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Dating someone who has no control of pets


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This is something of a yellow flag to me and a few others that I know. Dating someone who has no control of their pets.

 

I have a friend that tried dating a woman who owned a Chihuahua. Everytime was over at her place, he would attempt to bite or nip at him everytime he got up to MOVE. It was very annoying and was rather annoyed this woman wouldn't put him in another room or do a thing about it.

 

That being said, would this be a deal breaker for you?

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Yes.

 

 

My pets are not the best behaved but they have manners and know that they are expected to be polite...

 

 

Badly behaved pets can cause a whole heap of further issues and are like peoples "babies"...

 

 

Deal broken for me...

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No it wouldn't be a deal-breaker. Would it be annoying? Yes but it wouldn't be something worth breaking up over. It is such a trivial matter if I compare it to the overall problems in a relationship. Some things you just have to let slide if the rest of the relationship is good 85% of the time. There's always going to be that 15% that annoys me. So compared to more serious problems that are common in relationships this thing about uncontrolled pets is not a big deal.

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Nipping little doggie... Does it also pee and poop up the house? Is there an inclination to have "many" pets, or just one nuisance?

 

The targeted answer is: if the doggie annoys you then it does, you decide.

 

The more abstract consideration is: Make sure the person does not have an attachment disorder, whereby they NEED pets in order to feel complete, this would likely spill over to human relationships too. Same effect as a mommy who takes kid to all sorts of therapy to feel enmeshed. Not likely but possible.

 

As for me, if the dog was a noise/nip nuisance I would not consider a LTR unless we came to some terms.

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I LOVE dogs, but uncontrollable ankle biters are annoying to me......especially men who have uncontrollable ankle biters. That said, yeah more than likely that would be a deal breaker.

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Ruby Slippers

It would definitely be a no-go for me. I have a friend who doesn't know how to control her annoying little dog who likes to jump on you and act like a brat. I had the dog trained not to do that to me within a few days, using basic training techniques and positive reinforcement. The dog doesn't jump on me because I simply do not allow it. I know nothing about training a dog, but used common sense. She lets the dog run all over her because she has doormat issues. Animals need discipline and structure, a strong leader of the pack to obey. That dog loves me because I don't take any crap from her and provide healthy discipline and rules. I couldn't take a man seriously if he couldn't even control his animal.

Edited by Ruby Slippers
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It would definitely be a no-go for me. I have a friend who doesn't know how to control her annoying little dog who likes to jump on you and act like a brat. I had the dog trained not to do that to me within a few days, using basic training techniques and positive reinforcement. The dog doesn't jump on me because I simply do not allow it. I know nothing about training a dog, but used common sense. She lets the dog run all over her because she has doormat issues. Animals need discipline and structure, a strong leader of the pack to obey. That dog loves me because I don't take any crap from her and provide healthy discipline and rules. I couldn't take a man seriously if he couldn't even control his animal.

 

All hail that woman!

 

Imagine what the children would be like if the dog bite ankles and gets away with it... It would be a living nightmare...

 

I am actually shuddering. Any responsible pet owner would be.

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Anyone who doesn't understand dogs and isn't smart enough to outsmart them and make them like them wouldn't last long in my household. I will put dogs in the bedroom if I have people over for dinner and it's adding to the cacaphony, but the people who get asked over for dinner most are those who enjoy the begging eyes at the table. I will put dogs away if there's kids over and if either dog is at all sensitive, but that's to protect my dogs, not the humans. I really have no use for an animal hater or something who thinks being human gives them the right to treat animals less than well.

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Yes.

 

 

My pets are not the best behaved but they have manners and know that they are expected to be polite...

 

 

Badly behaved pets can cause a whole heap of further issues and are like peoples "babies"...

 

 

Deal broken for me...

 

It would definitely be a no-go for me. I have a friend who doesn't know how to control her annoying little dog who likes to jump on you and act like a brat. I had the dog trained not to do that to me within a few days, using basic training techniques and positive reinforcement. The dog doesn't jump on me because I simply do not allow it. I know nothing about training a dog, but used common sense. She lets the dog run all over her because she has doormat issues. Animals need discipline and structure, a strong leader of the pack to obey. That dog loves me because I don't take any crap from her and provide healthy discipline and rules. I couldn't take a man seriously if he couldn't even control his animal.

 

I know a girl like this... and holy **** it's the biggest turn-off ever. They have issues, and so latch onto their animals like children... children that they use as unhealthy emotional blankets. They're so desperate for their animal's love that they refuse to reprimand them for fear of losing said love... which results in poorly trained pets that bark, claw, and **** all the time.

 

God help anyone who actually dates someone like that.

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Ruby Slippers
Imagine what the children would be like if the dog bite ankles and gets away with it... It would be a living nightmare....

Yep. She's an older lady and her grown son is a massively spoiled brat... just like her dog :o

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This is completely unattractive to me. If the dog were larger, or say of a specific breed, this behavior could have the poor thing put down. And I blame the pet owner(s). It's our job to give them structure, especially if they are inside dogs.

