Do you tell your Ex FWB that you did love him or do you keep it to yourself ??

[Ale khun]

So here's the story after 3 long years of a nonsense FWB thing with a guy I finally decided to move on and date . He texted me last Sunday that if we could see each other that he wanted to see me and my response was " it's nice that you think of me and you want to see me but I can't " he didn't reply until today I think he got angry . He texted me today saying " I hope to see you soon I'm leaving for a while blah blah blah " my response " I'm sorry I can't I'm seen someone else " and he told me ok we can be Friends .

 

So now I feel remorse for telling him that , I can't explain it but I feel bad am I stupid for feel that way ?? I know I should be happy that I found a guy who treats me like I should be treated not like a disposable thing but I can't helped .

 

So my question is should I tell him that I did in fact loved him ?? Or just keep it for myself ? I want to ask him so may things like have you ever loved me ?? What do you feel now that I've told you that I'm seeing someone else ?? Sure I ???

 

I can't helped I feel like Im in a break up with someone . Sure just leave it like that ?? Help

[MissBee]

I wouldn't tell him a thing about I loved him.

 

If he loved you you'd probably know.

 

I don't see the point in bringing it up...except it seems you still want validation from him and want to know he cares even though you're dating someone else.

 

In my experience a FWB may feel sad that you're no longer available and your attentions are going elsewhere but it's not because they love you necessarily. I have also been on the other end where I had a FWB get into a relationship. We saw each other on and off and I had no interest in being with him neither was I inlove but I did feel jealous when after having not spoken for a while and I texted him and chit-chatted because I was coming to town, and found out he had a gf. I felt jealous that he wasn't gonna be free to spend time or have sex with me but it wasn't about love. I cared about him as I'm sure he did me but it wasn't as deep as love.

[Assasda]

When you tell him that you love him. He'll just say OK.

Why even bother,

 

Seems like you still love him

[smackie9]

You say it was nonsense, but in reality it was a 3 year struggle of you hoping you would get a committed relationship out of the guy.....well you didn't. Obviously you are still not convinced. I say let it go already!

 

It's obvious he was only looking for sex before he takes off out of town....he had an itch to scratch and went through his little black book to dial up some numbers to see who would oblige.

 

I agree with the others, if he had those feelings for you he wouldn't have missed the opportunity to tell you. He isn't sitting there thinking you are the one that got away....he's thinking about how he isn't getting laid. It's time to move forward for real this time.

[mightycpa]

If any of my FWB's had told me they loved me, then I'd have to tell them that they were breaking the rules.

 

It's not supposed to be a path to courtship.

[Dork Vader]

While I agree with others that he likely only wants/wanted sex. I see no wrong in you telling him how you truly feel. Why live a life of wondering what if? Sure he'll probably tell you he's not feeling the same way. He might even take advantage of it to get laid.

 

The key is judge his actions!! Actions speak louder then words!!

 

You need to tell your current B/F to get lost. You don't love him or care for him. If you did love/care for your current then you would not be here asking this question. So show that guy some respect and let him go.

 

It's love and caring when they come first ALWAYs.

[Candy_Pants]

I wouldn't tell him you love(d) him. He simply doesn't deserve to know.

[Mrin]

Ok before I agree with everyone else above, a point of clarification.

 

You said you decided to move on and date. Did you tell him that before his text asking to see you? Or was that essentially the first time you had intimated that you were moving on and dating?

 

If you had told him beforehand then his text might have been an invitation for something more... If you hadn't then ya - I agree with the above. To disclose your love for him would be breaking the FWB rules in sort of an absurd manner.

[Emilia]

So here's the story after 3 long years of a nonsense FWB thing with a guy I finally decided to move on and date . He texted me last Sunday that if we could see each other that he wanted to see me and my response was " it's nice that you think of me and you want to see me but I can't " he didn't reply until today I think he got angry . He texted me today saying " I hope to see you soon I'm leaving for a while blah blah blah " my response " I'm sorry I can't I'm seen someone else " and he told me ok we can be Friends .

No, he just didn't care enough to respond faster.

So now I feel remorse for telling him that , I can't explain it but I feel bad am I stupid for feel that way ?? I know I should be happy that I found a guy who treats me like I should be treated not like a disposable thing but I can't helped .

You are projecting. You think he is a nice caring person like you are but in fact you are being rather naive. It's not like he didn't have his chance.

So my question is should I tell him that I did in fact loved him ?? Or just keep it for myself ? I want to ask him so may things like have you ever loved me ?? What do you feel now that I've told you that I'm seeing someone else ?? Sure I ???

 

I can't helped I feel like Im in a break up with someone . Sure just leave it like that ?? Help

I don't think you should speak to him again. It seems very clear to me from his responses that he is indifferent.

