Why does he keep trying to date me when I said "I am not into players"?

[xxJuliexx]

This guy is so annoying. I called him out of being a player many times saying "I am not into players" "You're a player" "I won't date a player" etc. He always says "No i'm not" When he is a player. He won't let up! Even when I call him out! He still keeps trying. If I was him I would quit, cause I would think it's useless cause A. The girl figured me out B. I would think she is obviously not that type....I told him I am not into booty calls. I am not the type that sleeps around with a bunch of different men. Yet he is still trying date me or whatever. Makes no sense to me! Maybe someone can give their opinion and tell me what they think about this, cause if he's called out on it, then why does he keep trying? Any opinions welcomed! Thanks!

[Candy_Pants]

Uh. You're a conquest who "doesn't like players", so basically he's going to try, do, and say anything he can to bone you.

 

Pretty simple. I'd ignore him. The fact you're trying to analyze his behavior shows he's getting under your skin (and has a place in your head).

[HeartDesires]

Maybe someone can give their opinion and tell me what they think about this, cause if he's called out on it, then why does he keep trying?

 

Because you keep talking to him...

[Ninjainpajamas]

You're the number one target on a "players" hit list...if all you say that is true about yourself and you are by 2014 terms, relatively conservative.

 

You are of a higher "quality" that isn't as easily accessible to the public and don't do a lot of the "normal" business, and that's going to be attractive to him because you're somewhat "exotic"...it's like driving a Ferrari versus your average economical gas saver, it's about status and power not the amount of money you spend on gas.

 

The other "sluttier" girls don't give all that much of a challenge, it might even feel like public transportation...you take it if you have to, but it's not your first choice, and more importantly there's no real conquest sleeping with a girl that sleeps around on occasion or on a regular basis because by comparison that's "easy"..nothing for an aspiring player to gain from that, ego wise.

 

You're putting up a fight, you keep rejecting him, you keep challenging him but you keep giving him the time of day instead of ignoring him, so he's going to keep trying and stepping up his game...and when he finally gets through then he's going to be proud of himself for it and his ego will go up one notch higher on the scale.

 

And the reality is, I'm sure plenty of women said they weren't that "kind of girl" in the beginning to him and ended up sleeping with him anyway. He'll wait until you have a weak moment and/or "change" your mind, which depending on circumstances is not very uncommon for women to do.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why do you bother with telling him anything? Just stop engaging him and he will go away.

[irc333]

You judge him as a player because you're only ASSUMING he is...you have no idea he's really a player. You're just assuming.

 

 

 

This guy is so annoying. I called him out of being a player many times saying "I am not into players" "You're a player" "I won't date a player" etc. He always says "No i'm not" When he is a player. He won't let up! Even when I call him out! He still keeps trying. If I was him I would quit, cause I would think it's useless cause A. The girl figured me out B. I would think she is obviously not that type....I told him I am not into booty calls. I am not the type that sleeps around with a bunch of different men. Yet he is still trying date me or whatever. Makes no sense to me! Maybe someone can give their opinion and tell me what they think about this, cause if he's called out on it, then why does he keep trying? Any opinions welcomed! Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

One of the things that makes players players is they don't take no for an answer.

 

However, what evidence do you actually have that he is a player? You can't just assume that about someone.

 

When I met my husband I looked across the room & saw him for the 1st time & thought: player. But I like players. They give fabulous date so I was pretty happy to have "spotted" one. DH is the farthest thing from a player in the world but looking at him I thought he had to be one because he is so good looking (movie star handsome), was sharply dressed & had perfect hair.

 

Unless you know that he has thrown away perfectly nice women after the conquest of it all, you don't know that he's a player. You are assuming based on external factors. His persistence, alone, is not evidence of being a hit & run guy.

