c-o-n-confused Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 My 33-year-old girlfriend of several months told me before we became intimate that she had never had an orgasm through sexual stimulation, and was only able to climax via masturbation. We have sex daily, and she has not climaxed once. I recently accessed some videos on her computer from several years ago of her being intimate with an ex-lover, and in all four instances, she clearly had an orgasm each time. (I am aware of "faking it," but in this case, the signs are unmistakable.) I am confused as to why a woman would falsely say that she had never had an orgasm before! Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Umm...I would be confused as to why she still had those videos (unless she's a pr0n star, of course) - especially if she looked to be having such a good time in them. Of course, it may not matter to you OP, but if it were me if her behaviour in those videos was any improvement on how she was with me then that would bother me something considerable. It's a hell of a catch 22 - best to talk to her direct but one would assume you aren't supposed to know about those videos (i doubt she left shortcuts to them on her desktop!) so admitting you found them would raise questions from her about trust etc. Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 My 33-year-old girlfriend of several months told me before we became intimate that she had never had an orgasm through sexual stimulation, and was only able to climax via masturbation. We have sex daily, and she has not climaxed once. I recently accessed some videos on her computer from several years ago of her being intimate with an ex-lover, and in all four instances, she clearly had an orgasm each time. (I am aware of "faking it," but in this case, the signs are unmistakable.) I am confused as to why a woman would falsely say that she had never had an orgasm before! The signs? what signs? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 She probably lied to spare you feelings. It is strange that she keeps those old videos, but you searching them out on her computer behind her back probably will throw a lot of extra mistrust into the relationship. I'd recommend talking to her about how you are worried about your sexual compatibility etc and see what says, but may be that you just aren't compatible in that area. There might be things you could do together to improve things though, so bring up your concerns with her and she what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Yes, what signs? Most of the "signs" are things you would have to be there to feel. Such as her vaginal walls contracting, her skin flushing, eyes going unfocused for a moment, shortness of breath, body tensing. Could you see those things on the video? Was it in HD? 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Yes, what signs? Most of the "signs" are things you would have to be there to feel. Such as her vaginal walls contracting, her skin flushing, eyes going unfocused for a moment, shortness of breath, body tensing. Could you see those things on the video? Was it in HD? LOL even in HD, I doubt you'd be able to make the difference between a real and a faked orgasm on video... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Sarcasm 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 How did you come across these videos? Were you snooping? Sounds like someone has some insecurities going on here... BTW, how could you watch your girl getting it on with another guy - I mean you watched it until she orgasmed and we women take a while to "get there"...so, that means you were watching it for a while Maybe she didn't tell you cuz from your post here, seems like you really got some insecurities going on. But really, IMO, you really, really gotta know your woman and her body to know if she actually came...and, you're not gonna get that from watching a video. You gotta touch, feel, and all that to know if she actually made it. Actually, I've had times that I didn't orgasm, but got wet, had contractions but never orgasmed. I mean, both men and women can actually orgasm involuntarily in situations that would amaze people (i.e. stress, rape, in their sleep). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 How come she's not faking it for you then? 11 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Yes, what signs? Most of the "signs" are things you would have to be there to feel. Such as her vaginal walls contracting, her skin flushing, eyes going unfocused for a moment, shortness of breath, body tensing. Could you see those things on the video? Was it in HD? You forgot winking at the camera! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author c-o-n-confused Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 The signs? what signs? Contractions, shortness of breath, trembling voice, "pained" look on the face, pushing him away afterwards because of the sensitivity... If these were faked, they were extremely well done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You could see her vagina contracting? That must have been a hell of a close up camera they were using. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 There's only one way for you to bring this up. After all, you're snooping around in her private stuff. You're going to have to let her catch you jerking off to one of those movies, and you're going to have to sell her on the proposition that you think it is f*cking hot, and that you want to see her like that with you. You're definitely going to have to drop the "why did you say that" line of questioning. If you can't do that, you are going to have to let it go. EDIT: WARNING: Not all women would react positively to that. I think that's obvious, but just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Umm...I would be confused as to why she still had those videos (unless she's a pr0n star, of course) - especially if she looked to be having such a good time in them. Of course, it may not matter to you OP, but if it were me if her behaviour in those videos was any improvement on how she was with me then that would bother me something considerable. It's a hell of a catch 22 - best to talk to her direct but one would assume you aren't supposed to know about those videos (i doubt she left shortcuts to them on her desktop!) so admitting you found them would raise questions from her about trust etc. Best of luck. I can understand people still having sex vids of themselves for a while. I don't think they have to delete them as soon as the relationship in which they were created ends. At the same time you really would not want your new bf/gf discovering you enjoying them. If I saw a gf was going off a lot wilder in her home sex vids it would bother me too. I would wonder with such a scenario if she feels maybe a lower level of desire for me and so tells me she never cums from sex so to cover the fact that she needs to have crazy hot chemistry to get turned on enough to knock out the Os with a guy. She has gone to the trouble to misled her new bf for a reason it seems, and that's what comes to mind for me. Its possible her libido has dropped in the last year or so say if she's on AD meds, but I thought you would be upfront on that, and give the guy some hope that its not him but the meds. Hmmm tricky to bring this up if you snooped, but it will dwell in the back of your mind until you do I'd say. Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Ever think that maybe she was putting on a show specifically because she was having it recorded? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Any woman can look and sound like they're having an orgasm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 That really doesn't seem like the kind of thing someone would lie about -especially before having sex with you and seeing it's an issue It would be impossible to tell if someone had an orgasm via video. If a woman is good at faking, it's almost impossible to tell in person. You can even fake the contractions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 How many months are we talking in the dating realm here? 2-3? 6? closer to a year? I'd be more curious to know why she still had those videos. Then the orgasm thing. If the relationship is only 2-3 months I might be a tad understanding of it. If the relationship is 6+ months. I'd want to know why she hasn't deleted them yet. IMO once you're at the 6 month marker ex'es need to become a thing of the past completely. No more holding onto photos/videos and so on. The orgasm thing could be a lot of things. If she did really have one.. She was likely trying to spare your dignity/pride. I'm some what curious has she tried to guide you at all? Have you asked or tried to improve the sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Contractions, shortness of breath, trembling voice, "pained" look on the face, pushing him away afterwards because of the sensitivity... If these were faked, they were extremely well done. If she has never actually had an orgasm before, chances are she has gotten really good at faking them. I think there is no way you could tell her orgasms were real on that video. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Watch the videos and take notes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Apart from the fact that it seems a bit sketchy that you were watching and examining videos of her and an ex-lover ( ).... And apart from whether or not you can tell if she is really having an orgasm... If she had orgasms before and says she's never had them during sex she could A) Be sparing your feelings because she doesn't want you to feel like you're a bad lover because she doesn't get them with you or B)Maybe she didn't realize she was orgasming...bear with me...I don't think I've ever orgasmed form penetration, but I know what a clitoral orgasm feels like. Some people say the orgasm from penetration feels different and I have read where people have said they expected it to be the same as the clitoral one so didn't realize it...so maybe that was it? Or C: she was enjoying the sex and maybe stuff was sensitive but it still may not have been an orgasm. I imagine you snooped around though so may feel guilty about going over the video with her to ask about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author c-o-n-confused Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Again... she said that she had never orgasmed during sex BEFORE we were intimate, as if she were unable to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Again... she said that she had never orgasmed during sex BEFORE we were intimate, as if she were unable to do so. Maybe it's just very difficult for her and she didn't want you being disappointed every time she didn't cum. Takes the pressure off both parties and actually makes orgasm more likely. Or maybe she's a liar who lies about stupid ****. Or maybe she was faking it for the videos/ex and wants more honesty in the relationship she has with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Maybe it was just her way of saying "PROVE ME WRONG". Her old BF won the challenge, and you have not. Maybe that's what you need to focus on, if you are completely sure that she's not faking it in the video. And if she is faking it there, then my earlier question still stands. Of course, maybe now that she's older, she's gotten tired of putting on a performance to make her man feel good, when ultimately it gets her nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Again... she said that she had never orgasmed during sex BEFORE we were intimate, as if she were unable to do so. Hm? You said: We have sex daily, and she has not climaxed once. Okay, so AFTER you were intimate, she still never had an orgasm? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts