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Did I Overreact Over This Situation? Or Am I Right To Feel/Act This Way?


AccoutingAsh87

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AccoutingAsh87

This all might sound petty, but here's what happened. Yesterday me and my guy were headed out and a neighbor's dog came running up to me. I don't know why he came up to me. This neighbor is a guy whose around my age, 25, and he's attractive, but i have never had a conversation with him outside of "hi" and "bye".

 

After we got in the car to head to the store, he made a comment under his breath saying, "that dog came straight up to you". That comment implied that he thinks I might have talked to my neighbor before, or something along those lines. He basically thought it was fishy that his dog came straight to me. I heard his comment and asked him to repeat himself because he knows how much it bothers me when he tries to accuse me of something, because i don't do him wrong whatsoever. He didn't want to repeat his comment, but i had already heard what he said. I then just became distant towards him and kept to myself for the remaining time that he was with me; i was just silent the entire time. After leaving the store and taking my walk, which he came on (but we did not speak the entire time), he came upstairs to my house, ate and then left to go home. He later called me about 10 mins later asking what my problem was and i told him, and he asked me how long i was going to be this way. I told him how i felt and that i think that he needs to apologize for his comment, because we both know what his comment implied. He said that he's not wrong about anything, & he won't apologize, Did I Overreact Over This Situation? Or Am I Right To Feel/Act This Way?So then I told him that’s fine if he doesn’t think he’s wrong, but I’m not going to act like everything is okay when I don’t feel that way. There’s more: we’re supposed to be going on vacation in 2 days for my 25th birthday, so he asked me “are you going to continue acting this way on the trip”, and I told him “yes, you’re wrong”. He still doesn’t agree that he’s wrong. So after we got off the phone he sent me a text saying, “there’s no point of me going on this trip”. I just replied back by say

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You completely shut down on him because he said " that dog came right up to you " .

You really have to work on your communication if your response to something you PERCEIEVE as hostile is the silent treatment.

 

He didn't do anything wrong, but you created this situation by pouting for the entire walk

Now you want him to apologize? For what exactly? You were the one being dramatic.

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Both of you did wrong. If indeed his comment was a passive/aggressive form of questioning you. Yes, he should apologize, if that's how he meant it. Only he really knows.

 

 

You on the other hand, giving him the silent treatment, was even more wrong. You should have explained why you were bothered and left the ball in his court. Going silent, didn't help matters did it. Did you over-react? In my opinion, yes. But going silent is always an over-reaction to me. I'd rather talk.

 

 

As far as you feeling the way you do, there's nothing you can do about that. We feel, how we feel. You can only decide how you want to act on those feelings

 

 

So the question is, do you apologize for going silent or not. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy and move past this?

Edited by BikerAccnt
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I agree two wrongs don't make a right. It was ridiculous to think that a dog was indicative of unfaithfulness (irony & all) but it was equally ridiculous for you shut him out. At some point you should told him how hurt you were by his comment & talked it out from there.

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Your relationship seems quite dysfunctional. He has no trust, and you don't know how to communicate.

 

I think you guys need a good session of talking. If you or he can't or don't want to do that, then I don't see much future for you.

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You guys don't know how to communicate well. Your relationship has traveled into that zone where one of you is probably with the other out of habit.

 

However, I think you are communicating, just not well. He doesn't trust you, and you know it. You don't like it, and that's what prompted the silent treatment. Rather than turn around in 5 minutes, and come back and work it out face to face, he called you to ask what your problem was, or in other words, fight. You explained it, but in the end, it seems that you two were intent on fighting.

 

I think that there are other pressures that are affecting at least one of you, and it seems to be expressing itself in petty fighting. Doesn't seem like a match made in heaven.

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No different from the advice you received about the "groceries" issue you had awhile ago. Both of you -- passive aggressive.

 

Communication between the two of you needs to get better. There was no need for him to make the comment, or maybe it's stemming from whatever trust issues he has with you -- as he also exhibited in the "groceries" story. And you shutting him out is counter productive. The silent treatment is manipulative and cruel.

 

He makes a comment. You address it then and there and get it resolved.

 

All this silliness at the expense of even cancelling a planned vacation. Immature behavior on both parts.

Edited by Zahara
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This all might sound petty, but here's what happened. Yesterday me and my guy were headed out and a neighbor's dog came running up to me. I don't know why he came up to me. This neighbor is a guy whose around my age, 25, and he's attractive, but i have never had a conversation with him outside of "hi" and "bye".

 

After we got in the car to head to the store, he made a comment under his breath saying, "that dog came straight up to you".That comment implied that he thinks I might have talked to my neighbor before, or something along those lines. He basically thought it was fishy that his dog came straight to me.

 

Why did your mind jumped right away that he implied you knew the dog's owner? It would have never crossed my mind if my bf had said something like that. I would have replied 'Yep! he did! I love dogs, dogs love me!'.

 

I heard his comment and asked him to repeat himself because he knows how much it bothers me when he tries to accuse me of something, because i don't do him wrong whatsoever.

 

So does he really accuse you of things or it's you seeing accusations everywhere? You sound like someone on the defensive.

 

I then just became distant towards him and kept to myself for the remaining time that he was with me; i was just silent the entire time.

 

Passive-aggressiveness, giving the silent treatment, being on the defensive...This is not how couples make it to 20-30-40 years together.

 

 

Yes you over-reacted. It takes 2 to create a disagreement and you created this one and nourished it all you could.

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Why did your mind jumped right away that he implied you knew the dog's owner? It would have never crossed my mind if my bf had said something like that. I would have replied 'Yep! he did! I love dogs, dogs love me!'.

 

^^ This ^^

 

I was going to mention the same thing.

 

When I was dating my ex, we visited his brother (first meeting) and his dog came running straight to me. And my ex said, "Wow! He ran straight to you!"

 

I said, "Dogs love me, I guess!"

 

Maybe there was no ill intent on your boyfriend's part when he made that comment. For some reason you got defensive, and only you know why he has trust issues in the relationship.

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Any history of infidelity or controlling behaviors in your relationship or a prior one of his?

 

You should have let him know that his comments upset you and made you question his trust in you, but his being suspicious about deception in regards to a prior phone conversation and a neighbor's dog running up to you? I'd have found his behavior troublesome and irritating, and after a few occasions of being on the receiving end of it wouldn't have responded that well to it or would have ended things.

 

It sounds like there are other issues - you're not wanting to convert to his religious practices and his unwillingness to compromise on the matter - that are causing these squabbles to build up; it's usually an indicator that the relationship has run it's course. It sounds like he's stirring up arguments. It really doesn't matter who's right: why would you want to stay in a relationship with someone where you have to be that careful of your actions in order to avoid setting him off?

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You should have laughed in his face. His insecurities are a problem. When he said how long are you going to be this way, you should have said, How long are YOU going to be this way? I wouldn't want to be with anyone long-term who was jealous of anything that trivial. He's going to always think you're cheating because that's his problem. And I have to tell you, a lot of guys are like that because they're cheating and want to put some blame on you to justify their own actions.

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