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Falling too hard too fast...Good or bad?


D-Lish

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I met someone a few months ago that I've fallen head over heels for. We met online, and started having conversations almost 3 months ago. I couldn't meet him right away because I was having really bad issues with my eyes swelling up. Fortunately for me, he was patient. We spent 6 weeks talking. I don't know why I felt so comfortable, but I opened up to him about things I've never been honest with a guy about before. He did the same with me. We spoke every day, added one another on facebook, and I know both of us were afraid to meet in person in case we didn't click in person.

 

We finally did meet in person about 6 weeks ago- and... fireworks the instant we met. He's not my normal type, and I'm certainly not his- but we click. We are really opposite on the surface- but so wholly compatible beneath the surface. Being with him is easy- I am 100% myself with him.

 

The problem I am experiencing is whether or not these feelings we are having for one another are genuine. It's a problem for me because my heart is completely out there- I willingly put it out there. I don't think I could have stopped it from happening even if I had done my best to reign myself in. He's been incredibly vulnerable with me as well- and as a general rule, I'd be cautious about that. It just feels different this time.

 

I'm divorced, my ex husband got another woman pregnant while we were together. It's been 8 years since then, and I've dated people, but I haven't exposed my heart to anyone like I have with this guy. I've never opened up like this before. It's because of that, that I am freaking out a little. Given my past, I have trust and vulnerability issues.

 

I just got home from spending four days with him- and it was easy. I should mention that he has a 2 year old daughter. I met her for the first time a couple of days ago. That's when it hit home how quickly this got real. He has never introduced anyone to his daughter before, and I've never met someone's child before. That's pretty serious business, and it's really soon.

 

I've had some friends say this whole relationship is moving way too fast and it's going to fizzle because only a player would say the things this guy is saying so early on... I've also had friends say it was like this for them when they met their current boyfriend's or girlfriend's. My boss at work said he knew the moment he met his now wife that he had found the girl he had been waiting for. I don't think he would have introduced me to his daughter so quickly if he wasn't in it for the long haul.

 

I've not been able to have a successful relationship since the terrible heartbreak I experienced with my ex husband. It was pretty traumatizing. I pushed a lot of people away, or just held back with most of the guys I dated. I've either sabotaged relationships or just chose the wrong guys on purpose because I knew I could never invest.

 

I've never approached any relationship with such openness before- not even with my ex husband or anyone before him. Walking around with a wall built around me and a chip on my shoulder hasn't worked for me before- I'm hoping that being honest about my vulnerabilities will make me a better partner this time. It's really scary though.

 

Sorry this was so long, I guess I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this before and wondering how it turned out.

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Life is to short to be worried about getting hurt.

 

 

Quit worrying about the future and if you'll get hurt and enjoy what you have now..

 

 

You gotta love like you've never been hurt before and never will get hurt again. That's not to say be stupid and don't pay attention to red flags.. But unless he's giving you reasons to think he might hurt you don't worry about it.

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Take your time!

 

There's nothing wrong with feeling what you're feeling, I get it BUT yes it's true you don't know this guy yet. It's possible he's showing signs of being a player.

 

Him introducing his daughter so soon could be a sign of bad judgement if you ask me.

 

I'm not saying not to enjoy and get to know him, but that's the key GET TO KNOW THE REAL HIM and don't rush.

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todreaminblue

it takes me a long time to be truly vulnerable with a guy.....with my ex i was with him fifteen years knew him for two years before that as a friend......took me six years to leave the light on.......four years to undress in front of him...seven years for me to show my heart....and he stomped on it......luckily he didnt know all of me.....took me a long time to move on......a very long time....i am not submissive with men........i wanted to be submissive with him.....and i was.....

