Vin1984 Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Hey Guys, I am not sure this is the right forum to raise my concern. In-fact I am not even sure which is the right forum to raise my concern. I have a weird problem so let me give you some background. I am 31, average looking, well qualified male who earns more than $200K per annum. My problem is I never seem to ever had many friends plus I have never ever dated in my entire life. As I was very carrier focused most of teens and 20s so it was not much of a problem but now it’s starting to affect me. I am not really sure where the problem lies, I am very confident so do not have problem talking to people but I simply cannot find a partner. Now I am not sure how to address this problem or even where to start looking for the answer. So far I have tried hanging out with Guys called Pick-Up Artiest(not something I am proud of), joining an online dating website and hitting bars but nothing seems to be working. So I am not sure where to start if you guys could shed some inputs that will be wonderful. Vin Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 When was the last time you asked a girl out? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vin1984 Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 When was the last time you asked a girl out? Well about three weeks back I went out with some guys and approached some 3 or 4 girls with no luck. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 It's a very broad and general topic. How to get women? Hmm if I had a magic spray that you could buy in a supermarket then I would be a billionaire. If you have specific questions then we can give more specific answers. If you want help with your online dating profile then there's a lot of tips around, or we can take a look... But mostly it's practice practice practice. Nobody is born being good at this stuff. Hells I was terrible at it until a couple of years ago. You just need to practice, trial and error, don't be afraid and learn from your mistakes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Do you have a sister/ female friend you could talk to? She may be able to point you in the right direction? Sounds as though you are just rusty and out of practice. Keep being sociable (preferably with people you feel comfortable with and who's company you enjoy). Then you are more likely to meet the right sort of person for you. Have you got any hobbies you could do more of that may involve women? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Since you have a disposable income, try a match maker. You can also try meeting women in business settings. I met my husband at a networking function. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mirages Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Just make sure your finances are not the reason for their attraction. I'd actually consider buying a very used car for first dates, and a cheap watch! Play middle income to start, a clean but simple presentation. If they cannot develop interest in you like that, then they may just be interested in your money, baaad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 It's never a good idea to start any relationship based on a lie. You shouldn't flaunt your affluence to assure that the person likes you & not just your money but deceit isn't a good plan. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mirages Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I agree, but consider that I also am in a similar situation. I choose to have a car that has AC, has power widows, has a little rust. All in all I live way below my means, and am being honest with myself, and them. Many people would not place me at cheapskate, not at materialistic, I just blend in the middle income crowd. Rich is overrated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Mirages You are being true to yourself & financially sound. You aren't taking the rust bucket on a date & leaving the Bentley in the garage. There's a difference. Some cable network did a "reality" show called undercover millionaire where rick guys pretended to be working stiffs to get women to fall for them rather than their money. When the truth was revealed most of the women slapped the guys & ran away because they were understandably pi$$ed about the deceit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Driving a rusty car and wearing a sub-$100 watch isn't lying or deceitful, it's just being a bit cheap. If she judges you based on your car and watch then it's her who is making the false assumptions about you, and she has no right to be pi$$ed if those assumptions turn out to be wrong. If you actively lie about your wealth eg. this crappy car is all I can afford, I haven't been on holiday for 5 years cos I'm broke etc... then that's very different and she would have a right to be pi$$ed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 It shouldn't matter what kind of car someone drives or what kind of watch but we all know for some it does. They are gold diggers. I'm not against fiscally conservative mindsets. I am against playing deceitful games where a someone normally has one set of spending habits but goes out to create this elaborate ruse to test a potential mate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Just make sure your finances are not the reason for their attraction. I'd actually consider buying a very used car for first dates, and a cheap watch! Play middle income to start, a clean but simple presentation. If they cannot develop interest in you like that, then they may just be interested in your money, baaad. I don't know. 31 and has never dated? I wouldn't care WHY anybody dated me, I'd flaunt it if necessary, and get some dating experience. Something is seriously wrong/missing with the picture you present, Mr. OP. You're making big money, but I also notice some issues with grammar/spelling. So, maybe not native Australian, maybe zero - little college. Career oriented since teens... maybe lots of money, not that glamorous a job. Then I ask myself, what kind of job would prevent dating? Even if you travel, you meet women. And the whole "Pick Up Artist" thing? That reeks of either inexperience or a lot of previous failure. Either way, I sense an