Guy from OKCupid - should I say no to another date?

[thecrucible]

Hey all,

 

Wondered if you could shed light on this guy. He asked me to meet up after a quick message exchange. Then we went on another date. We've got on well during dates, have kissed but I sometimes feel he should take more of an interest in who I am. He's not sleazy or anything and I never initiate contact. But his texts are pretty casual and just asking what I'm up to - and on the day of our second date he didn't text in the morning despite saying he would.

 

So after our second date yesterday he text me tonight and conversation like this:

 

Him: Do you want to do something next week?

Me: yeah that sounds like fun

Him: awesome. I'll have a think and let you know later next week.

 

How should I respond to that? Is this a case of 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cheers,

-thecrucible

[isisisweeping]

Hey all,

 

Him: Do you want to do something next week?

Me: yeah that sounds like fun

Him: awesome. I'll have a think and let you know later next week.

 

How should I respond to that? Is this a case of 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cheers,

-thecrucible

 

 

I see nothing to see that he's not that interested. If anything your interest seems questionable.

[JM89]

If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't be initiating text conversations and dates. He just sounds casual. I'd take that as a positive and be glad that he's not harassing you or getting obsessive like some of the guys on OLD... Go with it and see if it turns into anything. I wouldn't shut him down just because he's low-key.

[ThorntonMelon]

Sounds shockingly normal.

[thecrucible]

I see nothing to see that he's not that interested. If anything your interest seems questionable.

 

Thanks everyone. I want to get to know him more and see how we click. I'm not infatuated yet but I really like him as a person and find him attractive.

 

What makes you think I don't sound interested?

 

I thought he was telling me that he needs to think about whether he wants to meet me again???

[JM89]

I thought he was telling me that he needs to think about whether he wants to meet me again???

 

HE asked YOU to do something next week. He's going to "have a think" about where to take you, not whether or not to do something.

[rester]

Let me explain that. I hope you guys can help. Basically I'm scared. I always hear that men should do all the chasing otherwise it's not right. I'm scared I'll look desperate and get taken for granted. Like I want to send a text saying I liked holding his hand that night but then I think that'll sound over the top and ahh do you know what I mean? I've been burnt in the past

 

If he likes you that won't sound bad. What would annoy me is his inability to tell you what day/time and that he's going to get back to you "later next week". I'd definitely ask to confirm what day and time so that I could plan my week out.

[deathandtaxes]

Some people just aren't texters. And getting to know somebody via text? lame. His message seems to indicate he's coming up with a date idea. If he never gets back to you, now that's being uninterested.

[thecrucible]

Some people just aren't texters. And getting to know somebody via text? lame. His message seems to indicate he's coming up with a date idea. If he never gets back to you, now that's being uninterested.

 

I hate it. I want to talk more in depth with him but texting makes that hard. He always asks how my day is and that sort of thing then replies a few hours later then he's sometimes the first who says he's tired and has to go to bed. But once he said that and I saw him online on Okcupid haha but I thought nothing of it

 

I prefer phone calls. It means a lot to more when a guy calls you

[DazedandConfused8]

Hey all,

 

Wondered if you could shed light on this guy. He asked me to meet up after a quick message exchange. Then we went on another date. We've got on well during dates, have kissed but I sometimes feel he should take more of an interest in who I am. He's not sleazy or anything and I never initiate contact. But his texts are pretty casual and just asking what I'm up to - and on the day of our second date he didn't text in the morning despite saying he would.

 

So after our second date yesterday he text me tonight and conversation like this:

 

Him: Do you want to do something next week?

Me: yeah that sounds like fun

Him: awesome. I'll have a think and let you know later next week.

 

How should I respond to that? Is this a case of 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cheers,

-thecrucible

 

He invited you on another date... why would he do that if he wasn't into you?

 

Maybe he's actually putting some time and effort into planning/deciding on something that would be fun for both of you. There are (a few) guys like us around

[DazedandConfused8]

Let me explain that. I hope you guys can help. Basically I'm scared. I always hear that men should do all the chasing otherwise it's not right. I'm scared I'll look desperate and get taken for granted. Like I want to send a text saying I liked holding his hand that night but then I think that'll sound over the top and ahh do you know what I mean? I've been burnt in the past

 

Very true: the game sucks and it's never played the same between two people, even with the gender roles we're told we're supposed to be playing.

 

If you like him, or liked something about him or what you guys did, just tell him. Keep in mind that there's a difference between telling him "I liked holding your hand" and "I liked holding your hand... now how many children are we going to have?"

[thecrucible]

Very true: the game sucks and it's never played the same between two people, even with the gender roles we're told we're supposed to be playing.

 

If you like him, or liked something about him or what you guys did, just tell him. Keep in mind that there's a difference between telling him "I liked holding your hand" and "I liked holding your hand... now how many children are we going to have?"

 

Thanks everyone. Was just worried about the vibe and panicked cause I thought momentum had gone. Sent him a text this morning as friend suggested I initiate more. Haven't heard yet but meanwhile keeping busy. I never double text or complain I'd I don't hear from him in a while. Trying not to worry as what is done is done

[DazedandConfused8]

Thanks everyone. Was just worried about the vibe and panicked cause I thought momentum had gone. Sent him a text this morning as friend suggested I initiate more. Haven't heard yet but meanwhile keeping busy. I never double text or complain I'd I don't hear from him in a while. Trying not to worry as what is done is done

 

Any further luck?

[thecrucible]

Any further luck?

 

Well he's still texting me. I don't initiate all the time. I let him initiate sometimes. Think I've blown it now but being too vulnerable. I let him know my grandmother is ill and I'm feeling sad today. Think I've gone and spooked him now or he doesn't know what to say :/. Do I just leave it?

[thecrucible]

I don't think I'm very good at this and probably scared him off. Can't think straight today. Found out that my grandmother has terminal cancer . Didn't tell him that though - just that I feel sad cause family member is ill..

[thecrucible]

My friends say to ask him when we next meet up. It's been over 5 hours and he hasn't replied. What do I do?

[DazedandConfused8]

My friends say to ask him when we next meet up. It's been over 5 hours and he hasn't replied. What do I do?

 

Ask him what?

[DazedandConfused8]

My friends say to ask him when we next meet up. It's been over 5 hours and he hasn't replied. What do I do?

 

Has he ever waited that long to reply? Could he just be at work, sleeping, not feeling well, out with family, etc?

 

If you two liked each other as you said you did, I wouldn't be scared away by saying you're sad and that your grandma is ill (sorry about that, by the way). I'd say you could either confront it head on (saying "Sorry if sharing that my grandma was ill was too much for you, it was just on my mind yesterday") or ignore it and see if that helps ("Hey, how've you been? When do you want to get together next?")

[sid3]

So is 'the rules' advice totally rubbish?

 

Yeah, so is half the Advice you'll get here.

[insert_name]

Let me explain that. I hope you guys can help. Basically I'm scared. I always hear that men should do all the chasing otherwise it's not right. I'm scared I'll look desperate and get taken for granted. Like I want to send a text saying I liked holding his hand that night but then I think that'll sound over the top and ahh do you know what I mean? I've been burnt in the past

 

When you say "I always hear that men should do all the chasing" so that means if you heard that women should pay for all the dates you would do that too just cus everyone else says so? Sounds like a convenient excuse to justify being passive and letting the man do the work, I'm sure if convention dictated the woman do something that requires putting themselves on the line there would be quite a lot of resistance. Not a dig at you OP, just making a general point that people shouldn't be so quick to hide behind convention when it suits them.

 

The being burnt thing also sounds strange. You have only just met this person, would being rejected by them really hurt you that much that you would rather stand by and risk it fail because you are too afraid to seize the moment yourself?

Overall it sounds like you are looking for excuses to justify doing nothing. Perhaps that's an indicator that you aren't that keen- maybe if he was hotter/funnier/whatever you would be more inclined to take a risk?

As the saying goes "he who dares wins" - well, not all the time obviously, but its better than having it fail because you did nothing and then thinking "what if..."

