Caught him messaging another girl on Facebook

[sunnygirl1]

Hey guys, so I will try to make this short as possible. My boyfriend and I broke up because I lied to him about a platonic guy friend that texted me. I deleted the text, because I didn't want my boyfriend to get jealous which in hindsight was stupid because he found out and now it looked like I was hiding something.

 

So he broke up with me, but I could not just let him go especially over something so stupid. So after three days I convinced him to get back together. We both really love each other. He told me to make it work I would have to put in a lot of work and effort. And that is exactly what I've been doing for the past 3 weeks. Things were going great, like old times. We were madly in love, constantly laughing and hanging out. Felt like old times. This weekend, I was over and we were joking around and he wanted to show me something on his phone. As he was showing me a new song, a notification popped up from Facebook. I saw the girls name and a kissy face emoticon.

 

Immediately, my heart sank. I knew exactly who the girl was. And based on my boyfriends reaction, he freaked out and quickly turned the phone away but it was too late. I demanded he show me his facebook. He stalled, and looked very nervous knowing he was just caught.

 

This was a girl he had hooked up with in the past on vacation(where they met), and paid for her to fly out to the city where we live. Now I was not in the picture when this happened, but I knew about her. I had brought her up to his attention before when he would constantly like her picture on facebook. He did not know that I saw this because I don't have Facebook but my friend does and mentioned it to me. He got extremely defensive and called me psycho. HAHA.

 

I was shaking as I looked through his phone, and I seriously read two lines before I couldn't even read it anymore. The first thing she said was "good morning sweetie pie, maybe we can move in together haha" I started crying. I was a mess. The stupid thing I did, was not continue reading the conversation because I was so emotionally distraught and when I came to my senses he had deleted it right in front of my face.

 

So now I have no idea what was actually said. But he started crying, and apologized and said he loved me. And he had only started talking to her when we broke up(once again have no idea if this is true, he was liking her pictures way before we broke up). I told him to tell me what he said. He was crying when he told me he told her he missed her, and reminiscing about their old times together.

 

Now once again I have no idea what was actually said. I'm assuming it was very bad that he deleted it right away and his reaction. I decided to stay with him because I love him. However, now is our first day away from each other. And im realizing I dont trust him at all. And I keep thinking about what else was written in the messages but I will never know

 

So my question I guess is, What do i do? Is this warranted for a breakup? He already doesn't trust me based on the white lie I told(which I regret so much) and I certainly don't trust him now. However we both love each other very much and that is what is keeping us together. We both want this to work more than anything. Please any advice would be helpful.

[palmbreeze]

You don't trust him and you have every reason not to. He is hiding stuff, deleting things and who knows what else he is doing. He is a jealous and doesn't trust you. There are guys out there who will actually treat you right. He needs to go. I read your entire message, but I made that decision very early on in reading it.

[Lani]

You don't trust him... and he doesn't trust you..

 

What else is there to base your relationship on here?

In these cases love isn't enough I'm afraid.

[KatZee]

Yep. Agreed. Neither of you trusts the other. Remaining together is a complete waste of time.

[CarrieT]

We both want this to work more than anything. Please any advice would be helpful.

 

If this is, in fact, true, than your only option is to give each other your passwords and be 100% transparent about EVERYTHING and EVERY conversation you have with other people.

 

If you can't do that, there is no way to rebuild the trust.

 

Personally, it sounds like you both could do with some time apart from each other. Be single for a while.

[lukekarts]

If this is, in fact, true, than your only option is to give each other your passwords and be 100% transparent about EVERYTHING and EVERY conversation you have with other people.

 

If you can't do that, there is no way to rebuild the trust.

 

Personally, it sounds like you both could do with some time apart from each other. Be single for a while.

 

Whilst this comes off as creepy and stalker-like in the way it is set up, it is probably the only way you two can prove to one another that you can trust each other.

[Diezel]

She's as "platonic" with him as you are "platonic" with your friend.

You both are playing children's games with each other. To me it sounds more like you want to dump him this time since he dumped you last time... and apparently call it even.

 

To a point, I also don't blame him for having messaged another girl. He caught you lying and then you want to get back with him three days later. The relationship is already on shaky ground no matter how hard you try.

 

I don't think I agree with the password idea. If you have to do that, it sets a very dangerous precedent in the future for escalation. If it comes to that, then it is already doomed. I've been in relationships for years and have never had hand out a single password. Then again, I never lied about the "platonic" nature of messages I was receiving or sending.

[CharlieFox]

My boyfriend and I broke up because I lied to him about a platonic guy friend that texted me. I deleted the text, because I didn't want my boyfriend to get jealous which in hindsight was stupid because he found out and now it looked like I was hiding something.

 

It didn't look like you were hiding something - you WERE hiding something. The reason is irrelevant, but the fact remains a fact.

 

Now once again I have no idea what was actually said. I'm assuming it was very bad that he deleted it right away and his reaction.

 

You did the same thing essentially. So is your assumption based on your own experience how this "platonic" guy friend texted you.

 

It really makes me wonder sometimes how people think it is okay for them to do something, but then when someone else does the same thing, they get upset about it. What comes around goes around.

 

Anyway, you are both playing games indeed. Come up straight and honest with each other where you want to go with this or just go your separate ways because this can turn into a bigger problem in the future.

[fred123]

It didn't look like you were hiding something - you WERE hiding something. The reason is irrelevant, but the fact remains a fact.

 

 

 

You did the same thing essentially. So is your assumption based on your own experience how this "platonic" guy friend texted you.

 

It really makes me wonder sometimes how people think it is okay for them to do something, but then when someone else does the same thing, they get upset about it. What comes around goes around.

 

Anyway, you are both playing games indeed. Come up straight and honest with each other where you want to go with this or just go your separate ways because this can turn into a bigger problem in the future.

 

hypocrit op is

[me85]

This is a "tit for tat" situation.

 

But of course he had to "one up" you.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I'd be stepping away from the RS.

Edited July 29, 2014 by me85