[d0nnivain]

You slept with this guy for 3 years in a FWB situation. Did you ever discuss the parameters of your arrangement? Did he ever tell you that he only wanted sex & nothing more? If so don't bother telling him that you loved him. If not, try being straight with him. Tell him that along the way you developed feelings & if he returns them great you'd like to give a relationship a try but if he doesn't want that he needs to let you go so you can move on to something more fulfilling then NSA sex.

 

Seriously if you can give him your body for three years, what is so hard about a little honesty, especially if the end result might be something you really want? You can't give up without ever opening your mouth.

 

You do need to be emotionally prepared for rejection if you make the disclosure but isn't the risk worth the reward?

[Gaeta]

To me not telling someone you have fallen in love with them and keeping it the secret reasons why you don't want to see them anymore = playing games.

 

You and him are adults. Talk like adults.

 

He is not going to reciprocate your feelings, you know that already. The reason to tell him you love him as nothing to do with expecting a reciprocation, it's about freeing your heart, being honest and explaining the situation.

 

Yes I told my fwb I had fallen in love with him after 1 year of fooling around. He said he cared deeply but was not in love. It cleared the air. A year later I had worked passed my feelings for him and found someone else I fell in love with. Maybe because my fwb felt he was losing me but at that point he told me he had falling in love with me, we were meant to be together, etc. but unfortunately he was a year too late. My feelings had subside.

 

After 3 years him and I are still friends.

[Ale khun]

Thank you all of you for your responses and your time to read my struggle

Everybody seems to be right , there's no need to explain my feelings to him . That's not going to change the past or the present . Someone said to me in this thread that I should know if he loved me that actions speak louder than words and I can truly say that there was a time where I felt he did care for me he also said it to me "I care for you " but that doesn't means " I love you " " I want to be with you " . It took me to long to end the FWB I know that 3 years is a lot but it can't lie it worked for me at that time and I couldn't helped to develop feelings for him and to love him after all I spend 3 years with him .

 

In all that time I've meet few other guys but no one who really catch my attention I also used a lot of excuses to keep avoiding commitment . A month a go I meet a wonderful guy and I feel happy but it's hard for me to just turn the page like that and to forget him .

 

I don't want to start a relationship cheating and lying I want to be happy I deserve to be happy . And if someday got any strange reason I see him again I'll think it twice before opening my mouth .

[smackie9]

I never understood this FWB. You both agree to be exclusive sexually, you hang out together, spend time together, so why is that any different than being in a relationship, with the exception of no title? You can't tell me that there are 0 feelings and emotions involved. I can see it if it was for a month or two, but 3 frickin years!?

[ktya]

OP

 

If you still love him, tell him. If you dont love him anymore, dont tell him. Nobody needs to hear that someone "used to love them".

[ktya]

I never understood this FWB. You both agree to be exclusive sexually, you hang out together, spend time together, so why is that any different than being in a relationship, with the exception of no title? You can't tell me that there are 0 feelings and emotions involved. I can see it if it was for a month or two, but 3 frickin years!?

 

I kind of get it.

 

Some people are afraid of the label because they dont want things to change.

 

Once you apply the label, then opposite sex friends can be problematic, you need to be somewhat accountable for your whereabouts, and the fact that you have applied the label can complicate what is sometimes beautiful just the way that it is.

 

Not to say that everyone does those things or needs that level of reassurance, but I think past a certain point everyone has been in a relationship that got a bit weird when it transgressed from either FWB or "seeing eachother" to "boyfriend/girlfriend".

[smackie9]

I kind of get it.

 

Some people are afraid of the label because they dont want things to change.

 

Once you apply the label, then opposite sex friends can be problematic, you need to be somewhat accountable for your whereabouts, and the fact that you have applied the label can complicate what is sometimes beautiful just the way that it is.

 

Not to say that everyone does those things or needs that level of reassurance, but I think past a certain point everyone has been in a relationship that got a bit weird when it transgressed from either FWB or "seeing eachother" to "boyfriend/girlfriend".

 

Just seeing each other is no different that the early stages of dating....most wait and see if they want to make it "official'. You can still have sex, still go out, but not commit to a relationship. dating is a committed relationship pending...that is why I don't see a difference. IMO it's better to just meet up for sex and save the friendship/hanging out for someone else.

[spiderowl]

Maybe it would have been an idea to tell him something closer to the truth? That you have now moved on and met someone else because you got fed up of being with someone who only wanted a physical relationship without emotional commitment. He would then have had chance to say if he had any feelings. However, I'd still be very careful because he might say anything to get you back in bed one more time without there being emotional commitment involved for him.