 

I have an inside dog. A pit bull. She's incredibly sweet and thinks she's a lap dog. But if there are people over who have never met her, she's on her leash or in her crate. I don't need anyone with breed issues thinking her excited behavior is agression. If it's family or friends over they love having her lick them and play with them.

 

I'm not afraid of what my dog will do to people. I'm afraid of what people can do to my dog.

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This is completely unattractive to me. If the dog were larger, or say of a specific breed, this behavior could have the poor thing put down.

Yes, but this is extremely common for small dog owners, because even though they are aggressive they are too small to actually do real damage, and can easily be picked up by the owner and removed.

 

I have never known anyone who owned a small dog that bothered to properly train it.

 

People who own small dogs tend to not actually be dog people, and use the dog as an accessory, which I find unattractive. They also seem to think that everyone thinks their dog is cute and that it should be allowed to go with them everywhere. Also not cute.

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I surely don't expect everyone to have their pets trained for circus and obedience commands, but there's basic behavior and respect that your animal needs to show you (and will show you if you respect it too and teach it what crosses the line).

I'd actually question the person's character to some degree. If he's not capable of standing up to a Chihuahua, how does he stand up for himself? Or is he unreliable and unable to take responsibility when he makes the decision to get a dog, and then doesn't care for it?

 

I'd make an exception if the animal was a horse, those are complex animals and depending on their character they will test your leader-alpha-role whenever they can; and not everyone has the time to become as attentive as a professional horse trainer next to working etc.

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No,best way to deal with that is for the owner and partner to laugh.

 

Dogs are highly perceptive to our emotions.

(pretend to cry around a dog and you will know this).

 

Laugh and it makes it light, un-threatening. The dog will pick upon that.

It's just behavioural training. Nothing new. :)

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This is something of a yellow flag to me and a few others that I know. Dating someone who has no control of their pets.

 

I have a friend that tried dating a woman who owned a Chihuahua. Everytime was over at her place, he would attempt to bite or nip at him everytime he got up to MOVE. It was very annoying and was rather annoyed this woman wouldn't put him in another room or do a thing about it.

 

That being said, would this be a deal breaker for you?

 

When my ex moved in she brought a dog and a cat. I have 2 cats.

 

The dog was completely untrained and untrainable as it was a hyper as nuts toy austrailian shepherd 3 years old. I tried walking the dog because she never did to burn off some energy but it would take sometimes an hour or more to catch the little bastard to get it back on the leash when I brought it to the fenced in dog park. It would just run in a straight line forever if it wasnt contained. It would bolt out of the door sometimes and took forever to catch. More than once I hoped that that bugger would never be found.

 

The cat was a siamese that she bred for kittens to make extra money (something I abhorred given that I had used to be president of the local humane society). It was such a bitchy cat that it would bolt out of the house and try to keep my own cats off their own property and attack them all the time.

 

I made her get rid of them both.

 

Then she got ferrets but never cleaned the cage. The stench was unimagineable. I dont mind ferrets but they are a lot of work and I warned her that she would be the one looking after them.

 

I made her get rid of them.

 

In hindsight, now someone who has poorly looked after pets is a total red flag. A pet is a lifetime responsibility and you should know what your getting into when you get one. This also translates into how they would rear a child.

 

My ex has a daughter, and when she moved in the kid was not meeting K readiness levels going into Grade 1. She claimed some medical crap and kept sending the kid for tests thinking she had a disability. Eventually I just got her permission to try an unorthodox method and got the kid reading at a grade 5 level by the end of grade 2. The kid couldn't keep her room organized for the life of her and in under an hour it looked like a tsunami had rolled through it. The mother was exactly the same way.

 

If I hadn't have stepped in, the kid would probably be going into grade 5 this year unable to read or do basic math and would probably be hopped up on drugs for ADHD or being treated like she was autistic or dyslexic.

 

Moral of the story? She put as much effort into raising her kid properly as she did in training her pets or organizing her stuff or her life.

 

Poorly trained pets would be a huge red flag for me given my experiences.

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The more abstract consideration is: Make sure the person does not have an attachment disorder, whereby they NEED pets in order to feel complete, this would likely spill over to human relationships too. Same effect as a mommy who takes kid to all sorts of therapy to feel enmeshed. Not likely but possible.

 

I didnt see this until after I posted.

 

My god that sounds exactly like my ex.

 

Uck.

 

She even got the ferrets and a bird so she would "have more energy to clean the house", which was always a sore point we'd argue about because I would get annoyed at coming home to tens of thousands of fruit flies and a pigsty when she was a stay at home mom who obviously didn't read the job description.

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The problem will take care of itself. Every dog lover I know would dump a person who was uncomfortable with animals over their pet any day, so the problem is going to right itself as soon as you insult the person over their pet. So go put "hates pets" on your OLD profile, guys. Just be honest. Don't omit that important info hoping you can insult someone into getting rid of their pets because you think they should act like humans and/or treating them like toys to put away when company comes. Low tolerance for animals is a big reflection of empathy and you can make cliche'd insults to the people who love them all you want, but that's the greater character deficit, and we all know it.

