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Not Sure How to Proceed Anymore.


Teamsideshot

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Teamsideshot

My girlfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for about 1 month and things seemed to be going great until this past Sunday evening when she suddenly became "cold". She had come over to my place the previous evening since my best friend, younger brother and his wife were all over to hang out around a bon fire and catch up. She had met all of these people while we were dating, so I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I did make sure this was ok with her before I invited her over. After everyone left, my girlfriend and I were intimate and she stayed the night. (neither of these were a new occurrence) The following morning, we headed down to Baltimore to go to the aquarium, have a nice dinner and just hang out around the inner harbor. We arrived back at my place around 6:00 pm and she wanted to watch a movie. During the movie, my other younger brother who rents a room from me came home (She had met him in the past too) and this seems to have triggered the whole problem.

 

After the movie ended, she told me that she was going to head home which seemed a bit odd to me. I walked her out to her car and she kissed me goodnight and headed home. I sent her a text later in the evening and asked her what was bothering her and she told me that she did not feel comfortable spending the night right now and that she had been doing some thinking and even though she enjoys being with me, she feels like she has been going back to her "old self" where she bases her decisions on making her partner happy instead of voicing her own opinion. She also said that maybe it's too late, but things have been going too fast and it's starting to freak her out and that she would like some time to think....but maybe we should take a break in the meantime.

 

 

The following day she texted me and asked if she could come over to talk to me.

 

I agreed and she explained things in more detail which pretty much meant that she did not yet feel comfortable while in the company of my friends and my brothers. She told me that she wanted to be with me, but felt that we should go back to just doing things together...without other people with us. She explained that all of her past relationships had run "full speed ahead" and she did not want to do this anymore because it only brought pain to herself and her partner when she realized that things were not working out and it was time to break up. All in all, we spend maybe 5 hours together that evening. She invited me over to her place the following 3 days as well.

 

********So now I am a bit confused! I tend to over think everything in a relationship...since I'm a "glass half empty" type of guy and always expect the worst.********

 

Any opinion would be greatly appreciated on this. I don't know if I should pull back and limit the amount of time we see each other and talk/text?

 

She seems pretty sincere with "us", but the slow down part just confuses me.

 

 

 

Here's a little history on her and I......

 

- She is 33 and I'm 34.

- She has 1 daughter and I have 1 daughter and 1 son.

- We dated for about 1 month before entering into an exclusive relationship. (About 10 dates and alot of talking/texting)

- She asked the "Where is this all heading" question and we seemed to both meet eye to eye on this, but I jumped the gun and asked if

she felt comfortable moving forward into the relationship. She asked to think about that for a little, but less than a week later told me

that she wanted to proceed.

- We mutually agreed that we would not introduce the children until further down the road.

- She has introduced me to 2 of her friends, but not her best friend yet and no family.

- I know its dumb....but she does not want to make our relationship "Facebook Official".....which has me wondering as well.

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She told you the reasons so believe her.

 

She is right, what you are doing is too much too fast. 1 month in and introducing friends and family is way too soon as well as FB status. She just does not want to be the type of girl that goes in and out of relationships on FB.

 

Also, after 1 month what you do is establish exclusivity and from there you work your way up to being in an official relationship then being committed to each other. You guys jumped the gun, in my opinion, and skipped many important steps.

 

You should do what comes naturally. You want to talk to her then do, you want to see her than do, and be yourself while respecting her wish of going back to 'dating each other'.

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She's falling for you and is scared and want to make the right decision.

 

She doesn't want your friends or family to think that she's this girl that you have sex with.

 

Get the roommate to go somewhere else when you hang out together or go to her place and get sitters for your kids.

 

She is likely thinking that your relationship is getting too comfortable with sitting around at home and wants to do more outings together.

 

Girl I'm seeing is kind of in the same mode right now. We've spent 22 of the past 30 days together almost all of it at my house. She wants to meet up in places other than at my place because it's so comfortable for her that she ends up not wanting to leave. She's admited that she loves me and is falling for me. My guess is she wants to make sure theres something solid there before we actually commit and become bf/gf.

 

Your girl is probably feeling similar. Take her out, do things just the two of you. Build some wonderful experiences.

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I have to commend her for taking time out to think about what was bothering her and then leveling with you about it. She's not ready to blend families yet. It's just moving too fast for her. She has a kid to think about. She's not ready for "instant family" yet. She probably feels it will add to her duties, busy-ness, stress to take on you and your whole family -- and she's right. It will.

 

She's not breaking up though. She cares about you. She has learned from past mistakes of going along with everything from fear of losing a man and that's smart. Now let her go at her own pace. Keep family out of it.

