feeling upset because of a girl

[you_can_not_see_me]

I have known this girl for more than a year and at first she seemed cold towards me, but she seemed to warm up eventually. I didn't really think much of it since in spite the fact that I think she looks decent, even cute at times I was caught up trying to date other girls who I was far more interested and she simply wasn't on my radar.

 

fast forward to almost a year later and now I am actually working with her and I m not currently pursuing any other girl, so the idea has been forming in my mind to try something with her now that nothing else is happening.

 

We seemed to have a fine time between us and our other coworkers, having a lot of laughs, BUT I noticed that when its only the two of us things suddenly become incredibly awkward, where she seems nervous, uncomfortable and not very talkative. This is in spite of the fact that me and her talk often when we are around other people.

I even recently noticed that if she thinks I haven't seen her, she will pass by me without saying hi.

 

Today for instance we were walking to our public transportation station together and I tried having a conversation with her a few times but it felt very unnatural and when she left she didn't even say bye.

 

This whole experience gives me the feeling that the girl really doesn't like me and I ll admit that makes me feel upset cause I wouldn't mind going to a few dates with her and having some sex and the idea of a girl just disliking me in this way for no reason bothers me.

 

I still work with her, so I don't know what to do. If my dating life wasn't so in the dumps I probably would not have cared much and just pursued other girls, in this state this just feels like an extra blow to my confidence.

Edited August 21, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me

[GemmaUK]

Ah!

 

Now I understand what is behind your other thread.

 

She is probably aware of some of your history and isn't interested in becoming notch number 132 on your bedpost.

 

Do her a favour and leave her be.

It's work, have some integrity and keep things professional.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Ah!

 

Now I understand what is behind your other thread.

 

She is probably aware of some of your history and isn't interested in becoming notch number 132 on your bedpost.

 

Do her a favour and leave her be.

It's work, have some integrity and keep things professional.

you have the wrong impression, I m no player ( I wish I were, might have made things much simpler).

and the girl knows no history of mine (as far as I know), I have not felt a girl dislike me this much since a one girl several years ago, who just could not stand me.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Dating a person you work with can place demands on a relationship that are overly complicated. everyone experiences physical atraction, that is normal. it doesn't mean you need to act on it. Sometimes when there is resistance or a seeming lack of interest from the other person our interest can increase. All of these different nosensical interactions can be frustrating.

 

Its normal in any relationship to have a disagrement and squable or fight. Can you picture yourself at this point and going to work in a squable, but getting along so no one else in the office is affected by it? If the boss pics up on it, its not going to be good. Many work places have policys about dating, be sure to check yours and avoid violating it.

Ok its actually volunteer work, its not like I will get fired and lose my salary. and there isn't a rigid boss structure.

 

I just don't understand why she behaves this way even if she isn't interested. There have been other girls who turned me down who were much warmer with me. Usually when I m not interested in a girl I m just indifferent, not awkward, nervous and avoiding.

[ktya]

OP:

 

She knows you like her but she's not into you. Drop it and move on and things at work will get better.

 

I am guessing you are in your early 20s or teen years.

 

This is a common fallacy of us men when we are young because we beleive the drivel in romantic comedies. We look at a girl and imagine ourselves with them and carry this garbage on and on and on until we make ourselves sick, yet never make a move for fear of being rejected. She may have been into you in the first five minutes after you met her, but that's long blown now. A girl her age has incredible choice and wont wait around while you dream of asking her out. At this point your just creepy weird to her.

 

Advice for the future:

 

You see a girl you like, ask her out. Like right away in the first 5-10 minutes, at least get her number and tell her you think she's cute. Women dictate the course of any relationship but they want men to initiate (what women say they want and what they actually want are entirely different things).

 

There are lots of fish in the sea, get used to the numbers game. Dont get fixated on one girl with whom you have nothing going. Dont be afraid that this girl you like will be turned off if you are out approaching other girls if she rejects you, it actually makes you more attractive if you ask her out she says no then sees you with another hot girl having a good ime.