 

Even if he is a player, here's a suggestion: go on a date with him. I promise if he is a player you will have a great time because players really know how to ratchet up the romance & the glamour of any situation. Don't ever give a player your heart; only give as much of your body as you are comfortable. Don't get talked into anything but go & have a great time. In essence play him back. On another level it throws players off their game a bit which is amusing in & of itself.

 

In past threads you have lamented about the men you have flirted with who has disappeared on you quickly after the flirtation starts & you have no idea why. Combined with this thread, I can't help but wonder if you are reading signals & cues wrong. So that's why I am suggesting you give this guy a chance. I suspect you may end up being pleasantly surprised but even if he is a player, I stand by my assertion that you will still have fun on the date because players, by definition, give great date.

[aussietigerwolf]

If he talks like a player and acts like a player then yes, it would be assumed that he is a player. If he is not then he needs to stop acting like it.

[RedRobin]

Ignore him. He will go away eventually.

 

Your behavior right now could be classified as flirting. Don't go on a date with him. You will look weak. As it is, you already are for having to ask this question.

 

Here is a tip. Even if you think a guy is a player and you 'don't do booty calls', resist the urge to say that out loud to a guy. First, they don't believe it, second, you ought to get in the habit of showing people your values... Not telling them.

 

By telling thus guy you aren't into booty calls, you created the challenge. How about next time you tell people you are looking for a relationship, then make them prove they are too. No need for grand declarations. Show it with your actions... Starting with ignoring anyone who isn't in line with what you are looking for.

[Zeurich]

There are some men who is not willing to take an answer as NO, but in your case you have call him out "you are a player"that make more hard to you. The best thing is say "I am not interested" and don't react his mails or calls or messages. Don't call out names. That is not nice and make it worst with some guys.

[MoreCoffee]

Mace in the face sends a pretty clear message.

[stillafool]

Because he knows sooner or later you will give in and he may have the vibe that you like his attention. I would have to agree because you started a thread about someone you say you don't want anything to do with. If you really want him to stop tell him you have a boyfriend and completely ignore him.

[DazedandConfused8]

This guy is so annoying. I called him out of being a player many times saying "I am not into players" "You're a player" "I won't date a player" etc. He always says "No i'm not" When he is a player. He won't let up! Even when I call him out! He still keeps trying. If I was him I would quit, cause I would think it's useless cause A. The girl figured me out B. I would think she is obviously not that type....I told him I am not into booty calls. I am not the type that sleeps around with a bunch of different men. Yet he is still trying date me or whatever. Makes no sense to me! Maybe someone can give their opinion and tell me what they think about this, cause if he's called out on it, then why does he keep trying? Any opinions welcomed! Thanks!

 

Maybe you could explain why you think he's a player?

 

For one, "players" aren't usually persistent: once they're rejected, they move on to someone else.

[xxJuliexx]

Oh no....I don't talk to him! I only see and talk to him when he hangs with our friends, and our friends are having a party or a get together or something. I don't personally call him nor does he call me. He will make up excuses to see me. But I never give in. He will SOMETIMES invite me to places, but I always reject him and it's been over a year now. He still keeps doing it. Like I said the only interaction I have with him is when we are with friends and my friends have an event planned or something and THEY invite him, not me. I have brothers so he'll hang out with them at my house, but I am not around usually cause I live on my own.

 

 

But this one time when I was visiting, my brother was in my bedroom, and "Mr. Player man" lol was in my bedroom too, and I was uncomfortable with the fact that he was in my bedroom, so my bro left the room and I went downstairs for a little bit, but he was still up there so I went up there and said "Ummm, can you get out of my room! You are making me feel uncomfortable!" He was literally laying on my bed, and he said "I am being suggestive Julie...come on hop on the bed" And I said "Get up!" He laughed and eventually got up, but it's just the point he acts sexual with me all the time, and flirts and I disregard him ALL the time. Hell I never even kissed the guy! Cause he talks about other girls, and when he did have girlfriends it always seem to be a secret relationship or at least it was to me only or something. I can give more info, but I am just making it more clear...I don't talk to him and it's only when I see him. Thank you!

