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No kiss, no flirting and it's past 3 dates?


Gaeta

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First: I really like this one, I mean I met so many men and I thought no one would ignite curiosity in me again but he does.

 

We are 3 dates in that he organized. Nothing physical. He told me during our first date that he needs to get to know someone before getting closer.

 

He was back from his fishing trip Monday. He calls each night around 10 and we speak till midnight, it's getting ridiculous we're both exhausted, he also keeps in touch during the day with short text.

 

No flirting when we talk, not even a hint. I am afraid this will turn into a friendship if we don't express some attraction soon.

 

Sometimes I type flirty text and I don't send them because, well....because of you all insisting I should not be doing something like this lol.

 

Advice please.

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Last date, when we said good bye, I kissed him on both cheeks v-e-r-y slowly, stopped when we got nose to nose, giving him plenty of opportunity to kiss my lips and he did nothing.

 

I said 'ciao', turned around to exit the car, he touched my arm and started talking some more.

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How old is he? Hmmm, he's taking it sloooow. This is the crucial mistake men make when they don't show romantic interest. They kinda place themselves in the friend zone. He's lucky you really like him. I'd give him one more date then that's it before things are made clear. Maybe he is just looking for a buddy?

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I just had this experience and ultimately it was that he didn't feel that way towards me, but he liked hanging out with me so much that he kept talking to me and asking me to hang out hoping he would develop romantic feelings. We decided last night it was best to just be friends.

 

 

We talked for about 6 weeks and saw each other 6 times maybe (I was busy and traveling a lot, but we talked almost everyday). I was confused because he acted like he liked me in actions (talking and asking me out) but made no physical moves. I finally just flat out asked him because I was sick of the not knowing and I'm kind of blunt like that :) I would say give it another date or two and if nothing happens, it's time to ask.

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How old is he? Hmmm, he's taking it sloooow. This is the crucial mistake men make when they don't show romantic interest. They kinda place themselves in the friend zone. He's lucky you really like him. I'd give him one more date then that's it before things are made clear. Maybe he is just looking for a buddy?

 

He is not looking for a buddy, first thing we cleared out. He is 41.

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I just had this experience and ultimately it was that he didn't feel that way towards me, but he liked hanging out with me so much that he kept talking to me and asking me to hang out hoping he would develop romantic feelings. We decided last night it was best to just be friends.

 

 

We talked for about 6 weeks and saw each other 6 times maybe (I was busy and traveling a lot, but we talked almost everyday). I was confused because he acted like he liked me in actions (talking and asking me out) but made no physical moves. I finally just flat out asked him because I was sick of the not knowing and I'm kind of blunt like that :) I would say give it another date or two and if nothing happens, it's time to ask.

 

I am sorry, that sucks!! I am afraid it could be something like that.

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Also, I think it's important to ask if he has a relatively recent ex that maybe he's not over? I suspect that is part of my guy's problem. He likes hanging out and talking because who doesn't like being around people, and we enjoy each other's company, but can't take it to the romantic level because he's not over his ex and can't bring himself to have feelings for someone else yet or make a romantic type move.

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I think there's a lot of pressure and awkwardness leading up to the end of date, you have a small window to make a move.

 

Why don't you try a lil touching, light flirting during your date?

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I am sorry, that sucks!! I am afraid it could be something like that.

 

Actually it's good...we were completely wrong for each other in a dating sense, but I think I liked him because we got along so well as friends. Ultimately, I think we are going to end up being decent friends which will save me from the heartache down the road when our romantic relationship blew up because we were so different.

 

 

I was also lucky not to develop huge feelings for him...probably because he made no moves, lol.

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Smilecharmer

Maybe you need to go all Pepe le Pew on him. Start kissing his hand passionately and call him yr little flower of love....

 

:p

 

Worked for me. I don't do reserved well. :o

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Why don't you try a lil touching, light flirting during your date?

 

*nervous sigh* yes I should.

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Ninjainpajamas

Maybe you really like this guy because he hasn't tried anything physical...I mean, judging from what you're saying I don't see anything remotely romantic occurring.

 

What exactly DO you like about this guy? what is the conversation even like? without flirtation or at least some sort of attraction or chemistry how do you continue on dating him?

 

It seems at least you like the guy and are feeling chemistry, but I'm not sure how he's feeling on his end from what you're saying. And now you're thinking of trying something else to get his attention?

 

I think you're best off communicating with him and opening up the conversation to a more emotional level, see if there's an actual bridge there...some people need that to be more confident and comfortable to get into the physical and maybe he's just not feeling on that level yet.

 

However at 41 he's no child, but depending on his experience and values/beliefs he may act like one in a sense...you're just not really giving a lot of information on this, other than kind of looking for that string of advice that tells you to make a move...which I don't think is the best idea if you really want to know where someone stands, especially with men.

 

But I don't even know what you're doing, saying or even talking about that has you so interested in this guy...you'd have to answer that question yourself at this point, otherwise I'm not sure if you're looking for advice more than encouragement to keep seeing the guy and maybe even make further moves than you already have...I mean you already initiated the kissing with no reciprocation, what's next...pulling down his pants and throwing him into bed?........9 months later?