[thecrucible]

The being burnt thing also sounds strange. You have only just met this person, would being rejected by them really hurt you that much that you would rather stand by and risk it fail because you are too afraid to seize the moment yourself?

Overall it sounds like you are looking for excuses to justify doing nothing. Perhaps that's an indicator that you aren't that keen- maybe if he was hotter/funnier/whatever you would be more inclined to take a risk?

As the saying goes "he who dares wins" - well, not all the time obviously, but its better than having it fail because you did nothing and then thinking "what if..."

 

Well I want to send him a text now explaining stuff but ahh double texting. I'm scared to make moves in case I emotionally escalate and guy freaks out. That's happened to me in the past. I've got bad situations with abusive guys who've taken advantage of my vulnerability. I really like this but his texts are hard to do much with. He always asks what I'm up to etc then takes hours to respond to my reply. Makes conversation a bit dry as all we are saying is 'what are you up to?'.

 

Help me please. Thanks

[thecrucible]

Has he ever waited that long to reply? Could he just be at work, sleeping, not feeling well, out with family, etc?

 

If you two liked each other as you said you did, I wouldn't be scared away by saying you're sad and that your grandma is ill (sorry about that, by the way). I'd say you could either confront it head on (saying "Sorry if sharing that my grandma was ill was too much for you, it was just on my mind yesterday") or ignore it and see if that helps ("Hey, how've you been? When do you want to get together next?")

 

We have arranged to meet next week. We've been texting every day but it's been longer between texts. Panic!

 

I want to ask him about talking on the phone since I'm really bad at text communication don't know what to do

[you_can_not_see_me]

Hey all,

 

Wondered if you could shed light on this guy. He asked me to meet up after a quick message exchange. Then we went on another date. We've got on well during dates, have kissed but I sometimes feel he should take more of an interest in who I am. He's not sleazy or anything and I never initiate contact. But his texts are pretty casual and just asking what I'm up to - and on the day of our second date he didn't text in the morning despite saying he would.

 

So after our second date yesterday he text me tonight and conversation like this:

 

Him: Do you want to do something next week?

Me: yeah that sounds like fun

Him: awesome. I'll have a think and let you know later next week.

 

How should I respond to that? Is this a case of 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cheers,

-thecrucible

Seems pretty clear that he is interested, you are just expecting him to something crazy romantic and that's probably not his style.

 

Honesty I think it might have partly to do with the fact that you don't seem to enthusiastic yourself, you admit that you never initiate contact, well that probably puts him off a bit and he's not very sure you are into him.

[thecrucible]

Seems pretty clear that he is interested, you are just expecting him to something crazy romantic and that's probably not his style.

 

Honesty I think it might have partly to do with the fact that you don't seem to enthusiastic yourself, you admit that you never initiate contact, well that probably puts him off a bit and he's not very sure you are into him.

 

So how do I show him I'm interested? I did initiate recently asking about plans. Ahh I really want to send him text now but he hasn't replied to the last one yet

[you_can_not_see_me]

Hey all,

 

Wondered if you could shed light on this guy. He asked me to meet up after a quick message exchange. Then we went on another date. We've got on well during dates, have kissed but I sometimes feel he should take more of an interest in who I am. He's not sleazy or anything and I never initiate contact. But his texts are pretty casual and just asking what I'm up to - and on the day of our second date he didn't text in the morning despite saying he would.

 

So after our second date yesterday he text me tonight and conversation like this:

 

Him: Do you want to do something next week?

Me: yeah that sounds like fun

Him: awesome. I'll have a think and let you know later next week.

 

How should I respond to that? Is this a case of 'He's Just Not That Into You'.

 

Cheers,

-thecrucible

 

So how do I show him I'm interested? I did initiate recently asking about plans. Ahh I really want to send him text now but he hasn't replied to the last one yet

well don't go to the other extreme. I just think when you are together you should be more affectionate. Believe it or not a lot of men actually fall for a girl when the girl has been kind and affectionate towards them.

 

The guy has obviously let his guard down by asking you out and going on dates with you I think its time you lowered your guard too and don't be afraid of telling him you like him.