner is involved, I'm always free ". We then continued to discuss a bit more work stuff until he insisted "let's do this over food", no answer after I asked him when. Few weeks later, we were emailing work stuff again and somehow I couldn't get the brief for one assignment right, so he emailed back "maybe we should discuss this over dinner." We split the bill this time, but turns out the "discussion" was only worth 5 minutes while rest of dinner was talking about personal stuff. c) I went overseas for a year, didn't contact him at all, messaged him on FB when I returned just to say hi, asked how's he been, his response was "time we had dinner when u are back (I was going away for another short biz trip for a month), let me know." Came back, messaged him, he asked "so when r u free for a drink?" We ended up meeting for breakfast instead on a weekend. We split bill again, but this was the weirdest meal where he asked all about what I mentioned in Qn 2. Qn 2: See 1c above. Qn 3: Because I wasn't sure what his intent was for the above, I treated those meals as work-related and just talked to him like I would to a coworker who's being over friendly, so no touching or flirting with him even though he was behaving a bit cheeky at times. Clear enough? This sounds mostly like work, and the whole personal question thing could be him just asking about you. I would ask you about his eyes... did he look at you the way he does any other co-worker? Or did he gaze or look intently at you? Interest is always in the eyes, in my experience. Also, you didn't mention if he touched you in flirty ways. I'm betting there's no real interest from what you've described. Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 None of it sounds flirtatious to me. It's not unheard of for colleagues to get together for dinner, and to discuss certain things over dinner/drinks outside of the office when they don't want it in writing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet8419 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 This sounds mostly like work, and the whole personal question thing could be him just asking about you. I would ask you about his eyes... did he look at you the way he does any other co-worker? Or did he gaze or look intently at you? He was looking at me intensely most of the time and winking sometimes. Interest is always in the eyes, in my experience. Also, you didn't mention if he touched you in flirty ways. I'm betting there's no real interest from what you've described. Asking for hugs and kisses considered flirty? And sitting so closely my hair practically flies when he talks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet8419 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Try not to be so rigid in your sensibilities. Things can be work one moment, then not be work the next. Are you a female and do you have other female friends? Yes, and yes but I probably get along better with my guy friends because I think like a guy sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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