Was she rejecting me or just shy?

[ramboparrot]

Girl at work had shown interest in me and I asked her out (last saturday was our date) which led to a successful date. It included signs of interest such as her pushing her arm next to mine at the cinema, her stroking her own hair whilst we were talking, teasing her which resulted in her playfully punching my arm, asking her questions and her replying with long answers, her asking me questions back. By the end of that night, I went to stroke her face and moved in for the kiss, and reciprocated for a few seconds, then hugged me around my chest after.

 

So, thursday in work I asked if she was free to do something this weekend and told me she was busy but free the weekend after (which I thought was understandable as asking that close to the weekend was cutting it fine). Later that day I went up to her and said "Next saturday fine?" and she said "Yeah"

 

The day after when I walked into the store, she was working on the first aisle so I approached her and said "Do you like mexican food?", she replied "What's mexican food?", I said "From Mexico" (sarcastically) and she replied "Ohh" with a slight chuckle. Then I said to her "Do you know (name of restaurant)?", she replied "Oh yeah, outside the cinemas?", then I said "I'll meet you there next Saturday at 6?".

 

Her reply was "Yeah, I'll message you about it" and she continued stacking the shelf.

 

Was this her rejecting me?

 

Later on when she was on a different aisle, I went on there to sort a shelf out and she started walking off in my direction and seemed smiley/giggly as she walked past me. Also, when we bumped into each other at the door we both had a little laugh. However, I noticed she would be smiley/laugh a bit around me one moment, then the next moment she wouldn't even acknowledge me or act a little distant.

 

I decided to just get on with my job and avoid acknowledging when she was around as we walked past like avoiding eye contact, keeping speech to a minimum, etc as I was worried I was appearing too eager/interested.

 

When she was leaving the store with her sister, I was walking in her direction and noticed she made eye contact with me as I was approaching, but as soon as I was about to walk past her without smiling/saying a word to her, she said "see ya" to me and I replied "see ya" as I continued walking in the same direction.

 

In addition, I spoke to a work mate who has known her since she was 12. He told me she's a shy girl and that her sister told him she's not very confident when it comes to guys liking her, like she's not great with showing interest. He also told me her only boyfriend was a year ago and that lasted two weeks, so she only has two weeks of relationship experience.

[mirage12]

The interaction sounds awkward from both ends. She said she'll message you about it, so let her do that. If she doesn't and it comes close to the time of the date, ask her again a day or two beforehand, but be more assertive/straightforward about it and just ask her out again (ie. "Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to have dinner on Saturday night?")

[torturedartist]

Girl at work had shown interest in me and I asked her out (last saturday was our date) which led to a successful date. It included signs of interest such as her pushing her arm next to mine at the cinema, her stroking her own hair whilst we were talking, teasing her which resulted in her playfully punching my arm, asking her questions and her replying with long answers, her asking me questions back. By the end of that night, I went to stroke her face and moved in for the kiss, and reciprocated for a few seconds, then hugged me around my chest after.

 

So, thursday in work I asked if she was free to do something this weekend and told me she was busy but free the weekend after (which I thought was understandable as asking that close to the weekend was cutting it fine). Later that day I went up to her and said "Next saturday fine?" and she said "Yeah"

 

The day after when I walked into the store, she was working on the first aisle so I approached her and said "Do you like mexican food?", she replied "What's mexican food?", I said "From Mexico" (sarcastically) and she replied "Ohh" with a slight chuckle. Then I said to her "Do you know (name of restaurant)?", she replied "Oh yeah, outside the cinemas?", then I said "I'll meet you there next Saturday at 6?".

 

Her reply was "Yeah, I'll message you about it" and she continued stacking the shelf.

 

Was this her rejecting me?

 

Later on when she was on a different aisle, I went on there to sort a shelf out and she started walking off in my direction and seemed smiley/giggly as she walked past me. Also, when we bumped into each other at the door we both had a little laugh. However, I noticed she would be smiley/laugh a bit around me one moment, then the next moment she wouldn't even acknowledge me or act a little distant.

 

I decided to just get on with my job and avoid acknowledging when she was around as we walked past like avoiding eye contact, keeping speech to a minimum, etc as I was worried I was appearing too eager/interested.

 

When she was leaving the store with her sister, I was walking in her direction and noticed she made eye contact with me as I was approaching, but as soon as I was about to walk past her without smiling/saying a word to her, she said "see ya" to me and I replied "see ya" as I continued walking in the same direction.

