I'm the girl. I asked him out.

[elseaacych]

So, after taking a dating break that extended a little longer than I anticipated, I met a guy at a work social event that I thought was attractive. I flirted with him a bit, and I asked my coworkers later if it was obvious I was flirting with him. It was. So, I've run into him a couple more times, and I've flirted and been cordial. I still couldn't get a read on him. (Disclaimer: If it's looking like I am socially awkward, it's because I am. I have the test results to prove it.)

 

Today, I was at another event today, and when we had a second alone, I asked him out for sushi. I got an immediate: "Sure." That surprised me a bit, so I had to clarify: "Like a date." He blinked. "Uh, yeah."

 

So we're on for Thursday. Undetermined time.

 

I felt so confident before asking him, and the cool non-challantness, yet positive answer, suddenly made me feel rather anxious. The last couple times I went out on dates (a few months ago), I felt like I came on too strong , and with one guy: way too enthusiastic and maybe clingy.

 

I don't want to mess this up.

 

Although, I neglected to get his phone number, or make plans other than "Thursday evening." We didn't chat at all the rest of the afternoon, even though we were at the same work function.

 

So, uh, help?

[aisuru]

First of all, great job asking him out! It's hard, I know.

 

Second of all, you have two options now:

 

1) go to him and say, "hey, really looking forward to sushi on x night. What time works for you; 6pm or 7pm?"

 

2) wait for him to ask you what time to meet and run the risk of him not doing so which means no sushi.

 

Your choice.

[Els]

It's definitely too early to tell for sure, but his response kinda worries me. It sounds (to me) like, "Well I don't have anything else to do, so why not?" Of course, it could also be the case that he just didn't know how to respond...

 

That being said, will you have the chance to meet him again? If you don't, how will you organize the date since you don't have a time or place or phone number?

 

You COULD ask your co-workers for his number, but that sounds a bit too... over the top, to me. My gut feeling is therefore, that you should just let this one go (edit: unless he contacts you). Consider it good social practice, and next time, exchange numbers.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Elswyth

[Assasda]

Sounds great. You being so confident before asking him, let him be able to answer quickly without much thinking.

Because who wouldnt want to have sushi with a confident woman.

 

Just enjoy the ride, dont be too serious, make some jokes and it should be cool:D

[BikerAccnt]

It's definitely too early to tell for sure, but his response kinda worries me. It sounds (to me) like, "Well I don't have anything else to do, so why not?" Of course, it could also be the case that he just didn't know how to respond...

 

 

I didn't read it that way. I read it more along the lines of "uh, yeah, of course for a date..doh."

 

@elseaacych Seriously, maybe he was a bit unsure of your reason for asking him out at first. It's not as if us guys are used to having women ask us out. Often when they do, it is as a friends only basis. So he may have been surprised, pleasantly. Good for you on asking. It takes guts to risk rejection.

 

Anyway, I'd approach him with a follow up saying you are looking forward to your date and want to nail down a time. You could even say that you were nervous about asking so neglected to exchange numbers, then ask for it. That may help put things at ease because I'm sure he's nervous too. No matter how cool he acts, guys are nervous on dates too.

 

Good luck, and gratz on taking the initiative.

[CharlieFox]

If a girl has the guts to ask me out, doesn't exchange numbers with me or doesn't specify the time and then I never hear from her again, it wouldn't make a good impression on me honestly. Especially that early on when I don't have any idea what she's like.

 

I suggest just go and casually ask for his number or ask for the time. He already agreed on a date with you, so there should be nothing strange to talk about the actual time.

 

If you're a bit nervous about it, you can suggest a time while casually throwing in an "excuse" for not being able to meet him earlier than the proposed time: "Hey, what do you say about 7? I gotta do something around 6, but after that is fine for me. What about you?"

[elseaacych]

I know how to get ahold of him, so that's no problem. I just hope I haven't blown it already.

 

When it comes to dates, if I have a good first date (guy asks), and guy has not offered to meet up again within five days, I go ahead and offer a second one. So far, I've only had good results.

 

My perspective: It doesn't matter who does the asking. If you want to go out with someone, ask. Life is too short. If you're interested, make it known. That way you can move onto the next person, if you get rejected. If you don't. Yay, first step complete.

[CharlieFox]

I know how to get ahold of him, so that's no problem. I just hope I haven't blown it already.

 

How exactly? You went and asked and he said yes. How can this possible be a blow up yet while nothing has happened..? Get yourself together and be more confident.

