Am I in the wrong here to be upset?

[3j15]

Just looking for your input about my situation.

 

Girlfriend of close to a year wants to go away and party with a friend rather than go away to a friends cabin with me for the weekend.

 

She did promise her friend that she would go away with her, but she did also mention say if she can get that weekend off she will come with me.

 

Now she found out she has the weekend off, but is saying she is going with her friend.

 

Should I be mad/upset about her choosing her friend over me? I understand she promised her friend, but really... I know they can go up any other time

Or am I being jealous and over reacting.

[smackie9]

You are over reacting and being jealous. Having a life outside the relationship to do your own thing is very important. She spends plenty of her time with you I'm sure, so what's wrong with her having just one weekend off partying with the girls? give her room to breath, and let her have her fun. If you don't you will look like an insecure ninny.

 

When you have been with someone for awhile you will learn value your time apart lol, especially if you have been maried as long as I have.

 

Have a good time with your buddies instead....go see some peelers.

Edited July 28, 2014 by smackie9

[CarrieT]

She made the promise to the friend.

 

Did she make a similar promise to you?

 

Yeah, you are overreacting...

[pteromom]

You aren't wrong to be UPSET. You wanted her to go with you, so you are disappointed.

 

You would however, be wrong to put her in a situation where she feels she has to break her promise to her friend.

 

This is a situation where you smile and wish her well, tell her to have a good time, and just push your insecurities down. You want her to be happy and have fun, right?

 

So you do the same - go to your friend's cabin and have fun there. Focus on reconnecting with your gf when you both get back.

[Diezel]

This is why you have to greet news like this with a "OH NO, PERFECT! You go do your thing, I'm going to do mine!"

 

Trust me, there will come a point in the relationship where you will absolutely CRAVE for her to do her own thing while you do yours.

 

So let her go and enjoy her thing and let her wonder what you are doing on your own, instead of the other way around.

[3j15]

Thank you for the replies, I do agree, I am overreacting.

Yes I want my GF to go have fun with the friends, and No I never want to put her in a situation where she has to break a promise.

I know to have a healthy relationship there needs to be personal space and respect.

 

 

To straighten things out, we both live very busy lives and rarely get full days off together, so getting a weekend off together is hard to come by.

 

she promised her friend she will go away, but they never specified what days, she told me if she gets that weekend off she will come to the cabin.

 

Well she got that weekend off, and is now deciding to go away with her friend when she can go at another time.

 

Honestly, if she wants to go, nothing I can do about that. Dont wanna be controlling. Maybe I just had different expectations from her.... Just have to smile and tell her to go have fun.

 

but deep inside I am still choked.

[rewl]

Thank you for the replies, I do agree, I am overreacting.

Yes I want my GF to go have fun with the friends, and No I never want to put her in a situation where she has to break a promise.

I know to have a healthy relationship there needs to be personal space and respect.

 

 

To straighten things out, we both live very busy lives and rarely get full days off together, so getting a weekend off together is hard to come by.

 

she promised her friend she will go away, but they never specified what days, she told me if she gets that weekend off she will come to the cabin.

 

Well she got that weekend off, and is now deciding to go away with her friend when she can go at another time.

 

Honestly, if she wants to go, nothing I can do about that. Dont wanna be controlling. Maybe I just had different expectations from her.... Just have to smile and tell her to go have fun.

 

but deep inside I am still choked.

Here's what happened; she blew you off! That's the bottom line, it doesn't matter which way you look at it. Your weekends together are rare and when she did finally get a free weekend, she rejected you. If you don't be careful, this sets the precedent for the entire relationship; flat-out disrespect. You need to put your foot down and make clear what your requirements from her are, if she can't offer you what you want, there will be no satisfying relationship. It's as simple as that. Cut out the self-pitying and make it clear that you are not a doormat.

[Ronni_W]

3j15...

It's a tough call...and I do understand why you are choked about it.

 

For your relationship, it might be worthwhile to have a conversation with her to tell her how you feel...once you figure that out. NOT to accuse and blame and try to guilt...just to use "I statements" to give her the information that your heart wants her to have.

 

On the other side...perhaps it is that your idea of "perfect and romantic" is not the same as hers. That is. Given that she does not have a lot of weekends off, perhaps when she does, she simply prefers to not be "stuck" in a cabin in the woods...but would prefer to be doing something more exciting WITH YOU...if you offered her another option. (I don't know...of course. It's just a different view...and something you can, if you choose, ask her about.)