Women date confident men because they are insecure?

[irc333]

Good thing I phrased this in form of a question, but I'm noticing that something about women that find confident men attractive...is that I've noticed it's usually the insecure women that find the confident man attractive by the way they act and behave.

 

Usually in social situations, like in Meetups, some women are apprehensive about meeting new people, esp. when they come alone. That's how I met the woman I'm seeing, she said I was very confident in her eyes and was able to make her laugh and be comfortable....though I have seen herself make self-deprecating remarks about her appearance and when she was going to college she was considered the token "Ugly girl" when going to night clubs (all the guys zoned in on her friends, but never her).

 

Though I think she's pretty cute.

 

Anyhow, I think most women are inherently insecure themselves or at least HARD on themselves when it comes to their own self-image, not being comfortable in their own skin, etc. I've known their own boyfriends to compliment them only to have their girlfriends continue to not think so, or find something wrong with themselves.

 

That being said, I am only taking a wild guess that insecure women are attracted to confident men to it can off set some kind of balance?

[PegNosePete]

I'm not sure what you're asking here. If a woman is attracted to a confident man, does that mean she is insecure?

No, secure women are also attracted to confident men.

ALL women are attracted to confident men!

It's nothing to do with whether they are insecure or not.

 

But yes many women are insecure about their body, self-image etc. This is no new revelation. It's well documented and commonly blamed on such things as the fashion industry, porn, the media's glamorization of super-skinny bodies, women's magazines, advertising of beauty products, etc.

[rewl]

Basically, yes.

[mammasita]

Everyone is attracted to confidence.

 

I certainly have insecurities about myself, as I'm sure most women do, but I don't walk around talking about them to my boyfriend.....IMO telling him all that stuff would certainly make me appear insecure.

[irc333]

Everyone is attracted to confidence.

 

I certainly have insecurities about myself, as I'm sure most women do, but I don't walk around talking about them to my boyfriend.....IMO telling him all that stuff would certainly make me appear insecure.

 

 

Sometimes you don't have to tell, one can see it in your actions. :-)

[Andy_K]

Show me a woman with no insecurities, and I'll show you a bridge I can sell you

[sillyanswer]

That being said, I am only taking a wild guess that insecure women are attracted to confident men to it can off set some kind of balance?

 

I think it's more likely that women date confident men because confidence is attractive.

[Imported]

What do you think confident women are attracted to OP?

[mammasita]

Sometimes you don't have to tell, one can see it in your actions. :-)

 

Not necessarily....in my case, instead of talking about my negatives I do things to better myself.

[d0nnivain]

I think everyone likes to be taken care of to some extent. Even if you can take care of yourself, it's nice to get a little TLC from someone else.

 

So if I man can't seem to take care of himself, it makes me Q whether I can rely on him. Confident men make me think I can rely on them which offers a measure of security. Sometimes when you peek behind the curtain you do see the truth -- that everyone is uncertain & sacred at times -- but the facade can be reassuring.

[Got it]

I think what might confused is the difference between confidence and approachable. You may have seemed approachable in the group setting and that is what she meant.

 

Confidence is attractive to both genders. I don't think either gender holds the title for most self critical. How much a society is critical varies. Americans tend to be far more self critical than other countries. Asian and middle Eastern populations, based on studies with personality assessments, show to have higher self worth, or more attentiveness to self esteem.

 

So it really isn't necessarily a gender thing but more of a cultural issue.

 

I would turn this around and ask why you are attracted to an insecure woman? Is this a one off or a trend? How does it make you feel?

[RonaldS]

Let's rephrase this for accuracy:

 

Women are attracted to confident men? Yes.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with Got It. There is a different vibe between confident & approachable. I know I can & have given off a vibe that screams stay the F*** away from me. That is more arrogant then just self assured.

[Dork Vader]

Sigh this just goes to show how screwed up societies view of confidence and self worth is.

 

Insecure women will date insecure men.

Confident women will date confident men.

 

Occasionally you'll get an insecure person with a confident person.

 

That said a lot of people confuse arrogance and cockyness with confidence. The arrogant person will gloat and in general brag a lot. The confident person wont. There is a lot more to it but that is the general gist of it.

 

When a confident person dates an insecure person a number of issues come up..

Some of the issues I've had..

The insecure person needs constant attention.

The insecure person feels like you will leave at any moment.

The insecure person will eventually look outside of the relationship for a fix to their insecurities.

The insecure person will nag/complain about you. It's in my view an attempt to bring you to their level.

You might even evetually get blamed for the insecurities. I did in my last relationship. We'd eat out a lot. She eventually started blaming me for her weight gain.. Um you had a choice on where we ate and what we ate!

[Got it]

I think the issue is with this argument is comparing apples and oranges. Are you comparing secure males and insecure females or confident males and not confident females.

 

Insecurity and confidence may overlap but not the same thing nor is approachability.