FWB? What is this?

[shoegal4]

I'm new to the dating world. I was with someone for a very long time and I'm finally getting myself out there. I've recently lost quite a bit of weight and seem to be getting much more attention from men. It makes me nervous since I'm not used to it and don't always know how to respond, but again, not hating it either lol

 

I met a nice guy on Friday night that I knew back in high school but never really talked to. We hit it off and after a few too many drinks, went back to my place. I've never had a ONS before and woke up feeling weird about it. He texted me the next day telling me what a nice time he had with me and I was totally aloof and short with him because for some reason, felt ashamed. And I have no idea why! He's a nice, good-looking, successful guy with an amazing body!

 

Since I don't really know how this works, I decided to text him a few days later and say hello since I felt like I was pretty rude to him the day after we slept together. We went back and forth with generic conversation for a few and then it stopped. Later that night I heard from him again and he invited me over to his house - and I went. He had all candles lit and a movie on for us. He asked me if I wanted to spend the night. I said I didn't know. We cuddled in his bed and when he started making his move on me....he wouldn't kiss me? He just got right to business! LOL We hung out for a short while after that and I went on my way.

 

I'm not looking for a relationship with this person so it doesn't bother me that this is happening but does this sound like a FWB or FB situation? I feel like he wanted to impress me but afterwards I got the vibe it was really just a hook-up. Thoughts?

[Sunfire73]

Looks like it. If he's looking for a relationship he will take you out on a decent date.

[BluEyeL]

Sounds like a FWB/FB situation, yes. If you want to have a relationship, you have to hold your horses on the sex thing and go out with men who ask you out on legitimate dates, without the sex until some emotional intimacy is built. There is no rush and if a guy likes you and you like him, you'll have sex too before you know it.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'm not looking for a relationship with this person so it doesn't bother me that this is happening but does this sound like a FWB or FB situation? I feel like he wanted to impress me but afterwards I got the vibe it was really just a hook-up. Thoughts?

 

 

Nah, he's just a better, classier FWB . I'm serious though the candles were a nice though however but the no kissing bit would've put me off. I don't think he's much interested in a relationship either but he's trying to make it clear he's not just some rude "pump & dump" type of guy.

[shoegal4]

Nah, he's just a better, classier FWB . I'm serious though the candles were a nice though however but the no kissing bit would've put me off. I don't think he's much interested in a relationship either but he's trying to make it clear he's not just some rude "pump & dump" type of guy.

 

This made me laugh! Pump and dump. He doesn't seem like that kind of guy but the whole not kissing thing? Weird. I'm going to hold off on contacting him and see if he reaches out again. At least then I'll know he's interested. I would definitely like to see him again but it's all just too weird to me LOL

[Sweetnothing]

My first FWB hated kissing. It's not that weird. It feels uncomfortable having sex without kissing but it works for some people who want to avoid intimacy I guess.

[Hopeful30]

^Huh? How can people have sex without kissing? That's like half the foreplay just gone.

 

It would seem too transactional to me, like a business exchange, rather than an actual sex session.

[shoegal4]

That's how I felt too, hopeful30! It was too much like a business deal. Maybe some guys are afraid to feel something. I don't know.

 

And now last night he blew up my phone wanting to come over. Calling and texting until 11:30! I had to put my phone on silent lol..

[oldshirt]

I'm a guy and from my point of view it sounds to me like you are the playa' doing the pump and dump.

[ASG]

That's how I felt too, hopeful30! It was too much like a business deal. Maybe some guys are afraid to feel something. I don't know.

 

And now last night he blew up my phone wanting to come over. Calling and texting until 11:30! I had to put my phone on silent lol..

 

So... he contacted you and you ignored him?... Why are you even posting here, if you have made your decision about him??

[shoegal4]

@ASG, he contacted me earlier in the night and asked if I wanted to meet up. It was my mothers birthday and I told him I was not available. He didn't seem to take no for an answer and continuously texted and called. He kept going until 11:30 last night. I didn't want to be mean but after a few "Sorry, I'm not available tonight", and "Sorry, I can see you this weekend" I didn't really know how else to decline without being mean.

[mightycpa]

Do you want this guy as a FWB? If so, you probably need to set a few ground rules or expectations of conduct. My FWB and I used to have some, and they applied to both of us. It really helped, and basically, we made a point of making the FRIENDS part just as big a deal as the BENEFITS part. It wasn't just about sex, we really did like each other a lot.. just not romantically. She used to call us soulmates without the burden of love. It helps a lot if you like somebody, but have no romantic interest.

 

We did this successfully for 15 years, until we both got married to other people, right around the same time. It was one of the most valuable relationships I ever had. I still see her and her husband socially. Her husband doesn't know.