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OP didnt hate pets... he hates pets that are not under control.

 

Dating someone who's dog is constantly biting you makes going to their house more like a walk on the wild side. You can't kick the thing or scream at it because it's their baby. But you dont want to be constantly nipped at either.

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TERRITORIAL AGGRESSION DIRECTED TOWARD VISITORS

 

I had a dog like this... Tended to chase ankles of *male* visitors, but not children or women, or the disabled and only while they were strangers -- with the exception of one male he really did not like and who never attempted to make friends with him. Only adult males got the nippy threat and only where he considered the location to be "his".

 

My solution was to put the dog in another room or outside elsewhere when expecting visitors. If necessary, strangers were directed to give the dog a treat while sitting down, and normally that would fix the problem after a few attempts. Walking the dog never elicited either barking or nipping for the most part.

 

I did, eventually, find the dog another home. It was well that I was already in a situation (lots of travel) in which keeping the animal was becoming less feasible and I was feeling guilty for being too busy and neglecting him -- such that finding him a better owner seemed to be better for the dog. Otherwise, I would have resented my bf of the time who didn't like the dog, even when the dog didn't nip at -him- anymore.

 

I'd say it depends on the situation and the age of the people involved. I'd advise trying to make friends with the dog on neutral territory if possible. Usually if someone doesn't "control" their dog, it is because they have not been taught how and I find that those who complain about dogs don't usually have any idea *how* to do that either.

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Major red flag for me. Failure to have pets decently trained and behaved is a pretty clear symptom that the adult is an irresponsible and immature person. And it is highly likely that those character flaws will show up in other areas of the person's life.

 

Responsible pet owners have good understanding of their pet's behavioral tendencies in various situations, including when having visitors over. Contingency plans would be devised and put into action as appropriate...e.g. putting the dog in another room if certain guests are over. This is common sense, IMO. There's also a good chance that they wouldn't date or even be friends with anyone who wasn't at least accepting of animals. Pets are usually considered to be part of the family.

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Anyone who doesn't understand dogs and isn't smart enough to outsmart them and make them like them wouldn't last long in my household. I will put dogs in the bedroom if I have people over for dinner and it's adding to the cacaphony, but the people who get asked over for dinner most are those who enjoy the begging eyes at the table. I will put dogs away if there's kids over and if either dog is at all sensitive, but that's to protect my dogs, not the humans. I really have no use for an animal hater or something who thinks being human gives them the right to treat animals less than well.

 

I don't think the topic was about animal hating. I think not wanting to be constantly bitten by a dog is a reasonable thing and doesn't mean that you hate animals or treat them poorly because you'd rather not have a dog bite you.

 

But there's someone for everyone because if I was dating a person or had a friend who when I come over they expect me to be a dog whisperer and know how to "outsmart" their dog or make the dog like me or else I'll just get bitten, I'd simply not go to their home. That's ridiculous IMO. It's your animal. You're used to it. It's your responsibility to have it not bite your guests, it's not their job to come to your home with the fore knowledge of dog training.

 

That's one bizarre and annoying thing I found when I moved to the US, the expectation of people that everyone loves dogs and wants them to jump on them or lick them and so on and making it seem like you're a horrible human being or animal hater if you simply are not a dog person. I do not hate dogs neither do I mistreat them but I simply am not comfortable with dogs jumping on me and worse biting me and where I'm from people don't just assume everyone likes dogs, they understand some people are afraid of them or just want personal space between them and the dog so when you come to their home their dog is well-behaved or they put it away unless you say you're fine about it. I don't see the difficulty in that personally and I find the attitude that everyone should love dogs and have some inherent knowledge of how to handle them [so you don't actually ask or see to it that your guest isn't uncomfortable or scared of your huge or small dog all on them] absurd and rude.

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todreaminblue

i have dogs.........four actually..they tend to want to be around people they are never aggressive though...they even will shake hands if the mood takes them..i let them associate with people who come to my house especially my rottweiler....they just want affection and to know the people who come in i do not keep guard dogs other than instinctual guarding(barking visual deterrant)....then they drift away.......how you train a guard dog to be aggressive.... ...is to not let it interact with people at all you lock it up and away when people come over....i have family dogs that interact and dont bite people......they are socialized.....and they are disciplined...they arent guard dgos i lock away ...they are members of my family ...they are my pets.....and they dont attack other animals either.....

 

 

sounds like your friend needs to introduce the dog to more people not less....the only way you can train a dog to be social is to socialize and discipline...takes time and effort and it is any animal owners personal responsibility as a pet owner to do so......to ignore this....is neglect......deb

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One of my exes had a dog that had ass-worms. It would rub its ass on the carpet. Pretty nasty. One time it ran off and me and her and her roommate and half the neighborhood drove around half the night looking for it. I am pretty sure that dog hated her guts. It finally came back a week later. It wasn't a deal-breaker but it was fairly annoying from time to time. I'm a patient person for the most part. Animals are dumb.

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