 

And I have to say, too, that there are "family people" and those who would rather have minimal contact with family and it's split right down the middle with people. If you are a real family guy who wants to be around parents and brothers as much as possible and she is not like that, that is a problem unless you can both respect each other's positions and then both bend just a little on the subject. Not sure that's the issue, though. You could ask her. Does she like to be around her parental family or would she rather not very often? That's a pretty good indicator.

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She's being a brat, and youre her doormat.

 

Lets get this straight, at first, she told you she wanted a break, just after your brother came home. hahahaha Dude youre being stomped and stepped on.

 

Then she came over to tell you that she doesnt want to be with company at all, without any legitimate reasons.

This girl doesnt respect you. She respects you so little, that she doesnt want any of her facebook friends to know that she's in a relationship with you.

 

Why doesnt she respect you? Because youre a door mat.

 

Sorry man:sick:

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DazedandConfused8
My girlfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for about 1 month and things seemed to be going great until this past Sunday evening when she suddenly became "cold". She had come over to my place the previous evening since my best friend, younger brother and his wife were all over to hang out around a bon fire and catch up. She had met all of these people while we were dating, so I didn't think it would be a big deal, but I did make sure this was ok with her before I invited her over. After everyone left, my girlfriend and I were intimate and she stayed the night. (neither of these were a new occurrence) The following morning, we headed down to Baltimore to go to the aquarium, have a nice dinner and just hang out around the inner harbor. We arrived back at my place around 6:00 pm and she wanted to watch a movie. During the movie, my other younger brother who rents a room from me came home (She had met him in the past too) and this seems to have triggered the whole problem.

 

After the movie ended, she told me that she was going to head home which seemed a bit odd to me. I walked her out to her car and she kissed me goodnight and headed home. I sent her a text later in the evening and asked her what was bothering her and she told me that she did not feel comfortable spending the night right now and that she had been doing some thinking and even though she enjoys being with me, she feels like she has been going back to her "old self" where she bases her decisions on making her partner happy instead of voicing her own opinion. She also said that maybe it's too late, but things have been going too fast and it's starting to freak her out and that she would like some time to think....but maybe we should take a break in the meantime.

 

 

The following day she texted me and asked if she could come over to talk to me.

 

I agreed and she explained things in more detail which pretty much meant that she did not yet feel comfortable while in the company of my friends and my brothers. She told me that she wanted to be with me, but felt that we should go back to just doing things together...without other people with us. She explained that all of her past relationships had run "full speed ahead" and she did not want to do this anymore because it only brought pain to herself and her partner when she realized that things were not working out and it was time to break up. All in all, we spend maybe 5 hours together that evening. She invited me over to her place the following 3 days as well.

 

********So now I am a bit confused! I tend to over think everything in a relationship...since I'm a "glass half empty" type of guy and always expect the worst.********

 

Any opinion would be greatly appreciated on this. I don't know if I should pull back and limit the amount of time we see each other and talk/text?

 

She seems pretty sincere with "us", but the slow down part just confuses me.

 

You've only been together for a month and she's getting freaked out that you're going too fast. I knew that from your post before you wrote that she actually told you “it's going too fast.”

 

Just think, you've only been together for a month, and you spent an entire 24-hour period with her, hanging with your family, having sex and sleeping together, going to the aquarium, and watching a movie together. That's like 4 dates all combined. Maybe it felt too much like you were living together, and that she just wanted to go home and have her own alone time.

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IMO, one month is too soon to be "exclusive"

 

But then again, she has a kid...she probably is in the "been there, done that" stage and doesn't want to play around....But still, one month is too soon to think you know enough about a person to declare exclusivity.

 

I don't care how many times you two have texted, chatted, hung out in the month...It really takes time to get to know a person. Over time, you see them go through/experience certain things and you see how they handle them. Also, if they are putting on a nice "dating" face, it's gonna take more than a month for them to show their true self.

 

You two both have kids, your kids don't need the drama of getting attached to who you flippantly decide to become "exclusive" with only after a month of knowing them.

 

I say date (when the kids are at grandma's) and take it slow. You and your kids don't need the drama and so far this situation is full of drama.

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Teamsideshot
You've only been together for a month and she's getting freaked out that you're going too fast. I knew that from your post before you wrote that she actually told you “it's going too fast.”

 

Just think, you've only been together for a month, and you spent an entire 24-hour period with her, hanging with your family, having sex and sleeping together, going to the aquarium, and watching a movie together. That's like 4 dates all combined. Maybe it felt too much like you were living together, and that she just wanted to go home and have her own alone time.

 

To tell you the truth...I've never thought about it that way before and it does make sense! We normally go out on Saturday evenings...spend the night together and do something on Sunday...but never to the extent of last weekend. I appreciate your input here!

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