inability to connect with people in general, yet, you can talk to people. You may have many friends, but not close ones. I'm thinking that if you've gotten any feedback, which you should have by now, it is that you're too "on", maybe too enthusiastic, or that somehow, you invade most peoples' boundaries... Am I on to something here? Am I even in the right ballpark? I just think there is something you're omitting. Help me out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Driving a rusty car and wearing a sub-$100 watch isn't lying or deceitful, it's just being a bit cheap. If she judges you based on your car and watch then it's her who is making the false assumptions about you, and she has no right to be pi$$ed if those assumptions turn out to be wrong. Disagree, if that's not what he normally does. The advice was "PLAY middle income to start...." That is the definition of deceit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Well about three weeks back I went out with some guys and approached some 3 or 4 girls with no luck. Was this at a bar or club? Since you're confident in approaching women try some cold approaches when you see a woman you're attracted to on the street, coffee shop, market, clothes shopping, art gallery, restaurants. Sometimes a guy hanging with a bunch of friends can be intimidating, just as it's intimidating for a guy to approach a girl with friends. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Given that you're very well resourced I would recommend you start with a therapist. For where you're coming from, the approach would not be to "cure" any kind of malaise or personality disorder. Rather, it would be to help you better understand yourself, your needs and how you relate to others. For many people that type of guidance comes naturally through family, friends and relationships. If those connections were very limited or were deprived from you during upbringing and later life then it can make the challenge you currently find yourself facing - attracting and retaining a partner - very demanding. I'd recommend starting small and getting some reliable, qualified guidance (e.g. therapist). Pick-up artists will only get you as far as the name implies - the "pick up". It's like someone who helps you get a job you're grossly underqualified for. Sure, maybe you will land that incredible job, but then what? It's highly likely you'll lose the job. By all means get out there. Engage in the world around you. Keep on trying for dates and making new acquaintances. But strongly consider bringing someone into your corner who can be there to coach you through those experiences and the surrounding feelings. It's extremely difficult to grow if the only teacher is oneself. We may believe that we're learning from external passive sources by gaining our knowledge from them, but without another person there to challenge assumptions and offer differing perspectives we can quickly end up burying ourselves even deeper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreCoffee Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 If you know what qualities you desire in a woman, maybe join a premium matchmaking service like Kelleher or something of the sort? I imagine at your salary, time is not something you have an excess of. Why not cut through all the red tape and target the women you desire inside and out? Just a thought, if not necessarily a solution. Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I cannot recommend Dr. Nerdlove enough. Check out his site, www.doctornerdlove.com and specifically Dating 101: How To Meet Women (Without Being Creepy). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vin1984 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 So, maybe not native Australian, maybe zero - little college. Career oriented since teens... maybe lots of money, not that glamorous a job. Then I ask myself, what kind of job would prevent dating? Even if you travel, you meet women. And the whole "Pick Up Artist" thing? That reeks of either inexperience or a lot of previous failure. Either way, I sense an inability to connect with people in general, yet, you can talk to people. You may have many friends, but not close ones. I'm thinking that if you've gotten any feedback, which you should have by now, it is that you're too "on", maybe too enthusiastic, or that somehow, you invade most peoples' boundaries... Am I on to something here? Am I even in the right ballpark? I just think there is something you're omitting. Help me out. Hello Guys, Thanks for your awesome replies. Indeed English is not my first language I was born and raised in India in a very strict environment. I have degree in telecommunication engineering from an IVY league college. My job is not glamorous (Technology Consulting for a fortune 500) but not downright repulsive. On business level I connect with people fairly easily however, I don’t have a circle of friends (or any friends). I don’t think I am that kind of person who would ever invade peoples boundaries but just not able to find reasons why I am not able to connect with women. On a side note please don’t ask me to look for an arrange marriage (I don’t have anyone in India, nor do I like the concept) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 On a side note please don’t ask me to look for an arrange marriage (I don’t have anyone in India, nor do I like the concept) I am one of the two people who suggested you look for a matchmaker. The Western concept of this is not an arranged marriage. It's more like somebody you pay to introduce you to prospective dates. That's all. The matchmaker will do nothing more then fix you up on sort of a blind date but there's a bit more of a screening process rather than just having say your aunt introduce you to her hairdresser's niece without knowing if you have anything more in common then you are approximately the same age & both single. It's pop TV BS "reality" TV but Google Patti Stanger & the Millionaire Matchmaker to get a better idea of the introduction services I'm talking about. More Coffee mentioned Kelleher; I imagine they are a commercial service & more realistic then the TV show I referenced Link to post Share on other sites
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