[Els]

I know how to get ahold of him, so that's no problem. I just hope I haven't blown it already.

 

Ah, in that case just make arrangements and go for it! There's nothing to lose from doing that. As you said, life is too short. If the date doesn't turn out well then you can move on.

[HappyLove]

Congrats on asking him out! You have guts and should be proud of yourself. This is no time to start second guessing yourself. You know how to contact him so call or send a quick message asking him what time is good for X sushi place. Have a place in mind and be willing to pay since you're asking him out. Keep that confidence up!

[SoonMyFriend]

Just get in touch and make plans! You already did one of the hardest parts which is working up the nerve to ask someone out.

 

Set your time/date and go have fun!

[ja123]

My perspective: It doesn't matter who does the asking. If you want to go out with someone, ask. Life is too short. If you're interested, make it known. That way you can move onto the next person, if you get rejected. If you don't. Yay, first step complete.

 

 

That's a great attitude! Me likes!

 

Have a place in mind and be willing to pay since you're asking him out.

 

Yeah, I was wondering about that.

 

 

Are you willing to pay, OP?

[Jay77098]

OK, so I have a number of comments to your post, elseaacych:

 

1. You asked him out??? THAT ROCKS!!! Good for you, and good for him, too. If I were a guy (which I am), and a woman asked me out (especially for our first-ever date), I would be thrilled. Great job on your part! That takes guts, but you did it.

 

2. You aren't going to "mess this up" as you said in your original post. Just take it easy, relax and have fun. Look, you are going out to dinner with a guy you like, right? That is 100% upside. Honestly, think about it. Where is the downside to it??? You're going out, you'll have fun conversation, you'll eat well, and you will be with a guy who is (a) excited that a woman approached him for a date instead of vice-versa; and (b) impressed with you because you had the courage to ask him out. Try some belly breathing right before you meet him; it will help you calm down. And then HAVE FUN. It's a date; it's supposed to FUN. So make it fun! Enjoy yourself!

 

3. Further to Point 2, I want to share some advice from my mom. A while back, I was stressing really hard about some important event (at least it seemed important at the time) that was coming up in my near future. I was seriously a mess about it, worrying that I "was going to mess it up" or that it was going to go haywire regardless of what I did. She told me:

 

"Don't go borrowing trouble from tomorrow; today has enough trouble of its own."

 

It's great advice. I have tried to remember it ever since. There is no point in dreaming up a bunch of worst-case scenarios in your head. What good does that do? In fact, that might be self-sabotaging behavior. Just be positive. Think of how much fun it is going to be to spend some quality time with this guy you like. He is going to have a great time and you are going to have a great time. Enjoy yourself and give us an update after the date!

 

p.s. Definitely let us know if he lets you kiss him goodnight...

[fred123]

I know how to get ahold of him, so that's no problem. I just hope I haven't blown it already.

 

When it comes to dates, if I have a good first date (guy asks), and guy has not offered to meet up again within five days, I go ahead and offer a second one. So far, I've only had good results.

 

My perspective: It doesn't matter who does the asking. If you want to go out with someone, ask. Life is too short. If you're interested, make it known. That way you can move onto the next person, if you get rejected. If you don't. Yay, first step complete.

 

girls dont always reject guys. if this was the case life would be so much better

[Mrin]

From a dude's perspective: as other's have said - good job. I like assertive women. It is crazy attractive to me as a character trait. It means I won't dominate them and will have to stay on my toes - and I like that. Piques my curiosity. So high-5 yourself.

 

And definitely contact him post haste with a 6 or 7 at this sushi restaurant quesiton. Just another suggestion - when you sit down say, "this is on me" since sushi on a first date can be kinda nebulous as to what the final bill will be. He'll probably say, "let's split it" or will offer to pick up the check. Either way, establish that he's not footing the whole bill unless he wants to.

 

If it turns out you are footing the bill, then you'll need to set the pace when it comes to how much to order. It is like ordering wine right? He/she who pays the bill sets the standard.

 

Also, I wouldn't worry about his answer. He was probably a little surprised and trying to play it cool.

 

With all that being said: high-5 yourself again or as they used to say on ESPN - go on with your bad self!

[GemmaUK]

Woohoo!!

 

Love that you did that OP!

 

I did the same.back when I was 22....this was 23 years ago we were together for 14 years....

 

Get hold of him and sort out the details.