 

Anyway, I think I ate too much protein today...I'm feeling a little gassy. Maybe that's a sign you should do something...there you go.

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*nervous sigh* yes I should.

 

Oh...if you haven't done any of that yet then he does need some kind of signal.

 

Have you told him that you are interested in him?

In the UK we will say 'I fancy you' it's easy and simple and gets the point over plus it's as it is and not 'heavy' at all.

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Anyway, I think I ate too much protein today...I'm feeling a little gassy. Maybe that's a sign you should do something...there you go.

 

haha..

 

 

Maybe you really like this guy because he hasn't tried anything physical...

 

Strong possibility. He is different than what I am used to.

 

 

What exactly DO you like about this guy? what is the conversation even like? without flirtation or at least some sort of attraction or chemistry how do you continue on dating him?

 

I like his personality, I super like his sense of humor, I like his looks of course, I like he's a no none-sense kind of guy.

 

We talk about everything and anything. We don't talk about anything negative ever, we can talk about places we went, things we did, funny stuff that happened to us, projects we want to realize, while we talk on the phone we sent each other pictures of places we went, we also browse and check stuff at the same time.

 

Is that too buddy?

 

I do feel a lot of intellectual attraction toward him and physical attraction.

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Have you told him that you are interested in him?

 

After each date he asked me if I wanted another one and I said I'd love to...does that count as acting interested?

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Ninjainpajamas
We talk about everything and anything. We don't talk about anything negative ever, we can talk about places we went, things we did, funny stuff that happened to us, projects we want to realize, while we talk on the phone we sent each other pictures of places we went, we also browse and check stuff at the same time.

 

Is that too buddy?

 

I do feel a lot of intellectual attraction toward him and physical attraction.

 

That's a conversation a man can have with another man...it's just less engaged of course and usually without the pictures. And as a whole, men are more comfortable expressing themselves to women, so he might talk to you about things automatically that he wouldn't necessarily talk to with about other men, but all this just sounds like conversation. So this doesn't necessarily signal a romantic connection or bond, he may get along with you, but he might feel the chemistry isn't quite there or right.

 

If you're dealing with a guy that is introverted and reserved, then you need to be careful about what steps you take and how you persist...if you are too aggressive you may overwhelm him (some women are too impatient and scare these guys off before they're ready, they don't see a problem with things developing slowly as they build confidence during this time and become more comfortable) and make retreat into a shell as you moved the ball too far along in the game, maybe even completely pulling away from you...some men need to kind of "build up" this level of relationship kind of bond first, it basically takes them time to "get to know you". Where as women tend to make that decision decisively once they make it, and then are ready to go forward right away...often trying to drag the guy along with the pace they desire...some guys just move at a snail pace with things.

 

I'm not saying this is the case of course, especially for his age...unless he's really not dated or been out of the game for a very long time it's very questionable at the least..it's not "normal" behavior IMO. Otherwise he may just enjoy your company and not be in a hurry...without his history I can't say much about where he stands mentally.

 

So anyway, something I always advise women to do is challenge men...verbally, instead of just being aggressive physically use that aggression instead with communication and asking questions about things you want to know...ask leading questions that take you to what you want to talk about, ask him in so many words how he feels and what he thinks so that he may reveal the answer through this own explanations and the vibe you're getting from him...I mean to an extent you can be very direct with that, but you should know the limits and pull off if you see the other person retreating...but you shouldn't just wait and perform passive aggressive behaviors that "signal" a man to do something, because a lot of them will never get it..instead try to figure out what he thinks and feels transparently through communication, as men will reveal the truth and honesty if they don't feel directly pressed for it.

 

You need to learn how to broach the kind of topics and conversations that you really want to have instead of playing footsie or doing whatever you can to avoid that through physicality...far too many women put the cart before the horse with everything else and then end up confused later on down the road when it doesn't work out because they never even talked about the most basic and fundamental things with men...so if you're going to take chances and be bold, do it on the communication front before the physical...the physical is easy and brainless but the real substance is understanding what the other person wants, where they are emotionally and what they expect and desire out of a romantic relationship.

Edited by Ninjainpajamas
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Thank you Ninja that was an interesting read and I will consider those points you're bringing up.

 

I know he has been single 2 years and that relationship lasted 9 years. He has no children.

 

So, I just took a chance and text him 'what you doing' (he does that to me). He replied he was still at work. I said 'ok, I just wanted you to think about me for a second :)'....and I got back a 'lol'.

 

I am not saying anything anymore and I will see what he does with that tonight.

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TigerLilly78

I feel your pain OP im in the same type of situation at the moment I know I realy like this dude hes told me he dose as well yet almost 3 weeks into being around each other not much romantically its getting painfully awkward.

 

Tho in our case there is light touching and a little cuddling ugh men are hard to understand some times! mutual friends tell me to give it more time but im just not use to a guy moving this slow.. I laughed when I saw the kiss attempt cause I kinda did the same thing and got the same response.

 

What makes it worse is cause I do like him so much its making me retarted and unusually shy. Like you I feel something needs to give before we end up smack dab in the friend zone for ever.