[xxJuliexx]

Maybe you could explain why you think he's a player?

 

For one, "players" aren't usually persistent: once they're rejected, they move on to someone else.

 

 

Well the reason why is because he once said he had multiple dates in one day, when he said on his Facebook about this girl he was posting pics with that she was a "keeper" and that he's "Not going to let this one slide" Yet he was acting sexual with me, and he said he was going out with another woman that day. Before this....he was in some kind of weird secret relationship with this chick and everyone knew about it but me. I would say "Stop you have a girlfriend!" And he would always deny it. When it was noticeable, and I still resisted. I can't trust him, and that is why I label him as a player, cause he seems to love all women. That's fine and all, but if you are telling a girl she's a "keeper" on your Facebook and then going out with another chick behind her back, then to me you are a player. Even trying to go out with me too! I just don't get why though he is so persistent with me, when I reject him all the time, and I don't talk to him, only when I see him at functions and events my friends created. Cause he is friends with the same people. That is literally the only time I see him. I don't get it. Thanks!

[xxJuliexx]

you contradict yourself. you don't talk to him yet you do talk to him. you choose to talk to him every time you talk to him.

 

What? How is that contradictory by being cordial? What am I suppose to do in a social setting? I don't sit there and flirt with him and talk to him all night, I make my rounds and talk to everyone. If anything I hang out with other people, so if he takes that as "interest" cause I will be cordial just like I am with everyone else, then there's a problem with him, just because someone is cordial does not mean "interest" especially if I act the same with everyone!

[xxJuliexx]

Why do you bother with telling him anything? Just stop engaging him and he will go away.

 

I do! I don't call him or text him, nor does he call or text me. When he does I don't pick up the phone. I don't talk to him, only when it's functions or events my friends created is the only time I see him cause we both have the same friends, or when I visit my house, and he hangs with my brothers. I am not involved in his life. It's only when he sees me he acts like this.

[DazedandConfused8]

Well the reason why is because he once said he had multiple dates in one day, when he said on his Facebook about this girl he was posting pics with that she was a "keeper" and that he's "Not going to let this one slide" Yet he was acting sexual with me, and he said he was going out with another woman that day. Before this....he was in some kind of weird secret relationship with this chick and everyone knew about it but me. I would say "Stop you have a girlfriend!" And he would always deny it. When it was noticeable, and I still resisted. I can't trust him, and that is why I label him as a player, cause he seems to love all women. That's fine and all, but if you are telling a girl she's a "keeper" on your Facebook and then going out with another chick behind her back, then to me you are a player. Even trying to go out with me too! I just don't get why though he is so persistent with me, when I reject him all the time, and I don't talk to him, only when I see him at functions and events my friends created. Cause he is friends with the same people. That is literally the only time I see him. I don't get it. Thanks!

 

I don't see any "player" attributes. Either he's exclusive with one woman or he's not. If he's single, he can go out on 1, 2, or 12 dates in the same day if he wants (ever heard of speed dating?).

[xxJuliexx]

Because he knows sooner or later you will give in and he may have the vibe that you like his attention. I would have to agree because you started a thread about someone you say you don't want anything to do with. If you really want him to stop tell him you have a boyfriend and completely ignore him.

 

I already said that. I said I had a boyfriend and he kept questioning me..."Who is he?" "What does he do?" "Where is he?" etc. It's been over a year and he is still doing this. I just find it confusing that a guy keeps trying when clearly the girl isn't into booty calls, and I keep rejecting him.

[xxJuliexx]

you sure know how to pick your social circle. lol. here's a hint, pick a new social circle which isn't so full of this crap.

 

 

Lol, he's the only one I have a problem with Hotcake! And I can't force my friends to not be friends with him.

[xxJuliexx]

you sure know a lot about him. what about the good guy who didn't get an invite to the party that you've never spoken to. know all about him?