 

for me......i dont think illl meet the man who gets all of me now...thought i met him seems i didnt.....it wasnt my ex i know that now......it was how i was able to move on ...he didnt get me on a spiritual level and that part is the most important....... its the part that killed the relationship in the end.......he didnt believe in what i did nor did he understand.....it is and was the most important part of me.....i am too walled up fro soemoen to get through to that aprt fo me without effort and time and i dont believe anyone has the time or would be willing to put the effort in......not like i would to break down the walls......i dont feel anyone would see me as beautiful......with all my walls down......or love me with all my walls down and accept me and that i am not going to change they would expect me too and i wont.........only god knows why.....i am meant to be exactly the way i am for a reason......

 

i have allowed my vulnerability to be shown to a guy since i split with my ex...just one guy....and the outcome wasnt good.....he thought i was being dramatic and a creepy 75 year old woman......turns my stomach thinking of myself like that...i have this image and it isnt pretty.... i had a relationship with another guy after that...didnt work out...maybe i got involved at that point because i felt so undesirable....i needed to feel desired......i wanted affection..i wanted to give affection..i would have stayed with him.......probably if he hadnt had such a spiritual difference with me......he questioned my faith and that was enough..i have had offers for other dates i have considered then i just havent got any heart left to go through with them...so i am not going to force my heart into something or some guy i shouldnt be with...as far as the guy who said i was dramatic and creepy....he is forgiven at heart level.....not by me......i dont hold a grudge...but i dont respect the way he treated me at all.....ill never be rude to him .....like he was to me....wouldnt make me feel better or help me in anyway to be rude to him.....i just wont be vulnerable with him and if he is rude to me again ill pull him up fast....no hesitation again not rude but just............

 

 

i truly think and feel if you can be open and honest with a guy if you feel that you can be vulnerable with a guy hold on tight.......he is right for you until he proves otherwise..........that s my belief ...its rare and should be held in high regard to feel that way about another, for another to make you feel that way about them is really quite special....i wish you well.....deb

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IMO, enjoy the now, don't future-cast nor assign tea leaf readings to words. If you and he are truly right for each other, neither of you is going anywhere but forward together. Focus on today. Good luck!

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JungleLover

 

I've never approached any relationship with such openness before- not even with my ex husband or anyone before him. Walking around with a wall built around me and a chip on my shoulder hasn't worked for me before- I'm hoping that being honest about my vulnerabilities will make me a better partner this time. It's really scary though.

 

 

I think this is the most important part. For anyone who has never been truly swept off your feet before, no matter if you are moving too fast, you have to experience it at least once in your life. It is a hell of a feeling and worth it. I say enjoy the ride.

 

It could go very far or fizzle down the road but it is truly living.

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you're just second guessing yourself because he likes what he sees and has stuck around.. kinda threw you a curve ball when you were expecting one down the middle.

 

Run with it and don't look back..

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When you have something good, why question it? It is always a risk. Don't listen to your friends, listen to your heart. Yes, you may get hurt, it may be too fast, but do you want to play it safe? What if this guy is for real? Regret the things you've done, don't regret the things you haven't done.

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

The only hesitation I have is that your friends aren't convinced. Our friends tend to be better judges of character than we are and can usually see a situation more objectively. What exactly is this guy saying that they think is too much too soon?

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Poppygoodwill

I agree. if you're not sure, then ask your friends. They will give you good advice and see things you don't.

 

On the matter of fast and slow, I don't think there are any rules, as long as it feels comfortabel to you. I got married 14 months after meeting my husband. I had never even wanted to get married before (I'm 45) but something about him - I just knew. And we're very happy. I think perhaps the older you get, the more you know yourself, the easier it is to make judgements about what is right/not right for you.

 

Also you did spend a lot of time 'talking' and sharing before you met. Given how dating works, which is a couple times a week talking for a few hours...that takes a long time to get really intimate. but you sped ahead through online and covered a lot of ground. That means you were ahead of the game when you actually met.

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Just take it one day at a time and enjoy it!