 

Think those "Crispy Crunch" commericals. "The only thing better than your Crispy Crunch is someone else''s". Well the undertone of those ads wasnt about the chocolate bar. There's a reason that it was a girl in those ads. Women want what other women have. If you asked her out and she rejected you, then sees you being a better half she will regret it and probably fight to regain your interest.

 

Unfortunately, you my friend, have blown it. You are oogling her and staring at her with those puppy dog eyes for a year now. You have moved from "sort of cute" to "I think he likes me too much" to "creepy" and if you keep going it will be "stalker".

 

Move on to the next target and next time, ask her out in the first five minutes. Its scary but think of it like ripping a band aid off all at once. Once you get it out of the way as fast as you can even if you get rejected you bounce back because it isnt really that bad.

 

Final peice of advice. Before you ask her out or ask for her number make sure you ask for her name. I've made that mistake a few times and while it was funny and I recover most of the time it did make things awkward.

[you_can_not_see_me]

OP:

 

She knows you like her but she's not into you. Drop it and move on and things at work will get better.

 

I am guessing you are in your early 20s or teen years.

 

This is a common fallacy of us men when we are young because we beleive the drivel in romantic comedies. We look at a girl and imagine ourselves with them and carry this garbage on and on and on until we make ourselves sick, yet never make a move for fear of being rejected. She may have been into you in the first five minutes after you met her, but that's long blown now. A girl her age has incredible choice and wont wait around while you dream of asking her out. At this point your just creepy weird to her.

 

Advice for the future:

 

You see a girl you like, ask her out. Like right away in the first 5-10 minutes, at least get her number and tell her you think she's cute. Women dictate the course of any relationship but they want men to initiate (what women say they want and what they actually want are entirely different things).

 

There are lots of fish in the sea, get used to the numbers game. Dont get fixated on one girl with whom you have nothing going. Dont be afraid that this girl you like will be turned off if you are out approaching other girls if she rejects you, it actually makes you more attractive if you ask her out she says no then sees you with another hot girl having a good ime.

 

Think those "Crispy Crunch" commericals. "The only thing better than your Crispy Crunch is someone else''s". Well the undertone of those ads wasnt about the chocolate bar. There's a reason that it was a girl in those ads. Women want what other women have. If you asked her out and she rejected you, then sees you being a better half she will regret it and probably fight to regain your interest.

 

Unfortunately, you my friend, have blown it. You are oogling her and staring at her with those puppy dog eyes for a year now. You have moved from "sort of cute" to "I think he likes me too much" to "creepy" and if you keep going it will be "stalker".

 

Move on to the next target and next time, ask her out in the first five minutes. Its scary but think of it like ripping a band aid off all at once. Once you get it out of the way as fast as you can even if you get rejected you bounce back because it isnt really that bad.

 

Final peice of advice. Before you ask her out or ask for her number make sure you ask for her name. I've made that mistake a few times and while it was funny and I recover most of the time it did make things awkward.

You are doing a lot of projecting and making tons of assumptions about me.

 

I never said I thought going after other girls was a bad idea, I m just currently not in a position to do so. The main reason I didn't not consider this girl before was specifically cause I was pursuing other girls at the time!

 

I am not super into this girl, I d be willing to date for a little but that is the extent.

I also don't know how this girl would know I m into her, I really haven't hit on her, in fact by my actions alone I probably seem pretty indifferent. Unless this girl is super eager to assume any guy she associates with is into her I really have no idea why she would think I m into her.

 

I do give you points on asking girls out immediately, I just find it very difficult.

Edited August 21, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me

[ktya]

Its worth the stretch to ask them out within the first 5, 10, 15 minutes.

 

The reason is because you set the frame of the relationship. She can friend zone you, ignore you, love you hate you whatever but if you ask her out right away and say you think she's cute you set the frame of the relationship going forward even if there isnt one.

 

If she rejects you in the first 15 minutes chances are high she'd reject you after hours, days or weeks anyway. Like guys, girls see a guy and know if they'd sleep with him in seconds.