 

 

Woah! I am not one of those dumb bitches that fell for "bad boys" and then later in life figured out they were no good and then went for the nerdy, good guys. No way was I ever like that! I never ignored nice guys! I am friends with a lot of nice guys. I am honestly the type that is friends with everyone. I was never the type in high school that hung out with a certain group. I hung out with the nerds, the goths, the rockers, the band geeks, the cheerleaders, the jocks, the drama club, etc. I hung out with anyone whom I had a connection with to hang out with, so I am not that type at all, that only goes for "bad boys" I usually do date the nerdy, nice guys. Hey! I am a nerd myself, I major in Biology, lol.

[xxJuliexx]

I don't see any "player" attributes. Either he's exclusive with one woman or he's not. If he's single, he can go out on 1, 2, or 12 dates in the same day if he wants (ever heard of speed dating?).

 

No I agree, you can date whoever, but if you are labeling a girl and saying "She's a keeper" and "I am not going to let this one slide" then you are basically saying "She's the one" cause you are not going to say that about someone you are just casually dating. Obviously they are in a relationship, and he had another date planned....to me that indicates "PLAYER" lol. Cause if he was just casually dating these girls, fine! But don't make it seem like the one is your girlfriend and say those things about her, and then go date another chick, to me that is wrong!

[d0nnivain]

xxJuliexx

 

We are crossing into thou doth protest too much territory.

 

You do seem to pay a lot of attention to him. When he was in your room & allegedly making you uncomfortable, when he didn't leave, your next move should have been to talk out if you were that upset. But you stayed. What does that tell you?

 

The fact that you were aware of his other dates doesn't make him a player. Talking to women on FB doesn't make him a player. You have said nothing about him bolting after a conquest or keeping notches on his bedpost.

 

For some reason, which you haven't explained, you have decided that you can't trust him. I'm sure you're going to tell me it's a gut feeling but I suspect it may be a repressed attraction. The fact that he still pursues you after a year tells me you like the attention & he knows that.

 

I meant what I said in my 1st post. Give this guy a chance. Let him take you on a real date. You don't have to give away your heart or your body but why not give him the chance to sweep you off your feet?

[xxJuliexx]

xxJuliexx

 

We are crossing into thou doth protest too much territory.

 

You do seem to pay a lot of attention to him. When he was in your room & allegedly making you uncomfortable, when he didn't leave, your next move should have been to talk out if you were that upset. But you stayed. What does that tell you?

 

The fact that you were aware of his other dates doesn't make him a player. Talking to women on FB doesn't make him a player. You have said nothing about him bolting after a conquest or keeping notches on his bedpost.

 

For some reason, which you haven't explained, you have decided that you can't trust him. I'm sure you're going to tell me it's a gut feeling but I suspect it may be a repressed attraction. The fact that he still pursues you after a year tells me you like the attention & he knows that.

 

I meant what I said in my 1st post. Give this guy a chance. Let him take you on a real date. You don't have to give away your heart or your body but why not give him the chance to sweep you off your feet?

 

 

Lol, I understand what you mean! You made some good points, but I didn't stay in my room, re-read my friend. I went downstairs when my brother left my room, and he (player man) stayed up in my room, and then a couple of minutes passed he is still in my room so I went upstairs and said "Ummm can you get out of my room?" "You are making me feel uncomfortable" He was laying on my bed and that is when he said "I am being suggestive Julie, hop on the bed" Then I said "Get up" and he laughed and got up then. So I wasn't standing there in my room. I went up there to get him out. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

Sorry I missed that part but the rest of my response stands. While his behavior was suggestive, you were never in physical danger.

 

Besides if you go out with him & it turns out that he is a cad, it will be much easier to be rid of him at that point but you will be pissed & therefore clear. Or it could be the best date of your life & the start of something wonderful.

 

Really, what have you got to lose?