[elseaacych]

Elsea's rules of romance: Never let a date go dutch. If you ask, you pay, end of story. It does not matter where you are going: McDonald's, or the Four Seasons. It makes you look cheap and uninvested in the evening. Unless of course, your date yanks the bill out of your hand, in which case you shrug and thank them. C'est la vie.

 

So yes, I will be paying for the whole thing. Got ahold of him today. Mission is set to launch.

[HappyLove]

Good for you! Hope it goes great!

[elseaacych]

So, my date went. He and I got along pretty well. The conversation flowed pretty well and I genuinely enjoyed his company.

 

When it came time to part, we looked at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, so I gave him a pat on the arm and said goodbye. He made no moves. I will text him in the morning thanking him for going along with me.

 

So, besides that, folks, what do I do next? Should I wait for him to make a move?

[HappyLove]

So, my date went. He and I got along pretty well. The conversation flowed pretty well and I genuinely enjoyed his company.

 

When it came time to part, we looked at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, so I gave him a pat on the arm and said goodbye. He made no moves. I will text him in the morning thanking him for going along with me.

 

So, besides that, folks, what do I do next? Should I wait for him to make a move?

 

Yes, a man who is interested will let you know. I'd send the thank you text and then back off. If he's interested he will contact you after that.

[bubbaganoosh]

I had been in tow failed marriages in the past and when I was in my mid 50's, I pretty much gave up dating and just wanted to live a nice peaceful life with no hassle.

 

I worked with a Vietnamese girl who was in her mid 30's and she and I were talking about when I was in Vietnam back in 67-68 and when I told her where I had been, she told me that she was from that area.

 

Next thing she ask out of the blue was if I liked chicken. Well I said yeah and she then asked me to go out to lunch and I'll never forget when she asked and I said "Why", then I caught myself and my brain was screaming "Jackass, Jackass, stupid answer" and I caught myself and laughed and said "I'm sorry but this is the first time a woman asked me out and it caught me off guard and I told her that I would love to go to lunch with her.

 

Now maybe this guy got caught off guard too so I wouldn't worry too much and just have a good time but make sure he likes raw fish.

[Griesfootball]

It would be nice to be asked out by a girl because guys are usually the ones and I think that women always have more options than men. Girls can reject guys easier I feel. If a girl asked me out it would be a date for sure.

[elseaacych]

From a woman's perspective, it is not that hard to ask a guy out once you decide you want to ask him out. What's the worst that can happen: they say no? (Pro tip: You do end up getting over it, relatively quickly too, if you don't know the guy. So ladies out there that are thinking about asking a guy out: yo)

 

My only concern is the balance of power after that point. I would think that after the date, if it happens, it is up to the other person to express an interest in going out again. In this case, it would be the guy that would need to call back after the next day thank yous were exchanged, and say something, rather than the girl.

 

I'd think it would be pushy for a girl to ask for a second date, whereas for a guy asking for a second date in a row would be acceptable.

[Glamvineflower]

First of all pat yourself on the back for having the guts to ask him out! Since this is something that doesn't happen often, he will definitely remember the conversation, trust me. If you see each other everyday at work, dont keep on mentioning it. I actually disagree with some of the people here that suggests that you should ask him to confirm the date. I feel that kind of makes you seem desperate? Like it shows that it concerns you. He might also be more taken aback and you would feel as if you are chasing him. If you were cool and confident before, remain that way and just smile and flirt as usual. When the time of the date comes, he should be the one to ask you to confirm. If he doesn't, then it means he didn't take it seriously. Even if he is trying to play cool, if he wants the date and he was impressed by you, he should complete it by actually making it happen. You already did the hardest part of initiating! You can't do everything, any relationship needs a balance.

[Zapbasket]

My only concern is the balance of power after that point. I would think that after the date, if it happens, it is up to the other person to express an interest in going out again. In this case, it would be the guy that would need to call back after the next day thank yous were exchanged, and say something, rather than the girl.

 

I'd think it would be pushy for a girl to ask for a second date, whereas for a guy asking for a second date in a row would be acceptable.

 

I agree with this. I think you have to make sure you don't pick up any slack from the other person, in your eagerness to build a connection. You made a very admirable, attractive, unambiguous move, and now it is up to him. It might take him a bit to realize this as my sense (and going by comments on this thread) is that guys are not accustomed to being asked out by girls. But if he does nothing, let it drop.

 

Good on you for being so ballsy :-)