 

In addition, I spoke to a work mate who has known her since she was 12. He told me she's a shy girl and that her sister told him she's not very confident when it comes to guys liking her, like she's not great with showing interest. He also told me her only boyfriend was a year ago and that lasted two weeks, so she only has two weeks of relationship experience.

 

One possibility is that she was nervous being at work and talking to you... maybe feeling like or wondering if she was being watched by her boss, customers, fellow employees...

 

I don't think you should expect the same level of affection from her when she's working as you would when she's somewhere else with you.

 

I suggest you relax and wait for her text. Be prepared to text or call yourself if you haven't heard from her by the time she said she'd text you.

[d0nnivain]

It doesn't sound like she was rejecting you at all. She may simply have not wanted to discuss personal matters at that moment.

[ramboparrot]

One possibility is that she was nervous being at work and talking to you... maybe feeling like or wondering if she was being watched by her boss, customers, fellow employees...

 

A work mate was hovering around the door sorting something, then he walked in so it could have been that. She is a shy girl and not confident with that stuff, so her sister says.

 

I don't think you should expect the same level of affection from her when she's working as you would when she's somewhere else with you.

 

I have noticed she's more shy/timid around me in work, but on our date she was completely the opposite and was lively. You do have a valid point there.

 

I suggest you relax and wait for her text. Be prepared to text or call yourself if you haven't heard from her by the time she said she'd text you.

 

My original plan was to wait until Wednesday and ask. The reason being is that the Wednesday before our first date was when I arranged the details and she accepted, but Thursday this week when I tried the same, she was busy and said the weekend after she'd be free.

 

I'll message her on Wednesday if she hasn't, but she may well have forgot to message me rather than lack of interest, as my friend had to remind her about going bowling soon (all of us at work are going).

[ramboparrot]

The interaction sounds awkward from both ends. She said she'll message you about it, so let her do that. If she doesn't and it comes close to the time of the date, ask her again a day or two beforehand, but be more assertive/straightforward about it and just ask her out again (ie. "Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to have dinner on Saturday night?")

 

Are you sure sending a message like that is fine? I was thinking something low pressured such as "Hey, I don't wanna make other plans if we're still planning to meet on Saturday, so let me know if we're still going... would love to show you what mexican food looks like" if you know what I mean, sort of like making it look like I'll still have other plans if she decides to not accept

[d0nnivain]

Mirage12's suggestion is strong & too the point. Even though you are saying the same things, your word choices make you look weak & uncertain. Use Mirage12's words because they exude more confidence.

[ramboparrot]

Mirage12's suggestion is strong & too the point. Even though you are saying the same things, your word choices make you look weak & uncertain. Use Mirage12's words because they exude more confidence.

 

Got it. I definitely understand your point. I think I'm going to give it the whole weekend and Monday for her to reply instead, and if she doesn't, I'll shoot a message Tuesday evening after I finish work.

[ramboparrot]

After the weekend when I message her, should I just flat out ask her what mirage12 said ""Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to have dinner on Saturday night?" or should I message her asking how her weekend was first, then bring it up?

[Beachead]

After the weekend when I message her, should I just flat out ask her what mirage12 said ""Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to have dinner on Saturday night?" or should I message her asking how her weekend was first, then bring it up?

 

If you're planning to hang out with her next weekend, message her on Wednesday or Thursday with what Mirage12 said. I don't see negative signs here at all. You're good.

 

Beachead

Edited August 2, 2014 by Beachead

[TB Rhine]

It sounds like maybe you're being a *bit* too persistent. With far-off plans like that, I'd back off for a while and get back in touch with her closer to the big day. I mean, what were you going to do next -- walk up to her at work and ask her what she'd like you to wear next Saturday?

[preraph]

There's so many posts on here about "shy" girls. I have to tell you, in all my man decades, I have not met a girl I would consider shy. I have met ones who are strategically quiet in order to control some situation. I just don't think it's that common. Most girls of a certain age have friends they talk to all the time. They may be awkward around guys, it's true, but just her saying she'd text you about it later shows assertiveness, not shyness. She took back the control there. Which is fine.

 

What I am getting is that she is not wanting everyone where you work to notice that anything is going on, and she's right to be that way. So try keeping it professional at work and not trying to be with her or flirt with her there and then make all your moves after you've left the workplace -- and don't talk to anyone else at the workplace about her, because no one likes that! She wants to keep her job.

[Beachead]

There's so many posts on here about "shy" girls. I have to tell you, in all my man decades, I have not met a girl I would consider shy. I have met ones who are strategically quiet in order to control some situation. I just don't think it's that common. Most girls of a certain age have friends they talk to all the time. They may be awkward around guys, it's true, but just her saying she'd text you about it later shows assertiveness, not shyness. She took back the control there. Which is fine.

