liove Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hello everyone, i would need some advice even though everytime i wrote about my romantic problems on forums, it never goes right in the end.... So I met this very cool and smart guy that i like a lot which implies that i play the hard to get role (maybe too much). He is really busy but he always takes time to send me at least one SMS per day. He asked to see me for a third date and told me to book as well the 4th one on saturday (because I am leaving on holidays for 2 weeks). Anyway, we went to our 3rd date. He was teasing me a lot, he was touching me, kissing me but i am a cold and shy person and i was avoiding some of his kisses. Before saying goodbye to each other he asked me if we can see each other on Saturday night, just let him know. He told me also that he has busy week, having a sport contest to attend. Wanting to play hard to get, i told him smiling that i have to do my luggage since i am leaving on vacation and he smiled and told me that the luggage are not done on saturday night and that he doesnt want to force me. Anyway, I wished him goodnight and again, wanting to play hard to get, i didnt send him any text to thank him because i was waiting for his. The next day i sent him a sms wishing him goodluck with the sport contest and that if he wins, we will see each other on saturday. NO answer... he posted last night on fb that he is depressed because he lost the game and i sent him today another text trying to encourage him and asking him if he is still available on saturday. NO REPLY. OK, Should i panic or should i panic?!?!?! I dont get it! What happened there? Why is he ignoring me?! He could at least have the balls to tell me that he is not into me...is it really something to worry about that he hasnt replied to my texts? could he be mad at me or something? I mean ok he is busy but when you are interested in someone, you reply at her or his text regardless of your tight schedule, isnt it?! (guys here any back-up ) or am i being too clingy?! when guys generally go MIA, is it irrevocably? i mean could a guy change his mind? maybe after my holidays... I guess i just have to wait now isnt it? i mean if i call him, it would really make me look desperate isnt it?! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I think it's because he got fed up with your game playing. Nobody likes being made look like a fool. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 He was direct with you and you played games. Seems like he started to lose interest when you started playing games. The fastest way to get where you want to be is to take a direct path. You showed a lack of interest... was he supposed to chase after putting himself right out there to you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 I really want to see him again and i played all these games just to make sure i keep him interested (i know guys dont like nice girls...). ok, so what should I do to save the situation before its too late? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Wow how old are you? Do you really believe these things? Mature, genuine guys hate game players. You played games and basically told him that you weren't interested. Do you really expect him to come smashing his head against a brick wall, over and over again? I would say your best chance is to send him a message explaining that you were playing hard to get because you like him and thought that would get his attention, but you've realized that was a mistake, and you'd like to start over, this time by being genuine. But I wouldn't hold my breath for a response. Seems like you've blown it. Learn the lesson for next time - don't play stupid games! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Men like to know we are interested in them just like women do. If a person does not show sustained interest in us we will lose interest fast. Beginning of relationships are extremely fragile, so you've got to show enough attention to make it clear you like the man and at the same time you don't want to overwhelm him. If you want to fix this, or try to fix this, drop the texting and call him. Tell him your luggage can wait you'd much prefer spending the evening with him. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I really want to see him again and i played all these games just to make sure i keep him interested (i know guys dont like nice girls...). ok, so what should I do to save the situation before its too late? It's too late. The last person who should be playing hard to get is a cold and shy person who avoided his kisses on the third date. Who told you guys don't like nice girls? You're worried about looking clingy? You practically shoved him away! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I really want to see him again and i played all these games just to make sure i keep him interested (i know guys dont like nice girls...). ok, so what should I do to save the situation before its too late? Yea... sorry but nobody likes games. Immature people are attracted to games. People who are more mature or looking for something more serious get a sense of game playing and bail out. Life is too short for game playing. Stop texting, pick up the phone, and ask him out to do something this weekend. If he accepts just end the games and play it direct. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Before saying goodbye to each other he asked me if we can see each other on Saturday night -- Wanting to play hard to get, i told him smiling that i have to do my luggage since i am leaving on vacation Ouch. So you basically told him you'd rather pack than spend Saturday night in his company. I wouldn't respond to you too. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 It's too late. The last person who should be playing hard to get is a cold and shy person who avoided his kisses on the third date. Who told you guys don't like nice girls? You're worried about looking clingy? You practically shoved him away! This exactly. You gave him all the wrong signals. You pretty much told him: "nope, not interested." Then you didn't thank him for the current date? Nor did you agree to a 4th date... WHat do you think will happen? Put himself in your shoes for a minute. Review your interactions with him through HIS eyes. What do you think he might have thought after he saw you last? Be honest with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 i was joking with the luggage and he knows it... i could call him and explain to him but what if i am mistaking and he stopped texting because he got back with his ex or i dont know met another girl..and i got everything all wrong. i would love to call him but i am afraid he wont answer and i am afraid i will look extremely desperate. dont know what to do... i showed him interest, i really did. i was playful and didnt avoid all of his kisses... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 If you don't call you'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 This exactly. You gave him all the wrong signals. You pretty much told him: "nope, not interested." Then you didn't thank him for the current date? Nor did you agree to a 4th date... WHat do you think will happen? Put himself in your shoes for a minute. Review your interactions with him through HIS eyes. What do you think he might have thought after he saw you last? Be honest with yourself. he might say i am crazy and immature, i know i agree dont know what to do. if he doesnt answer i cant do much things...i sent him the wrong signals, but it wasnt on purpose...on the contrary, i am extremely interested and i was really happy to met him but i was afraid to show too much and get him scared.. there isnt really any chance to reverse it and make him interested again? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 he might say i am crazy and immature, i know i agree dont know what to do. if he doesnt answer i cant do much things...i sent him the wrong signals, but it wasnt on purpose...on the contrary, i am extremely interested and i was really happy to met him but i was afraid to show too much and get him scared.. there isnt really any chance to reverse it and make him interested again? Pick up the phone and CALL him! At least you'll have your answer, one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 its a really awkward to call him since we've spoken only by texts... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 i was joking with the luggage and he knows it... i could call him and explain to him but what if i am mistaking and he stopped texting because he got back with his ex or i dont know met another girl..and i got everything all wrong. i would love to call him but i am afraid he wont answer and i am afraid i will look extremely desperate. dont know what to do... i showed him interest, i really did. i was playful and didnt avoid all of his kisses... If he knew you were joking, he wouldn't have ended his sentence with he is not going to force you. Don't project the "joke" you have in your head, especially when you have consistently played games with the guy. He's just going to take the luggage comment as another one of your push offs. "i showed him interest, i really did. i was playful and didnt avoid all of his kisses..." No. What you did was send a bunch of mixed signals. You've texted him about the game and you've asked him about Saturday. He hasn't responded. Give him a call and leave a message and tell him that you'd like to plan a date on Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 its a really awkward to call him since we've spoken only by texts... So you must not want to see him again very much then? If the fear of awkwardness outweighs your desire to be with him then you don't like him as much as you say you do. The worst you can do to yourself is spend your life wondering what could have been. Call, be direct, and ask him out. If he says yes, great... don't blow your chance. If he says no, then you at least don't have to spend time wondering what could have been. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 its a really awkward to call him since we've spoken only by texts... Okay then. Get back to packing your luggage. Everyone's telling you the same thing. I give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 So you must not want to see him again very much then? If the fear of awkwardness outweighs your desire to be with him then you don't like him as much as you say you do. The worst you can do to yourself is spend your life wondering what could have been. Call, be direct, and ask him out. If he says yes, great... don't blow your chance. If he says no, then you at least don't have to spend time wondering what could have been. This is one of the smartest things I ever read on this website. So damn simple, but so true. Philo as absolutely right. Clearly you don't like him enough that it outweighs your fears/inhibitions about this (good) idea/suggestion. _____ In reality though, he's probably done with you. Your texting him a few times since he hasn't replied tells me he's done with your games. Here is the thought that probably went into his head, "oh, she probably wants me to continue to give her attention so she can continue to give me mixed signals. She probably wants me to pursue her more, but I know she just wants it for the attention and she's not actually interested. **** that." Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 i was joking with the luggage and he knows it... i could call him and explain to him but what if i am mistaking and he stopped texting because he got back with his ex or i dont know met another girl..and i got everything all wrong. i would love to call him but i am afraid he wont answer and i am afraid i will look extremely desperate. dont know what to do... i showed him interest, i really did. i was playful and didnt avoid all of his kisses... I do think it's a good idea that you call/email him, to explain why you played hard to get and how you admit that it has backfired. At this point, you have nothing to lose by calling or emailing him. As PegNosePete said, if you don't reach out to call or email him to explain why you acted this way, you'll never know what he thinks or if he wants to try again or if he's with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 its a really awkward to call him since we've spoken only by texts... How is it awkward to call? And your sentence is patently false. You have SPOKEN IN PERSON on three different dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liove Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) honestly, since you are all against me...the reason i dont call him is that if he doesnt answer i will sincerely suffer. my confidence is too low. i know is too early for that, but i know myself. i will suffer and ask myself what the f** is wrong with me and literally crying. he is a smart guy, he knows i was joking, i told him reapeatdly that i like challenges and games and that i am very moody. maybe that scare him off ok, supposing i am calling him...what should i tell him?! if he doesnt answer should i leave him a message? Edited July 31, 2014 by liove Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 honestly, since you are all against me...the reason i dont call him is that if he doesnt answer i will sincerely suffer. So you will suffer? it won't kill you. Did you read somewhere that life was suppose to be easy without ever having to work hard for what we want ? without ever having to suffer ? Life is hard, accept it and hop on the wagon and live!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 What? Nobody is against you. We're trying to help you out here. If you don't want to call then don't. But you asked for advice, the best way to get another chance with him. We have told you that. Now if you want to ignore that advice then go ahead, there's no legal obligation to follow anything anyone says on here. If he answers then tell him you have been thinking about your actions, that you realize you have been playing stupid games because you like him and wish to start over with a more mature and straightforward approach, and that you'd like to see him on saturday. If he doesn't answer then leave a voicemail saying the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeandPerseverance Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Pretty confident you sent him packing faster than you even managed to pack your luggage! Why the heck would you play with him like that? You should call him. Even if you've only texted up until now. It shows effort, and it shows you care. Link to post Share on other sites
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