new_beginnings Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I am dating a man who is great. He's a wonderful guy, romantic, caring, very communicative, supporting...all good things. I am feeling stupid even writing this but he has a lot of close friends who are girls. Two of his best friends are girls. Women he has known for years..way before he ever met me. While I don't have any insecurities about him/them doing anything inapporporate phsycially. I feel a little (ok, a lot actually) insecure that he has such a strong emotional connection with female friends. We have been together for almost two years. And I know he loves me. ANd i feel like most of this is my own insecurities about myself. But I want to be the only woman he can come to to talk emotional stuff with. And he does, but they are still there. KWIM? I'm being stupid right? Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 From the way you describe it, yes you are being stupid. It's not reasonable, nor healthy for you to be his only emotional outlet. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Have you spoken to him about your feelings? Maybe doing so can help you t9o figure out why you feel the way you do. To be honest, I expected you to say you'd been dating for 3 months or some other short period of time where it's more normal to have insecurities and anxieties because you're still getting to know this person. But I'm curious how if you've lasted 2 years, why it's still a problem? How have his friendships negatively affected you in the 2 years? How did you make it these past couple of years feeling this way? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I am dating a man who is great. He's a wonderful guy, romantic, caring, very communicative, supporting...all good things. I am feeling stupid even writing this but he has a lot of close friends who are girls. Two of his best friends are girls. Women he has known for years..way before he ever met me. While I don't have any insecurities about him/them doing anything inapporporate phsycially. I feel a little (ok, a lot actually) insecure that he has such a strong emotional connection with female friends. We have been together for almost two years. And I know he loves me. ANd i feel like most of this is my own insecurities about myself. But I want to be the only woman he can come to to talk emotional stuff with. And he does, but they are still there. KWIM? I'm being stupid right? What's the problem here? Sounds like you have a great guy and no reason not to trust him. What, you're upset about his friends? Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 You're not being stupid. If you're his girl then he should be able to talk to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. If he can't, then he obviously doesn't feel like you're his number one. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Yeah OP work on your insecurities. It lets me wonder, in what other ways do you try to control him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author new_beginnings Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 I do need to work on my insecurities. He's a great guy and I don't want this insecurity in me to push him away. I hate this quality about myself:(. Like I said. He's a great guy and treats me really good. Makes me feel special etc. and we want a future together. We talk about all the time. Logically I know it's not anything to worry about...him having female friends. But then the illogical part of me takes over my mind and starts thinking things like....he'll find these other girls more interesting to be around. They're smarter, better looking, and have more to offer. So why is he with me. Those kinds of thoughts. If anyone can recommend a book or something I'd appreciate it. I was seeing a counselor. But had to stop as it's been a financial struggle for me right now. Thanks for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Its kinda weird....for a guy...but if he did nothing wrong? *shrug*.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 It shouldn't be a problem as long everyone is respecting one another and treating each other fairly. Also, as long as he discusses any relationship issues between you two with you and not everyone else but you. If that's not happening then work to find a way to work through these feelings of insecurity and respect the friendships and you will feel better in time. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Are any of these girls exes? Has he slept with any of them in the past? Beware the opposite sex "friends". They should be a friend to the relationship and you should be included. I wouldn't like for my guy to be emotionally intimate with other women. Most relationship experts recommend that the primary partner be the one you share the most with, and some things are only shared with them . Besides, most real friends who are girls back off when their male friends become involved in a relationship. They no longer need to be number one in the guy's life and understand they shouldn't be. I wouldn't worry if the contact is infrequent and you always know about it. A close relationship that includes hanging out alone and daily conversations is a no no in my book. Of course, if you all are in your early twenties, then these kinds of friendships are more common. Older then that, usually not. You should be number one in his life . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Are any of these girls exes? Has he slept with any of them in the past? Beware the opposite sex "friends". They should be a friend to the relationship and you should be included. I wouldn't like for my guy to be emotionally intimate with other women. Most relationship experts recommend that the primary partner be the one you share the most with, and some things are only shared with them . Besides, most real friends who are girls back off when their male friends become involved in a relationship. They no longer need to be number one in the guy's life and understand they shouldn't be. I wouldn't worry if the contact is infrequent and you always know about it. A close relationship that includes hanging out alone and daily conversations is a no no in my book. Of course, if you all are in your early twenties, then these kinds of friendships are more common. Older then that, usually not. You should be number one in his life . All this is incorrect, jealous and unhealthy "Beware the opposite sex "friends". They should be a friend to the relationship and you should be included. " - There are people that OP is not going to know. They are going to be women, and OP will have to trust him. Jealousy is just something that is psycho, it shows that you have low self worth. I wouldn't like for my guy to be emotionally intimate with other women. Most relationship experts recommend that the primary partner be the one you share the most with, and some things are only shared with them . - OP didnt say that he was "emotionally intimate" with anyone. She says that he has an emotional connection with his friends, and who are girls, and that is absolutely normal for anyone that you are friends with. Besides, most real friends who are girls back off when their male friends become involved in a relationship. They no longer need to be number one in the guy's life and understand they shouldn't be. - This again is untrue. If the friend has nothing romantic invested in the relationship. Why should they back off? They were never number one. Again, this is needy immature, controling behavior. I wouldn't worry if the contact is infrequent and you always know about it. A close relationship that includes hanging out alone and daily conversations is a no no in my book. - OP said nothing about daily conversations. But she did say that he knew these girls before she was in his life. She did say that this guy is loving and supportive though. So if you want something to control and tell who and when to have conversations with, i recommend getting a puppydog Of course, if you all are in your early twenties, then these kinds of friendships are more common. Older then that, usually not. - Actually these relationships become more common the older people get. Everyone becomes more mature, and sometimes, more networking is done. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 it would bother me, and does. men can cheat physically and they can cheat emotionally. if your guy is talking to these other women and doing things with them, or in any way investing in them then he is not fully invested in you. and perhaps if you're 2 years in and still feeling not sure that is the reason... he's not giving you enough to feel secure. opposite sex friends are a healthy part of living and are ok to have, but they should never come before a partner. if he talks to them on FB, or texts, etc. on a regular basis it's a problem. rare and infrequent contact would be ok. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author new_beginnings Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 None of these girls are ex's. Just friends for a very long long time. It's ironic because my issue with him being so close with these girls is the thing I love about him the most. He's very communicative. Unlike most guys I have dated. He is very open and honest with his feelings and is open to talk about feelings. Talk about anything really. And I know that attracts other girls. Not in a boyfriend way.....that I know of lol.....but defintely in a friendship way. As is obvious by all the female friends he has. I don't know how regularly he talks to them. He usually tells me of there's anything specific someone texted him about. I'm not going to ask him daily if he talked to so and so today. Kwim? I just have to trust him on that. And I do. But the illogical jealous part of me always creeps in my head saying ...."I don't like him talking like that to all those girls". I'm sure sounding like a nut job. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
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