 

What I am getting is that she is not wanting everyone where you work to notice that anything is going on, and she's right to be that way. So try keeping it professional at work and not trying to be with her or flirt with her there and then make all your moves after you've left the workplace -- and don't talk to anyone else at the workplace about her, because no one likes that! She wants to keep her job.

 

Serious wisdom dropped right here.

[ramboparrot]

If you're planning to hang out with her next weekend, message her on Wednesday or Thursday with what Mirage12 said. I don't see negative signs here at all. You're good.

 

Beachead

 

Will do, Wednesday it is.

 

I have noticed that before I asked her out, she would approach me a lot at work on my aisle to talk to me, but since asking her out she doesn't do this any more. Maybe she doesn't want to appear too keen or she's even shyer/nervous around me now (i've been told she's shy) that we have kissed/been out, but there's definitely a distance between me and her at work now.

 

When we bump into each other by accident, she'll smile and we'll both laugh it off or I'll get a cheery "Thankyou!" when I hold the door open for her, but sometimes on the shop floor she won't acknowledge me. I decided to act similar, but to balance out the contact I had given her the other day. This wasn't me being flat out ignorant towards her as I was busy myself anyway, but I didn't want look too keen by overly speaking to her. If she had started to speak with me, I would reply to her is what I am saying.

Edited August 2, 2014 by ramboparrot

[ramboparrot]

There's so many posts on here about "shy" girls. I have to tell you, in all my man decades, I have not met a girl I would consider shy. I have met ones who are strategically quiet in order to control some situation. I just don't think it's that common. Most girls of a certain age have friends they talk to all the time. They may be awkward around guys, it's true, but just her saying she'd text you about it later shows assertiveness, not shyness. She took back the control there. Which is fine.

 

What I am getting is that she is not wanting everyone where you work to notice that anything is going on, and she's right to be that way. So try keeping it professional at work and not trying to be with her or flirt with her there and then make all your moves after you've left the workplace -- and don't talk to anyone else at the workplace about her, because no one likes that! She wants to keep her job.

 

Great advice, I'll keep this in mind. It makes sense really, because dating would be part of her "personal life" and probably explains the iffy tone I got with it. She wouldn't want me airing that on a shop floor.

 

I have spoken to my mate at work about it (who likes her sister) and another guy there who's known her since she was 12, but he does want things to work out with me and her. But they have been quiet and brief conversations

 

.

It sounds like maybe you're being a *bit* too persistent. With far-off plans like that, I'd back off for a while and get back in touch with her closer to the big day. I mean, what were you going to do next -- walk up to her at work and ask her what she'd like you to wear next Saturday?

 

This did make me laugh, but no, I wouldn't see her in work until mid-week anyway and even then she isn't in that much next week.

 

On Thursday I did initially ask her, which is when she mentioned being busy this weekend, but free the weekend after. After she said that, I think I did enquire about Monday/tuesday, but she insisted on the weekend. Was worried I sounded desperate after I said that, so I made it sound like I misheard her and I went something like "Ohh yeah, next weekend" and later on that day I said "Next Saturday then?" and I got a "Yeah" in an enthusiastic tone.

 

Friday was obviously the "mexican food" conversation in the opening post, etc, etc

[Glamvineflower]

Just because she's not openly showing interest does not mean that she is not interested. If you had a good vibe during the first date then that means she does like you. She may not be as open afterwards because she doesn't want to seem too eager. Also, since she hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time or a lot of relationship experience, she is too shy to be all out flirty. It seems like you like her because of this considering the fact that you are concerned enough to ask for advice. If she were to have been all out on the first date and showed tons of interest afterwards you probably may not have been as concerned and thinking about her this much.

 

I feel that it works both ways. If a guy shows me too much interest then since it is very clear I do not have to worry. I become concerned when the guy isn't too clear. Don't pester her about the next date. If you already suggested a certain day, wait til like the night before to confirm. On other days if you do see her just smile and don't flirt too much. This will give her less pressure and get her thinking about you more.

[Beachead]

Will do, Wednesday it is.

 

I have noticed that before I asked her out, she would approach me a lot at work on my aisle to talk to me, but since asking her out she doesn't do this any more. Maybe she doesn't want to appear too keen or she's even shyer/nervous around me now (i've been told she's shy) that we have kissed/been out, but there's definitely a distance between me and her at work now.