[Assasda]

Why would you want to go out with a girl like this?

I think youre putting her on the pedestal just a little bit, and thats why she's impolite to you.

 

I dont know about you, but I have no time to teach a girl to be polite, and how to talk to people and have regular conversations.

 

OP You must have other friends.

Move on, If you want to be friendly to her in passing, do so, but you dont need anything in return from this girl.

She'll either come around or continue to live her bitter life, but you can do nothing about it

 

And getting angry about it is just self defeating

[you_can_not_see_me]

Why would you want to go out with a girl like this?

I think youre putting her on the pedestal just a little bit, and thats why she's impolite to you.

 

I dont know about you, but I have no time to teach a girl to be polite, and how to talk to people and have regular conversations.

 

OP You must have other friends.

Move on, If you want to be friendly to her in passing, do so, but you dont need anything in return from this girl.

She'll either come around or continue to live her bitter life, but you can do nothing about it

 

And getting angry about it is just self defeating

WTF where in this thread did I do or say anything that would resemble putting her on a pedestal?

 

I swear some people are broken records!

[d0nnivain]

I didn't read your other thread but based on this one, I had the exact opposite impression of this girl.

 

I think she likes you & is painfully shy, possibly stemming from youth & lack of experience. When you are alone things get awkward because she doesn't know what to do with her feelings for you. She's hoping you make a move but she has no idea how to put you at ease. You have your own jitters & insecurities concerning her. Combined the effect if magnified, making for he awkward silences & avoidance.

 

Find your backbone & ask her on a date. If she says yes, great. If she says no, be cool & still be friendly & professional when you see her.

[you_can_not_see_me]

I didn't read your other thread but based on this one, I had the exact opposite impression of this girl.

 

I think she likes you & is painfully shy, possibly stemming from youth & lack of experience. When you are alone things get awkward because she doesn't know what to do with her feelings for you. She's hoping you make a move but she has no idea how to put you at ease. You have your own jitters & insecurities concerning her. Combined the effect if magnified, making for he awkward silences & avoidance.

 

Find your backbone & ask her on a date. If she says yes, great. If she says no, be cool & still be friendly & professional when you see her.

I doubt it, in fact I think she's into this other dude there who frequently tells her hurtful things under the guise of joking (ex: no one cares what you think). Its funny how some women become interested in dudes who are rude towards them, but that's not really my concern, I m ok with her being into this guy and not into me but I do resent her behavior towards me when we are alone.

[fortyninethousand322]

I know it's hard but you're going to have to learn not to get upset over women. Because I guarantee you they're not going to get upset over you.

[you_can_not_see_me]

I know it's hard but you're going to have to learn not to get upset over women. Because I guarantee you they're not going to get upset over you.

yeah very helpful insightful comment /sarcasm

[d0nnivain]

fortyninethousand322 makes a good point. Although it's hard not to take stuff like this personally you have to learn to let it roll off you.

 

In your 1st post you didn't mention the other guy.

 

Her odd behavior around you is still most likely a function of her not knowing what to do. She may sense you like her & not want to encourage that for fear of hurting you more so she gets all weird. Her motive for acting the way she does may be altruistic rather than malicious. It still puts you in the same place -- without her but there is no sense in getting mad. Disappointed, OK but not mad.

[TigerLilly78]

You admittedly weren't that interested in her even to the point shes almost a last resort for you yet you get upset at the idea shes not into you? im sorry op not every girl is going to fall over you once you think eh nothing else better its your turn..I need to get laid im sorry but from the tone of your posts you seam to use people and I think some have picked up on that..

[stillafool]

Wouldn't it just be easier to find another girl who actually likes you (outside of work) to date and have sex with? It's never a good idea to date co-workers.

[you_can_not_see_me]

meh I don't care that much anymore, I saw her today at my work and she was friendly and warm while around other people, so I guess she might just be awkward when she's alone with guys, either way I am done fussing about this.