 

 

My husband knew he wanted to marry me the first time we met. We've had our ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade him in

 

 

My biggest regret is worrying about what everything meant and so on when we were dating instead of just enjoying it.

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All of my best relationships started with online dating, and all had a lengthy communication period before meeting (which meant we knew a LOT about each other). When the first meeting brought great chemistry as well, there's a great basis for a relationship.

 

Now, time will either confirm these feelings repeatedly, or will disclose issues. Many will be minor and can be resolved, but sometimes you may still find major problems that will be deal breakers. Don't worry about it and deal with it if it happens. For now, enjoy!

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The only hesitation I have is that your friends aren't convinced. Our friends tend to be better judges of character than we are and can usually see a situation more objectively. What exactly is this guy saying that they think is too much too soon?

 

My friends are split down the middle about our relationship. Some feel it's happening too fast, others think that it's special and I should run with it.

 

Some have said it was too early for him to introduce his daughter to me. I haven't done that before and neither has he. We both say things to each other that could be considered too soon, but it just feels right.

 

I think the main concern my friends have is how broken I was after my marriage fell apart. I haven't really let anyone in this genuinely since then- in 8 years. I think they are feeling really protective because of that.

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JungleLover
. I haven't really let anyone in this genuinely since then- in 8 years. I think they are feeling really protective because of that.

 

 

Eight years could can easily turn into 10, then 15 then 20. The next thing you know, you are towards the end of your life without having reconnected. There is risk but some risks are just worth taking.

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That's totally fine I sometimes get the same feelings .. Don't worry much about the future just enjoy ur mean time

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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A few things as I am right there in the boat with you:

 

1. Choose to live a life in love, not in fear.

 

2. What you're feeling now? Right this instant? Isn't it wonderful. Isn't it amazing. Enjoy it. Savor it. It might not come again. Heck there are people out there who will never feel it. Don't cloud the moment - it might be fleeting. Or it might not. Stay present because...

 

3. In the end, isn't it already too late to protect your heart? Right? You know it is true. So live in the moment. Any self doubt only serves to ruin it.

 

4. All that being said - feel free to love with reckless ambition. Open yourself fully. Surrender. But avoid making life choices that are unwise at such an early stage - e.g. Buying a house together, getting married, getting pregnant. Stuff like that. Let that come later. Live and love in the moment.

 

EDIT: here is a poem I wrote about being present in this moment and not future casting as someone said above. Maybe it will help.

 

With You I Am Still

 

Your fingers slowly trace,

 

a subtle pattern upon my skin,

 

over and over not caring,

 

where it started or will end.

Edited by Mrin
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Friends can be a good sounding board, but they aren't in your relationship. Only you know the ins and outs of it all. I say to go with your gut feelings. If things are going great, why sabotage your happiness? Go for it! You had a head start with your openness online and it's translated well into your real life relationship. Carpe Diem! :)

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Aw, D-Lish... I'm happy for you!

 

I understand all your fears (and have certainly been in similar shoes) and can only repeat ArtCritic's advice.

 

He has stuck around through some things you've offered that you believe would scare others away. You've met his daughter so there is a new reality to the situation.

 

Enjoy the ride and I will hope for the best for you.

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melodymatters

I'm with the others in that love is worth the risk, and that it's too late to "take back" your feelings anyway, so might as well enjoy the buzz !

 

My only concern, and it's most likely MY issue from some past bad scenes, is that the daughter is still so young. Sometime the moms have a real problem with the guy moving on and giving attention to anyone but HER and HER kid. Those types can cause enough drama that I've walked away from true love more than once.

 

I'd be curious to know more about that relationship, but it's up to you what you want to share. In the meantime, ENJOY !!!!:love:

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Just my two cents. When I fall hard and fast for someone, it ALWAYS burns out within a few months. My LTRs have been with women that love develops slowly. Things that start hot and heavy for me have always been cases of lust and eventually I realize that we didn't have that much in common with eachother other than attraction and crazy sexual chemistry.

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