Mixed signals, tests and interest.

[jjd78]

So I have been seriously escalating (and getting REALLY interested) with this girl from an extremely casual, bump-into-you-from-time-to-time-thing to open invitations to do stuff. One day, recently, we bumped again into each other with a bit more time, there was a really nice vibe so we started talking a lot more since.

 

After throwing a couple casual invites out, which could be considered date-ish since they implied we doing something fun alone, one of which could not happen due to her being out of town and one that sorta got ignored, I was about to call it quits thinking there was no real interest when she, out of nowhere, invites me to the beach with her. Meanwhile, I had told her about this screening that night (same as beach) which I was going to and she quickly incorporated it into a "we'll do the beach then we do the movie!".

We scheduled it all up, but when the day came... Impossible weather. We had to cancel (totally mutual, no one in their sane mind would go to the beach in that weather). Meanwhile she decided to go shopping instead, and I also had some stuff to do. I assumed the movie was still on also because she said she'd contact me later. Well, I went to the movie alone. Got no contact and only got a reply over an hour and a half later with explanation of losing track of time, having to walk back and, since I told her she could've just messaged me to warn, having no battery either. I kinda felt it could be excuses and brushed it off with a "well, all I need is an apology" which she then noticed she hadn't done and apologized all over. I did it in a friendly, teasing manner but letting show I would not be disrespected. She then told me she'd go to this bar meet a friend and pretty much just told me to go meet them there a bit later.

 

I did, ended up talking with a couple of her friends and her, and they decided to go to this other bar. I was about to go home but she asked me again to go, so I did follow them along. At the bar, I didn't know anyone except her (and her remaining friend who also got busy with tons of friends) and apparently she knew a lot of people there, so I kinda stood around a bit, got a beer, was thinking about excusing myself to leave when she came to me, started talking, then we moved to a spot where we could sit and we talked for like two hours. First REAL conversation I had with her. Asked her a lot of stuff about herself, she asked back, we were a bit drunk though and she was extremely tired (after her description of how much she had walked even I was tired). Eventually after a couple hours she said she must go home, and had loads to do the day after, I offered to walk her since we were both going the same general direction and left her really close to her place. Nothing was going to happen that night, I have no feeling at all in there as of "I could have missed a chance". None whatsoever. We were obviously both too exhausted, we just had a nice time together but wanted to get home and rest ASAP. Greeted her goodbye with a gentle peck on the cheek - normal here -and we both went our ways.

 

Weather was still horrible for a few days, so I kinda expected her to re-invite for the beach later on.

 

Meanwhile we had a couple more near-misses (someplace I went and told her about it and since she apparently liked it I told her I'd invite her next time and she said "sounds like a great idea!") or she throwing out about going night-jogging and we ending up basically leaving it open to do it together in the near future. Then a couple days after I invited her for something really fun and specific (could be considered date-like) but she told me she had to leave to be with her family in her hometown for two weeks and couldn't, she'd quickly hit the beach (weather was actually OK for it for the two days before as well and I sort of expected another invitation which never came), buy some stuff and finish packing. I kinda felt sad she telling about the beach when we still had/have that pending. These two weeks we'll mostly - surely? - only talk online whenever she's on (she does has all her childhood friends and family so she is online a lot less too).

 

Now to wrap it up, since this whole thing started escalating a bit into possible dates and invitations to do stuff, she is sporting an aura of uninterest, everything being casual, leaving my PMs unread to rot a few hours before answering (even having been online meanwhile). Kinda getting game-ish. That day we were out she also sported herself as very independent and self-sufficient/strong willed person, when we were out and especially with her friends.

 

I believe she was in a relationship until recently (maybe 2-3 months?) of which I know nothing about and have no way of finding out either.

 

She's a normal girl, pretty, and with her share of suitors, I've been told. I'm pretty sure under that cover of über-confidence, extreme self-sufficience and general uninterest there is a person who is very fragile and suffers from anxiety and maybe even low self-esteem. She is also obviously a really proud, hardworking girl, who seems not to be wanting to be "owing" anything to anyone.

 

I feel like I am getting dragged into tests, maybe even baited to chase, but all these mixed signals are really confusing, especially with her not having done a follow-up on the beach invitation when weather was great again and seeming like I have to be the one initiating every talk online, to which she answers sweetly but shortly after leaving them unread for a few hours, therefore also leaving less chance for momentum and engaging in conversation. Also, on facebook she will VERY rarely post a "like" on any of my shares or posts (since always and from way before this), but on the timeline it occasionally shows she "liked" quite a regular amount of the same stuff I post about either on the original sources or different ones publishing about the same thing/news/theme/etc. I may have a small share of guilt on the casual-attitude and all that since I sort of found it funny and played along for a bit. But this is turning into a hard game.

 

The feel I have is she likes me. The way she gazes at me, the way she touches me while talking, the way she remembers little details about random conversations from months ago of stuff I barely remembered mentioning I liked, the way she brightened up when - during the conversation with her friends - she realized I was the only one who saw some videos she was talking and laughing about, the way our sense of humour collides and which has us pretty much laughing a lot all the time, the way her eyes shine and her smile broadens when she sees me or the way conversations flow unchecked and 100% fun after initial aforementioned barriers/delays are crossed over.

 

How do I progress from here? I am horrible at games and tests - if they are so - and am starting to feel a lot of pressure. And on top of it, I won't be able to see her for the next two weeks (I feel more at ease in person with pretty much everyone!) so I'll have to deal with the unread-messages-for-hours-thing and all that for the entire time. And when she's back I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a small "war" trying to set anything up with her since she will probably try to keep looking as uninterested as possible.

 

I need to get us out of these I'm-gonna-be-always-somewhat-unavailable-casual-and-uninterested-attitude things and actually be able to take this into a real hangout so we can really start knowing each other and exploring where and if this can go. I am pretty sure that when we reach that point (going out alone together even if not specifically labeled a romantic date) things will go their natural way, whichever it may be. I feel like I have already made a bit too many invitations while she's keeping hold of a couple SHE can pull out whenever she wants to, so that leaves the pressure still on me either to ask her for anything else or try to "claim" on one of those pretty-much-agreed things that were left on her court (beach and night jogging). Her only real move was the beach invitation (which, I'll say, was a pretty strong one and am pretty sad the weather trolled me/us!).

 

 

My only idea is starting (and am slowly doing that) to be less and less casual, to try and break the pattern by giving her examples of me addressing her without "feeling like I have to find a reason to" while being a bit more friendly and warming. But that can also make her play her casualness/uninterest harder since she'll be "winning". I have no problem "giving in" a bit as long as it doesn't get me friendzoned. I have two weeks to fix it the best as I can before she comes back.

 

 

All this is slowly building a lot of pressure on me, need to find how to break of this vicious circle and actually make way for letting something happen, if it is meant to be. All advice and tips will be precious! Thank you and apologies on the long read.

[Philosoraptor]

Look, you're putting most of this stuff on yourself. If you want direct communication then you need to ask direct questions. By being direct you will either get an answer you want, or one you don't and have the opportunity to move on. Either way, you'll save yourself a lot of time and emotion.

[Wisecrack]

I admit I did not read any of that. Why? From all my tumultuous experience with woman, I've realised one thing: a woman interested in you will not make it difficult. You will not need to write a two page novel on an online forum asking for help on her.

 

If you are spending time wracking your head trying to get to grips with a certain gal, she is not worth it. Move on.