TouchedByViolet Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I noticed that looks and personality together account for most of a person's reasoning to date someone. Seems like honesty, loyalty and dependability are often not filtered for specifically, more of an after thought. I can see how they would be more difficult to determine though. Anyone else notice this? Also, is there anything else that you find underrated in the dating process? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 A quality I think is underrated in the dating world, as well as in life in general is - The ability to appreciate someone for who they are as an individual. Everyone is unique in their own quirky way, and I think the ability to acknowledge the spectrum of quirkiness that exists in the social continuum is hugely important, not only when it comes to dating but throughout life. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Team work, in the relationship sense. A lot of people still play like they are single, for example they go to their friends with their relationship concerns / grievances! When they SHOULD be communicating them to their partner. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Hmmm, bit of man love/respect with keenly, sure i like one of his posts recently also! To be able to listen, to let the person just be who they are and to encourage someone to be brave and to not let their old wounds affect their judgement of others are biggies for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WesternWizard Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Brains, hands down. IMO too many people want to date dimwits. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 As individuals we could all answer this question a little differently. For me? San underrated quality would be even temperedness . It means a lot to me to be with someone who's not constantly having unexpected angry outbursts . I like surprises, but not that kind of surprise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 An underrated one with men usually is Patience. I know that a lot of women appreciate patient men 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TouchedByViolet Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 The ability to appreciate someone for who they are as an individual. Yes. Yes. Yes. Learning about someone is the truly wonderful part. Team work, in the relationship sense. A lot of people still play like they are single, for example they go to their friends with their relationship concerns / grievances! When they SHOULD be communicating them to their partner. Hmmm... I see this as a lack of commitment. I feel if you like someone enough you will meet them at least 50-60% of the way there if not more. People who have already checked out don't do the teamwork in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I noticed that looks and personality together account for most of a person's reasoning to date someone. Seems like honesty, loyalty and dependability are often not filtered for specifically, more of an after thought. I can see how they would be more difficult to determine though. Anyone else notice this? Also, is there anything else that you find underrated in the dating process? Like you say, it's very difficult to determine a person's level of honesty, loyalty and dependability. You could call it their character. This is why I much prefer dating "fix ups" rather than giving it a go with veritable strangers. At least with the women my friends line me up with I can feel comfortable they've been vetted. Reputation matters. Compassion is a big one for me. How she treats others and speaks of them tells me volumes about her. How she regards others is how she'll eventually treat me. The pageantry of dating winds down sooner or later. Truer colours are revealed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Loyalty, honesty............huge, huge qualities that were important for me. Respect as well. Put it this way, you could have a successful marriage if both of you subscribed to the notion that you never embarrass your spouse. That covers a broad scope. Personality is huge as well. Someone who smiles, someone who is genuinely kind to you and other people. That is monumental for me as well. Here's the thing, all of those qualities bring out the best in a person's PHYSICAL appearance as well. A person in my mind becomes more physically attractive if they have these attributes. The uglier you are on the inside, the uglier you are on the outside and it shows. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Tact. I'll add tact to what people are saying. There are some very honest, but tactless, people out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 The ability to disagree in good faith. Understanding that the other person is advocating for something they want/believe and not fighting as an adversary. It is difficult for me to describe what I mean, but it is almost like fighting without making it personal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Respect. Consideration and Taking responsibility for yourself and your own past and current experiences. Detailed below through some bad experiences of each. Respect for me is about various things. Realising and taking on board that just because I am a woman and in a relationship with you I can and still do have my own opinions on things. I am an individual so a man needs to deal with the fact that I am not necessarily going to react to things the same way his ex's did. I don't expect to have to 'prove' somehow that the work I do is valid employment to a man. I would hope that in a relationship he be aware that the relationship has two of us in it, not just one. This means there needs to be compromise on both sides rather than things all just being under one ruling - his. Consideration. Being considerate that me and my life is just as important as him and his life is. I can't always be there to talk whenever he wants to. I have things I need to do such as eating food, doing housework, generally looking after myself and that includes having some time and space to myself to either engage in my hobbies or simply to chill out and watch a tv show. Taking responsibility for yourself. My happiness is my responsibility and his happiness should be his responsibility. It's a hell of a lot of pressure to take on the responsibility for both myself and him in a relationship. Taking responsibility for your past and current experiences. There are almost always more than just one reason why a previous relationship has broken down. The more a man is able to think in terms of 'cause and effect' the better. If you never take your part of the responsibility in a previous relationship you will never learn from it and grow yourself. If something in your life is crucial to you..eg..in order to stay in your employment you need to ensure your license/certificate is kept up to date and is renewed on time it isn't down to anyone else to prompt you about it in any way shape or form. It is your responsibility. If you end up having to quit your job because you didn't renew then that is your fault and no one else's. These, alongside many of the other things people have mentioned. I'm afraid a lack of these three/four things above will make me want to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 compassion.....for people in general ....not just in a relationship but out of one too patience sense of humor calm under fire adventurous spirit Link to post Share on other sites
oldskl Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Descriptive key tag words are used far, far too much and so diluted these days. 'Compassionate', 'Forgiving' and 'Sense of Humour' covers a lot of bases, doesn't it? Short examples of these corny words to get in touch more with reality of what people REALLY mean by them: 'Compassionate' - when a girl is in absolutely no mood for your crap. She doesn't want pizza. Doesn't want to watch her fave tv show or eat chocolate. She thinks shes getting fat and you aren't gonna change her outlook tonight. BUT, you'll sit on the sofa and eat chocolate spread and watch Pretty Little Liars with her because she just wants your company and you can turn a blind eye to all these hilarious contradictions. 'Forgiving' - she threw away your favourite tshirt you've kept all this time from when you were 15 as it was full of holes, but hey, its no big deal... 'Sense of Humour' - she farts, it sounded wet, change of pants due? LOLosaurus time! etc... Link to post Share on other sites
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