 

We did things with each other, without necessarily having sex all the time. We tried to be friends. This might not be right for you, but it was like this for us:

 

Talk to each other. Be interpersonally intimate, let's get to know each other. Be considerate. Be yourself. No lying or misrepresentations. No romantic expectations. Friend loyalty expectations.

 

We didn't tell our SO's about the sex part, but we introduced all of them to each other.

 

We were dates for the other whenever a date was needed and we were available (XMAS parties, NewYears, Valentines, Birthdays, Weddings, whatever).

 

"NO" meant "I can't then, so suggest another date/time".

 

Set the other up with dates, or be a wingman when going out to party or bars. Help the other pick up somebody new, if that's what they want.

 

Go on a date every now and again. PDA's are fine. Don't hide it from anybody except current BF/GF.

 

Hang out. Go to parties. Invite to parties. Double date. Include the other.

Don't be a stranger. Be a friend. Don't get jealous. Don't get weird.

[mr_dave]

Do you want this guy as a FWB? If so, you probably need to set a few ground rules or expectations of conduct. My FWB and I used to have some, and they applied to both of us. It really helped, and basically, we made a point of making the FRIENDS part just as big a deal as the BENEFITS part. It wasn't just about sex, we really did like each other a lot.. just not romantically. She used to call us soulmates without the burden of love. It helps a lot if you like somebody, but have no romantic interest.

 

We did this successfully for 15 years, until we both got married to other people, right around the same time. It was one of the most valuable relationships I ever had. I still see her and her husband socially. Her husband doesn't know.

 

We did things with each other, without necessarily having sex all the time. We tried to be friends. This might not be right for you, but it was like this for us:

 

Talk to each other. Be interpersonally intimate, let's get to know each other. Be considerate. Be yourself. No lying or misrepresentations. No romantic expectations. Friend loyalty expectations.

 

We didn't tell our SO's about the sex part, but we introduced all of them to each other.

 

We were dates for the other whenever a date was needed and we were available (XMAS parties, NewYears, Valentines, Birthdays, Weddings, whatever).

 

"NO" meant "I can't then, so suggest another date/time".

 

Set the other up with dates, or be a wingman when going out to party or bars. Help the other pick up somebody new, if that's what they want.

 

Go on a date every now and again. PDA's are fine. Don't hide it from anybody except current BF/GF.

 

Hang out. Go to parties. Invite to parties. Double date. Include the other.

Don't be a stranger. Be a friend. Don't get jealous. Don't get weird.

 

Why would you hide it from your current partners?

[mightycpa]

Why would you hide it from your current partners?

Because we always kept the option open to cheat on them with each other.

 

Tsk, tsk.... I know, I know.

 

Besides, how do you say that?

 

Me: Hi Matilda... I want you to meet my friend, FWB. She and I have been doing each other for a few years now, and she's a very close friend of mine that I'm excited for you to meet! When it's over with you, I'll probably be hitting it once again... but for now, it's strictly hands off, so don't worry.

Edited August 15, 2014 by mightycpa
clarity

[shoegal4]

Me: Hi Matilda... I want you to meet my friend, FWB. She and I have been doing each other for a few years now, and she's a very close friend of mine that I'm excited for you to meet! When it's over with you, I'll probably be hitting it once again... but for now, it's strictly hands off, so don't worry.

 

LOL mightycpa - thank you for your posts. This made me laugh.

[shoegal4]

Hooked up again....still did not kiss me. But this time we actually laid together and talked about things other than generic conversation.

 

What is his deal? Why won't he kiss me?! I'm afraid to ask. Is this bad? Or is this just the way it goes with this type of situation?

[snowflakes88]

Definitely sounds like FWB to me. Some people are funny about only kissing people they genuinely like / are in a relationship with. I have a guy friend like this... he just doesn't kiss random women he hooks up with. Seems silly to me, but eh.

[preraph]

Well, A, be sure you brush your teeth and it's not breath or something. If either of you is a smoker, that would be why. If you're not, you can still have garbage breath. I have a friend who is completely oblivious she has stale breath and you can smell it as soon as she gets in the damn car. If you take vitamins, that will give you bad breath. lots of things will. Next time, say, give me one minute, I want to brush my teeth, go brush your teeth, come back , see if he kisses you. If not, better ask him why not.

 

He doesn't sound THAT bad from what you've said, but a real date would be an indicator, wouldn't it?

[shoegal4]

LOL preraph, I thought the same thing! But if I can't brush my teeth before I see him, I always have gum in my mouth! I'm so aware of that stuff. My only logical guess would be kissing causes feelings? Kissing makes it more intimate/real?

 

Who the hell knows.

 

I need to stop over analyzing.