 

So im personally going to get semi liquored up this evening well just enough to take the edge off..lol and go in for a genuine kiss..I reckon it will ether relive some of the tension or crash and burn ether way something definitive will happen..maybe try something similar? I wouldn't normally suggest alcohol but it dose tend to lower inhibitions and brings out truth..

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My daughter just killed any hope I had in me. She said Just "lol" he recognizes the cuteness but doesnt throw back the appreciation or affection. He is stringing me along.

 

You agree?

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Ninjainpajamas
My daughter just killed any hope I had in me. She said Just "lol" he recognizes the cuteness but doesnt throw back the appreciation or affection. He is stringing me along.

 

You agree?

 

To be honest with you I'm more concerned with what you learn more from this experience and hoping you learn how to be more open and direct, but balance those two in terms of communication and communicate with these men better in the future and becoming more comfortable in doing that because that's where the ultimate solution is IMO, it's really a tool that will take you very far...rather than really caring about happens with this guy in particular.

 

If you're asking what I'd do personally...If I went in for a kiss, after kissing them cheek to cheek then landing on their wiggle nose, and they didn't reciprocate or as a woman the man not go in for the kiss at that point...I'd be pretty much done at that point, even a little embarrassed.

 

For myself, expectations are high...I'd cut someone easy early in the dating process.

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If you're asking what I'd do personally...If I went in for a kiss, after kissing them cheek to cheek then landing on their wiggle nose, and they didn't reciprocate or as a woman the man not go in for the kiss at that point...I'd be pretty much done at that point, even a little embarrassed..

 

After the failed kiss attempt I went home. He asked me to call him upon my arrival. When I called him we spoke about a couple of banalities then he goes: Well..............did you enjoy yourself tonight, did you like it?

 

I was surprised at that question under the circumstances, I thought my desire for a kiss had been water clear.

 

So I told him I had enjoyed myself very much. I asked him and he said he had turned down a rock concert to be with me that it had to mean something.

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todreaminblue
After the failed kiss attempt I went home. He asked me to call him upon my arrival. When I called him we spoke about a couple of banalities then he goes: Well..............did you enjoy yourself tonight, did you like it?

 

I was surprised at that question under the circumstances, I thought my desire for a kiss had been water clear.

 

So I told him I had enjoyed myself very much. I asked him and he said he had turned down a rock concert to be with me that it had to mean something.

 

 

i believe that if you really like someone you go at the pace they set......he sounds a little shy to me.....you already stated you cleared that it wasnt a buddy thing....so in relationships if you go at the pace set by the "slowest one" then that person gets to keep up and run the distance.....or you rush them and they face plant...face plants arent fun.....so run with him if you truly like him let him be pace maker.........and i think you really do like him(your nervous sigh....smilin atcha)...... so he is probably worth the time it takes......for him to feel comfortable enough to really open up to you...and that first kiss.... bet it will be special....i do feel it will happen with his steam..just include touch on your dates grab his hand occasionally see if he holds on........joke around while you do so ...make it feel a natural progression....kiss his cheek ...until it isnt hsi cheek you kiss.....best wishes gaeta..deb

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Ummm....

 

I agree with Ninja that he might be reserved and a little old school...But when you said he's been single 2 years, no kids - but was married 9 years makes me now wonder. How can you be married 9 years and no kids?

 

While I agree that too many people are quick to jump in the sack now a days, you should be getting a kiss on the cheek - coming from him, not from you. I mean, I'm from Hispanic culture and the guys kiss women on both cheeks as part of normal greeting if they are familiar with that person...lol. So, him not even wanting to give you a kiss on the cheek is kinda weird to me.

 

But, like most things, you need to date to find out what makes a person tick. Maybe he likes women to take the initiative. You gotta find out why he divorced...why he didn't have kids. You definitely need more than three dates and talking on the phones to learn about a person. Sometimes that takes 1 1/2 - 2 years.

 

So, iMO, I say continue dating him, but keep your options open....see other people. If when you go out with him you have a good time, why not? Nothing wrong with having friends to do fun things with - male or female. Besides, it's not like you're playing him. Until you two become intimate, you a free agent if you ask me. And whether or not 'were' intimate, unless you have an exclusivity talk, you are a single woman to me.

Edited by Gloria25
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I agree with Deb. Don't rush things, practice patience and go at his pace. You can be flirty.

 

I dated three men like this one this year and two of them I dumped/rushed. In these cases, I think it was the right call. The other, things eventually progressed and it's ongoing. Men like these are my pattern, while dating younger is yours :) dating others may also help you not go crazy waiting for him to make a move.

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After each date he asked me if I wanted another one and I said I'd love to...does that count as acting interested?

 

Yes, but then there is a post from another woman here who does not consider that a sign the guy is into her in the absence of kissing at end of date 2. It certainly means you like him, but not necessarily that you really fancy him. You initiated with the euro style cheek kisses but it might have thrown him a bit in terms of it being romantic, though I guess it depends how long you lingered as you said. You have people from both sides here. You can tka e risk with a half hearted guy when it comes to initiating unless you don't mind sex for the fun of it. I like the idea of saying how much you fancy him, to get him thinking you are good to go for more.

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