 

When we bump into each other by accident, she'll smile and we'll both laugh it off or I'll get a cheery "Thankyou!" when I hold the door open for her, but sometimes on the shop floor she won't acknowledge me. I decided to act similar, but to balance out the contact I had given her the other day. This wasn't me being flat out ignorant towards her as I was busy myself anyway, but I didn't want look too keen by overly speaking to her. If she had started to speak with me, I would reply to her is what I am saying.

 

That's neither here or there my friend. Only thing that's significant is whether you two end up going out for that second date.

 

My suggestion for this week, let your run ins with eachother at work, naturally happen. Don't go out of your way to bump into her or talk to her. Let her come to you.

 

Beachead

[ramboparrot]

Just because she's not openly showing interest does not mean that she is not interested. If you had a good vibe during the first date then that means she does like you. She may not be as open afterwards because she doesn't want to seem too eager. Also, since she hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time or a lot of relationship experience, she is too shy to be all out flirty. It seems like you like her because of this considering the fact that you are concerned enough to ask for advice. If she were to have been all out on the first date and showed tons of interest afterwards you probably may not have been as concerned and thinking about her this much.

 

I feel that it works both ways. If a guy shows me too much interest then since it is very clear I do not have to worry. I become concerned when the guy isn't too clear. Don't pester her about the next date. If you already suggested a certain day, wait til like the night before to confirm. On other days if you do see her just smile and don't flirt too much. This will give her less pressure and get her thinking about you more.

 

Had a feeling she didn't want to act too eager, but yeah she only has a couple of weeks relationship experience so I don't want to pressure her into committing. The kissing was fine and she was happy to reciprocate, then hugged me after. I am wanting to keep things fun and just have a fun time whilst being out, no forcing commitment or anything but still showing my interest.

[ramboparrot]

That's neither here or there my friend. Only thing that's significant is whether you two end up going out for that second date.

 

My suggestion for this week, let your run ins with eachother at work, naturally happen. Don't go out of your way to bump into her or talk to her. Let her come to you.

 

Beachead

 

On Thursday the store was quiet so I had a few conversations with her, occasionally teased her. Friday was busier so we only really bumped into each other in the backroom and even then we hardly spoke as she would be speaking to another member of staff. It was more bumping into each other at the door, smiling and saying hi, etc so tried to keep it light. Too much contact isn't good.

 

But what you say is right, she could seem cold to me at work but if there's a date at the end of it then actions speak louder.

 

Haven't heard from her yet but it's only been a day, also she hasn't been active on social media. In my mind, I know she won't contact me to talk about next weekend so I already have that message in mind to send mid-week.

Edited August 3, 2014 by ramboparrot

[Beachead]

On Thursday the store was quiet so I had a few conversations with her, occasionally teased her. Friday was busier so we only really bumped into each other in the backroom and even then we hardly spoke as she would be speaking to another member of staff. It was more bumping into each other at the door, smiling and saying hi, etc so tried to keep it light. Too much contact isn't good.

 

But what you say is right, she could seem cold to me at work but if there's a date at the end of it then actions speak louder.

 

Haven't heard from her yet but it's only been a day, also she hasn't been active on social media. In my mind, I know she won't contact me to talk about next weekend so I already have that message in mind to send mid-week.

 

Absolutely on point . Best of luck with it.

 

Beachead

[ramboparrot]

Absolutely on point . Best of luck with it.

 

Beachead

 

Appreciate the advice. Will update you later on in the week.

[ramboparrot]

Messaged her before I went to work so it gave her enough time to respond by the time I am back.

 

I returned and she messaged me a couple of hours after saying "Hey, we don't have to go somewhere to eat, I don't mind just hanging out or something, I'm not really a go for a meal kind of girl haha".

 

It's a good sign because she seems interested, but I literally have no idea what to type back. I'd like to throw a bit of teasing towards her not being the meal kind of girl but really the problem is where to take her. I was thinking of bowling, but I did take her out to the cinema on our first date and she enjoyed it. Usually don't like that because you can't talk during it, but I did walk her home so we had an hour to talk, etc. I'm not really sure I want to take her there again though.

 

Any ideas on how I should respond or where to take her out?

[ramboparrot]

Ended up not teasing about the "sloppy eating", that could have been taken the wrong way.

 

Carried on the conversation and it went well, meeting up an hour after she finishes work outside of where we work on Saturday.

 

One of her messages were "Yeah that's fine, we don't have to do anything big though, I don't mind just hanging out or watching films or anything haha"

Edited August 6, 2014 by ramboparrot